Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 5: Finding yourself
• Part 2 of 5: Finding a community
• Part 3 of 5: Coming out
• Part 4 of 5: Dating
• Part 5 of 5: Sex
• Tips
• Warnings

People like to learn from examples from their environment. But what do we do when what we want is outside the "norm" (or at least, outside what our culture sees as positive)? If you are just discovering that you are developing feelings for other women, you may feel lost and confused. However, you don't have to worry at all. You have a lot of great sources of information at your disposal, and you can get started right here on wikiHow!

To step

Part 1 of 5: Finding yourself

1. Be true to yourself. If you are not a lesbian, then you cannot make yourself a lesbian. If you are a lesbian, you cannot become heterosexual all of a sudden. Being a lesbian is not a choice, but rather the result of a combination of biological factors. Don't try to turn yourself into something that you are not. We will not hold out if we pretend to be different from what we are. This will only damage yourself. Therefore, be true to who you are.
2. Understand your desires. You don't have to feel wrong or abnormal at all. Homosexuality is completely normal and natural. You are programmed to love who you love, and that's okay. As long as everyone is grown up and agrees, then everything is fine.
3. Find out what makes you happy. Just because you're attracted to women doesn't necessarily mean you're a lesbian. Try not to be pigeonholed too much. Maybe you are bi! You may also be straight-but-only-not-for-that-one-girl. (Jennifer Lawrence doesn't count, everyone is a little lesbian to her). Being a lesbian also doesn't mean that you necessarily have to conform to the role of butch (male) or femme (female). Be yourself. Get rid of those boxes.
4. Broaden your ideas. Most people have a fairly narrow view of what a relationship should be like. We have been taught that one person should be the man and one person should be the woman in a relationship. This is of course not true. You may also have certain ideas about the moral objections of some relationships.It is therefore important to understand that the definition of a moral, ethical relationship has changed dramatically over the years (did you know that the Church also performed homosexual marriages in the Middle Ages?). If both parties are grown up and not forced, then it's okay.
5. Read helpful material. If you want to further explore your feelings and understand lesbian love better, there are tons of things to read. Your local library probably has a number of books, but there is also a lot of interesting material available online. Some, like Erika Moen's “I Like Girls” comics, can even be found on the Internet for free.

Part 2 of 5: Finding a community

1. Search online support groups. Supportive communities are very easy to find on the internet. These forums and chat rooms can be a great place to meet people, ask for advice, find helpful tips, and generally just get to know friends. Well-known websites include Empty Closets or the lesbian subreddit.
2. Find local support groups. You can also find local support groups. Look for an official LGBT group in your area, or check nearby community centers or the city office for information about group sessions or similar.
3. Find LGBT friends. You will definitely get to know some LGBT friends. Your straight friends are great too of course and you don't have to avoid them, but every now and then it can be nice to know people who understand your issues and who are in the same boat. You can meet these people at local groups or clubs. You can also go to LGBT-proof events and / or bars.
4. Look for media that positively highlight the lesbian community. Positive attention can make a big difference. Fortunately, a lot has changed in the last few years. Nowadays, lesbians are positively exposed in a lot of places. Think for example of Glee, Orange is the New Black, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Even comic books and video games embrace lesbian love!
5. Visit gay-friendly events and cities. For example, go to local pride festivals (such as the Gay Pride in Amsterdam), or go to LGBT-friendly cities such as Amsterdam, Berlin, or Paris.

