Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Dealing with mild cases of overbearing behavior
• Part 2 of 3: Correcting recurring patterns of predominant behavior
• Part 3 of 3: Regain control of your own life

A relationship with a controlling partner can be very tiring. A controlling partner will often micro-manage, criticize, and limit the activities of the other partner. Depending on how severe and how frequent this predominant behavior is, you may be able to work with your partner to improve your marriage or relationship, or relationship counseling may be the solution. If the problem is very serious or does not improve with counseling, you may need to consider ending the relationship with your dominant partner to regain your independence.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with mild cases of overbearing behavior

1. Stay calm. For many people, arguing is a natural response to the predominant behavior of the partner. Unfortunately, a controlling person is not likely to give in and give you the upper hand in the discussion, so this tactic will likely only escalate the situation. Instead of arguing, you better stay calm and collected as much as possible. You can disagree with your partner without yelling or becoming disrespectful.
   • If you disagree with your partner, say something like, "I understand your point, but have you considered this?" Instead of "That's wrong. My idea is better! "
   • In some cases, it is best to go with your partner, but do so without giving in to the predominant behavior. For example, you can take the initiative to make your own decisions, while still taking your partner's opinion into account.
2. Ask the controlling person to develop a plan. In some cases, you can use your overriding partner's tendency to control you as a way to fix minor issues in your relationship. Explain the problem to your partner and meet his or her need to control by asking them to create a plan to solve the problem.
   • Be as specific as possible when describing the problem to your partner. Instead of saying something like, `` You're too overbearing, '' say something like, `` I feel like you want to control all my activities in detail and you don't trust that I can do things myself to get.'
   • If your partner refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem, then this strategy will not work.
3. Empathize with the other. When your partner is making demands or trying to control you, it can help to try to see things from his or her perspective. Take a moment to think about why your partner is acting this way and try to understand it. You can help avoid getting angry when your partner is overbearing.
   • This should help you understand your partner's behavior and perhaps condone minor incidents, but you should never use this technique to justify disrespectful behavior.
4. Ask constructive questions. If your partner starts to criticize or question you, you can quickly shift the focus by responding with the right questions. Ask questions that make it clear to the controlling partner that his or her expectations are unreasonable or that his or her behavior is unacceptable. For example, you could say, "Did you explain to me exactly what you wanted me to do?" Or "I'm going to do something else unless you treat me with respect. Is that what you want? "
   • Avoid a defensive response, as this will only aggravate the predominant behavior.

Part 2 of 3: Correcting recurring patterns of predominant behavior

1. Be prepared for denial. Controllers often don't realize they are controlling someone. In fact, such individuals feel they are the ones being controlled, which may explain the other's need to be assertive. If you are dealing with a partner who is usually overbearing, you will probably have to convince him or her that he or she is doing that, which may take some time.
   • Be as respectful as possible in this conversation. If you want to save your relationship, don't attack your partner's character. Instead, you focus on the kinds of actions or situations that make you angry.
   • Use as many examples as possible to explain what you mean by "predominant" or "controlling".
2. Set boundaries. As soon as you start a conversation with your partner about his or her predominant behavior, you will need to be very clear about what you will and will not tolerate. Explain to your partner in as much detail as possible what kind of behavior needs to be changed.
   • List the biggest problems and brainstorm with your partner about specific things you can do to avoid these problems in the future.
   • Keep in mind that there is a chance that your partner will think you are domineering too, so be open to any boundaries he or she may suggest.
3. Act on consequences. Your partner may need to be reminded of your limits from time to time, so it is a good idea to decide what kind of behavior justifies consequences and what the consequences will be. This should only apply to major errors that cannot be addressed in any other way.
   • For minor mistakes, your partner may benefit from a simple reminder of your limits.
   • Don't take consequences too easily. Withholding privilege or affection for the slightest offense is what predominant people do!
   • Consequences can possibly be very drastic. For example, you may decide to move elsewhere if your partner doesn't make an effort to treat you with respect for the next month.
4. Ask for advice. If your partner is unwilling to acknowledge the controlling behavior, or if you are unable to resolve the issues on your own, then you should consider seeking professional guidance. Your partner may need a professional to explain controlling or overbearing behavior and how to stop it.
   • You can try couples therapy, as this will give you the opportunity to talk with each other about the problems under the guidance of a professional marriage counselor.
   • Your partner may also have some individual therapy, to find out the reasons behind the controlling behaviors, such as low self-esteem or a traumatic childhood.

Part 3 of 3: Regain control of your own life

1. Don't allow yourself to be isolated. Many overbearing partners isolate their partner by dominating their time or forbidding them from hanging out with friends. If this is the case, then you need to stand up for yourself and let your partner know that you don't intend to let your other relationships suffer from his or her behavior.
   • You also have the right to be alone time, so let your partner know when you need time to pursue your own hobbies or just spend some time alone. Encourage your partner to take up one or more hobbies on their own to make this easier.
   • You do need to spend time with your partner if you are working to improve your marriage. Make some of this time by doing fun things together.
2. Avoid internalizing criticism. If your controlling partner has repeatedly put you down, you may start to feel like you did something to deserve that criticism. It's important to remind yourself that you deserve the best and do everything you can to avoid taking this criticism personally.
   • Internalizing criticism can make you question your own skills. If this has happened to you, remind yourself of the goals you once wanted to achieve and ignore any negative thoughts your partner may have planted in your head about your skills. Take small steps to achieve these goals as a great way to start freeing yourself from a controlling partner.
3. Don't feel guilty or owe anything to your partner. Many controlling partners use guilt to control their partners. If your partner does this, then you should recognize this as just another tactic used to control you, and don't let this affect your decisions.
   • Some controlling spouses can make their partners feel guilty by complaining about how they will not be able to function if the partner leaves them, or even threatening to harm themselves.
   • Other controlling partners make their partners feel guilty by making them feel as if they owe something to the controlling partner, such as providing shelter or love.
4. Stay true to your beliefs. Many controlling spouses dominate their partners by telling them what to think or what values ​​to have. If you have opinions and beliefs that differ from your partner's, it is important to stand up for your right to keep them.
   • If you have a different religion from your partner, it is important to maintain your independence by continuing to attend services or meetings, alone or with family.
   • If you have different political beliefs than your partner, keep voting based on your own beliefs.
5. Be willing to get out of an unhealthy relationship. In some cases, overbearing behavior can be corrected and replaced with mutual respect, but it's important to note that this doesn't always happen. Often times, it is not possible for a controlling individual to change, so be prepared to end the relationship if it is harmful to you.
   • Certain behaviors should never be tolerated. If your partner is abusing or abusing you physically, verbally, emotionally, or sexually, ending the relationship is the best option. If you need support with this, you may consider calling a domestic violence helpline.