Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 2: Overcome Initial Emotions
• Part 2 of 2: Start Moving On
• Tips
• Warnings

Each of us has had our hearts broken at least once in our lives - this cannot be avoided. However, there are ways to deal with frustration and get on the path to healing. Go to step 1 to start recovering.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Overcome Initial Emotions

1. 1 Give yourself time. Right after your heart is broken (for example, due to a breakup), it is important to give yourself time to grieve and deal with all the emotions that will torment your soul in the first months.
   • You shouldn't dive into work (or any other activity that takes up all the time) right away, because this will only push your emotions away, not deal with them, and this will badly affect your state of mind in the long run.
   • There are many emotional ups and downs in store for you. Recovering from a broken heart is not about climbing up in a straight line, but rather moving in a spiral. The main thing, going through the same emotional circle, is not to forget that every time you cope with emotions better and that your soul becomes easier.
2. 2 Block out the space from your ex. It's almost impossible to heal a soul after a breakup, and constant news about your ex is definitely not going to do any good. Therefore, do not view his profiles on social networks, do not correspond with him or call him while intoxicated.
   • Block your ex on social media so that you are not tempted to spend hours studying their profiles and scrupulously analyzing every post, trying to figure out if they regret not being around, if he misses you, etc.
   • Keeping in touch with your ex all the time will prevent you from moving on, making it much more difficult for you to deal with your emotions and get over the breakup.
3. 3 Don't fight your feelings. When a person's heart is broken, he feels empty. There is no way to avoid this, and if you struggle with these feelings, it will be more difficult for you to deal with them in the long run.
   • Try to keep a journal and describe your emotions in it. This is especially useful if you find it difficult to pour out your soul when interacting with other people. Write down how you feel about your broken heart each day. Gradually, you will notice that you are getting better.
   • You don’t have to pretend that you’re okay when you’re not. Accept the fact that you will have to go through emotional turmoil. Your friends (if they are real friends) will understand and support you.
   • Feel free to listen to dreary, angry, or sad songs to dispel your feelings, but don't get bogged down in this abyss. Be sure to listen to songs not only about broken hearts and breakups, otherwise it will be even more difficult for you to get over it.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   It is important to create an environment conducive to happiness. Show patience, kindness, and self-compassion.

   
   

   

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

   Family therapist Moshe Ratson is the executive director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a psychotherapy and counseling clinic in New York City. He is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) certified by the International Federation of Coaching. Received a Master's Degree in Psychotherapy in Family and Marriage from Iona College. He is a clinical member of the American Association for Family Therapy (AAMFT) and a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
   Family psychotherapist

4. 4 Make plans. While it will take you time to fully surrender to your grief, you also need to remind yourself why life is worth living. At first, it will be very difficult to force yourself to leave the house and do something, but try to do at least one thing a week to get started.
   • Start small. Don't try to force yourself to go out and throw a lavish party right after your heart breaks. Better to start drinking coffee with your best friend or go to the library.
   • Do what you enjoy, and especially what you couldn't do in the relationship. This will remind you of the delights of freedom and teach you to live on your own again.
5. 5 Take care of yourself. One of the most important things to do while healing mental wounds is to take care of yourself. Many times you will feel discouraged and it may be difficult to even get out of bed, but if you put in a little extra effort it will save you from sinking into despair.
   • Reward yourself for the extra effort, such as cleaning up your apartment, going out for groceries, or even taking a shower.
   • Exercising can be a good way to take care of yourself and cheer yourself up. Exercise helps release endorphins from the body, which can improve mood and overall self-satisfaction.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Amy chan

   
   
   Relationship Coach Amy Chan is the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a recovery camp that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after a relationship ends. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of people in just 2 years of work, and the camp has been noted by CNN, Vogue, The New York Times and Fortune. Her debut book, Breakup Bootcamp, will be published by HarperCollins in January 2020.

   Amy chan
   Relationship coach

   Did you know? Breaking up a relationship can have a physical effect on the body. Emotional stress can alter the balance of chemicals in the brain, resulting in decreased energy, altered appetite, and other consequences. Taking care of your body by exercising, getting enough sleep, and eating well can really have a positive impact on your emotional well-being!

