Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 6: Analyze the Cause of the Breakup
• Part 2 of 6: Spend Time Alone
• Part 3 of 6: Get your ex back
• Part 4 of 6: Talk about your relationship
• Part 5 of 6: Build Healthy Relationships
• Part 6 of 6: Decide to Go Forward
• Tips
• Warnings

If the relationship with the person who is very dear to you is over, try to limit communication with him. Don't chat with him for a month. Instead, focus on yourself, your interests, and your needs.Find out if the person has feelings for you. Try to renew friendships. If you manage to do this, invite your ex to talk in private. Apologize and talk about rebuilding the relationship.

Steps

Part 1 of 6: Analyze the Cause of the Breakup

1. 1 Understand the reason for the breakup. What actions, both on your part and on the part of your ex, led to the breakup? As a rule, a whole series of conflicts and unresolved problems leads to parting. Chances are, you've noticed that something is wrong with your relationship. Take some time and think about what caused the relationship to end. Only then can you try to get your ex back. You need to be sure that you will not waste your time, energy and energy on something that is not worth it.
   • According to research, the main reason for breaking up relationships is inability to communicate. If your relationship was happy, you can fix the problem by being honest about your expectations. In addition, if you talk about what hurt your feelings, it is unlikely that the resentment will develop into a serious conflict that can lead to a breakdown in the relationship. However, some problems are difficult to deal with. This is about jealousy and infidelity. However, they are also surmountable.
2. 2 Think about who initiated the breakup. Was that you? Did you make this decision based on your emotions, for example, in a fit of anger? Do you regret it now? Was your decision deliberate and balanced? Was your partner the initiator of the breakup? Did he have a good reason for this? Was the breakup a mutual decision?
   • It is very important to understand the reason for the breakup, as well as who was the initiator of the breakup. If you made this decision, and your partner was against it, most likely it will not be very difficult for you to restore the relationship. However, if your partner was the initiator, it will be more difficult to do this.
3. 3 Reflect on your emotions. After a breakup, the person usually experiences pain and confusion. In such a situation, it is very difficult to adequately assess your feelings. Feelings of loneliness and heartache can prompt you to take steps to get your ex back. Typically, almost everyone who has experienced a breakup initially felt regret that the relationship was over. In addition, a person who has separated from their partner may experience anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. As a rule, the more serious the relationship was, the more acutely the person experiences their break; couples who were married or lived together experience a more painful breakup than those whose relationship was not serious enough. However, this should not at all influence your decision to return your ex.
   • Answer the following questions: Do you miss your ex or do you just lack someone with whom you can spend time? When your ex was around, did you feel like a happy and confident person with nothing to fear? Can you imagine a long term relationship with this person? Are you ready to share your daily routine with him? If you lack the sense of security or excitement associated with a romantic relationship, you can find what you want by building a healthy and stable relationship with another person.
   • Set aside enough time after breaking up and before trying to get your ex back to make an important decision for yourself. You must decide whether or not to try to mend your relationship with your ex. Analyze your feelings. If there is no trust in a relationship, then, most likely, they can end in a breakup. This can be repeated many times. If you are not completely sure that you want to be with this person for an extended period of time, do your best to avoid the pain you might experience by re-establishing a relationship with this person.So try to forget your ex.

