Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Spotting Self-Destructive Habits
• Part 2 of 3: How to Change Your Way of Thinking
• Part 3 of 3: Dealing with irritants

All people are prone to self-destructive behavior at certain points in their lives. Such actions can have personal and social consequences, no matter how deliberate. Either way, patience and a desire for change will help you cope with this behavior and live a happy life.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Spotting Self-Destructive Habits

1. 1 Identify your inclinations. First, you need to identify specific actions that seem destructive to you, and then try to get rid of them. These actions include any actions that cause you physical or mental harm. Make a list of all the habits you want to get rid of.
   • All of the following actions can be called self-destructive behaviors: self-harm (cuts, pricks, bumps, scratches, torn hair), irresistible attraction (gambling, overeating, drug use, unsafe sex, shopaholism), self-neglect (unwillingness to satisfy needs, watch for health, refusal to help), as well as thoughts and actions that cause psychological harm (pessimism, personal failure, refusal of responsibility, acceptance of a bad attitude towards oneself). It is not possible to list all types of such behavior in this article, so analyze your life and actions for inclinations that can cause you any harm.
   • Are you trying to suppress feelings of shame, remorse, and guilt with alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes?
   • Write down specific examples of behavior that you were able to identify. You can keep a diary to describe each destructive habit.
   • If in doubt, ask family and friends for their opinion of your potentially self-destructive habits.
2. 2 Understand the reasons for this behavior. According to a number of studies, people may have a tendency to self-destructive behavior as an attempt to distract themselves from painful thoughts and emotions.
   • Try to find the reason for each disastrous action that you have written down. For example, excessive alcohol consumption can have many explanations: wanting to be in the company, feeling insecure, wanting to relax, reduce stress, or even have fun. Consider how useful this behavior is.
3. 3 Determine the consequences. What is the negative effect of the habit? For example, if you find alcohol addiction destructive, then think back to the bad experiences that happened after drinking alcohol. This list can include memory loss, hangovers, bad decisions, hurting loved ones, and wrongdoing. Write down your feelings after these moments: anger, sadness, shame, guilt.
4. 4 Monitor your behavior. Keep a journal of self-destructive behavior. Indicate the event, your thoughts, feelings and actions (self-destructive and not only). Just write down all your self-destructive actions and start noticing repetitive patterns of events, thoughts, and feelings.
   • For example, if you smoke, list the positive aspects such as being able to control yourself and social aspects, as well as negative aspects such as greater health risks, addiction, the high cost of cigarettes, and potential treatment.
   • List the benefits of avoiding this behavior. Assess your self-destructive habits to find the positive and negative aspects of giving up each specific action. This will help you prioritize your own behavior.

Part 2 of 3: How to Change Your Way of Thinking

1. 1 Take responsibility. Sometimes we blame others and don't look at how we ourselves influence our own actions. Of course, sometimes it is difficult to deal with the inner pain that can be caused by a difficult childhood or marriage to an abusive person, but the person is able to control his life. To do this, you need to look for solutions to emotional difficulties, help yourself and fight addictions.
2. 2 Notice a useless train of thought. All our thoughts are associated with feelings and actions. In other words, our perception of ourselves and the world around us determines our feelings and actions. These are the key messages of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), the most common method for dealing with self-destructive behavior.
   • Write down the thoughts you associate with each self-destructive habit. Think: “What do I usually think about before doing this? What thoughts influence and contribute to this behavior? " For example, if alcohol is a problem, the person may think, “I’ll just have one drink. I need it. I deserve a little drink. Nothing bad will happen. " Such thoughts encourage the person to drink alcohol.
   • Acknowledge your negative thought habits, which may include dramatizing (expecting the worst outcome), over-generalizing (black and white seeing everything in a good or bad light), mind reading (assuming you know what others are thinking ) and even trying to predict the future (assuming you know what will happen). For example, if you believe that a person is thinking badly of you, this can lead to depression or anger and lead to self-destructive behavior. Change your mindset to avoid negative emotions and actions.
3. 3 Change your self-destructive thoughts. If we change our thoughts, our feelings and actions will also change. Make a list of bad thoughts and start fighting them when they come to your mind.
   • Keep a thought journal. Describe the situation, your feelings and thoughts. Identify the ideas on which the thought is based, as well as the ideas that refute it. Finally, use this information to create a more real thought. For example, if your mom yells at you, then you may feel angry and think like: "She is the worst mother in the world." The ideas on which such thoughts are based: she screams, she does not know how to talk calmly. Ideas that refute such a thought: she says she loves you, she provides you with food and shelter, supports you, and so on. A more balanced view of the situation (to counteract the thought of a bad mother) might look like this: "Mom has flaws and sometimes yells at me, but I know that she is trying to help and loves me." This thought can ease anger and trigger a healthier response (not drinking alcohol or withdrawing).
4. 4 Practice changing your thoughts regularly. Identify useless thoughts and come up with alternative ideas to practice changing your self-destructive train of thought. Remember to consider all negative emotions (anger, sadness, stress) and notice your current thoughts.
   • This is where your mind diary comes in handy. Try actively changing your current thought. If you are thinking, “She’s just a terrible mother and doesn’t love me,” remember an alternative thought that was formed earlier. Repeat it to yourself over and over again: "Mom loves me, although sometimes she loses her temper."
   • Track your progress and learn from mistakes. Continue to keep a diary of situations that can lead to self-destructive behavior. Notice any negative thoughts and write down alternative ideas to help you find more positive ways out of your particular situation. If you have committed a self-destructive act, then find an alternative solution. For example, if your mom yells at you, you might think, “I can't stand her. She doesn’t care about me at all, ”- while feeling anger and indignation, then shut up in the bedroom and not talk to anyone for several days. Find another way out of this situation. For example, change your thoughts to, "I love my mom despite her weaknesses and I know that she loves me even when she behaves this way." Try to think in this way when the situation reoccurs (mom starts screaming). You will probably feel better and try to make up, rather than self-destruct.

