Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 5: Getting rid of keepsakes
• Part 2 of 5: Working through your feelings
• Part 3 of 5: Learning mental tricks to let go
• Part 4 of 5: Keeping yourself healthy
• Part 5 of 5: Making progress
• Tips
• Warnings

If someone you love hurts you a lot, it can be hard to get over it. It may seem like the best way to turn your love into hate. But that will actually only make things more difficult for you, because hate isn't the opposite of love - they are both strong emotions that require a lot of energy. If you want to stop losing the pain of someone you love (through a breakup, argument, or death), the best thing you can do is deal with your emotions and work to get on with your life.

To step

Part 1 of 5: Getting rid of keepsakes

1. Delete the person's contact information. If the person will no longer be a part of your life, you should delete their contact information. This can help you not to call, text or email him.
   • You may remember his phone number or email address, but deleting it from your phone, computer, tablet, address book, etc. can at least make it a little more difficult for you to contact him quickly.
   • For example, if you delete your ex's contact information from your phone, it's less tempting to just tap his name and text or call him - you'll at least have to think about it before doing it.
2. Block his phone number. If that person is still calling or messaging you, you can download an app if you have a smartphone that blocks their calls and texts so you don't get notifications.
   • This is especially helpful if you try hard not to think about him, because every time he calls or sends a message, he will be reminded and you may be tempted to respond.
3. Filter his email. If he frequently contacts you via email, have his messages sent directly to a separate folder instead of your inbox. You can do this by creating an email filter - instructions on how to do this vary by provider.
4. Block the person on social media. If you have a hard time getting over someone, having them on Facebook, Twitter, etc. is a terribly bad idea. Instead of just erasing it, you block it; that way you don't see what he posts and vice versa.
   • It can be tempting to see what that person is doing on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or other social media. Resist the urge to control him because that will only make it more difficult to get over him and move on with your life.
5. Remove communication from the past. Delete old text messages and other old communications like emails, Facebook messages, WhatsApp chats, etc. You have better things to do with your time than reading those old messages and getting upset.
6. Think carefully before deleting pictures. Before you delete photos, consider if they represent an area of ​​your life that you really want to forget forever.
   • As time goes by, you may look back fondly on the relationship or at least the period of your life.
   • If there is a chance that you will regret deleting the photos, consider putting them in a box or on a USB stick, then giving them to a friend to keep them safe until you get your feels good enough to look at it again.
7. Put physical items in a box. Exit your room or house and delete anything that reminds you of that person. You can put those things in a box until you are ready to do something with it.
   • You may want to give those things away or even burn them at some point, but for now you just put them away so that they don't constantly remind you of your loss.
   • If you do decide to burn things, make sure you do it in an area where a fire is legal - say, a fire pit outside and not on your bedroom floor.

