Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Making a Decision
• Part 2 of 3: Planning
• Part 3 of 3: Farewell
• Tips
• Warnings

There are several factors to consider when deciding whether to leave your spouse. it will fundamentally change your life, especially if you already have children. If you are going to make this difficult decision, it is important to know that you are not alone - in America, for example, half of all marriages end in divorce. This is not a step to be taken lightly, and it is important to consider your current and future financial situation before taking it. But once you make up your mind, you need to know what steps to take to become emotionally and financially stable right after a divorce. If you want to know how to leave your husband, let's start with the first step.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Making a Decision

1. 1 The decision to dissolve the marriage. The decision to end your marriage is one of the most difficult and important in life, so you must 100% determine that the marriage has really exhausted itself before you start taking the next steps. If you are at this stage, then most likely your decision is ripe, and here are some signs that your marriage really does not make sense anymore:
   • You are no longer a couple. This means that you and your husband do not have mutual friends, you have different interests and hobbies, you do not spend time together and are absolutely not interested in what is happening in each other's life.
   • Your husband no longer has the desire to mend a relationship. If you have repeatedly brought up the problems of your marriage for discussion and your spouse promises to change, but does not, or simply refuses to do so, then it may be time to break up.
   • If your relationship is violent, it's best to end it. There is no reason to stay in a marriage where you are bullied or to continue to endure pain. If there is really a lot of violence in your relationship, then it is best to break it off as soon as possible, and when you feel safe, sort out further actions.
   • If one or both of you have changed repeatedly. It is not at all like if one of you had a fleeting infatuation, and you tried very hard so that it would never happen again, but if cheating and infatuation are in the order of things in your relationship, then it will be difficult to keep them.
   • If you don't feel like one anymore. That is, if you stopped making joint decisions, communicating, giving in, finding compromises, then it may be time to leave.
   • If you cannot agree on whether or not to have children. If you really want to have children, and your husband does not agree, or vice versa, then there is probably no point in continuing the relationship if you cannot come to a consensus on this important issue.
   • You can come to this decision only on a sober head, cool it down. You shouldn't decide to leave your spouse in the heat of the moment. The decision must be made after you have had time to think carefully.
   • If you've tried everything and nothing helps.If you've attended a relationship counselor, had a lot of lengthy discussions with your husband, if both of you tried to change something in the relationship, but it turned out to be useless, then maybe it's time to leave. But if you've only been feeling dissatisfied for a while and your husband has no idea, it might be worth trying to talk it over first.
2. 2 Consider talking openly about this. The following tips can help you plan to keep your husband in secret - he will only know about it after you have already walked out the door. This is useful if you are not sure what your husband will react to when you leave, or if you are afraid that he will try to stop you from leaving. But if you are both open to negotiations, if he is supportive, and you are always honest and open with each other, then you can just talk to him and see if everything can work out.
   • You may wonder how much your spouse shares with you, or how far he is willing to go to avoid losing you.
   • This does not mean that you should let your husband convince you to stay. But if you are biding your time and are not sure if this can work, then talking to him will go a long way.
3. 3 Keep your decision to yourself. It can be tough, but this step is vital in many ways. Breaking up is an unstable situation in and of itself, and by staying calm, you will have time to prepare and define yourself before you actually leave. Tell only a select few, the closest people who support your decision. Share with those who can give direction and help - not those who cannot keep it to themselves.
   • If you do not want to find out with your husband and avoid an unpleasant situation, then it is better to keep it to yourself, and you will have time to sort out the details. If your husband knows about your plans and does not want you to leave, then he can try to prevent them or do everything to make it difficult for you to carry them out.
   • It may sound sneaky, but your goal should be to leave with a strong financial position. You do not need your spouse to interfere with this in any way.
   • It is very difficult not to end a relationship right away when you accept it, but it will take you 2 to 6 months to plan an exit strategy so that you can maintain your financial footing. While you may be ready to leave at any second, know that in the long run it is best if you take your time and prepare before leaving.

