Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 4: Study the person
• Part 2 of 4: Build Trust
• Part 3 of 4: Speak convincingly
• Part 4 of 4: Change for the Better
• Tips
• Warnings

There are many reasons for wanting to control people. Some of these reasons are completely harmless, while others are not. In any case, you can find the right approach to help you learn to understand people and yourself.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Study the person

1. 1 Make sure they are capable of doing what you want them to do. Before you do anything, make sure that the person you are trying to control can actually do what you want them to do. Thinking about this is important, because if the manipulated object cannot do what you want, then you will fail, which will hurt everyone involved.
   • For example, you want a girl to love you (because you love her so much), but she cannot. You cannot make her love you because she cannot bring herself to do it. There are many processes that we cannot control, so first think about whether the person you are trying to control can do what you want.
   • Examples of some processes that are beyond our control: love and separation, mental illness and addictions, intelligence, psychotype (introvert or extrovert), level of activity, personal interests and preferences, and sometimes money and work.
2. 2 Find out why they are doing exactly what they are doing. If the object of control is currently doing what you do not need, then before convincing him to change the occupation to the one you need, you need to find out his motivation to do exactly what he is doing. What makes a person think they are doing the right job? Once you recognize a person's motivation, you can manipulate it to convince them to do what you want them to do.
   • Generally, the easiest way to find out motivation is to simply ask, "Why are you doing this?" of course, you can also listen carefully to what the person is saying and observe what they are doing.
   • For example, you want your partner to do more work, but he may already think that he is already doing half of the work and therefore sees no reason to work more.
3. 3 Find the best motivation. Now that you know a person's current motivations, identify the most important motivation for him. By manipulating this motivation, you will make it easier for yourself and achieve the greatest effect. Think about what the person relies on when making decisions (to do this, analyze the decisions he has already made or the arguments expressed by the person when making a decision).
   • For example, let's say you want your mom to vote for a certain candidate. She is going to vote for the current candidate because she knows his political views; but you know that the cost of education is the most important factor for her because she worked as a teacher. You can use facts about a current candidate's relationship with children and family and his views on education policy to motivate your mom to change her mind.
4. 4 Determine what is holding them back. Once you've figured out the main motivation, determine what might alienate the person from your argument. What might make them think the ideas you are proposing are bad ideas? Find out what the person views as a particular risk, and then figure out how to minimize that risk.
   • Don't be shy about looking for the reason why the person doesn't like your idea. Often the person will tell you about it himself, which will give you a chance to convince him or her.

Part 2 of 4: Build Trust

1. 1 Let them see themselves as heroes. This is the simplest way to control people. People want to be heroes and they want to be happy. Play on this - tell them how their lives will change for the better or how they will become heroes if they accept your offer.
   • For example, suppose you want an investor to invest in a new company. Tell the investor that by investing in this company, he participates in the development of technology and, thus, becomes a hero contributing to the development of society.
2. 2 To make your ideas more appealing, make the person feel like they are part of the community or think they have a specific role in society. People have an incredibly strong need to be a part of something, and if you can convince them of this, you can easily control people.
   • For example, you want your sister to switch rooms with you. Convince her that in the new room she will hear everything that is happening in the house and will be able to help everyone (because she is alone in the house, ready to help at any time, isn't she?).
3. 3 Do something for them. When you do something for people, they will feel indebted to you; in this case, people will be more inclined to accept your suggestions or ideas. Do something important for people (like helping them find a job) and they will be ready to help you when you ask.
   • When doing something for people, by no means let them guess that you are asking them to do something for themselves. People need to believe that you sincerely want to help (and not for other reasons). This means that you must do the favor long before you ask for the return favor.
4. 4 Let people see that you are constantly in control of the situation. If they think that you are in control of life, then they will not worry about the results and will do whatever you ask.
   • Situational control is primarily based on awareness. Stay up to date. Collect information. Take responsibility for your words. Be confident in communicating your ideas. Prepare for questions and think through counterarguments in advance.
5. 5 Be kind to people and express positive feelings; in this case, people will be more inclined to listen to you and agree with your ideas. When talking to people, avoid judging, humiliation, rudeness, and criticism. Be confident, but don't be tough.
   • For example, never call people 's ideas or opinions "stupid" or tell them your plans as if you were talking to children or mentally disabled people.
   • In your relationships with people, be positive and kind and do pleasant things for them. This will help them see you as a good person who is willing to help other people, and they will want you to succeed, because it will validate the common idea that fate rewards good people. People's need for justice will motivate them to do what you want them to do.

