Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 2: Determine the degree of harassment
• Method 2 of 2: Dealing with a persistent ex
• Warnings

After the relationship, many former partners find themselves in the so-called "gray zone". Does your ex just keep on getting on your nerves with their courtesies, or is it officially harassment? This question can be tricky to answer. However, there are ways to check this and look for alarms. A program of action aimed at innocent attempts to restore a relationship and criminal acts of a harassing nature are quite different things. But, in any case, you should take basic steps.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Determine the degree of harassment

1. 1 Determine the difference between harassing criminal acts and harassment. Assault, abuse, threats, and even stalking are all punishable felonies. If you become the target of one of these forms of harassment, immediately report your former partner to law enforcement. The person who harassed you can be fined 120,000 rubles, or put in prison for up to 1 year. On the other hand, your ex may not be physically or emotionally harming you, but simply cannot accept the breakup. In this case, you can take sedative measures until he comes to terms with the breakup.
   • Unfortunately, Russia has not yet introduced a protection order, however, there is article 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, according to which, persons who have inflicted beatings are "punished with compulsory labor for up to three hundred and sixty hours, or correctional labor for up to one year, or restraint of freedom for up to two years, or forced labor for up to two years, or arrest for up to six months, or imprisonment for up to two years. "
   • Also, at the moment in Russia there is no official distinction between civil harassment and domestic violence. Domestic violence occurs between close family members and people who are or have been in a romantic relationship.Civil harassment occurs between two people who are not or were not closely related or in a romantic relationship.
   • Abuse (or violence) can be both physical and emotional. This includes beating, swearing, and insults. In a broad sense, this is the harm that has been done to you.
   • Threats of violence can also cause emotional harm. They can be expressed directly or by hint.
   • Harassment can include constant calls or emails / messages. If your ex just calls you a lot to see what you think of him, chances are that this is not yet officially considered harassment.
2. 2 Monitor your ex's behavior. If the persecution is escalating, you may need to rethink and contact the authorities. They will need to know some details about your ex's behavior. Not losing sight of him (and even texting) is a good idea if you feel that his attempts to contact you may turn into cruelty.
   • Who, what, when, where and why - all these are the main details that any government officials will be interested in first of all.
   • How often does this happen?
   • Are you alone when he bothers you?
   • Did you tell him that his courtesies are not welcomed by you?
   • Is there overwhelming evidence of his persecution? It is not necessary that a criminal charge will not be brought against him without material / visual evidence of his illegal actions, but this will greatly simplify the investigation.
3. 3 Tell him that you don't like his behavior. This may seem obvious to you, but if you voice your fears and discomforts, it may make him stop. It is also the first step in going to court. You will be able to bring criminal charges if, after your request to stop everything, the person continues their attempts to contact you or harm you.
   • For example, try telling him, "I know you just want to spend time with me, but your constant calls are causing me inconvenience. I want you not to call me for at least a couple of weeks. I will contact you if I need you." ... Setting a time frame should make a little bit of a pill. After 2 weeks, or as long as you think is appropriate, his obsession with you may weaken.
4. 4 Determine if he is not trying to harm you. Not all "harassment" is illegal or violent. Perhaps it is the remnants of the past passion trying to "gasp for air." Be polite to your ex until he accepts the breakup. There is no need to report a person who does not pose any harm to the police.
   • For example, your ex is trying to bring you lunch to work. This is undesirable behavior, but he is just bringing food. Take a detached view of yourself and your relationship to assess his behavior at the simplest level.
5. 5 Test for a "sane person". Imagine that there are unbiased outside observers of the potentially aggressive behavior of your ex. Will this cause them concern and reason to contact the authorities? If so, your ex-partner's behavior may be criminalized. It is very important to determine as early as possible whether he is a threat to your safety, so that you can contact law enforcement before you are harmed.
   • For example, think back to your last face-to-face meeting. Did he raise his voice, use force, or hint at further bullying? Did he use obscene language? If not, most likely, he is not going to try to get you back by all available means, but simply wants to know what he did wrong.

Method 2 of 2: Dealing with a persistent ex

1. 1 Avoid it. If in general he is behaving reasonably, then his attentions are fueled by communication with you. Do not add oil to the fire.Try to avoid it by any means. This can be challenging if you work together or move in the same social circles. However, the more diligently you break contact between you, the easier it will be for him to gradually come to terms with the breakup.
   • Pay attention if your ex is stepping up his attempts after you cut the connection. Such irrational behavior can serve as a signal for annoying criminal acts or even mental illness. If he becomes more desperate or aggressive, contact the police immediately.
2. 2 Share this with your friends and family. In times like these, it is very important to have a circle of support. If others are aware of your ex-partner's behavior, if necessary, they will be able to testify in court. Ask them to contact you regularly to make sure you are okay and that the harassment has not turned into violent harassment.
3. 3 Do not react to his attempts to contact you. If he leaves you messages that make your blood boil, wait it out before doing anything. It may be best to ignore him completely in order to drown out his feelings. On the other hand, this can only increase his desire to get in touch with you. In this case, answer him as briefly but politely as possible. Communicate so that he understands that you are good to him, but are no longer interested in a romantic relationship with him.
   • If he doesn't stop texting you, try this clear answer: "I still have respect for you, but I don't want to date you anymore. Please stop texting me."
4. 4 Create a new email account or filter. You might want to avoid his messages until everything dies down. For most e-mail users, it will not be difficult to set up a spam filter. However, if you do not want to have even the occasional chance to stumble upon his letter, you can create a new temporary account. Only share the address with those you need to keep in touch with and explain why. By making sure your ex doesn't recognize this address, you provide yourself with a safe space.
   • You can find step-by-step instructions on how to create an email filter here.
5. 5 Block his phone number. Calls and voice messages will be harder to ignore than emails. This can be a major source of stress until the problem is resolved. Fortunately, the phone number is easy to block. Read this guide to find out how to do this with different mobile operators.
6. 6 Change your social circle. If your former partner is part of your group of friends, consider this an opportunity to explore new forms of entertainment and make new connections. It's unlikely that all of your old friends will cut off contact with you for no good reason. However, relieve yourself of the stress of communication by keeping a safe distance. Friends will appreciate that you do not involve them in your showdown.
7. 7 Communicate briefly. Sometimes it is impossible to avoid direct contact with your ex. Try to speak to him briefly and in public. It is unlikely that he will behave aggressively around other people. This should calm you down a bit. If he has crossed the boundaries of what is permissible, others will be there to intervene, or at least become witnesses.
   • If you are stressed or hysterical, your ex may think they have to "help" you. If you remain calm when communicating in public, he may notice your happiness and will not want to bother you. After all, if he really cares about you, he will wish you well, even if it requires leaving you alone.

Warnings

• If, under any circumstances, you feel fear or a threat to your safety, contact the police immediately.
• If you are thinking about changing locks or moving, this will increase the chances of his aggressive behavior. He doesn't have to threaten you to get his message across. Call the police immediately.
• Don't forget about the life cycle of a relationship. It takes any of us more time to come to terms with being abandoned. Hence your acceptance of the situation as opposed to his feeling of rejection. Some people who are abandoned take weeks or months to get back to normal. Someone needs more time, even years. The length of this period depends on how long you have been together and how close. If only a few days or weeks have passed since you left, the ex-partner's desire to get back in relationship is

absolutely natural. He may be in pain. If you have not received cruelty or aggression, do not report him to the police, because this will hurt him even more.