Part 2 of 3: Planning

1. 1 Open a separate bank account. This is especially difficult for housewives who have no income, but with a little money saved up, it will be easier for you to move forward with better financial support. Opening a separate account, even if you don't have serious funds to put on it, in the first step will help you get on the right track. This will make it easier for you to manage your finances as soon as you leave your spouse.
   • Withdrawing money from a joint account should be the last resort - something you do literally before you leave.
2. 2 Find a place to live. If you are leaving your husband's house, it is important to find a new place to live. In some cases, temporary living with someone you know will help you, but in the future, you need to find your own housing within your pocket. This question raises many other more difficult questions about where you will be living - if you do not have children, it may be relatively easy for you to move to a part of the country where you will be closer to your family. Perhaps you want to try something new and live in an area with a different climate. Whatever you're up to, a plan and temporary shelter or rental arrangement will bring you closer to your goal.
   • If you and your spouse have the same opinion about divorce and are quite ready to discuss its aspects, then you can discuss which of you will move out of the house where you live together. This is an even more important issue that needs to be discussed if you have children.
3. 3 Work on paperwork together. During the period of your marriage together, you have collected many important papers, such as documents related to a mortgage, a car, retirement benefits and many others. Be sure to make copies of all of these documents as disputed property can become a stumbling block in a divorce.
   • If you see that there are many documents and you are not sure that you will need them, you should make copies of them just in case they become important. Better to insure yourself than to regret later when it comes to the joint collection of documents.
   • If you really want to copy everything thoroughly, then you better hire a professional to copy the contents of your home computer hard drive and even take photos of certain valuable items. This will help you in the future if any value is lost during the division of property.
4. 4 Make a plan for the children (if you have any). If you and your spouse have children together, it is important to figure out what is best for them. Do you think that your spouse is a wonderful father (or at least a decent one) who will interfere with the lives of his children, or do you tend to believe that there are reasons to stop communicating with him? This will be one of the great decisions you must make throughout the process.
   • Just understand one thing, you cannot decide that your children should not see their father just because you do not want to see him again. There must be a serious reason (like alcohol abuse) to prevent your spouse from interacting with children.
   • You should make this decision in a calm state, because it will determine many things, such as your potential residence and the future of your children.
5. 5 Find a divorce lawyer. Divorce costs money and takes a long time, so go through the ads to find the best deal, especially if it is a long process. Although you might be tempted by the idea of ​​saving money on a lawyer and doing it yourself, a good lawyer will really help you complete the process easily and painlessly. You don't want to get caught up in a financial mess and not know how to deal with it just because you didn't want to spend money on a lawyer.
   • If you really don't have the budget to do this, then consider hiring an undocumented lawyer.
6. 6 Start planning your post-divorce budget. If you are already making extremely good money, this is certainly a plus, but it is important to think about the costs that will arise after a divorce from your husband. You need to ask yourself these questions before you leave, so you don't get stumped when that time comes. Unfortunately, research shows that many women are forced to face a quarter or even a third drop in their standard of living after divorce, but don't let this disappoint you! If you come up with a good plan, you will pass this. Here are some questions you need to sort out:
   • What new costs will you have?
   • What costs will need to be cut?
   • How much will it take to care for a child (if you have children)?
   • How will you make money for your needs?
7. 7 Don't be dependent on child support. Child support or child support can certainly be part of your future income, but in today's economy, this cannot be a guarantee. If you can confidently say that your husband will regularly pay child support, that's one thing, but you have to wonder if you can really count on him?
   • This can get even more confusing if you are the main breadwinner, because then you will be paying child support.
8. 8 Start your own credit journal. If you have not kept such records separately from your husband, it is important to keep a credit record as soon as possible. You can start by printing out a copy of your credit report; You can receive at least one free copy per year from one of the three offices at AnnoualCreditReport.com. Check it and find errors. Then, start building your record with smart acquisitions, timely bill payments, and careful management of your finances.
   • You may feel like you have a strong credit history just because your husband did it, but this may not be the case if you have not been particularly involved in the financial aspects of your life.
9. 9 Write plans to increase your income. Since you now have a better understanding of the budget that you need to live on, you should consider whether you will have to increase income to cover it. If you have a high paying job and a lot of savings, great - but if you need a job or you need a higher paying job, then you need to move in that direction. This does not mean that you absolutely have to become the president of a new company before leaving your husband, but you can set the stage so that it will be easier to increase income later after breaking up. Here are examples of what you can do:
   • Complete courses that will help you specialize in the skills you need to get the job you want, maybe you need to improve your computer skills or get certified in a special form of study.
   • Buy a new suit so you can be ready to go to your interview when the time is right.
   • Get your resume in order. You do not need to send it out even before you leave your husband, but have it ready by that time. When you break up, the more likely you will feel even more overwhelmed, and you may not have the time and mental energy to do something like update your resume.