Part 2 of 5: Working through your feelings

1. Know that you are in control of your feelings. Studies have shown that we have a better chance of regulating our feelings if we view them scientifically, as manageable (though sometimes unexpected) data in the experiment of life.
   • If you got unexpected results in an experiment, view the experiment, see where it deviates, and view the results given the deviation. You then come up with a plan for your next steps. It may feel sociopathic, but it can really help you approach your broken heart this way.
   • It may not feel like you are in control of your feelings right now, but with a little persistence, you can train your brain to respond in a controlled way - for example, to view things calmly and objectively instead of taking them personally.
2. Accept your feelings. Losing someone you love can give you a tornado of feelings: shock, numbness, disbelief, anger, sadness, fear - even relief and happiness. You can even feel some of these things at the same time.
   • Instead of fighting your feelings, try to accept them and just let them be. It can help to step back and try to observe your emotions, to distance yourself from them. Remind yourself that what you feel is completely natural.
   • You may say to yourself, "I am mourning the sadness of this relationship and these are the feelings that go with it."
3. Record your feelings. You can do this by writing them down or even recording them while talking about them. Most importantly, don't bottle up your feelings, as this can make it harder to keep going.
   • Some experts recommend writing in a journal every day. This can help you get in touch with your feelings and even figure out how to get over them.
   • When you're out and about and feel the need to let off steam, use a notepad on a note-taking app on your phone to write down what you're feeling.
   • Recording your feelings can be especially helpful when you want to communicate with the person you miss or are angry with. Instead of contacting him, write him a letter or record saying what you want to say to him. Don't send him the message, though. This is just to help you. You may even find it helpful to destroy the letter / recording once it is ready.
4. Don't blame yourself. It takes 2 people to start a relationship and 2 people to end it. That means you didn't have complete control over the relationship because you only have control over yourself.
   • Don't think about the relationship all the time. Don't dwell on what could have been done differently; it's over now and at least it may have had little to do with you - you may have wanted different things in life, for example.
   • Instead of asking yourself "why I" or saying to yourself "I'm worth nothing", think about what you would have changed about how you've behaved and use that to grow and move on.
   • Instead of feeling guilty, work on taking care of yourself. You can start by being proud of yourself to be mature enough to want to grow through this experience.
5. Remember the bad things. When a relationship ends, many of us focus on the good things and torment ourselves thinking about what we're missing right now. Reminding yourself of the bad things in the relationship can help you see the breakup as a positive thing.
   • In addition to the things you didn't like about the person and the relationship, think about whether he brought up things in you that you didn't like - for example, `` When I was with you, I was fickle with my friends and they always stand for you. I didn't do much in my hobbies either and felt like I was becoming a version of you ".
   • It can help to list all the bad things in the relationship; but make sure to keep it in a safe place or to destroy it. Don't show it to anyone else - especially the one you want to get over. It's only going to be drama and it will be harder to move on.
6. Don't hate the person. If someone hurts another, it is usually because of a wound in that person. That is why it is important to view it with compassion.
   • Instead of being full of hatred and anger toward him, try to feel sorry for him. He may consciously or unconsciously have a problem that you don't know about.
7. Talk about your feelings with people you trust. Studies have shown that people recover from trauma faster if they can talk about it. Whether it's your friends and family, or people close to you online, talk to people you know take your feelings seriously and help comfort you.
   • Don't talk to people who dismiss your feelings because they will only make you feel worse.
   • If you are really struggling with your feelings, you may even want to consider seeing a counselor. A good counselor will be able to give you practical advice on how to get on with your life.
   • While it's healthy to talk about your feelings, make sure it's not all about them or you run the risk of losing people close to you. If you are concerned that you are talking about it too much, ask the person you are talking to about how they are doing. A good friend will let you know about it without getting angry with you.
8. Don't linger. Studies have shown that while it is necessary to let your feelings run free, if you dwell on them excessively, you can experience the same negative consequences as bottling them up.
   • Studies have shown that concentrating on yourself and not taking action to get out of your own head and improve your mood can plunge you into long-lasting depression.
9. Be patient with yourself. Healing after a breakup takes time; don't expect to get over it right away. You may never stop loving this person, but over time, the love will fade.
   • It is likely that one day you will look back and smile at how deeply you thought you loved this person, when now he is just a reminder of a very different period in your life.
10. Stay positive. While you are getting over this person, you will have good days and bad days. Being positive doesn't mean ignoring your bad days; it means you believe that the good days will return.
    • Some days you may even find it difficult to get out of bed. That's fine. Keep a positive attitude there. It can even help to allow yourself to spend a whole day in bed while you are just reading or watching movies, or listening to sad music and crying your eyes out. Tell yourself, "Okay, I use this day to acknowledge my grief, but tomorrow I'm going for a run. I know I am strong enough to get through this ".