Part 2 of 6: Spend Time Alone

1. 1 Avoid contact during the first month after breaking up. This person will call you if they want to talk. If this does not happen, then no matter what you say or do, the situation cannot be changed. Sometimes, ignoring your ex can make him think you're doing well without him. This is most likely not at all what he would like.
   • If you choose to avoid contact with this person, you shouldn't see this as an opportunity to make them miss you. By stopping communication, you can prepare for a new relationship (be it with your ex or someone new!). Dedicate this month to get to know yourself as a person and improve those areas of your life that need change. If the breakup is your fault, work on yourself to become better.
   • In addition, spending a month without communication with your ex can help you sort out your feelings. You will be able to understand whether it is worth rebuilding the relationship or whether you are simply driven by the pain that you experience after the breakup. All people tend to be depressed after breaking up, even if their partner was a bad person. Only time will help you sort out your feelings.
2. 2 Focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends. Immerse yourself in work and other activities. It is unlikely that you want to show your ex-partner that you cannot live without him and are just waiting for the moment when he starts to communicate with you.
   • According to the study, people who were able to regain a healthy sense of self after a breakup are more likely to cope with pain and depression.
3. 3 Don't stalk your ex during this period of time. This means that you should not call or text messages asking what the person is doing or how they are doing. Most importantly, don't ask your ex about the reasons for the breakup or if they are dating someone else. This will show your complete despair ..
   • You shouldn't seek companionship with your ex for a month. However, if he is looking for a meeting with you, you can react to this. In other words, if your ex is calling you, you shouldn't drop the call, thereby showing that you don't want to talk. There is no need to play mind games or pretend to be touchy. Such actions can push this person away from you, which, of course, contradicts your desire.
   • If you happen to find out that your ex is dating another person, try not to jump to conclusions or show jealousy. Don't do anything that can ruin your new relationship. It will take your partner enough time to determine if you are the person they want to be with. If your ex wants to be with another person, you shouldn't force them to be with you.
4. 4 Find out if your ex has an interest in you. Before trying to return a person, you must know for sure if he really needs it. If you know that your ex cares about you, you can try to get the relationship back.
   • Don't try to figure out how your ex feels about you right after breaking up. Also, don't ask your friends about it. Do not seek communication with this person for at least a month after breaking up. Instead, look for subtle hints when bumping into the person at work or school, their social media posts, or casual comments from mutual friends.
   • Remember that a third of couples who live together and a quarter of married couples ended the relationship at some point. Therefore, if you are sure that your former partner is interested in you, you have every chance to restore the relationship.

Part 3 of 6: Get your ex back

1. 1 Work on your self-esteem. If you miss this person, you should probably work on improving your self-esteem. You may want to bring your ex back to feel better, but remember that how you feel is up to you. Don't think that your happiness depends on another person. Otherwise, this person will feel guilty and obligated, which in turn can result in a feeling of resentment.
   • Self-esteem, or self-esteem, reflects the subjective emotional assessment of one's own worth, as well as the individual's attitude towards himself as a person. When it comes to relationships, it's important to be a whole person and not look for someone to fill your life with meaning.
   • To build self-esteem, focus on your strengths: emotional and social abilities, talents, skills, good looks, and what will help you build self-esteem. For example, you can sincerely empathize with a person, listen to him carefully, cook and do great hairstyles. By focusing on the positive and ignoring the negative, you will be objective about yourself as a person, especially when you feel dependent on others. If you feel that you are of no use, do your best to be useful to others! Show your compassion and your culinary skills and bake fresh cookies for the elderly neighbors.
2. 2 Become the person your ex fell in love with. Try to remember the time when you first became a couple. Why did your ex-partner love you? Maybe for your funny jokes? Amazing sense of style? Try to start the fire just as you did at the beginning of your relationship.
   • Chances are, your ex was good with you. You satisfied his emotional needs. Have you changed a lot since then? Are you developing bad habits? Maintain a positive attitude in the presence of this person. Laugh. Be a positive person. Thanks to this, you will radiate happiness and attract other people to you.
3. 3 Change your look. Get yourself some new clothes, change your hairstyle, or get yourself a manicure. Sign up for a gym. Do something to highlight your personality and look different from the person your ex remembered you as.
   • Make it your goal to be better. However, don't do it for your ex. Do it for yourself. This person may break up with you. Therefore, you should not sacrifice yourself for him. You managed to attract the attention of your ex to yourself. Therefore, it is within your power to do it again.
4. 4 Spend time with other people. By hanging out with other men or women, you show that person that you are looking for a new partner. If this person is still interested in you, he will not disregard this situation. Most likely, he will try to stop you.
   • If you don't feel like dating, spend time with friends or with a friend of the opposite sex. Chat with people who don't have partners. Doing so can make your ex-partner jealous.
5. 5 Spend time with your ex without focusing on your meeting. Have a drink with friends or play golf. Do something that both friends and people on the first date can do. Whatever it is, have fun and avoid serious conversation.
   • Friendship is the key to a strong relationship, so it's important to reestablish friendships before striving to reestablish romance.
   • If your ex invites you to stay friends (for example, if he says, "I don't love you anymore"), try to recreate the environment that brought you together.In one study, two strangers were asked to look at each other and answer personal questions (for example, “What are you most afraid of?” Or “What is your sweetest childhood memory?”). Thanks to this experiment, it was possible to create a close bond between strangers, sympathy and even love. Therefore, when spending time with your ex, look them in the eyes and ask deep questions. Perhaps doing this will help you restore your old relationship.