Part 3 of 3: Farewell

1. 1 Pack your things. You can choose to start with small, inconspicuous things, or do it all in one day. You need to determine what is safer for your situation. If you think your husband will be angry or threatening if he sees you packing your belongings, plan this when the chance of being around him is minimal. In addition, it is best to involve friends or family members for your own safety and protection.
   • The best solution is to pack everything while your husband is at work. Even if he is supportive of your care, seeing you pack your belongings can hurt him.
2. 2 Go away. You may have already told your spouse about leaving. Maybe it will be a complete surprise for him. Even if you are confident that you made the right decision, this last step can be the most emotionally intense. Of course, there are different situations. If you and your spouse have been talking about this for several months, then it will not come as a shock. If you are in a life-threatening and abusive situation, then leaving suddenly is your best option.
   • Whatever the reason for your breakup, it is up to you which method of leaving is better - to talk honestly and openly or to leave without warning.
3. 3 Find as much emotional support as possible. This is not the time to be alone with your worries and worries. After breaking up with your husband, you should be as close to your family, friends, or even your doctor as possible. It looks like it will be the most difficult moment in life, but pain can be dealt with much easier with the support and love of the people who care about you the most. And don't be ashamed to ask for help.
   • In the end, the most important thing is to be a little alone to deal with feelings, it is also important to be in public and busy with something, make plans with your friends and indulge in long conversations.
   • Don't be afraid to call your old boyfriend / girlfriend for help or just chat. They will understand that there is a difficult period in your life and will definitely support you.
   • Unfortunately, not everyone will be a supporter of your plan, and you may even lose the support of some friends and family members. Don't let this fact stop you from making your decision, and know that it can lead you to build new and rewarding friendships.
4. 4 Get on your feet. It won't happen overnight. You will have to recover both emotionally and financially, it can take years until you come to independence and can again manage your life. It is important to realize that you are on the road to recovery, and the decision you make should make your life even happier in the future, even if it feels completely different now. And one day, when you get to your feet, you can praise yourself for finding the strength to make the decision to leave your husband and follow your plan.
   • While most women lose financially, it won't stop them from exploring new areas they didn't know they were, pursuing their careers, or doing the many wonderful things they weren't able to do during their marriage. In the long run, in the process, you should become able not only to get on your feet, but also to become stronger, wiser and turn into a fully realized personality.

Tips

• You may need to deposit your belongings if you temporarily find yourself another shared place to live with friends. You can look for storage facilities with flexible rates depending on the length of the lease.
• If you have children, try to keep things as they are if possible. The transition from marital status to incomplete family status may entail additional taxation; remember that children should be given complete freedom to express their feelings openly.

Warnings

• Don't stay in an atmosphere of violence. Every country has special agencies that can help women and children get out of life-threatening situations. These organizations are also able to find you a job, housing, and provide you with basic furniture for the first time.
• Never physically abuse your spouse. The legal consequences will not help you in a divorce. Remain calm at all costs.
• Do not harm or destroy your husband's belongings. He can force you to pay for divorce damages or apply legal charges against you.
• If possible, do not enter into a new relationship until you finally break up and file for a divorce.
• Never argue or swear in the presence of children in the house.