Part 3 of 3: Dealing with irritants

1. 1 Understand the connection between emotions and behavior. Strong negative emotions like fear, anger, and anxiety can trigger self-destructive behavior. It's important to find new ways to deal with these irritants in order to change your behavior.
2. 2 Conduct a thorough introspection. It is highly likely that there are triggers that provoke you into self-destructive behavior. Use the guidelines in the previous section to identify thoughts, feelings, and situations that trigger self-destructive tendencies. They will include not only your feelings, but also specific situations that coincide with destructive actions.
   • Continue to keep a journal. Set aside a separate page for identifying and searching for triggers of self-destructive behavior. For example, triggers such as when your mom yells at you, when you're worried or discouraged, when you hang out with friends who like to drink, when you are at home and feel lonely, can trigger the urge to drink alcohol.
   • Try to deliberately avoid these situations. For example, if you want to drink less alcohol, but meetings with certain people always end in a binge, then it is better to simply not come to such meetings. Don't put yourself in a position where it will be extremely difficult for you to give up alcohol. Make an excuse for yourself, or tell yourself that you are now "in the loop."
3. 3 List your problem solving skills. It is important to understand how to deal with these triggers (situations, emotions and thoughts) of self-destructive behavior. In addition to changing specific thoughts, you can change your behavior or replace it with actions that will help you solve the problem more effectively.
   • Try to reach out to the higher powers that you believe in. Sometimes you need to voice a problem to find a solution.
   • Try new activities. Find alternatives to self-destruction that do more good than harm. For example, try writing, drawing, painting, playing sports, hiking, traveling, walking, collecting things, helping others, or gardening.
4. 4 Learn to feel emotions. Don't try to instantly suppress the emotion. Focus on long-term cure instead of instant relief. The ability to cope with need requires us to learn to experience emotions, and not to avoid our feelings. Emotions are a natural part of life.
   • For strong negative emotions (anger, despair, stress, frustration), don't immediately try to get distracted or find relief, but tell yourself, “I feel _____, which is natural. I feel uncomfortable, but it will pass and not kill me. "
   • Emotions provide us with valuable information on how to deal with a situation. Think about why you are experiencing this emotion and what it says to you. For example, if you are angry with your mom for yelling at you, then understand the reasons for your anger. Were you offended by her words, was her tone inappropriate, or are you worried that she might commit a cruel act?
   • Focus on your inner feelings from the emotion. In moments of anger, do you feel tension in your shoulders, trembling in your body, clenching your fists or teeth? Feel that emotion fully, even if it’s unpleasant. An accurate understanding of your bodily sensations will help you ease the emotion a little. Ultimately, feelings are just feelings.
   • Write as therapy. Write down your thoughts and feelings that lead to such self-destructive behavior.
5. 5 Monitor your health. Sometimes we try to cope with stress through destructive behaviors such as junk food, refusing to exercise, and lack of sleep.
   • Maintain a healthy sleep schedule. Most people need to get at least eight hours of sleep every night for optimal overall body function.
   • Eat a healthy diet. Do not overuse snacks, sweets, and unhealthy foods.
   • Exercise to deal with negative emotions like depression and stress.
6. 6 Maintain a healthy relationship. Unhealthy attachment in relationships is associated with a high likelihood of self-destructive behavior. The support of others is very important to recover from self-destructive behavior.Look for healthy attachments to family, friends, and romantic partners to develop these relationships.
   • Focus on quality interactions with loved ones. Try to eat, exercise, socialize, walk, play, and try new activities together.
   • If there are people nearby who do not support or treat you badly, then you need to stop communicating or distance yourself from them. First, try to set boundaries and explain that you won't tolerate bad attitudes, such as high-pitched conversations.
7. 7 Get help. Self-harm can be associated with depression, anxiety, or aggressiveness. Moreover, self-destructive behavior is sometimes associated with past abuse, trauma or drug use and alcoholism. See a psychologist or psychotherapist.
   • Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is a useful method for individuals who suffer from emotional regulation and anger disorders, self-harm, experience suicidal thoughts, are addicted to alcohol or drugs, and have problems with relationships or interpersonal communication. DPT will increase your awareness, interpersonal efficiency, emotional regulation, and your ability to cope with difficult situations.
   • Problem Solving Therapy (PMT) helps you learn to better solve problems (rather than self-destruct) and use useful skills to cope with difficult situations.
   • Cognitive restructuring (cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT) will change your maladaptive beliefs and help you break bad habits.
   • Consider drug treatment options. You should consult a psychiatrist for more information.