Part 3 of 5: Learning mental tricks to let go

1. View your relationship as an experiment. Examine the details of your failed relationship. Where did it go wrong? Studies show that looking at your relationship scientifically can help you regain better self-knowledge and heal faster after a breakup.
   • Try to take a step back and consider what could have been the contributing factors that caused the breakup. Just remember not to spend too much time on it - you're trying to learn and grow from it, not feel guilty about where you did it wrong.
   • This doesn't necessarily mean thinking about where you got it wrong. It could even be something as simple as "We are actually very different people with different goals."
   • You can have fun here by spending a few hours on it and really treating it like an experiment, with charts and diagrams.
2. Learn your lesson. It's easier to accept your mistakes in life when you see them as opportunities for learning. Viewing the end of your relationship as an opportunity to learn from can help you view it more positively.
   • It's normal to feel like you've wasted your time after a breakup. If you view the relationship as a learning experience, it is not a waste of time at all. Things that help you grow and learn are not a waste of time.
3. Detach your self-image from that of the other. Losing someone you love can feel like you've lost half of yourself. It will help you move on and rebuild the image of who you are, regardless of the person you loved and lost.
   • A good writing exercise for building your self-image is to simply write on a sheet of "Who am I?" Or "What makes me me?" And then write your answers.
4. Don't forbid yourself from thinking about that person. Studies have shown that forbidding yourself to think about something only makes you think about it more.
   • Instead of telling yourself not to think about the person you want to get over when the thought occurs to you, gently remind yourself that he is no longer part of your life and then turn your attention back to something that will benefit you.
5. Give yourself a set number of minutes each day to think about that person. When someone we love leaves us, our minds can be taken over by thoughts of that person. Telling yourself you're not thinking about that person doesn't work, but telling yourself "not now, later" will work.
   • If a thought about that person comes to mind, push it away and tell yourself to come back to it later when you get to the time of day when you can think about that person.
   • When the time comes, you can sit quietly and think about him as much as you want. Set an alarm to make sure you don't take it too long.You can try starting with two 10-minute periods a day - one in the morning and one in the evening.
   • Try not to let that person be the last thing on your mind every night. If possible, read an exciting book or do yoga before going to bed; thoughts about that person may still come to your mind, but you can tell them to leave until the next time you've planned to think about them.
6. Visualize letting go. Sit comfortably and try to visualize a box in front of you. Put all your memories in that box and put the lid on.
   • Hold the imaginary box in your hands and then blow it away. If the thoughts come back to your mind later, tell yourself "No, these are gone now," and quickly try to think of something else.
7. Live in the moment. Every day you try to concentrate on the moment in which you live. By dwelling on the past or the future you can only long to be somewhere else in time. This does not help, because the only time you have is now.
   • It's still important to have goals and work towards them, but you don't have to work on those goals all the time. When you do, you may be so focused on the future that you forget to do the things that need to be done in the present to achieve your goals!
   • You don't want to look back on your life in a year and realize that you wasted the past year feeling depressed and doing nothing because you were so sad about the loss of that relationship.
8. Laugh. Studies have shown that something as simple as smiling, even when you are feeling unhappy, can help you feel happier. Try it now - just let the corners of your mouth curl up and hold them there for at least 30 seconds.
   • At the very least, you can enjoy how insane you look, staring at your computer and fake laughing while trying to really laugh.
   • If you're really struggling to do this, try watching some stand-up comedy or something that makes you laugh, no matter how minimal.

