Content

• Steps
• Tips
• Warnings

One of the hardest and most difficult things we humans are called to do is respond with good to evil and forgive the unforgivable. We love to read stories about people who have responded with love to hate, but when the same is required from us personally, our reactions are anger, anxiety (fear and suffering), depression, hatred, and so on. However, study after study shows that one of the keys to longevity and good health is to cultivate a habit of gratitude and letting go of past grudges.

Do you want to live a long, happy life? Forgive the unforgivable. This is really the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Your enemy may not deserve forgiveness for all the pain, sorrow, and suffering intentionally brought into your life, but you deserve to be freed from this evil. As Ann Landers often said, “Hate is like acid. It destroys the vessel in which it is stored and destroys the vessel into which it is poured. "

Steps

1. 1 Understand that the hatred you feel for your opponent does not harm him the way you want him to. "Taking offense is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy."
2. 2 Understand that the best revenge for your enemy will be your successful and happy life. Do you want to get even with the one who tried to destroy you? Show him and show yourself (and the world) that the obstacles he was trying to create were not significant enough to paralyze and / or destroy you.
3. 3 Understand that the second best revenge is to turn evil into something good in order to find the proverbial ray of hope in a dark cloud. See your enemy as the person who helped you grow.Although we do fail, the best we can do is take these opportunities to test what will destroy us and what will make us stronger. If you survived something that didn't destroy you, learn a lesson and become better for it.
4. 4 Make a list of the good things that came from this terrible experience. You've probably focused too long on the negative aspects of this case. Look at the problem from a completely different angle, look at the positive aspects. The first item on this list can be tough because you've been focusing on the negative for too long. See if you can recognize 10 positive effects of this experience.
5. 5 Look at those who helped. Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) said that as a little boy, he was often upset about big news disasters. His mother told him: "Look at those who helped." In your own nightmare experience, remember the person who helped you. Think about their kindness and dedication. Cultivate what you have learned from them.
   • Was someone a “good Samaritan” to you? In this biblical story, a traveler helps a poor soul who was beaten on the way to Jericho and left for dead. Perhaps this is not entirely about you. Your trial may have provided an opportunity for others to seize the opportunity to provide you with help and support.
6. 6 Be compassionate with yourself. If you've been pondering this issue for a long time, then it may take some time for this ship to turn in the right direction as well. Trying to make a new way out of this dark forest of old grievances, you will make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself. Excessive emotional pain has a profound effect on the body. Give yourself time to heal - physically and emotionally. Eat well. Get some rest. Focus on the natural beauty of the world. Allow yourself to experience and process emotions. Don't cover up the pain in yourself.
7. 7 Know that the Aramaic word forgive literally means to untie. The fastest way to free yourself from the enemy and all the negativity associated with him is forgiveness. Untie the binding and free yourself from this person's ugliness. Your hatred has tied you to the person responsible for your pain. Your forgiveness allows you to get away from him and the pain. Forgiveness is for you, not for the other side. Freeing yourself through forgiveness is like freeing yourself from the shackles of bondage or prison.
8. 8 Learn to balance trust with wisdom. It is a fact that not all of our neighbors can be trusted. Painful memories can protect us from future grievances. As Rosa Sweet writes, "Lack of trust is sometimes just an admission of other people's limitations."
   