Part 4 of 6: Talk about your relationship

1. 1 Invite your ex to talk. After you've recovered your friendship, talk to your ex about the possibility of re-establishing a romantic relationship.
   • While text and email is a common way to communicate in this situation, it is best to discuss your relationship in person. Invite your ex to dinner or a coffee shop.
2. 2 Use memories of the past to your advantage. If your partner liked a particular outfit of yours, wear it again to date. Share fond memories with this person. Meet in your usual place where you loved to spend time together.
   • If this person gave you jewelry when you were together, wear it when you meet with him. This will show that you still have feelings for this person.
3. 3 Think over your words. The first words you say to your partner make a huge difference. If you say something wrong, you will lose the chance to get that person back. You need to understand that even though you are not together, there is a good chance that he has strong feelings for you.
   • There are many ways to start a conversation with an ex. For example, you might say, "I want to talk to you about our relationship." Say that you are very sorry that your relationship is over. Ask if you can talk about it now.
   • Let the conversation flow naturally. If your ex tells you that he is dating another person, don't waste time trying to get it back. But if you see that this person has feelings for you, invite him to try to restore the relationship.
4. 4 Apologize. Think carefully about what you did or didn’t do that could help end the relationship in some way. Express regret. Take responsibility for your mistakes. Don't blame your ex, don't make excuses, or expect an apology from him. Your ex may be wrong about something too, but you can't get him to apologize. Therefore, apologize for your wrong actions. Perhaps when you apologize first, you will hear the apology from your partner.
   • Don't use the word "but". "I'm sorry, but ..." means "I'm not sorry." Also, don't say, “I'm sorry you have these feelings,” or “I'm sorry if I offended you.” Such phrases do not at all resemble words of apology. On the contrary, by saying such words, you are expressing accusations against the former partner.
   • A real apology should be composed of the following steps: regret, responsibility, and rectification. The first step involves regretting what you did. The second assumes that you will take responsibility for your actions, will not blame the other person or make excuses. Following the third step, you will need to change your behavior. For example: “I want to apologize for pushing you away when you wanted to be with me. I'm sorry I neglected you. I promise you will change. You will not experience what you felt before. Thank you for explaining your point of view and for me to learn valuable lessons. "