Part 3 of 5: Coming out

1. Make the decision yourself. Do NOT feel obliged to come out. Coming out can have a very relieving effect, but can also feel very stressful. It is not necessary to publicize your sexual orientation if you do not want to. Tell who you want to tell. It is YOUR life, and the decision to deal with it so openly and honestly must also be YOUR decision.
   • Keep in mind that holding up or denying certain feelings can lead to depression and other things. It's healthier to just be who you are.
2. Choose the right time. Tell people that you are a lesbian at a carefully selected time. For example, if you're in the middle of an argument with your mom, it's probably not that smart. Schedule the right time and find a good place to talk. For example, choose a secluded environment and make sure you have enough time to talk about certain things.
3. Release a test balloon. You can briefly bring up the topic to see how people respond. This can be very important if your coming out to them will have serious consequences for you. For example, bring it up if you're watching Orange is the New Black or Billy Elliot with your parents.
4. Explain how you feel. When you tell others, make sure you explain your feelings in a way that they will understand. Especially when you know that it is a difficult subject for them. Talk about how much you love your girlfriend, that she makes you happy, and that you feel safe when you are with her. Talk about how much you miss that feeling in men, and that being with men makes you unhappy. Make sure they can empathize with the feelings you describe.
5. Allow some questions. It is completely normal if they will have some questions. Therefore, don't feel attacked if they start asking you questions. Also, don't try hard to avoid questions. Also, try not to be upset if you experience the questions as offensive (even though they are not intended to be hurtful). This may be a very new topic for some. In addition, some people simply have a somewhat more limited vision of life.

Part 4 of 5: Dating

1. Let relationships develop naturally. Sometimes you meet a woman and there is just a click between you. This is a complicated, yet wonderful way to start a relationship. Bringing up the topic can be scary to see if the other woman feels the same way you do. However, if shame is the only downside, then you should just go for it. You don't want to miss out on the right one because of a communication problem, do you?
2. Ask your friends to pair you. You can also ask your friends to help you meet someone. Maybe they know someone else, or they have a girlfriend who is desperately looking for a girlfriend. This is what good friends do too. They can also help you avoid wackies and troubled women.
3. Watch online. Of course you can also meet women online! Most major dating sites also offer a solution for lesbians and there are even dating sites that focus on lesbians.
4. Find someone who is right for you. Don't feel obligated to force a relationship between you and another woman just because she's a lesbian. Just as a straight girl doesn't automatically want to date every guy on the planet, you don't have to start a relationship with the first lesbian you meet. Go with someone who suits you, because who suits you!
5. Take it easy. During your first lesbian relationship, you may feel like you are plunging into everything right away. You are excited and happy: and that is completely normal! However, if you rush, you will miss out on some of the best parts of relationships. Enjoy things as they happen and value all the beautiful moments. Don't go hungry for something else.

Part 5 of 5: Sex

1. Investigate! You hate homework, right? But this is fun homework! There is a lot of information about healthy, satisfying lesbian sex practices on the Internet. Try to avoid porn as it usually gives a false picture of what it really is like. Try to peruse informative sources such as Erica Moens comics or the virtually inexhaustible source of information from Autostraddle.
2. Explore your partner and yourself. We are all unique snowflakes. Everyone in the world likes something different than others. Don't be afraid to explore yourself and your partner. This way you will find out what is best for you.
3. Stay open to new things. People can be satisfied in many different ways; do not feel limited to what in your eyes "normal" sex is. As long as you keep it safe, it is okay to experiment. You never know what you will run into.
4. Experiment with toys. Dildos don't just belong to the realm of lonely women, nor are they the only sex toys. Check the internet for advice and visit the local sex shop. If you are a bit shy or prefer not to let other people find out, you can also shop online for sex toys. They can greatly improve your sex life.
5. Relatively safe. We mainly hear safe sex in sex between men and women, and between men and men: it is no different for lesbians, however. Use condoms on dildos and discover the wonderful world of latex gloves and dental wipes. Of course, women can also transmit STIs to each other. Free so safe!

Tips

• Watch the TV series “The L-Word”. Six seasons of delicious, drool-worthy lesbian drama. It covers all kinds of different phases in the lives of lesbians.

Warnings

• Be aware that not everyone can appreciate your lifestyle. Prepare for insults and other nasty comments. Not everyone can appreciate what you do. Take this piece of wisdom to heart. Stick to your own choices / feelings and only deviate if you think it is necessary.
• Try to abstain from alcohol or drugs if you are experimenting sexually. If you only feel good in your relationship under the influence of alcohol or drugs, then it is time to consult yourself.