   
   • Forgiving bad behavior is not acceptable. If you have to keep interacting with someone who has hurt you, who has given an unconvincing apology just to be followed by worse behavior, then nothing obliges you to trust that person. This person will probably never be trustworthy - stay away from him. While it is useless to harass over this person's actions, you should not be a willing victim. Realize. Move on.
   • The abuser who wants reconciliation must do their part: make a sincere apology, promise not to repeat this (or the like), make amends, and give it time. If you do not see remorse, then understand that the appropriate forgiveness of that person is good for you, not for him.
   • If the person who harmed us does not sincerely repent of what they did, we must be wise to avoid repeating the wrongdoing. To do this, it may be necessary to avoid those who do not repent of the harm they have done to us.It would be wise to balance forgiveness with the understanding that evil exists and that some people enjoy harming others.
9. 9 Stop telling the “story”. How many times this week have you told the “story” of how badly you were hurt and how badly you offended you? How many times a day do you think about this hurt? A stake driven into the ground prevents you from moving on. You better forgive your enemy, this is the kindest thing you can do for your family and friends. Negativity is depressing - physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
10. 10 Tell the “story” from the other person's point of view. Really imagine that you are a different person (the one who offended you) and speak in the first person when you say what that person would say. You probably don't know exactly what he was thinking when this event unfolded, but pretend you do and just tell what comes to your mind. Sit down with a friend, or perhaps even someone you are trying to forgive, and tell a story as if you are that person. It is very important to do this verbally, not just to yourself. Realize in advance that this is not an easy exercise, but it has tremendous power. Your willingness to tell a story from the perspective of the abuser requires an effort of forgiveness. Also, understand that this is not a contradiction to the previous paragraph, as this point of view will change your history.
11. 11 Change your thinking. When your enemy and his bad deeds come to mind, send him a blessing. Wish your enemy well... Hope for the best for him. This has two consequences. First, it neutralizes the acid of hatred, which destroys the vessel in which it is stored. The evil we wish on others has a boomerang effect. The same applies to the good that we wish for others. When you can respond with a blessing to hate, you will know that you are on the path to wholeness. The first 15 (or 150) times you try this, the “blessing” may seem far-fetched, empty, or even disingenuous, but keep trying. It will eventually become a new habit, and soon after, the anger and pain that burned in your heart will evaporate like dew in the sun. This technique forces your mind to overcome the cognitive dissonance between hating someone and compassion for them. Since there is no way to take back a kind gesture to agree with your hate, the only thing your mind can do is change your beliefs about the person to fit. You’ll start telling yourself, "He deserves a blessing and, in fact, he may need it very much."
12. 12 Take this point of view: although the “evil” actions of your “enemy” may harm you or your immediate environment, the rest of the world is unaware of this. Reaffirm their importance in your life, but never forget that others have nothing to do with it and do not deserve to be poured on them. Your enemy is also someone's favorite child, employee, or parent.

Tips

• Put all of your mental energy (perhaps first thing in the morning) into visualizing the new life you want. Imagine yourself in the future free from pain and suffering.
• Forgiveness is a choice. When you say, "I cannot forgive this person," you are actually saying, "I choose not to forgive this person." If you say, “I can forgive,” you will soon realize that you have forgiven.
• Remember the following quotes if you find it difficult to evoke positive feelings about the person:
  
  
  • “To forgive is to free the prisoner and discover that you were the prisoner” - Lewis B. Smedes
  • “Those who are the hardest to love need the most.”
  • “Strive to have peace and holiness with all” - Hebrews 12:14
  • “As much as possible, without giving up, be on good terms with other people” - “Desirat” by Max Erman
  • "Hating someone means drinking poison and expecting another person to die from it."
  • “If we could read the secret stories of our enemies, we would find enough grief and suffering in every person's life to disarm all hostility.” - Henry Longfellow
  • “Treat others the way you want them to treat you” - The Golden Rule
  • “Right and courteous words followed by forgiveness are better than mercy followed by offensive words” - Quran 2: 263
  • “It is a great battle to be kind to everyone you meet” - Philo
  • “Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in darkness. But he who loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him that will make him stumble. ”- John 2: 9,10, Bible
  • “Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer; but you know that no murderer has eternal life in him. ”- John 3:15, Bible
  • “The hatred you carry is a burning coal in your heart - much more destructive to you than to them.” - Labana Blackwell, Mrs. Lydia Clarke's Dowry, 1999.
  • “A fool will neither forgive nor forget; the naive will forgive and forget; the wise will forgive, but will not forget ”.
  • “And if you do not forgive, then your Heavenly Father will not forgive you your sins” - Mark 11:26
  • “For if you will forgive people their sins, then your Heavenly Father will forgive you also” - Matthew 6:14
• Forgive him or her for not telling them this, that's the answer! Forgiveness is yours and yours alone; life without forgiveness is full of pain.
• Sometimes it helps to reflect on how others have forgiven under incredible circumstances. Ask friends for support and examples to motivate you to forgive.
• Forgiveness comes easily when you know that what people say or do comes back to them and not to you.

Warnings

• Forgiving is difficult, but living with resentment is even more difficult. If you hold a grudge, it can be very dangerous and can harm people in ways that you can't even imagine.
• True forgiveness is unconditional and not based on any action or request from the offender. Forgiveness, discussed here, is designed to free you from the impotent rage, depression, or despair that causes your resentment.