Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Listen to Your Partner
• Method 2 of 3: Ask Questions
• Method 3 of 3: Gain recognition
• Tips

Getting your partner to confess to cheating can be tricky. Listen carefully to his speech and look for inconsistencies in his excuses. If a person uses banal and too general phrases, this indicates a high probability of cheating. When you are ready to convict your partner of infidelity, ask him simple and open questions to bring him to clean water. Show empathy and let your partner feel like they can confess. If your partner confessed, then your goal has been achieved. However, it is very important at the same time to remain calm and not to turn to aggression and cruelty.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Listen to Your Partner

1. 1 Listen to what your partner is saying. Usually, liars use different words to deceive than when they tell the truth. More specifically, words are simplified, become more generalized, and often lend more negative emotion to speech.
   • Complex language includes “exceptional” words (“except”, “but” and “without”), as well as compound sentences. If your partner is cheating, they will most likely avoid sentences with a lot of information, and they will also not speak in difficult language when coming up with excuses.
   • Non-generalized words are “I”, “me” and “mine”. They point to the identity and personal responsibility of the liar for the story being told. Therefore, cheaters who lie about where they went or who they were with usually exclude those words when using a false alibi.
   • Words that express negativity or negative emotions include hate, sadness, worthlessness, or hostility. They tend to pop up very often in inaccurate stories, because the liar experiences temporary feelings of guilt and discomfort for his lies (unless he is a real sociopath).
2. 2 Nod when your partner speaks. This is a sign of encouragement and agreement. If you nod your head as your partner speaks, they will relax and want to keep talking. And if he's lucky, he can blabber about the betrayal.
   • At the very least, you should get him to give out more information about his whereabouts and recent activities.
3. 3 Take your time to speak. Many people believe that the best way to get a confession of cheating is to bombard your partner with endless questions. However, this way you will only drive him into a corner and are unlikely to fish out something. When raising the issue of cheating, give the person time to speak up. Do not try to instantly respond to each statement with your own statement, another question, or accusation.

Method 2 of 3: Ask Questions

1. 1 Use a technique called priming. Priming is a psychological technique by which you adapt a person's thoughts or behavior to certain actions, using specific words or phrases. Your partner is more likely to meet you if you challenge him to be honest. Just casually ask, "How honest do you think you are?"
   • Most likely, he will answer that he considers himself to be very honest (especially in relation to you).
   • Most people want to see themselves as a decent person. Help your partner remember that he or she is honest (or sees himself that way) to make him want to confess to cheating.
2. 2 Ask your partner to retell the story. If he tries to hide an act of infidelity, he will lie a lot about where he is going, where he was, what he did and with whom. To get the person to confess or to gather more evidence of cheating, ask them to retell their “alibi” in a different way.
   • Oftentimes, liars cannot repeat their stories in reverse order (from the last event to the first) or starting from the middle.
   • Ask your partner to summarize what happened at the end of the story. Then ask: "What do you say happened before that?"If he cannot remember or gives a different order of events, point out this error. For example, say, "Are you sure you were there?" or “What really happened?”
3. 3 Retell your partner's story in a knowingly wrong way. If he told you where he was and what he was doing, repeat the story incorrectly, adding a couple of facts that incriminate cheating. For example, you can imagine that he was having an affair with a work colleague. And when you ask him where he has been, he may reply that he went to a bar with friends. In response, you can say: "Oh, did you go bowling with your friends and that colleague?"
   • In this case, your partner partially recognizes the second part of the statement: the fact that he went somewhere with a colleague is true.
   • Perhaps he will realize that he forgot to correct the second part of your statement, and will try to quickly justify himself.
   • This technique works best if you pretend to be deeply involved in other activities, such as reading a book or watching a movie, as you ask.
4. 4 Use open-ended questions. These are the kind of questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. They make a person talk, and the more information he gives out, the more evidence you will get later when you try to bring him to clean water.
   • Open-ended questions can also relax a person by provoking a direct or indirect admission of infidelity.
   • Listen for small details that can be confirmed later. Check them for authenticity. For example, talk to people your partner allegedly was with and check their stories.
5. 5 Don't push your partner too hard. If you ask too many direct and incriminating questions, most likely, he will withdraw and once again prove his unwillingness to admit to cheating. It is only natural to ask a couple of questions in the evening about how your day went, such as "What were you doing?" or "Why did you come so late today?" But if you demonstrate your suspicions even before the person is ready to "split", you will only fill him with a sense of alienation, and everything will end with sarcastic or obviously false responses.
   • Stick to your usual conversation pattern. Communicate in the same manner as before you suspected your partner of cheating.
   • In general, avoid direct questions like “What did you do?”, “Who were you with?” and where were you?".
6. 6 Don't use an accusatory, cold tone. By being mischievous or behaving in a passive-aggressive (or just aggressive) manner, your partner will clearly not be tempted to open up. Instead, ask questions in a light, casual, and slightly curious tone. This will not make it seem like you are suspicious. If he begins to guess about your suspicions, he will take additional steps to hide his actions and prevent you from investigating.
   • Remain calm and judicious when asking questions.

