Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Recent Rejection
• Part 2 of 3: How to Deal with Rejection in the Long Term
• Part 3 of 3: How to Decline a Request
• Tips
• Warnings

Any refusal (whether it is about a love relationship, a career, friends, asking for a book, or anything else) is not something that should darken your happy mood. Rejection is hard (sometimes unbearable), but it shouldn't be a reason for losing your happiness in life. However, the reality of life is that rejection is part of it, and there will be times when your job application, dating offer, or your ideas are rejected by someone. A healthy approach to this problem is to understand that rejection is an integral part of life, and the only really important thing is to be able to deal with rejection and then try again.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Recent Rejection

1. 1 Set aside appropriate time for sadness. You will feel upset about the rejection, whether your manuscript was rejected, your proposal for a job, or you were rejected by a potential romantic partner. You have every right to be upset, and it will be really good for you if you allow yourself to be upset for a while.
   • Take some time to deal with the rejection. For example: If you can leave work for the rest of the day, do so. If you were planning to go for a walk that evening, then it is better to stay at home and watch a movie instead. Go for a walk after receiving a nasty rejection letter, or allow yourself to have a little chocolate cake binge.
   • Try to keep up with life and do not spend days immersed in your problems. It will only make you suffer even more (in the long run).
2. 2 Talk to a close friend. The fact that you were refused does not mean at all that you have complete freedom to shout from the rooftops that it hurts you to survive the refusal. Doing so will only give people (your potential publisher, the girl you like, your boss) the opportunity to understand that you are a whiny person who dramatizes problems and is unable to cope with the difficulties of life. Better to reach out to a trusted friend / family member (or even two) and talk it over with them.
   • You need a friend who is able to express his or her opinion directly to you. Friends can help you figure out what went wrong (if this is the case, because not all situations are subject to us, and sometimes we cannot change anything, so you just need to accept). They will also make sure that you continue to live normally during this difficult period and do not succumb to depression.
   • Try not to use social media to express your grievances. The internet never forgets; When you're trying to get some awesome new job, your potential employer can check your posts online and find out that you can't handle rejection. No matter how upset or angry you are, just don't do it.
   • Don't complain too much.You don't want to get depressed about rejection, so stop complaining, otherwise you will fall into a state of just (or depressive) anger through your own fault. Don't start talking about your rejection every time you talk to your friend. If you think you’ve already said a lot, be sure to ask, "Am I talking too much about this (rejection)?" If the answer is yes, then change accordingly.
3. 3 Accept rejection as early as possible. The sooner you come to terms with rejection and try to forget it, the easier it will be for you. It will also mean that you will not let rejection break you down in the future.
   • For example: if you did not get the job that you really hoped to get, then allow yourself to be sad for a while, and then forget about it. It's time to start looking for something else, or (perhaps) to start thinking about future changes. Also, do not forget that if something does not work out, then, as a rule, something will soon turn up that you did not even hope for.
4. 4 Do not take the refusal personally. Remember that rejection does not say anything about you as a person. Getting rejected is part of life; rejection is not a personal insult (no matter why the publisher, girlfriend, or your boss was not interested in a particular decision).
   • Refusal is not your fault. Another person (or people) have given up that them did not suit. It is they, and not you rejected the offer or request.
   • Remember that people cannot reject you as a person because they do not know you. Even if you went on several dates with someone, this does not mean at all that the person already knows everything about you and rejects you as a person. People reject the situation that does not suit them. Respect their choice.
   • For example: you asked a girl you really like to go out on a date and she said no. Does this mean that you are pathetic and worthless? Does this mean that no one will ever want to date you? No, of course not. She is simply not interested in your proposal (for whatever reason, she may be in a relationship, she may not be interested in meeting new people, etc.).
5. 5 Do something else. You have to forget about giving up after an appropriate period of sadness. Don't immediately start dealing with the problem that caused the refusal, because you will still be thinking about the refusal. You need to keep your distance from this for a while.
   • For example: you sent a new manuscript to a publisher and was rejected. After a period of grief and sadness, take up another story, or take some time to try your hand at a different writing genre (poetry or short stories).
   • Doing something funny and fun is a great way to forget rejection and focus on other aspects. Get some dancing, buy yourself a new book you’ve been looking forward to, take a day off and go to the beach with a friend.
   • You cannot allow refusal to drive your life into a stupor, because you will have many refusals in life (like everyone else). If you continue to enjoy life and do other things, you will not let refusal rule your life.

