Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Reassure your girlfriend
• Part 2 of 3: Assess the situation
• Part 3 of 3: Addressing underlying problems
• Tips

Dealing with a jealous girlfriend can be difficult. You may feel like you are constantly being watched. Work on reassuring your girlfriend in the moment by listening to and talking to her about her feelings. Try to view her perspective from there. There may be reasons why she is more prone to jealousy. See if the two of you can solve the problem together as a couple. However, remember that if your girlfriend's jealousy becomes unreasonable, you may have to end the relationship.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Reassure your girlfriend

1. Let her express herself about her insecurities. If someone is jealous, the best thing to do is let them express themselves. Even if the jealousy is unfounded, don't tell your girlfriend that she's acting irrationally. Let her tell you how she feels and listen in a non-judgmental way.
   • Don't forget that your girlfriend may well be aware that her jealousy is irrational. So a response like "Not this stuff again" or "You know nothing to worry about" won't be a good way to ease her jealousy.
   • Instead, let her speak candidly about her insecurities. Your friend may be more willing to put her insecurities behind if you allow her to talk about them, rather than silence her. You can even encourage her to talk about it by asking her something like, "Can you tell me what you're feeling insecure about right now?"
2. State that her feelings matter. It is unwise to tell your girlfriend not to feel what she is feeling. If she's jealous, it may be a natural tendency to be defensive, but this won't help resolve the situation.
   • Show your girlfriend that you are listening instead of being defensive. For example, don't say something like, "You know Melissa is just a girlfriend."
   • Show your girlfriend that you hear what she's saying, even if you don't agree. For example, "I understand you feel a little threatened by my friendship with Melissa."
3. Don't shut yourself off. Often times, another person's jealousy can cause you to withdraw. If your girlfriend is jealous you may get frustrated and feel like she's being unfair, but keep things open. Respond to what she says, even if it is frustrating. Leaving her out when she reacts jealous will make the problem worse.
   • Resist the urge to shut down or ignore your girlfriend when she's acting jealous. Even if her accusations are unreasonable, remind yourself to let her speak. If necessary, take a few deep breaths.
4. Use "I" statements. "I" statements are statements made in a way that you do not place the blame on the other person. You focus on your own feelings about a situation instead of making judgments. After your girlfriend has spoken up, calmly focus on the situation with the help of "I" statements.
   • You can make "I" statements in three parts. Starting with expressing your feelings. Then you explain the behavior that led to that feeling. Finally, say why you feel that way.
   • For example, "It frustrates me when you question me about spending time with Melissa when she's just a good friend from the past."
5. Offer reassurance. Often jealous people have underlying insecurities. Instead of reacting with anger to jealousy, reassure your friend how much you appreciate her. Remind her that you love and care about her.
   • For example, say something like, "I understand that it must be strange to you that I am still friends with my ex, but she is my ex for a reason. I really love you and cherish our relationship. "

Part 2 of 3: Assess the situation

1. Ask your girlfriend about her fears. An open dialogue about the causes of the jealousy can help both of you overcome the problem. If your girlfriend is jealous, ask her about her fears right away. If your girlfriend is able to talk about her fears about your relationship, she will be better able to overcome them.
   • Ask your girlfriend what she feels insecure about in the relationship, or in general. This could explain why she feels jealous.
   • People feel jealous for a variety of reasons. Your girlfriend may be afraid of losing you. She may also just be afraid of being left out. Ask your girlfriend something like, "If you get jealous, what exactly are you afraid of right now?"
2. Check yourself trust issues or jealous. While the end result may look the same in behavior - possessive, paranoid, controlling, etc. - trust issues are actually very different from jealousy. Jealousy is envy that arises from making comparisons and is likely unfounded, while a trust issue is usually something that has developed through a partner's behavior or is rooted in previous experiences. For example, if you've cheated on your girlfriend in the past and she gets upset when you're alone with another girl, this is "not" jealousy. She will have a hard time trusting you because of the choices you made before. Dealing with jealousy is different from dealing with trust issues.
   • Ask yourself if you did anything to make your girlfriend suspicious. Have you cheated in the past? Have you lied to her before?
   • Trust issues can also pertain to her personal history. Think about something like your girlfriend's family. People who did not have strong bonds growing up tend to be more jealous because they are more nervous about losing their partner.
   • If there are trust issues in the relationship and there is no jealousy, consider talking to a relationship counselor and encourage your girlfriend to seek individual therapy to work through these issues, if they are due to previous relationships.
   • Make sure your words and behavior are aligned. If you find yourself not supporting your words with your actions, make sure to do things you say.
   • Be honest, clear, compassionate, and assertive in communicating with your girlfriend. Tell her what you expect from a relationship and be willing to listen to what she expects.
   • If there are no trust issues, but your girlfriend is still very jealous, she needs to work on developing self-esteem and dealing with her own insecurities.
3. Avoid responding defensively to questions about your behavior. Once you've evaluated the relationship, take into account what you've learned in dealing with your girlfriend's jealousy. When your girlfriend gets jealous in a situation, remind yourself of the root cause of her jealousy. Don't respond defensively.
   • Instead of getting angry, try to remember why your girlfriend is jealous. For example, you might think, "I know Marie is being unreasonable, but many of her exes have cheated on her."
   • Don't get defensive. Don't forget to empathize with your girlfriend. Try to talk to her calmly and offer to help her solve the problem.For example, say something like, "What can I do to feel calmer about it?"

