Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Express what you really want to say
• Method 2 of 3: Listen to your partner
• Method 3 of 3: Building a solid foundation

Communicating means hard work. It is therefore the key to any relationship imaginable. If you want to learn to communicate better, you need to know not only how to convey your ideas, but also how to for real can learn to listen to your partner. If you want to know how to communicate better in a relationship, follow the steps below.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Express what you really want to say

1. Learn to say what you really want to say. We've all heard those jokes about your intention versus the actual dialogue - like them this she actually means Which - or, what he's actually trying to say is ... Those jokes are funny because they contain some truth. Sometimes we expect our partner to understand our real intentions, but it is neither fair nor effective to wish or to assume that. Rather express your thoughts directly.
   • When you are expressing what you really want to say, illustrate it with a few concrete examples so that it is understandable for the other person. Don't just say I have the feeling that you are not taking part in the jobs that need to be done around the house ... Say instead, I've had to do the dishes for the past two weeks ...
   • Speak slowly enough so that your partner understands what you are saying. Don't just throw out all your angry feelings, because then he or she will no longer be able to follow the logic.
   • Remember that you will not receive a prize for speaking as long as possible. Make sure to cover all the important things, but stay not just talk and talk until your partner gets completely overwhelmed by it.
   • If you express your thoughts in a direct way, you will prevent the other person from feeling resentment or confusion about your motives. Rather than coming up with alternatives in response to your boyfriend's intention to take you to a party, tell him the truth: that you just don't feel like meeting all those people after a tough week on you work, followed by, I'm sorry but I'm just not in a party mood.
2. Use I or me statements. Don't argue by accusing your partner of a mistake. If you say, Always you... or You ... never ... ", your partner will shut himself off from you and he will be less likely to listen to your perspective. Instead say something like, I noticed that... or Lately it feels like ... Focusing on your own feelings in the conversation will make your partner feel less attacked and more like they are part of a productive conversation.
   • Even say something like, Lately I have been feeling a little neglected sounds less offensive than You neglected me.
   • Although you more or less say the same with you I statements, this gentle approach will make your partner less defensive and more likely to communicate openly.
3. Be as calm as possible. While you may not be able to stay very calm while you and your partner are in the middle of a heated argument, you will be able to express your feelings more easily if you are calm. So if you are furious in the middle of a conversation, or even furious before Once you've brought up the topic, pause to breathe until you feel calm enough to start a productive conversation.
   • Speak in a low, steady voice when expressing your ideas.
   • Don't try to persuade your partner; it will only make you more angry.
   • Take a deep breath. Avoid getting hysterical in the middle of an argument.
4. Make sure your body language is positive. Positive body language can help keep the tone of the conversation positive. Look your partner in the eye and turn your body towards him. You can use your arms to make gestures, but don't move them so wildly that you're out of control. Don't cross your arms in front of your chest or your partner will think you've already closed yourself off from what he has to say.
   • Don't mess around with objects unless it helps you overcome your nerves.
5. Express your ideas with confidence. This does not mean that you have to enter the conversation as if it were a meeting. For example, don't walk into the room to shake your partner's hand and say what's on your mind. Instead, exhale confidence by feeling comfortable in the situation as much as you can. Smile every now and then, talk gently, don't hesitate, ask too many questions, and don't sound too insecure about what you have to say. If your partner doubts how seriously you take your own feelings, he won't take you that seriously.
   • The more confident you are, the less risk you run of being put off or confused. This helps to make your ideas well known.
6. Make sure you have a good plan before you start. That is really a very important point. Don't suddenly start an argument when he or she doesn't expect it at all, and don't start listing the 15 things he or she has been doing wrong all along. Even though you are angry or hurt for a number of reasons, it is important to focus on the main point you want to make and think about the outcome you want to achieve through the conversation; if you don't want to make your partner feel bad about what he or she has done but you want to make things negotiable, then you should think carefully about the conversation before you start it.
   • Should be part of the plan when you are going to have the conversation. Starting a rational discussion at an unfortunate time, such as at a family picnic or in the middle of a major televised sports game, can destroy your entire topic.
   • Think about what specific examples you can use to support your topic. Let's say you want your partner to listen to you better. Can you think two or three times that he wasn't listening and it really hurt you? Don't overwhelm him or her with negative criticism, but use concrete examples so that you get the attention you need.
   • Keep in mind what your goal is - is it to show your partner why you feel hurt, or to deal with an important conflict and to make a compromise that you both feel comfortable with, or to discuss how you can cope with stress as a couple? If you keep your goal in mind, it will help you keep a line in the conversation.