Part 2 of 3: How to Deal with Rejection in the Long Term

1. 1 Look at failure from a different perspective. Keeping in mind that the refusal does not apply to you as a person at all, reformulate the refusal so that it looks different. People who say they have been "rejected" tend to worry about rejection longer than those who can reformulate rejection in such a way that they focus on the situation rather than themselves.
   • For example, if you asked someone out on a date and they turned you down, instead of thinking "I was rejected", tell yourself "I just got no answer." Thus, you will not think of the rejection as a negative message addressed to you (no one rejected you at all, they just answered “no” to your offer).
   • Some of the possible ways to rephrase the refusal include the following phrases "our friendship has weakened a little" (instead of saying that your friend turned you down), "I didn't get a job" (instead of "they refused me a job"), "we had different priorities" (instead of "they rejected me").
   • One of the best ways is to say “it just didn't work out,” so you can remove the blame from both yourself and your opponent.
2. 2 Know when to leave. When something doesn't work out for you, this does not mean at all that you have to give up immediately, but it is important to understand well when it is time to abandon what you have planned and move on. Often the phrase “don't give up” really means moving away from that particular case, but continuing to try again and again from a more general perspective.
   • For example, if you ask someone out on a date and they turn it down, then “don't give up” means that you shouldn't give up on the idea of ​​finding love. Move on (don't chase anyone for a second chance) and don't pass up the opportunity to invite other people.
   • Another example: if some publisher rejected your manuscript, then it would be good to think about what he did not like, but you should continue to contact other publishers and agents.
   • Always remember that no one is obliged to answer you "yes"... After all, refusal does not cancel your right to exist, so no one can be blamed for refusal.
3. 3 Don't let rejection affect your future. Failure, as noted, is part of life. Trying to avoid it, or dwelling on it, will make you suffer. You have to come to terms with the fact that not everything is going the way you would like it to, and that's okay! If something did not work out, then this does not mean at all that it is a complete failure or that nothing else will work out.
   • Each case is unique. Even if one guy turned down a date, that doesn't mean that every guy you like will say no. But if you start to believe that you will always be rejected, then it will happen! You will set yourself up for failure every time.
   • Keep on living. Looping over the rejections you have received will force you to dive into the past and prevent you from enjoying the present. For example: if you keep thinking about how many times you have already been denied a job, then it will be difficult for you to send a resume and / or take some other action.
4. 4 Use rejection to improve. Sometimes rejection can be associated with an important warning sign, and the right response to it can help you improve your life. The publisher may have rejected your manuscript because you didn’t work on it well enough (it may not be suitable for publication, but that doesn’t mean that you will never be published!).
   • If possible, then contact the person who refused you with a request to explain the reason for the refusal. For example: it is possible that your resume did not quite meet their expectations, and instead of getting angry and saying that no one will hire you, you would be better off asking a potential employer about what you could do to improve this situation. They may not answer you, but if they do, they can give you valuable information for future employment.
   • When it comes to relationships, you can ask why someone is not interested in meeting you, but the answer may be simple "you just don't fit me."Then there is nothing you can do to change their mind, just figure out how to treat it in such a way as to maintain a positive potential for creating new relationships in your life (even if it will be with another person!).
5. 5 Don't get hung up on rejection. It's time to forget about him and calm down. You have already given yourself time to grieve, you have discussed it with a close friend, you have learned a lesson from this, and now you can leave this matter in the past. The more you dwell on it, the more difficult it will be to deal with this problem, and the more you will feel as if you can never succeed.
   • If you are unable to cope with the rejection on your own, you will need to seek professional help. Sometimes a speculative model ("I'm not good enough for this," and so on) is so deeply rooted in the psyche that every refusal only aggravates the situation. Only a good specialist can help you deal with this.

