Content

• Steps
• Advice

Forgetting past pain is not easy. If time has passed and you are still unable to continue enjoying your life, then you need to be more proactive. Regardless of what happened, remember that you are in control of your life and you have the ability to build a great future for yourself.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Heal yourself

1. 

   For your own sake, forgive others. When you forgive someone who hurt you, you are giving yourself a wonderful gift. You can get health benefits, including lower blood pressure and improved heart health, as well as psychological benefits, including less stress and less symptoms of depression. At the same time, your chances of having a more successful relationship in the future increase.
   • Forgiving someone who has done wrong with you is a sign of strength, not weakness. This does not mean that you ignore hurting behaviors, but that you do not allow them to continue to bother you.
   • Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to be reconciled with that person. Depending on the situation, this might not be possible or a good idea. Forgiving is simply about letting go of all your resentment and all the desires for revenge.
   • Try to be sympathetic and empathic with the person who hurt you, no matter how difficult it may be. You need to understand that people often hurt others because they are suffering as well.
   • You should also forgive yourself if you have some responsibility for past pain. It's important to acknowledge your responsibility, but not dwell on it. Forgive yourself through empathy and understanding.

2. 

   
   
   Stop allowing yourself to become a victim. Although your past pain is caused by someone else, that person is not responsible for your decision to continue immersing in the past. The first step in recovery is to take back control of your life and realize that you have the power to make your future better than your past.
   • If you continue to blame someone who hurt you for any negative things in your life, then you are allowing that person to control you. The next time this thought occurs, remind yourself that it is you in control. Then, try to think about positive things you can do to make yourself feel better.
   • You will likely feel stronger when you gain control of your recovery. To stop allowing others to control your actions and emotions, make a plan to let go of your past pain. You can accept advice from others, but remember to remind yourself that you are in charge of your own life.

3. 

   
   
   Repeat positive affirmations to yourself. If your self-esteem was hurting your self-esteem in the past, take a few minutes to reflect on your most positive qualities. Every day, remind yourself that you are an amazing and worthy person.
   • Affirm your love for yourself in different ways. You can sing about it, write about it, say it out loud or whisper this to yourself. Create a work of art from a combination of affirmative words and store it where you will see it often.

4. 

   
   
   Express your feelings. Allowing yourself to express the pain and hurt you are feeling will help you feel more at ease. You can write about what happened in your journal or write to the person who hurt you (but don't send it out). Venting out of your mind will help you process your emotions and understand why the pain still lingers on you.

5. 

   Look to the past for good. Often, looking back on the past is a pretty negative action, but if you choose to do it for the right reasons, it can help you work through past pain. If you are always indulging in guilt or other negative feelings about yourself, you should carefully examine past events to find the cause of the feelings you are experiencing. Then consider any reasons why your negative emotions don't come from the truth.
   • This is best for reviewing traumatic events for which you are unnecessarily blaming yourself. For example, if you feel that you are responsible for the divorce of your parents or that the betrayal of your loved one was your fault, looking back at the event will help you understand the source of your thoughts. negative. If you take the time to analyze the situation, you will find that the negative emotions you are harboring are not entirely based on facts.
   • Be careful in blaming others too much. The goal of this practice is not to keep you resentful towards the other person, but to help you realize the causes of you feeling bad about yourself and how to prevent them.

6. 

   Get the support you need. Depending on the type of pain you are trying to get rid of, you will need different types of support. Don't keep your feelings hidden if you feel trapped. Talking to someone can help you organize your emotions, and sometimes just having to let out your vote is enough to make you feel better.
   • Share your feelings with a friend or family member, but make sure to make choices that are irrelevant to the problem you are dealing with. The other person will be able to better help you if they are completely unbiased.
   • Find a support group that can help you with problems (for example, a group of people who have lost a loved one or experienced trauma in childhood).
   • Seek out an individual or group therapist who specializes in past pain and trauma treatment. Your therapist can help you understand the source of your emotions and find ways to overcome your negative feelings.
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Part 2 of 2: Moving forward

1. 

   Focus on being positive. If you allow negative thoughts and memories to "gnaw" on you, you will feel as if your life has no room for positivity and happiness. Instead of letting this happen, take the opposite approach: fill your life with lots of positives so there is no room for negativity.
   • Keep yourself occupied with your goals, such as studying or working, or with things that make you feel good about yourself, such as volunteering, or spending quality time with friend.

2. 

   Turn painful experiences into opportunities for learning, and correcting negative thoughts can be helpful in helping you move forward. Everyone has experienced pain at some point in their life, but finding opportunities for personal growth will help you overcome your own pain.
   • For example, perhaps you suffer because the person you love broke up with you. Instead of indulging in this pain, try to adjust it like: "I feel pain because I lost the person I love, but I have learned a lot from that relationship and will use it. Use this lesson for a future relationship ".
   • For another example, maybe someone did not treat you well. You can fine-tune this experience to "The person hurts me, but I'm strong and resilient, and that person's behavior won't bother me."

3. 

   Pay attention to wandering thoughts. As you begin to think about what happened, gently remove them from your mind and remind yourself that you are focusing on your current life.You can acknowledge painful memories as they arise, but replacing them quickly with positive life reminders will help keep you from dipping into it.
   • When you are preoccupied with thoughts about the past, repeat this sentence: "I had an unhappy past, but I live in the present and I don't have time to worry about the past because I'm focusing on _______. "
   • Alternatively, you could take a moment to make a list of all the positive things in your life. If you fill your mind with happy thoughts, you will get rid of the negative thoughts.

4. 

   Be open to others. If you have been hurt in the past, it is easy to think that others will continue to hurt you in the future. Unfortunately, this type of thinking will cause you to build relationships based on anger. If you want to develop healthy relationships in the future, you need to do your best to let go of your anger and avoid making assumptions about the worst in others based on what you have experienced in the past. past. advertisement

Advice

• Cultivating hatred towards others will make you anxious, depressed, and angry. Ironically, it has absolutely no effect on the person, so it really won't do you any good other than making you miserable.
• Depending on the situation, you may benefit from guided meditation or cognitive behavioral therapy. Many people have found that religious practice is also quite helpful.
• Resentment is an addictive mental state, and you need to work hard to deal with your negative emotions. Don't step back and work to overcome this unhealthy pattern!