Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Take responsibility
• Method 2 of 4: Open communication
• Method 3 of 4: Restore truth and honesty in your relationship
• Method 4 of 4: Renew your tire
• Warnings

An affair in any form has a devastating effect on a relationship. If you have cheated on your partner and are now seeking reconciliation, you will have to do a lot of work to repair the damaged relationship. This healing process will take a long time, be emotional and require a lot of effort from both parties. Your partner took a devastating blow, and both of you will have to determine if the resulting damage can be repaired. Careful attention to your partner's needs and dedication to the hard work of recovery can help overcome the pain caused by the infidelity.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Take responsibility

1. Stop the cheating. If you are the one cheating on you, you will have to end the affair completely before you can expect a chance to mend the relationship with your partner. This step is crucial.
2. Make any necessary changes to physically remove yourself from the other party in the affair as much as possible. For example, if you cheated on a co-worker, you could request a transfer or even start looking for a new job. An affair that started in the gym or another social setting may require you to find a different social setting.
3. Be honest with your partner. Tell your partner what happened and why. You can tell your partner the intimate details of your sexual experience if he or she asks, but this can be too painful to report right away. Your partner may not want to know it all. This is a choice that your partner must make, and you should obey it.
   • Your partner is likely to retaliate when faced with your painful confession. While your infidelity will be at the heart of the pain your partner feels, you will face a whole host of problems as your partner tries to express his or her pain.
   • If your partner has ever had an affair herself, news of that infidelity will likely surface during this initial exchange. Responding to reveal this information may well be the closest weapon he or she has at his or her disposal. Be aware of such a revelation, not forgetting that the pain you feel at such a revelation is the same as the pain your partner feels because of your infidelity. In that case, you both have a lot of work ahead of you to be able to recover.
4. Be honest with yourself. Take the time to find out the reason for your infidelity. There could be a variety of reasons that contributed to your affair, from low self-esteem, alcoholism and sex addiction, to the pressures of marital troubles, or perceived flaws in your relationship.
   • Conventional wisdom has stated in the past that infidelity was a sign that something was missing in a relationship. It's important to note that experts now agree that this is just one of the reasons people cheat.
   • Regardless of your reasons for cheating, you should never blame your partner for it. Even though you feel that something is missing in your relationship, you have made the choice to cheat instead of working with your partner to find a solution.

Method 2 of 4: Open communication

1. Strive for transparency. Your partner will likely have many, many questions. He or she will want to know under what circumstances you met the other person and whether it was a long-term relationship or a one night stand. He or she will consider the past months and years of your life together and ask questions about your past actions and motives. Being completely open about all the sexual details of that relationship with the other person is not appropriate when you first share the news with your partner, but it is important not to ignore it when your partner asks for details.
   • As a couple, take the time to process the many questions that arise from your infidelity. Respond without holding back to your partner's questions when they are asked, but expect new questions to come up over time.
   • Consider your partner's willingness to hear details, even if you answer his or her questions without ado. Never withhold information, but if your partner is not yet asking questions (about why the infidelity, for example), be patient. Your partner may first have enough information to process. Wait for the person to ask for it, then answer carefully.
2. Give your partner time to process everything. You know about your affair from the beginning. However, this painful information is new to your partner. Even if he or she already had suspicions, only now have those suspicions been confirmed.
   • The time it takes to mend a relationship after infidelity varies, but expect it to take up to 1-2 years quickly.
3. Have an honest conversation together about the future of your relationship. Be realistic, is forgiveness a possibility? If you have hope for the future, devote yourself to the hard work it takes to restore confidence.
   • When considering the future of your relationship, consider the feelings of everyone affected by your decision. If you have children together, for example, the stakes may be higher than if you are with the two of you. Couples who have been married for decades may have relationship networks and shared experiences that make their bond much stronger than relationships that have only been going on for a few months or a few years.
   • Keep in mind that even if your partner sees hope for forgiveness, the actual forgiveness process can take a significant amount of time.
   • Don't make hasty decisions. Make sure your decisions are made based on careful reflection and not simply in response to a heated discussion.
4. Consult a therapist or counselor. Personal therapy may be an important tool for understanding your motives and addressing your behavior. Relationship counseling can be an important step in helping you navigate the tricky terrain of forgiveness.
   • Counselors or other people you trust can provide objective, non-judgmental mental support to help process your feelings.
   • A trusted third party can also be a safe referee during the sometimes painful discussions you will have with your partner.

