Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Set boundaries
• Method 2 of 3: Establish pleasant communication
• Method 3 of 3: Take Care of Yourself

Living next to a narcissist is both intoxicating and unsettling. This person behaves self-confidently and uncompromisingly, thereby attracting you. But at the same time, he is so absorbed in himself that he practically or even does not pay attention to you at all (except when he needs something). Therefore, it is not surprising if your relationship with this person really confuses you. If you don't want to cut the narcissist out of your life, there are a few tricks you need to keep in mind to help you cope with it. Set clear boundaries, learn to avoid communication pitfalls, and take care of yourself to adjust to life with a narcissist.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Set boundaries

1. 1 Define its boundaries. Face it, if you want to live with a narcissist, you cannot control everything that he does or says. But you also can't just let him treat you as he pleases. And where, then, is the golden mean? Think about what kind of narcissistic behavior you will not tolerate.
   • For example, you can tolerate the fact that he dominates the conversation, but you will not be able to come to terms with his insults towards you.
   • Narcissists are notorious for wiping their feet on other people and abusing their benevolence, so you need to know your limits.
2. 2 Make a list of what the narcissist does that goes beyond what is acceptable. Once you've established your boundaries, make a list of situations in which the narcissist often breaks those boundaries. By writing this down, you will understand what circumstances you need to fear.
   • For example, the narcissist may be most likely to manipulate you in front of a group of people.
   • By recognizing this pattern, you can learn which situations to watch out for. It will also help you figure out how to define your boundaries.
3. 3 State your boundaries in a confident tone. Now, knowing what exactly you will not allow, communicate these limits when the person will behave abusively. You can say, “I can see that you are angry, but I will not tolerate insults. If you continue to insult me, I will leave. "
   • Be confident when setting boundaries: lift your chin, look into its eyes, and speak in an even and clear tone. This will help the narcissist know that you are serious.
4. 4 Enforce consequences if necessary. The narcissist will cross every boundary you set, so it is important that you actually apply the consequences after that. If you said you'd end the conversation, end it. If you threatened to leave, do so.
   • The consequences don't have to lead to the end of the relationship. You can tell a narcissist like this: "I will be happy to continue the conversation when you can communicate without insults."
   • Keep in mind that even after applying the consequences, the narcissist's behavior may not change.
5. 5 Expect resistance, but stand your ground. It is more than likely that the narcissist will still test your boundaries, no matter how firmly you set them. Stand your ground, despite any resistance.
   • For example, a narcissist might still insult you just to see if you really do something. If this happens, you must apply the consequences to show that you are true to your word.
   • If you wave your hand at your established boundaries, the narcissist will not respect you.
6. 6 Learn to figure out the narcissist. True narcissists value themselves highly and also believe that everyone owes them. They believe they deserve attention and admiration and may not care for those who are hurt to get what they want. They do not tolerate criticism, but they can regularly belittle or humiliate others in order to look their best against this background.
   • Having high self-esteem or being a little self-obsessed is common, but these traits are different from real self-admiration.
   • Pay attention to who the person is spending time with. Narcissists tend to build relationships with people who prefer to remain silent rather than express their opinion, and are unable to stand up for themselves.

Method 2 of 3: Establish pleasant communication

1. 1 Don't expect an apology. The essence of narcissists is that they only care about themselves. No offense, but they don't really care about you. If such a person has offended you, heal the wounds elsewhere, as he will not ask for forgiveness.
   • For example, if a narcissist in your life has lied to you about something, chances are he won't admit it. He is more likely to remember that he said something else or blame you in part.
   • You will save yourself a "headache" by not expecting the narcissist to take the blame for any wrongdoing.
2. 2 Use your negotiating skills. It doesn't always have to be the narcissist's rules. Determine what your power over this person is and use it in negotiations.
   • For example, if your narcissistic brother demands money in exchange for yard work, first make sure the task is complete before handing him the cash. Otherwise, the narcissist is unlikely to keep his end of the bargain.
3. 3 Make your wishes feel desirable to the narcissist. Narcissists are almost entirely focused on self-improvement. Therefore, if you want the narcissist to do something for you, it is best to articulate it in terms of his benefit.
   • For example, say, “Sasha, it would be great if you could help with a charity dinner. I know volunteering will look good on your resume. ”
4. 4 Use "we" statements. Team up with the narcissist in your life by changing the way you talk. Instead of saying "you" or "me," say "we" to create a sense of interaction.
   • For example, instead of: "I need to find a solution," say: "We need to find a solution, Petya."
   • This small change in your speech will improve your interaction with the narcissist by making it appear that you are on the same side.
5. 5 Understand that if a person misbehaves, then it's all about him, not about you. At the heart of the narcissist is a deep need to feel like an "important bird." Realize that when your beloved narcissist throws a tantrum, it's not your fault. This behavior is due to innate self-doubt. Try not to take it too personally.
   • For example, if your narcissistic partner is cheating, that doesn't mean you did something wrong. Most likely, he saw the opportunity and seized it without thinking about the consequences.This was not done on purpose to hurt you.
   • If necessary, try repeating something like this to yourself when it comes to narcissism: "It's all about him, not about me."

Method 3 of 3: Take Care of Yourself

1. 1 Trust sympathetic people who can support you. Being around a narcissist can really drain energy, so be sure to spend time with positive people who can replenish the level of love and attention in your soul. Make time for those who are empathetic and able to focus on you and your needs.
   • If you need to talk to someone, reach out to loved ones and share what is happening. Talk to people who are willing to listen to your point of view and provide support when needed.
   • Try to make time weekly for people to support you so you can get the attention and care that the narcissist won't give you.
2. 2 Think about your very best traits when you need to boost your self-esteem. A narcissist's grossly overestimated self-esteem can hurt your self-confidence. Fight any drops in self-esteem by identifying your strengths.
   • List all of your best personality traits. Read the list out loud whenever you need extra confidence boost.
   • Make your list even more inspiring by reading every line after the word "I ...". For example, you can say, "I am kind," or, "I am a great listener."
3. 3 Take time to take care of yourself to deal with stress. Living with a narcissist often means giving him time, love, and resources almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. However, in order to continue the relationship, you need to replenish your supplies. Create a personal care routine that will help you recover.
   • Visit the spa or try self-massage. Have lunch with friends. Write down your feelings in a journal, listen to music, or take a warm bath.
4. 4 Talk to a counselor or join a support group. If you need extra support to live with a narcissist, consider talking to other people who will understand your experience. Visit a local narcissistic support group, or talk to a psychologist who has experience working with narcissism.
   • Search online for a support group or psychologist.
   • Work with a counselor and support group and ask yourself if it is worth living with someone who only cares about their own needs.