Part 3 of 4: Speak convincingly

1. 1 Play on their emotions. Some people are very emotional. They experience strong emotions and then tend to reflect on what made them feel these emotions. When talking to such people, use words and arguments that touch people's emotions and feelings to convince them to do what you want.
   • For example, make people feel sorry for you. If you’re trying to convince your mom to let you go to summer camp, tell her something like, “You know, I don’t want at 40 when I send my child to camp and think that I’ll never go there again. I don't want to regret it. "
   • In the art of persuasion, this is called to appeal to "pathos" (someone's emotions, feelings, passions).
2. 2 Refer to their logic. Other people can be convinced by giving different arguments, that is, referring to the logic of people. Such people want to hear evidence and good reasons; when talking to such people, use logic to win them over to your side.
   • For example, say something like, “You need to wear this color because it accentuates your eyes. And if they focus on your eyes, they will take you seriously, and you will have a much better chance of getting the job. "
   • In the art of persuasion, this is called an appeal to the "logos" (someone's logic).
3. 3 Flatter them. Tell people how capable, confident, smart, knowledgeable, important, and helpful they are. People will not only love you for your flattering words, but they will also be more compliant. Flattering words will distract people and they won't think too long about your suggestions before accepting them.
   • For example, say something like, “You know, I would like to present our project myself, but I think I'll ruin everything. You are better at communicating with people and making convincing arguments. Most likely, you will simply captivate them with your presentation. "
4. 4 Make them think it was their idea. This is the best way to get people to do what you need to do. If people think that this is not only a good idea, but also their own idea, then they will accept it much faster.
   • For example, say something like, “My friend is such a good person. Unfortunately, he never has free time because he works a lot. And he's very smart. And very charming. You will know this as soon as you get to know him. " If you want someone to hire your friend, then, hearing such a fantastic description of your friend, that person will think, “Yes, he seems to be a great worker. Maybe I should take him to the vacancy. "
5. 5 Maintain feelings of fear or anger. It's an effective way to convince people to do what you want (but don't use it from the beginning). Use words that amplify fear or anger to not only get people to do what you need to do, but also to do it quickly.
   • For example, say something like, “You know, I heard that they are not going to produce this anymore. If you need it, buy it now, or later you will have to pay triple the price at some online auction. "
   • This method of persuasion should be the last in your arsenal, because it usually only works once. People will quickly figure out that you are scaring them just to get what you want and will no longer believe your words. You will earn a bad reputation, so be careful.

Part 4 of 4: Change for the Better

1. 1 Understand that wanting to control another person is an unhealthy feeling. You don't want someone to manipulate you, do you? And other people don't want anyone to control them. Your need to manipulate people tends to indicate a bigger problem. In most cases, such a need arises when a person does not control some events in his life, so he seeks to control other people in order to feel more secure. You must understand that controlling the other person will not improve your own situation, so it’s better to find another way to solve your problem.
   • For example, you want to fall in love with a girl you met by chance and who you don't really like. In fact, you are afraid that you will never meet the right girl and you will be left alone, so you cling to the first person you meet (which, if not for your problems, you would not even look). The best way to deal with the situation is to start purposefully looking for a girl you like.
2. 2 Be prepared for the fact that something will not be the way you want (conceived or planned). If you want to be a happy person, come to terms with the fact that there are situations in life that you cannot control under any circumstances. If you are prepared for the fact that you may not succeed in what you planned, it will be easier for you to cope with disappointment, but if everything works out, then you will be doubly happy.
3. 3 Realize the fact that you cannot control everything in the world. Trying to take control of everything, including people, will create negative feelings towards you and possibly backlash (which can be disastrous for you). Trying to control everything in the world, your well-being may deteriorate, so let the events unfold as they should. Get out of your head with the idea of ​​being in control and just enjoy life.
   • Ask yourself, “Why should I be in control of this situation? What happens if I cannot or will not control her? " You may feel like things will go wrong without your control. But even in a negative result, you can find something positive.
   • For example, let's say you want to get the girl you like to go on a date with you. However, when you go on a date with her, you may find out that she is manipulating you or not being very nice to you. Now ask yourself, did you need this date?
4. 4 Accept the natural course of events as given. It is better not to try to control every aspect of your life, but to allow events to unfold as they take their course. When you come to terms with the fact that not everything and does not always go according to your plan, you will be calmer and happier.
   • Start small, for example, in a restaurant, let the waiter offer you a delicious meal.
   • You will also learn to put up with the natural course of events, more often falling into situations that are beyond your control. To do this, for example, travel to unfamiliar places.
5. 5 Most of the time, people try to control other people because they don't have enough control over their own lives. Before you manipulate other people, try to find aspects of your own life that you can change and gain more control over what happens to you. This is much better than the negative relationships that develop as a result of attempts to manipulate other people.
   • For example, create a schedule and stick to it so you can spend more time on your work and do it well. This is much better than trying to control your colleagues in order to make them work for you.

Tips

• To keep the reins in your hands for a long time, you need to remain the object of human sympathy. Do not show your negative sides to anyone, to anyone!
• And let no one know that your lust for power is behind your actions.
• If you want to learn to control, then first you need to try on the role of the controlled.

Warnings

• Even if you paid someone, it does not necessarily mean that they will obey you. Examples - darkness, take the same Bane from Batman.
• It is difficult, almost impossible to control policemen and officials. Behind them, whatever one may say, there is a law - or rather, even the Law and Power. And this is not to mention the fact that it is difficult to reward or punish such people ... well, maybe not in Russia, maybe only in theory, but still.