   
   

Part 2 of 2: Start Moving On

1. 1 Set a daily limit on grief. Once you get over the initial shock of breaking up, be careful not to spend too much time suffering and longing, or you'll never get over the breakup (which is what you need most).
   • Set aside time to think about the breakup every day (about 20-30 minutes). Set a timer to monitor the process. If during the day the thought of ending a relationship comes to you, remind yourself that there is a specific time allotted for them, and until then, concentrate on other things.
   • Be sure to choose an activity that will absorb your attention after thinking about the breakup (preferably something fun) so that you switch immediately.
   • Seek help from a close friend or family member. Set a certain limit on how much you can talk about a broken heart (say, 30 minutes), and when the time is up, ask a friend or family member to remind you to shift your focus.
2. 2 Don't look for a quick replacement for your partner. There is nothing wrong with building your self-confidence through a fleeting connection, if both parties know that the relationship will get you nowhere. However, this is not the best time to start something serious, as after the breakup you will be bogged down in a quagmire of low self-esteem and vulnerability.
   • If you are going to go out or go to a party, try to consume alcohol in moderation so that you don't end up drinking too much and calling / texting your ex, as well as not starting to assert yourself and boost your self-esteem at the expense of a new acquaintance.
   • Ask your friends for help. If you think you’re about to do something stupid, ask your friends to remind you not to look for a quick replacement and just make sure that this is really what you want (even if the answer is yes, it doesn’t hurt to double-check your feelings).
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Amy chan

   Relationship Coach Amy Chan is the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a recovery camp that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after a relationship ends. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of people in just 2 years of work, and the camp has been noted by CNN, Vogue, The New York Times and Fortune.Her debut book, Breakup Bootcamp, will be published by HarperCollins in January 2020.

   Amy chan
   Relationship coach

   After parting, the body goes into a state of shock. The loss you have experienced can cause feelings of intense loneliness and fear. Even if you know intellectually that it's over, your body still craves the chemicals it used to receive from your partner. This is what awakens in us the urge to connect with the ex, check his pages on social networks or reunite again.

3. 3 Track your online activities. This also applies to SMS and calls. Under no circumstances publish tons of angry or upset posts about your previous relationship and do not invite everyone to witness your nervous breakdown by updating your VK statuses.
   • Also, don't post things like “Can't wait to have a passionate date tonight,” on social media in the hopes that your ex or his friends will read this. If you do this, it means that your soul is still tormented after parting, and you are still acting in the best interests. partner, not yourself.
   • The more you text / call your ex, the harder it will be for you to move on, especially if he has already forgotten about you. So you will only warm his pride and lower his self-esteem. Delete his phone number, block him on social media, and don't ask mutual acquaintances how he is doing.
4. 4 Remember that your ultimate goal is to move on. A broken heart is the result of the trauma of ending a relationship, and once you forget the relationship itself, your soul will heal. Most importantly, remember: you can overcome it, even if at times it seems that your world has collapsed.
   • Don't forget that you still have a future. Even if it is no longer associated with your ex, you still have hopes, dreams, and plans. Even if you grieve that shared dreams have broken, remember: they can always be replaced with new ones.
   • Repeat to yourself, "I want to be happy." This mantra will serve as a reminder that even if you are crushed right now, you have no desire to remain in this swamp forever. Remind yourself that you are working to be happy, and part of that is to heal your wounds.
5. 5 Get help. Sometimes we cannot cope with something on our own, in which case we need professional help. There is nothing wrong with you or the process itself, and you should not be ashamed of it. A broken heart hurts and ignites a seething cauldron full of feelings and emotions that can be difficult to deal with.
   • Learn to distinguish between normal breakup melancholy and severe depression. If several weeks have passed and you still cannot get out of bed or take care of yourself, or if you are indifferent to everything, you should definitely see a psychologist.

Tips

• It may sound trite, but if you say, “I love myself,” every day, you can regain some of your self-esteem and self-confidence. This will serve as a reminder that you are the master of your feelings and that your self-worth is not determined by the other person's feelings towards you.
• Save a couple of things your ex-partner gave you. There is no reason to throw away what you love just because it reminds you of your ex. It's best to just take these things out of sight for a while until you feel better.
• Eat your favorite chocolate and cry into your fluffy pillow - just release everything from the inside.
• As tempting as it is, don't use negative coping methods. This will only increase the problems in the future. Instead, take the positive path: exercise, listen to music, play an instrument, or put your feelings out on paper.

Warnings

• Don't place all the blame for the end of the relationship on yourself.Two people were part of this relationship, and two people ended it (even if one dumped the other).
• Try not to tell your friends and family a lot of dirty and ugly details, otherwise they will always hate your ex. If one day you decide to reunite with him, it will be a big problem.
• Don't speak badly about your ex in front of everyone. You don't have to be silent about what didn't work out and what made your relationship difficult, but remember that your ex was probably not the only one who ruined everything.
• If you find out that your former partner has already started a new romance, behave decently - do not spoil the life of his new hobby.