Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 4: Becoming aware of your thoughts
• Part 2 of 4: Changing harmful negative thoughts
• Part 3 of 4: Learning to love yourself
• Part 4 of 4: Seeking social support
• Tips

Negative thinking is not just reserved for certain people or certain situations - everyone is plagued with negative thoughts at some point in their life. In fact, having negative thoughts is a normal phenomenon, and about 80% of the thoughts we have are about something negative in some way. While there can be many different reasons for thinking negatively, you can learn to deal with those negative thoughts and make them disappear over time.

To step

Part 1 of 4: Becoming aware of your thoughts

1. Keep a thought journal. It is important that you keep a journal so you can see exactly when those negative thoughts emerge, under what circumstances, and how you react to them at the moment. You often get so used to your negative thoughts that they have become "automatic", as it were, or habitual reflexes. Taking a moment to write the thought in your journal will begin to create the distance you need to change those thoughts.
   • If you have a negative thought, write it down. Also write down what happened when that thought came to your mind. What were you doing? Who was or were there with you at the time? Where were you? Had anything happened that could have prompted this thought?
   • Record your reactions at the time. Where did you do, what did you think or what did you say in response to that thought?
   • Take a moment to think about this. Ask yourself how much you believe in these thoughts about yourself and what you feel when you have them.
2. Try to see when you are negative about yourself. Negative thoughts can be about other people, but often they are about ourselves. Negative things about ourselves that we believe in can be reflected in negative assessments of ourselves. These negative self-assessments can look like `` I should actually ... '' statements such as, `` I should be better at this. '' They can also come in the form of negative labels that we put on ourselves, such as, `` I'm not good for anything '' or, `` I'm boring. '' Generalizing in a negative way is also common, such as, `` I always screw up everything. '' These thoughts suggest that you have come to believe in negative ideas about yourself and sees them as facts.
   • Make notes in your journal when you have these kinds of thoughts.
   • While writing down your thoughts, try to create some space between yourself and the thought. Rather, write, "The thought that I am a good-for-nothing came to my mind," instead of simply repeating, "I am a good-for-nothing." That way, you will more easily understand that these thoughts are not facts.
3. Try to recognize certain types of problem behavior. Negative thoughts, especially when those thoughts are about ourselves, often result in negative behavior. As you record your thoughts, pay attention to the behaviors you usually display in response to those thoughts. A few common behaviors that are not very helpful include:
   • Avoiding the people you love, your friends, and social situations
   • Overcompensating (for example, you do extreme things to make everyone happy because you want them to accept you so badly)
   • Neglecting things (such as not studying for a test because you think you are too "stupid" and will not pass it anyway)
   • Being passive instead of assertive (not expressing your true thoughts and feelings in a clear way)
4. Read your diary. See if you can spot patterns that reveal things you invariably believe in. For example, if you often see thoughts like, `` I should get better grades on tests, '' or `` Everyone thinks I'm worthless, '' you may have come to believe in a negative core idea about yourself about yourself deep down. your ability to perform, such as, “I'm stupid.” You allow yourself to think about yourself in rigid and unreasonable ways.
   • These negative basic ideas about yourself that you believe in can cause a lot of damage. Because they are so deep inside, it is important that you understand them, instead of just trying to change those negative thoughts themselves. Just focusing on changing negative thoughts is a bit like sticking a band-aid on a gunshot wound: you won't get to the root of the problem.
   • For example, if you believe deep down that you are `` worthless, '' you will likely have a lot of negative thoughts related to that belief, such as, `` I'm boring, '' `` I don't deserve anyone to love me, '' or "I should be a better person."
   • You will also likely see negative behaviors associated with this belief, such as doing the impossible to please a friend because deep down you think you are not really worthy of that friendship. To change your thoughts and your behaviors you will have to address that belief.
5. Ask yourself some tough questions. Once you've been keeping your thoughts in your journal for a while, it's a good idea to sit down and ask yourself what useless rules, assumptions, and patterns you can discover in your thinking. Ask yourself questions like:
   • What are the standards I have set for myself? What do I find acceptable and what is really not possible?
   • Are the standards I set for myself different from the standards I set for others? If so, how?
   • What do I expect from myself in different situations? For example, how do I expect myself to behave when I am at school, at work, with friends, in my spare time, etc.?
   • When do I feel least comfortable or most insecure?
   • In which situations am I most strict with myself?
   • When do I expect negativity?
   • What has my family taught me about expectations and what I should and should not do?
   • Do I feel more insecure in certain situations than in others?