Part 3 of 3: Addressing underlying problems

1. Ask your friend what is bothering her about your behavior. There may be certain things you do that make your girlfriend jealous. While you don't have to fully align your behavior with her insecurities, there may be certain behaviors that you can tone down in her presence.
   • Ask your friend something like, "Is there anything I do that makes you jealous?" See if there is any way to help her feel more secure when you accidentally trigger her insecurity.
   • For example: Your girlfriend can sometimes be jealous if you make plans with friends and don't invite her. You can try to explain to her that sometimes you need time to be alone with your friends and that this has nothing to do with how you feel about her. You can let her know how much you appreciate her if you make plans without her.
2. Let your girlfriend know how her jealousy affects you. Remember, jealousy can be very damaging to a relationship in the long run. After listening to your girlfriend, you need to express your needs. She must also take responsibility for her actions. Share the impact of her jealousy on you.
   • Say it as gently as possible. You don't want to argue. Say something like, "I know you don't like that I'm friends with Melissa, but I've known her since I was 12. I feel limited if you don't want me to spend time with her because I really appreciate the friendship.
   • Be clear with your girlfriend about what you are and are not willing to do to reassure her. For example, you can text her more often when you're out with friends, but let her know that you're not going to call or tell her what you're doing every five minutes.
3. Encourage your girlfriend to work on her self-esteem and confidence. Jealousy is often the result of insecurity. Building your girlfriend's self-esteem can help ease some of her jealousy. Instead of getting angry when your girlfriend gets jealous, encourage her to make herself stronger.
   • Let your girlfriend pursue her passions. Respond excitedly if she tries something new and dares to step out of her comfort zone.
   • Compliment her regularly. Let her know if, for example, you think she looks great in a new outfit.
4. Recognizing unreasonable jealousy. Jealousy is a normal part of most relationships, but it can quickly become unacceptable. You don't want to stay in a relationship with an unreasonably jealous partner, so learn to spot the signs of excessive jealousy.
   • Does your girlfriend use jealousy to control you? Some people will use jealousy as an excuse for unreasonable demands. For example, your girlfriend may use her jealousy to keep you from seeing friends or loved ones.
   • Unreasonable accusations are also a sign of excessive jealousy. Is your girlfriend accusing you of cheating without any evidence? Is she constantly checking you or searching your stuff?
   • If you believe your girlfriend is unreasonably jealous, seriously evaluate whether or not you want to stay in the relationship.
5. Set your personal boundaries. Remember, you can't control someone else's emotions. Know your limits. If your girlfriend's jealousy is cross-border, it may be wise to end the relationship.
   • If your girlfriend is draining you emotionally, this isn't fair to any of you. If you feel like you're answering, say, insecure texts for days on end, it's understandable to take a break or end the relationship.

Tips

• If you're dealing with a jealous girlfriend, it's important to insist on getting the problem resolved, even if she seems reluctant. The problem will never go away on its own.
• Remember that you have to set limits yourself. It is acceptable to try to help your girlfriend overcome her jealousy, but you are entitled to your own social life and experiences. If your girlfriend can't let you live your own life, you may have to end the relationship.