Method 2 of 3: Listen to your partner

1. Put yourself in your partner. Use your imagination to fully envision what your partner's perspective would be in any given situation. Be aware that there may be factors that you are not aware of. Putting yourself in his shoes while he's talking can help you understand why your behavior, or the situation at hand, is frustrating to him. When you are angry or hurt it is difficult to put yourself in the shoes of the other person, but this technique can really help you find a solution together earlier.
   • Feeling empathy for the other person helps solve a problem in a relationship. You can emphasize that you are trying to put yourself in the shoes of the other by saying, I understand you feel angry because ... or I know you've had a rough week at work ... This can really make your partner feel like you are really listening to them.
   • Putting yourself in him can help you acknowledge his feelings and let him know that you understand his struggle.
2. Allow your partner to move through their own inner conflicts. While it is great to talk about all of your own frustrations, sometimes your partner may need some time to themselves as they are still processing all of their thoughts and feelings. If you give him the space and time to think about it, you can prevent him from starting an argument and saying things he doesn't really mean. There is a subtle difference between encouraging your partner to have a conversation with you and pressuring your partner to talk when he isn't ready for it yet.
   • If you say something like, I'm here if you wanna talk then you can give your partner the feeling that you care about him, without distressing him.
3. Give him or her your full attention. Recognize the signs that your partner wants to talk - and that they mean business. If he or she wants to talk, turn off the television, put your work away, put your phone away, and do whatever you can to give your partner your full attention. If you're multitasking or distracted, he or she will only become more frustrated. If you for real is in the middle of something, ask if you can have a few minutes to wrap things up so that you are less distracted during the conversation.
   • Maintaining eye contact instead of looking around for other things that catch your eye can also make your partner feel like you're really listening to them.
   • Let him or her finish, and nod your head and say now and then, I understand how you feel..., so that you show yourself involved.
4. Let him finish. Although he may say something that is totally outrageous, or something you feel like you are must correct: do not interrupt him during the conversation. Make a note in your head of the topic you want to respond to later, and let your partner say whatever he wants to say. When he's done, it's your turn to respond, and you can go through his points one by one.
   • This may seem almost impossible when you feel like you just have to step in and give your answer, but your partner will feel much better once they get their bearings.
5. Recognize that sometimes you don't understand each other. When you listen to your partner, know that you don't have to accept or understand everything he says. No matter how much you are on the same wavelength, no matter how alike you are, and no matter how your plans are aligned, there will always be times when you just see a situation differently, no matter how hard you both try to express your opinion to give. And that's fine - if you are aware of the misunderstanding of the situation from both sides, then you are much more receptive to what he has to say.
   • Being aware of this distance helps you to feel less frustrated when you just aren't barrel.