Part 2 of 4: Changing harmful negative thoughts

1. Be determined when it comes to what you think and believe. Decide that you are going to take an active role in determining your own thoughts. You can controlling the things you think about. That means that you have to make an effort every day to consciously program thoughts or statements in your thoughts, and that you learn to be mindful and to live more in the here and now. Remember that you are a special, unique person who deserves love and respect - from others as well as from yourself. The first step in getting rid of negative thoughts is to agree with yourself to do so.
   • It often works well to choose a particular thought or useless "rule" that you would like to change, instead of throwing out all the negative thoughts at once.
   • For example, you could choose to first change the negative thoughts about whether you deserve love and friendship.
2. Remember that thoughts are just thoughts. Those negative thoughts running through your head are not facts. They are the result of negative core ideas about yourself that you have come to believe in over the course of your life. Reminding yourself that your thoughts are not facts and that your thoughts do not define who you are will help you stop thinking negatively in a useless way.
   • For example, instead of thinking, `` I'm stupid, '' say, `` I think I'm stupid. '' Instead of, `` I'm going to screw up the test, '' say, `` I think I'm going to test. ”The difference is subtle but important in retraining your consciousness and dispelling negative thoughts.
3. Find out what it is that triggers those negative thoughts in you. It is difficult to determine exactly why we are having negative thoughts, but there are several assumptions as to why we are having negative thoughts. According to some researchers, negative thoughts are a byproduct of evolution in which we continuously scan our environment for danger or look for room for improvement or things that need to be repaired or resolved. Sometimes negative thoughts are the result of fear or worry, thinking all the time about everything that could go wrong or that could be dangerous, demeaning or triggering fear. In addition, you may also have learned negative thinking or pessimism at a younger age through your parents or other family members. Negative thinking is also associated with depression and it is thought that negative thinking leads to depression while depression leads to negative thinking; a vicious circle. After all, negative thinking can stem from trauma or past experiences that cause shame and doubt.
   • Consider if there are any problematic circumstances or situations in your life that might be causing you to feel unwell about yourself. For many people, typical triggers for negative thoughts include meetings at work, speaking engagements at school, difficulties in relationships with other people both at home and at work, and major life-changing events such as leaving home, changing jobs, or having a relationship that goes out.
   • Writing in your journal will help you recognize these negative thought triggers.
4. Be aware of the different types of negative thoughts that exist. For many of us, negative thoughts and ideas can become so normal that we simply assume they represent reality in a realistic way. Try to become aware of certain key patterns in your thinking that are harmful; this can help you better understand your behavior. Below we have listed a number of types of negative thinking for you; therapists call this "cognitive impairment":
   • All-or-nothing or binary thinking
   • Filtering mentally
   • Draw negative conclusions too quickly
   • Convert positive thoughts into negative thoughts
   • Emotional reasoning
   • Talking negatively about yourself
   • Over-generalizing
5. Try informal cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, is an effective method for changing your thoughts. To start changing your thoughts, you must become aware of your thoughts as they enter your mind. Catch yourself thinking negative again and try to figure out what kind of negative thought it is. You can even write it down in your journal. You can even write in your journal the time when you first learned to change your mind to make the process clearer to yourself.
   • Once you have identified the type of negative thought (s) that come to mind, begin testing for yourself how real the thought is. You can look for things that prove otherwise. For example, if you think, "I always screw up everything," try to think of three occasions when you've done something right. Also, pay attention to the things you do well while practicing CBT as evidence against the limiting thoughts. You can also experiment with the thought to see if it is correct. For example, if you think, `` I'm bound to pass out when I try to give a speech in front of an audience, '' put this thought to the test by giving a trial speech in front of a number of people to prove to yourself that you are not faint. You could also conduct a survey to test your thoughts. Ask others what they think of the thought you have had to see if they interpret it the same way you do.
   • You can also try to replace certain words that make the thought negative. For example, if you think, `` I shouldn't have done that to my boyfriend, '' you could say instead, `` It would have worked out better if I hadn't done that to my boyfriend '' or, `` It makes me sad that I friend did that and I will try never to do it again in the future. '