Method 3 of 4: Restore truth and honesty in your relationship

1. Expect to be held accountable. You will have to make an extra effort to prove your reliability to your partner. Discuss your plans with your partner and respond to your partner's requests to provide information and provide reassurance.
   • However, be aware that your cheating history does not mean that you are no longer entitled to privacy. Be aware of your partner's need for information, but don't feel obligated to provide a full list of your mobile and social media passwords, or constantly justify where you've been. Such practices encourage mistrust, rather than help repair your fragmented relationship.
2. Give your partner time and space. Don't expect forgiveness, especially not according to your agenda. Your partner will have to relearn that there are reasons to trust you.
   • Take a "time out" if you feel that the mood is running too high. Your partner may need some physical or emotional space to process her feelings. Politely leave the room, go for a walk, or give your partner time to distance yourself for an extended period of time.
   • If necessary, arrange a specific time to process the difficult feelings. You can set a kitchen timer for half an hour, for example, and make use of that limited time for the conversation. That way you give structure and it is predictable. You can both focus on the topic on the table without the conversation degenerating into "swearing" or other unproductive behavior.
3. Forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself does not mean that you are no longer responsible for the consequences of your behavior, nor that you can get rid of the intensive work that will have to be done to change your behavior. Rather, forgiving yourself frees up emotional and mental energy to take a step forward. You can then start working on repairing your relationship and changing your habits.
   • Every day is a new day. As you wake up, remind yourself each day that it was your decision to move on and focus on repairing the damaged relationship.
   • If you feel that rituals can help you, consider taking symbolic steps, such as (carefully) burning or shredding pieces of paper that say `` cheating. '' Remind yourself of this action if you are tempted to stand still with your old behavior. You have burned your ships behind you, literally or figuratively, and are determined to move forward.
   • If you find yourself nearly drowning in regret, think about a productive action you can take instead. You may want to send your partner a loving text message, do chores around the house, or work on a new hobby that helps constructively adjust your behavior.

Method 4 of 4: Renew your tire

1. Invest in your "new" relationship. Your relationship the way you had before you cheated no longer exists, but if you have decided to move on with your partner, you are now entering a potentially rewarding new period of reconciliation, growth and development. This new phase in your relationship brings new rules and expectations. Discuss these rules and expectations openly to make sure you feel the same way.
2. Spend time together and do things together that have nothing to do with your experience of infidelity. While it is important to continue to communicate and build trust, your fragile relationship will benefit from the time and effort you devote to new experiences.
   • These include activities that you enjoyed doing in the past and can return to doing as productive habits.
   • Discuss your goals and interests. Maybe your partner has always wanted to travel. You can spend some time looking for outings, or even learning a language or a culture course, to make that dream a reality. Maybe your partner has always wanted to run a marathon. If you can share that vision, then work together to achieve that goal - or, if you don't like running, you will become your partner's biggest fan.
3. Stay "focused" on the present. Painful as it may be, cheating is now a thing of the past. Concentrate on the possibilities of a shared future, bearing in mind that now you must hold to a higher standard of responsibility and emotional communication.
4. Work towards re-realizing shared intimacy. If sexual intimacy was also part of your relationship in the past, make it a goal to restore trust in such a way that this bond can also be restored.
   • Keep in mind that while your relationship is a partnership, the hurt partner has to set the boundaries. Satisfying intimacy requires a fair amount of trust.
   • Get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Never risk your partner's health - or the emotional crush as a result of venereal disease.

Warnings

• Cheating is never an excuse to treat your partner violently. Recognition of cheating should never be met with violence. If either partner is concerned that the other will use violence, get out of the relationship immediately.