Method 3 of 3: Building a solid foundation

1. Keep it intimate. This does not mean that every time you have an argument, you make up for it by sleeping together.It does mean that you are as intimate as possible with each other, whether that's cuddling, caressing each other, laughing at nothing, or just holding hands on the couch and watching your favorite television series together. Make time for intimacy a few times a week, no matter how busy you are - this will help you when it comes time to talk about difficult things.
   • Being intimate with each other has a greater meaning than just being in physical contact with each other. It's about opening up to the other and trying to make room in yourself for your partner's words, body language, or actions.
2. Recognize when your partner is feeling hurt or angry. Sure, it would be great if your partner let you know every time something important is bothering him. However, that is rarely the case. If you want to build a solid foundation for communication, then you need to learn to recognize your partner's non-verbal and verbal cues; then you know when your partner feels hurt or angry. Get to know your partner's signals and learn to say calm and relaxed to them. Hey, you look like you got hurt. Is something wrong? He may not always want to talk, but if you let him know that you feel hurt, he'll feel that you care.
   • Everyone shows this in their own way, which can range from being deliberately quiet, saying that they are not hungry, making passive-aggressive comments, to complaining about something trivial when something important is actually bothering them.
   • This doesn't mean you should say Hey, what's the matter with you? if your partner isn't acting 100% happy - maybe he or she is just tired after a long day of work. Recognizing the signs when your partner is really feeling good is not the same as asking him every five seconds if he is okay; because that could get annoying.
   • Sometimes a person's body language can say more than the actual words. If you have gotten into a misunderstanding, it is important that you show that you have a willingness to communicate about what happened.
   • "I'm trying to understand, but it doesn't quite work out. Am I doing something that upsets you? No. Is someone else doing something that upsets you? No. Are you just angry? Yes. At me? No. Not really. . You then make it small; it may seem like a lot of effort, but it can be really worth it in the end.
3. Be proactive. You don't have to argue about every little thing that's bothering you, but you should be able to discuss difficult issues if you need to. Do not become passive-aggressive or let your anger run, or else you will have a violent argument at an unfortunate moment later on, and it may overtake you yourself. Learn to bring the big questions up for discussion so that you still feel comforted when you have managed to reach a compromise, rather than just allowing it to accumulate and proliferate.
   • Both partners can come up with solutions in a relationship until you find one that's acceptable to both of you. A true compromise is one in which both partners feel that their thoughts and feelings are recognized, while taking into account real limitations: feasibility, time, cost, etc.
4. Have fun together. Make time to just have fun together. If you spend all your time working and then arguing about your problems, you won't really enjoy your relationship. If, on the other hand, you score a lot of points for you pleasure couchand sharing a lot of positive feelings and memories with your partner, you are less likely to explode in the middle of an argument. Building a solid foundation of mutual love and happiness will help you get through the tough times.
   • Laugh together. Whether you're making corny jokes, watching a comedy series, or just laughing at nothing, laughter really helps you enjoy your relationship more and prepare you for the tough times.
5. Know when the conversation is no longer productive. If you're both yelling, hurting each other, and getting nowhere, the conversation is really unproductive. There's no point in arguing if you're just making things worse. Instead, take a deep breath, tell your partner to both calm down and continue the conversation at a different time, if the conversation is really about something important. This is a mature way to keep the conversation from getting too intense.
   • Just say, I think this topic is important to both of us, but that we shouldn't talk about it again until we're both calmer.
   • Don't walk away with doors slamming and screaming mean things. Even if you still feel angry, leave in a positive way.
   • Sometimes you just argue about nothing; you just want the other person to respond. If so, make it clear to the other person. Say, What are we arguing about? This can help both of you take a step back and rethink the situation.
6. Learn to compromise. In any good relationship, being happy should always be more important than being right. Don't spend all your time trying to prove that you're right or arguing to be right, because that will put out the romantic candle in your relationship - and quickly. Instead, work on finding a productive solution that will allow both of you to be (moderately) happy. This is much better for your relationship in the long run, and it helps you communicate your true needs to the other person.
   • Sometimes you just will not be able to get your way, for example if you are in a black and white discussion, such as finding a new place to live. But still, make sure you get your way next time, or that you are happy with the resolution of a conflict the next time.
   • Take turns giving each other the sentence. A person is not supposed to always get their way.
   • Listing all the pros and cons can also help you arrive at a solution in a logical and less heated way.
   • Sometimes when you are having an argument, it is important to consider who the topic is most important to. This can help you better assess the situation. If something for real is important to you, but is only slightly important to your partner, let him know.
7. Don't forget to appreciate each other. If you want to keep a healthy flow of communication going, you and your partner should take the time to compliment each other, to put sweet notes for each other, to tell each other what you like about the other person, and to take the time. free to do the things you both love. A weekly night out, and as many dinners as possible when you live together, can really help you enjoy each other's company and get into the habit of talking positively to each other. Then you can better handle the fight together once the time has come.
   • In any healthy relationship, you should give your partner a lot more positive than negative feedback. Even if you think he's doing everything right, let him know anyway.