   • Over time, these CBT exercises will help you adjust your thoughts to become more realistic, positive, and proactive, instead of being negative and putting yourself down.
6. End all-or-nothing thoughts. You get these kinds of thoughts when you feel that there are only two paths in life and everything you do. Everything is either good or bad, or positive or negative, etc. You do not allow yourself to be flexible or to interpret things in a different way.
   • For example, if you don't get a particular promotion but are explicitly encouraged to reapply the next time there is a job opening, you may insist that you are totally worthless and not good for anything because you didn't get that job have. For you, everything is either good or bad, and there is nothing in between.
   • To do something about this mindset, instruct yourself to think of situations on a scale of 0 to 10. Remember that you are very unlikely to rate certain things with a 0 or a 10. For example, you could say to yourself, "My work experience for this job was worth about 6. This indicates that the experience was not so well suited to the position. It doesn't mean I won't fit into any other position. "
7. Don't try to filter. When you filter you only see the negative side of things and you filter out all other aspects. This often leads to disturbed personalities or situations. You may also find yourself blowing up the negative side of things way too much.
   • For example, if your employer commented on a typo in a report, you may just focus on that and forget all the good things she said about the report.
   • Instead of seeing an attack as an opportunity to grow, try situations that could be negative, such as criticism. You could say to yourself, "My employer was really happy with my job, and the fact that she pointed me to that typo shows that she believes in my ability to correct mistakes. That is a strong point. I also know that next time I will have to check the text more closely for errors. "
   • You can also try to find one positive point for every negative point you come across. This will force you to see things from a broader perspective.
   • You may also dismiss positive events as unimportant, for example by saying to yourself: `` I was just lucky '' or `` That only happened because my boss / teacher likes me. '' This is also a form of wrong to think. If you've worked really hard for something, acknowledge the effort you've put in.
8. Don't try to jump to conclusions. If you draw your conclusions too quickly, you assume the worst for no reason. You have not asked the other person to provide you with more information or clarification. You just assumed something and based on that you reached your conclusion.
   • An example of this is: "My girlfriend didn't respond to the invitation I just sent her half an hour ago, so she must hate me."
   • Ask yourself what evidence you have for this assumption. Assign yourself to compile a list of facts that support this assumption, just as if you were a detective. What do you actually know certainly in connection with this situation? What more do you need to make a balanced judgment?
9. Be careful with emotional reasoning. You automatically conclude that how you feel is a reflection of a greater fact. You assume that your thoughts are true and correct, without putting any question marks on those thoughts.
   • For example, "I feel like a total failure, so I must have been a total failure."
   • Instead, ask yourself some questions to get more evidence of this feeling. What do other people think of you? What do your performance at school and at work suggest about you? What evidence can you find to support or disprove the feeling you have? Remember that thoughts are not facts, even if they are to feel as the truth.
10. Don't try to generalize too much. If you over-generalize, you assume that a bad experience automatically guarantees that you will have more bad experiences in the future. You base your assumptions on a limited amount of evidence and use words like always or never.
    • For example, if your first date with someone doesn't turn out the way you hoped, you might think, "I'm never going to find someone who loves me."
    • Eliminate those words like "always" and "never." Instead, use more restrictive words, such as, "This particular date was not such a success."
    • Look for evidence to see if this thought is correct. For example, does one date really determine the rest of your love life? How big is that chance really?
11. Acknowledge all the thoughts you have, including the negative ones. Negative thoughts are just like other thoughts. They come to your mind. They exist. Recognizing that you have useless thoughts does not mean accepting that they are "right" or true. It means that you notice when you have a thought that is of no use to you and that you acknowledge that you had that thought without judging yourself for it.
    • Trying to control or suppress negative thoughts, such as saying, "I'm not going to think negative anymore!" Can actually make them worse. It's like telling yourself not to think about purple elephants - and then that's all you see in front of you.
    • Multiple studies have shown that acknowledging negative thoughts can help you get over them rather than fight them.
    • For example, if the thought occurs to you that you are unattractive, notice it by saying something to yourself like, "I feel like I'm unattractive." You are not accepting that this is true or correct; you just acknowledge that the thought exists.