Part 3 of 3: How to Decline a Request

1. 1 Remember, you can answer no. This can be very difficult for many people, especially women, but you don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to. There are, of course, formal caveats; when the stewardess says "sit down and buckle up," then you have to.
   • If someone asks you on a date and you don't want to go, then you can say directly that you are simply not interested.
   • If your friend really wants to go on a trip, and you do not want (or cannot afford it), he will not be bad if you just refuse!
2. 2 Be straightforward. One of the best ways to turn down an offer is to be as straightforward as possible. Don't shy away or beat around the bush. Straightforwardness is not mean, although some people will perceive it that way. There is no way to turn down an offer (whatever: date, manuscript, job) without causing pain.
   • For example: someone asks you out on a date and you don't want to go. Say "I am really flattered, but I have no interest in return." If they do not take the hint, then get angry a little and say unequivocally "I am not interested in your proposal and the fact that you do not leave me alone makes me think that it will never interest me."
   • Regarding the second example above, when your friend offers a trip, then respond: "Thanks for the offer! But I really can't afford the trip, even for the weekend. Maybe next time." Thus, you do not deny the possibility of a pleasant pastime in the future, but directly tell your friend that you do not want to go without saying phrases like "maybe" and the like.
3. 3 What are the specific reasons. You, of course, do not have to explain anything to anyone, but if you say bluntly why you are not interested, then this can help the person whose offer you reject to cope with upset. If it is about areas that can be corrected and improved (especially such as the manuscript or summary), then you could suggest what to look for.
   • When it comes to relationships, just answer that you are not interested and you have no mutual feelings. If they insist on additional reasons, tell them that feelings of sympathy and love are beyond your control and that you have no interest in developing the relationship.
   • If you refuse to publish someone's poem in your magazine (and you have time), then explain that the poem does not fit (you don’t like the structure, clichés, etc.). You don't have to say that the poem is terrible, but you can say that it still needs some work before it can be published.
4. 4 Do it quickly. If you refuse as quickly as possible, then you will not let your emotions play out. Do this as if you were ripping off an adhesive plaster (here's an example of using a cliché). Explain to them as quickly as possible that this proposal (a trip with a friend, a date with someone, someone else's manuscript, etc.) is not right for you.
   • The sooner you do this, the faster they will be able to experience it and use the experience to improve.

Tips

• Find a way to relax after rejection. Some people turn to religion, others take pleasure in hot baths and meditation. Find ways to clear your mind, overcome bad feelings, and restore balance.
• If someone rejects your love, this does not mean that you should feel bad about yourself or feel unworthy. It simply means there is no mutual attraction. And you cannot change that.
• The fact that someone refused your offer does not mean that people do not see anything good in you, so forget about it and focus on all the positive and good things that you have.
• Most of the achievement and recognition comes from hard work. Sometimes we are not ready to admit to ourselves that we still need to work hard before we get a respectable result. Evaluate your chances with enthusiasm, but be realistic and understand that you may still need to pull up and gain some experience. Do your best to figure it out instead of suffering from rejection.
• If you are in a very depressed mood after rejection, then seek professional help. Do not use alcohol or drugs, even if you think they will help in the short term. They can be extremely damaging in the long run.
• Do not be afraid to say no: there is nothing worse than groundlessly inspiring hope, a person is wasting his time and emotions on this.

Warnings

• If you still continue to take the rejection personally, consider visiting a counselor or therapist. If you suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems, then you may not have the necessary mental resilience to cope with life's challenges and need additional support. There is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of: every person needs compassionate help from time to time.
• People will not always answer you when you ask about the reason for the rejection. This is life - sometimes people are too busy, sometimes they cannot find the words to explain in a way that does not sound too critical or personally. And sometimes they really can't make time for you. Again, do not take it personally, but rather think about whether you can turn to someone else, to such a person whom you trust and who has time to figure out what happened to you, and how the situation can be improved in the future.