Method 3 of 3: Gain recognition

1. 1 Express your empathy. If he decides that you understand his behavior and can put yourself in his place, he is more likely to admit to cheating.
   • Let him relax. Explain why you are sympathetic to his act. For example, you might say, “I know I spend a lot of time at work, and I’ll understand if you’ve dated someone on the side.”
   • Use encouraging phrases like “I've always been honest with you” or “Please be honest if you cheated. I want to see the real you. ” Another option: "It's okay, I won't get angry if you cheated on me."
2. 2 Enter his space. A gentle and reassuring method is usually best, but some people will not admit it until you’re a little heated and take control of the situation. But don't be aggressive or dominant, just make him feel mildly uncomfortable. Enter his personal space.
   • Move your chair closer to him than usual.
   • If you are standing, take a small step towards him.
   • Lean on the table while talking.
   • Such subtle behavior will turn the situation in your favor and can push your partner towards an unconscious admission.
3. 3 Don't share all the information you have. If you know your partner wasn’t at the bar last night, don’t start your questioning with “I know you weren’t at the bar yesterday.” Thus, you reveal your cards and make it easier for him to deny his betrayal.
   • Instead, wait for him to fall into the trap of making excuses. Compare his words with reliable information about where he was not seen and with whom he was not. This will allow you to expose him.
4. 4 Pretend you know exactly what is going on. If you think you have substantial evidence of cheating, but you are not 100% sure, you can attempt a direct accusation with the expectation that the person will confess. Take a calm moment when you are both at home. Set up a confrontation by saying, “I know everything” or “I think we should talk about [the name of the person with whom he is cheating on you].”
   • You can arrange some kind of introductory part, giving your partner a chance to confess. Say: “You don’t want to tell me about anything?”.
   • Bluffing can be effective in trying to get your partner to confess to cheating, but if he doesn't buy it, he won't admit anything. In addition, after that, he will have more confidence that you do not know anything about his "tricks".
   • If you bluff and the person really hasn't cheated on you, you will look stupid.
5. 5 Let your partner fill in the blanks. Bluffing, lead him to the story of what he did. To do this, supplement the story with details in which you are ironically confident. For example: “You came home late every night this week. You said you were with friends, but you weren't. Is not it?". Then back up everything with the thought of what you think (or as you know) happened. Chances are, your partner will start making adjustments and gradually paint a complete picture of what happened.
6. 6 Remain calm when your partner confesses to cheating. Even if you suspect him of infidelity for a long time, the real confession can take your breath away and cause an emotional shock. Regardless, don't start yelling or using force on the person. This is immature and bad behavior that can lead to going to court.
   • To stay calm, breathe deeply through your nose while listening to your partner's confession. Exhale through your nose and make sure that the exit lasts longer than the inhalation.
   • If necessary, go to another room or go for a walk to clear your thoughts.
   • Call a friend or relative to talk about what happened. The best way to deal with the knowledge of cheating is to get support from those who care about you.

Tips

• Don't try to convict your partner of cheating by analyzing their body language. Well-known statements, for example, that a person is lying because they look away, are not entirely true. Body language rarely helps distinguish false from truth.
• There is no reliable way to get your partner to confess to cheating or other inappropriate behavior. He can change, even if he does not admit it.