Part 3 of 4: Learning to love yourself

1. Learn to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is a technique that encourages you to learn to observe your feelings without experiencing strong emotions. The principle of mindfulness is that you must acknowledge and experience the negative thoughts before you can distance yourself from them. Mindfulness is not easy because it involves becoming aware of that negative self-talk that often accompanies shame, such as rejecting yourself, comparing yourself to others, etc. The task is only to acknowledge the existence of that shame. and recognizes without getting caught up in those feelings that arise, and without letting those feelings take control of you. Research has shown that mindfulness-based therapy and techniques can help you learn to accept yourself and reduce negative feelings and thoughts.
   • Find a quiet place to practice mindfulness. Sit in a comfortable position and focus on your breathing. Count the number of times you inhale and exhale. It is inevitable that your mind will wander. When this happens, don't punish yourself but notice what you feel. Don't judge it: just be aware of it. Try to refocus your attention on your breathing; that is the real deal when it comes to mindfulness.
   • By acknowledging your thoughts but decentralizing them and not allowing them to take control of you, you are actually learning to deal with negative feelings without actually changing them. In other words, you change the relationship you have with your thoughts and feelings. Some people have found that doing this eventually changes the content of your thoughts and feelings (for the better).
2. Beware of "must" thoughts.Thoughts in which you should or should or should not do something often point to a rule or assumption that we have talked into ourselves that is not helpful. For example, you might think, `` I shouldn't ask for help because that would be a sign of weakness, '' or you might think, `` I should be much more outgoing. '' If you find yourself thinking about yourself in these types of words, stand then think about it for a moment and ask yourself a few questions about these thoughts:
   • How does this thought affect my life? For example, if you think, "I really need to get more spontaneous or I'll never make friends," you may be embarrassed when you don't accept social invitations. You may be forcing yourself to go out with friends, even if you are tired or can actually use some time for yourself. This could get you in trouble.
   • What is the origin of this thought? Thoughts often arise from rules we have set for ourselves. Perhaps your family was extremely outgoing and have always encouraged you to live a busy social life when you are actually more introverted. This may have led you to believe that there is something "wrong" about having a calmer disposition, which could lead to a negative core belief about yourself such as, "I am not good enough as I am."
   • Is this a reasonable thought? Often it is because of the negative basic ideas we have about ourselves, which are based on ways of thinking that are far too rigid and inflexible, that we make unreasonable demands on ourselves. For example, if you're an introvert, it probably isn't reasonable to expect yourself to be spontaneous and social all the time. You probably really need time for yourself to recharge your energy. You're probably not even pleasant company if you don't get that time for yourself that you so desperately need.
   • What does this thought get me? Ask yourself if this thought or belief is getting you anything. Is it useful to you?
3. Look for flexible alternatives. Instead of using the old, tight rules for yourself, try to find alternatives that are more flexible. Often times, replacing absolute terms with terms like "sometimes", "it would be nice if," "I would like," etc., is a good first step toward setting expectations for yourself that are more reasonable.
   • For example, instead of saying, `` I need to be more spontaneous or I will never make friends, nuance your language by using more flexible words: 'I will take an invitation from friends every now and then, because friendship is important to me . And sometimes I will take time for myself, which is important to me myself. It would be nice if my friends understand my introverted nature, but if they don't then I will continue to take care of myself. "