Part 4 of 5: Keeping yourself healthy

1. Get in your way. Do things that keep you from giving in to the temptation to reach out to the person you want to get over. This means making plans for nights you know you'll miss the most, and keeping busy.
   • If you know you'll feel lonely on Friday night and want to call him, make plans for Friday night. Do this even if you are depressed and don't want to do anything. Make plans and try to live in the moment when you are out with others.
2. Have fun with other people and alone. Interact with others and start new hobbies or spend time on old ones. The most important thing is to have fun without that person you loved because while that may seem impossible, you really can.
   • You have to do things to improve your mood or else you will get stuck in your situation and get depressed.
   • Examples of hobbies: music, art, dance, movies, video games, reading, cooking, theater or local festivals, visiting museums, etc.
3. Have a new addiction. Experts say the best way to get rid of an old habit is to get a new one. Start a new hobby or rediscover your love for an old one.
   • When you start to feel sad and like something is missing, focus your energy on your new habit instead of thinking about your lost love.
   • Note that this doesn't mean you should start dating someone new or otherwise replace the person you loved with a new person. That would be unhealthy.
4. Find out who you are. It can be difficult to move on after a relationship when you feel like some part of you is missing. Rebuild the concept of being without that person.
   • A good way to do this is to spend some time alone and explore your hobbies and feelings, etc. This may not be possible for the first few weeks or months. You know when you're ready if you don't think about that person every waking second of the day.
5. Take care of yourself. When dealing with grief, it is more important than ever to take care of yourself, both mentally and physically. Do things that make you feel good inside and out.
   • Eat well, drink lots of water, sleep and exercise enough, meditate - you can even buy a new set of clothes or get a nice haircut.
   • Experts say stress is the number one reason for indulging in addictions, including exes. If you're overwhelmed, tired, or otherwise stressed, you'll find it harder to resist the temptation to contact the person you want to forget.
   • Studies show that taking care of the parts of yourself that you've neglected in a relationship can help you move on.
6. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. Think about what unhealthy behavior you will engage in when you feel upset or stressed and try to avoid it. Common unhealthy coping mechanisms include:
   • Drinking, taking drugs, eating too much or too little, isolating yourself from loved ones, engaging in aggressive or violent behavior, spending too much time on the Internet, or virtually any other excessive behavior, such as gaming, shopping, watching porn, and exercising.
   • For example, if you know that you have binge eating, you can counteract this by walking or running, or doing something with your hands such as drawing or tinkering.
7. Don't retaliate. It is normal to want justice when you have been wronged; However, studies have shown that it doesn't make people feel better, but that revenge actually increases stress and harms health.
   • Some studies have shown that taking revenge can actually force you to replay the situation over and over in your head, while not taking revenge helps make the situation seem less important, making it easier to forget.
8. Know your own worth. You are not a worthless person. That person you loved didn't throw you away; it just didn't work. It is not conceited to know that you are a valuable person (that is, as long as you don't think you are worth more than others).
   • If you're having a hard time seeing your worth, sit down and list things you like about yourself. Maybe it's just one thing on the first day, and it might be difficult, but if you do it every day, you might be able to think of five good things about yourself within a week - maybe you can fill a page after a few months.

Part 5 of 5: Making progress

1. Know that you are in control of your life. You are responsible for your own happiness and life choices. No one else. If you don't do things to improve your mood and change your life, you will remain sad and you may even become depressed.
   • If you have been hurt by someone, don't let that person hurt you more than they already have by sinking into a depression that can stop your life.
2. Set goals. Having meaningful goals to work on gives you a compelling reason to stop thinking about the person you've lost and start making your life better.
   • For example, if you are about to drop out of high school to college, challenge yourself to get the highest grades possible and enroll in a degree that you will really enjoy.
   • If you're not sure what to do in your life next, take the time to explore your options. If you are still in school, you will see a career counselor. When you're out of school, try asking some close friends and family about your strengths and what they think you'll be good at.
3. Know that you will meet someone else. Maybe it doesn't feel like it now, but you will meet someone who is an even better match for you. When you meet him you will be grateful that it didn't work out with that person you are now trying to get over.
   • The more you grow, the more you know how it works and this will help you find someone who is a better fit for you.
4. Know when you are ready to start a new relationship. There is no set time for how long it takes to get over someone. It varies by person and by relationship - some people may only need a few months, while others may take years.
   • If you still think about your ex regularly, you won't be able to give the necessary attention to a healthy new relationship.
   • It is important to be confident before starting a new relationship. If you are afraid of being alone, that is not the time to start something new.

Tips

• If you're really struggling to find strength, try to get behind a role model - for example, a celebrity you admire and who has overcome personal issues, or even a character in a book or movie whose strength you admire.
• Resist the temptation to immediately replace your old relationship with a new one. It's important to give yourself time to feel your emotions, think about them, learn from them, and even mourn the loss of your relationship. It's also not fair to the new person if you're still dealing with someone else.
• Reading can be a good escape from reality and can even teach you things or inspire you to write your own stories. Becoming part of someone else's story - his hopes and sorrows - can help you escape your own problems and maybe even make them brighter.
• Traveling is a great way to get over the person you loved. The distance can make you feel more free and while it can be lonely, you will get through it and feel more confident in yourself from doing something all by yourself in an unfamiliar place.

Warnings

• If you feel like life isn't worth living or if you feel that if you can't have that person, no one should, you should seek medical attention. It's terrible to lose someone you love, but people are able to move on and grow through even the toughest of experiences. Don't end your own life or someone else's.
• If you think you may be depressed, consider seeing a doctor or therapist. Being sad is normal, but being unable to get out of bed for weeks or months is not healthy and you should seek help.