Part 5 of 6: Build Healthy Relationships

1. 1 Speak. Since lack of communication is a common cause of breakups, make sure to always be open to communication with your partner.When discussing your relationship, be sure to express your expectations. This is especially true of those areas of life together where you had problems.
   • Create an action plan to help you deal with unmet expectations. For example, if you broke up with your partner because the person was spending too much time with their friends, tell them how much time you think they can devote to their friends. Also, decide with your partner how you will let each other know if you need more time to interact with your friends.
2. 2 Remember the reason for the breakup. Typically, couples who often break up and then reconcile have an unstable relationship. Think about the original reason for the breakup. By solving this problem, you can avoid unnecessary drama in the relationship.
   • Be careful when discussing areas of your life that have caused you disagreement. Regardless of the reason for the breakup, chances are some topics will be too painful for you. If you have encountered jealousy, over-control, or other problems in a relationship, remember that some time after the relationship is restored, these problems will reappear.
3. 3 Treat your relationship with your ex as new. Remember the negative ending of your relationship; your heart was broken. Therefore, treat the restored relationship as if it were new. Establish new rules for communication.
   • Do not hurry. Don't feel like you have to pick up where you left off, such as sharing your marriage bed and saying, "I love you." Take your time until you rebuild trust.
   • Get to know each other. If it's been some time since you broke up, chances are you both have changed as individuals. Don't think that you know everything about this person. Take enough time to get to know each other again.
4. 4 Get help from a psychologist. If you have been married or in a serious relationship, you may need the help of a family counselor to help you identify the root of your problems and show you a way to overcome them.
   • Remember that cyclical relationships (breaking up - recovering) tend to increase the risk of dissatisfaction, lack of trust, and possible failure. So work hard on your new relationship.

Part 6 of 6: Decide to Go Forward

1. 1 Look for signs that make it pointless to rebuild a relationship. While you may have strong feelings for this person, sometimes people may just be incompatible. If your relationship has been toxic, don't try to bring that person back. The following are signs that show you shouldn't be holding on to a relationship:
   • Cruel treatment. If your ex lifted a hand on you to hurt you or force you to have sex or other things that are demeaning to you, then the relationship should not be rebuilt because it is violent and abusive.
   • Lack of respect on both sides. If you and your ex are saying offensive words to each other, demeaning, or allowing you to say hurtful things about your partner's family and friends, your relationship lacks the respect that is essential to a happy marriage. There is no point in holding on to a relationship that contains offensive words. Find someone who treats you with respect. You, too, treat him with respect.
   • Treason. Although some couples choose to stay in the relationship after an affair, trust in such a relationship can be extremely difficult to restore. Even if you manage to do this, the relationship will be very fragile. Couples who have had an affair in a relationship need the help of a family counselor who can help restore trust.
2. 2 Listen to the opinions of friends and family members. Close people can give you good advice on whether to keep the relationship after cheating. If a loved one you trust speaks negatively about your relationship, listen to their opinion. From the outside, it is clearer to see what you can simply overlook.
   • If you know your friend or relative doesn't like your ex, ask him to explain his position. This person's negative opinion may be based on the attitude of your ex to you or your loved ones. In addition, he may have knowledge about this person that was not available to you. He may also have information that can help you determine if the relationship is worth keeping.
3. 3 Do your best to cope with the breakup. If you, after objectively assessing all the facts, come to the conclusion that there is no point in restoring the relationship, do everything possible on your part to survive the breakup.
   • Research has shown that it's important to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, especially if it helped you improve. Thanks to this, you will quickly forget the negative moments. Try to set aside 15-30 minutes each day writing down the positives of the breakup. Do this exercise for three days.
   • Let go of the relationship after three days. Enjoy solitude, spend time with family and friends, and do what you love. When you recover, you can build healthy relationships.

Tips

• Of course, it's not so easy to restore a relationship. Be aware that you may not be able to bring your ex back. In this case, maintain your self-esteem.
• Be yourself! You shouldn't change yourself for the sake of another person. Your ex has fallen in love with you for who you are. So don't change for the other person.
• Some relationships are doomed. If you see that your ex is not interested in you, don't try to rebuild the relationship.
• Be patient and don't lose faith.
• Rebuilding a relationship is always a risk. You may have managed to improve and feel independent during the breakup, but things can go back to normal if you agree to rebuild your relationship with your ex.
• Incidentally mention pleasant memories and jokes that only you know.
• Show that you are okay. This will help your ex-partner see that you are an independent person who knows how to have fun without him. This will encourage your ex to miss you even more.

Warnings

• Avoid conduct that could be construed as harassment, stalking, or unlawful behavior. Otherwise, you can provoke unpleasant consequences, up to and including imprisonment.