4. Try to get a more balanced picture of yourself. The negative ideas we have about ourselves are often extreme and generalizing. They say, "I am a failure" or "I am no good for anything." There is no room in these thoughts for a "gray area" or for a balance. Try to find a more balanced version of these self-judgments.
   • For example, if you often believe that you are `` a failure '' because you make mistakes, try saying something more moderate about yourself: `` I am good at quite a few things, mediocre at quite a few other things, and a few. things I'm not very good — just like everyone else. ”You're not saying you're perfect, because that wouldn't be right. You recognize that, like every person on Earth, you have your strengths, but also areas within which there is still room for improvement.
   • If you regularly total yourself, saying things like, 'I'm no good for anything' or 'I'm boring', try to phrase these statements differently to acknowledge the existence of the 'gray area': 'Sometimes I make mistakes Note that this statement is not something you are, it is something you is doing. You yourself are not your mistakes or your idle thoughts.
5. Be forgiving to yourself. If you feel like you are at risk of ruminating, that is, you keep spinning in a circle that gets you "stuck" in a useless thought pattern, be kind to yourself with a little self-pity and kindness. Rather than address yourself harshly and resort to negative self-talk (such as, "I'm stupid and worthless"), treat yourself the way you would treat a friend or family member. To do this, you will first have to carefully observe your behavior and be able to distance yourself and realize that you would not allow a friend to think of themselves in such a destructive way. Research suggests that self-pity has many benefits, including mental well-being, greater life satisfaction, and a reduced tendency to self-criticism.
   • Really give yourself positive affirmation every day. This works to restore your self-esteem and increase the forgiveness you show for yourself. Set aside time daily to speak, write, or think statements aloud. A few examples of this are: "I am a good person. I deserve the best, even though I've done some questionable things in the past "; "I make mistakes and I learn from them"; "I have a lot to offer the world. I am of value to myself and to others. "
   • You can practice forgiveness while writing in your journal. Be kind to yourself as you record your negative thoughts. For example, if you've had this negative thought, "I'm so stupid and I'm definitely not going to pass that test tomorrow," take a nice look at that. Remind yourself not to totalize yourself. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Plan what you can do to avoid similar mistakes in the future. You could write something like, "I feel stupid right now for not studying enough for this test. Everybody makes mistakes. I wish I had studied more, but I can't change that now. Next time I will study more and I will not start just a day in advance. I can ask my teacher or teacher for help, and I can use this experience to learn from it and grow further. "
6. Focus on the positive. Think of the good stuff. Chances are you are not rewarding yourself enough for what you have done in your life. Try to impress yourself, rather than others. Take a moment to reflect on and look back on everything you have already achieved in the past, from your smallest victories to the greatest; this will not only make you more aware of the things you have achieved, but can also help you to appreciate your place in the world and determine the value you add to those around you. If you want, grab a notebook or your diary and set a kitchen timer for 10 to 20 minutes. Within that time, make a list of everything you've accomplished and expand the list when you have more to add!
   • In this way you are busy becoming your own fan. Encourage yourself in a positive way and compliment yourself for the things you do. For example, you may notice that even though you're not currently getting as much exercise as you might like, you've been going to the gym once more over the past few weeks.
7. Use positive and hopeful language and statements. Be optimistic and avoid the so-called self-fulfilling prediction of pessimism. If you expect negative things, they often happen. For example, if you expect a presentation to go bad, chances are that it will indeed fail. Instead, be positive. Tell yourself, "It may be a challenge, but I can handle this talk."

Part 4 of 4: Seeking social support

1. Stop others from influencing you. If you have negative thoughts in your head, there may be people around you who encourage that same idea by saying negative things about you, and they may even be close friends or family members. In order to stop being ashamed and move forward, you should avoid as much as possible contact with "toxic" people who make you feel bad, instead of giving you a boost.
   • Think of the negative statements of others as weights of 5 kilos. Those weights bring you down and that makes it more difficult to lift yourself up again. Free yourself from that burden and remember that people cannot define who you are as a person. Only you can determine who you are.
   • It can also be helpful to think about those people who make you feel bad about yourself. You cannot control everyone's behavior; what you can control is how you react to them and to what extent you allow their behavior to affect you. If someone else is inappropriately rude, mean, disapproving, or disrespectful to you, understand that they have their own emotional problems or dilemmas that are causing them to act negatively with you. However, if this person increases your lack of self-confidence, you may want to distance yourself or avoid situations in which that person is present, especially if he or she reacts negatively when you comment about his or her behavior.
2. Surround yourself with positive social support. Almost all human beings benefit from social and emotional support, whether it comes from family members, friends, colleagues and other social networks. It helps us a lot to talk to others and to come up with strategies together for our problems and other things we have to deal with. Strangely enough, social support actually allows us to cope with our problems better because social support increases our self-confidence.
   • Research has repeatedly shown that there is a relationship between perceiving a social safety net and our self-confidence; so when people think they can fall back on a social safety net, their confidence and self-esteem increase. So if you feel supported by the people around you, you should feel better about yourself and you will be better able to deal with negative feelings and stress.
   • Make sure you understand that when it comes to a social safety net, there isn't one system that works for everyone. Some people prefer to have a few very close friends with whom they can always turn, while others prefer to have a broader social circle and also seek support from their neighbors, in the church, or within their religious community.
   • A social safety net can also take new forms in our modern era. If you don't feel comfortable having a real face-to-face conversation with someone, you can also choose to stay in touch with friends and family, or get to know new people, through social media, video calls, and email.
3. Offer to help other people. Research has shown that people who volunteer tend to be more confident than those who don't. You may not initially expect that helping others will make you feel better about yourself, but science does indeed show that the feelings of social belonging that come with volunteering or helping others make us feel more positive. about ourselves.
   • As an added benefit, helping others makes you happier too! And in doing so, you will also make a real difference in someone's life. Not only will you be happier, but you will also make someone else happy.
   • If you go out, you will find many opportunities to connect with other people and contribute. For example, you could volunteer in an orphanage or shelter for the homeless. Offer yourself during the summer holidays as a trainer for a sports team for children. Jump in when a friend needs help and cook a series of meals for him or her to freeze. Volunteer at a local veterinary clinic.
4. Make an appointment with a mental health professional. If you find it difficult to change or get rid of your negative way of thinking and / or feel that your negative thoughts are preventing you from functioning mentally and / or physically during the day, it is best to make an appointment with a counselor, psychologist, or other mental health professional. Cognitive behavioral therapy, in particular, is particularly helpful in changing the way you think. This is one of the most researched forms of therapy and there is clear evidence that it is indeed effective.
   • Often times, a therapist can help you develop useful strategies to improve your self-image. Remember that sometimes a human simply cannot solve everything on his own. In addition, therapy has been shown to have a significant effect on improving a person's self-confidence and the quality of his or her life.
   • In addition, a therapist can help you deal with any other psychological problems you may be dealing with that are the cause or result of your shame and lack of self-confidence, including depression and anxiety.
   • Be aware that asking for help is a sign of strength and not a sign of personal failure or weakness.

Tips

• Because you are human, you will probably never be able to eradicate your negative thoughts completely. However, over time it will become easier to change your negative thoughts and you will also be less likely to think negatively.
• Ultimately, you are the only one who can end your negative thoughts. You have to make a conscious effort to change your thought patterns and be open to positive and proactive thinking.
• It is important to remember that while some forms of negative thinking are harmful and can be described as a cognitive impairment, on the other hand, not all negative thoughts are bad. There is a theory, especially applied in planning, that uses negative thinking, or thinking about anything that could possibly go wrong, with the aim of coming up with solutions in case things don't go according to plan. In addition, negative thoughts related to a loss, a grieving process, a change or other emotionally drastic situations are normal, because our life course brings these natural feelings and thoughts with it from time to time.