Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Talk to a friend
• Part 2 of 3: Try to Build Relationships
• Part 3 of 3: End the friendship

The news that you have been betrayed by a friend can be painful and discouraging. He may have been saying nasty things behind your back, telling one of your secrets, or making up gossip. Despite the fact that your feelings are hurt, you must first consider all aspects of the situation, and only then make decisions. Sometimes the cause of betrayal is one's own vulnerability, jealousy, or a desire for revenge. Then it turns out that such a person is not your friend at all. Some friendships can be forged after betrayal, and some are better off just letting go. Remember, the solution must be satisfying first and foremost. you.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Talk to a friend

1. 1 Arrange a one-to-one conversation. Before making decisions, you should understand the situation itself. Tell your friend that you want to clarify some aspects and invite him to meet at a convenient time.
   • If you don't see each other at work or school, then offer to meet in a crowded place like a cafe. A public space makes both friends feel comfortable.
   • Talk to a friend privately. It is impossible to have serious conversations about problems in your relationship if other people are present.
2. 2 Speak calmly. Screaming and emotions will not help solve the problem in any way. Only a calm voice will help you convey your thoughts correctly and will not provoke your friend to emotions. We often think more rationally if we remain calm.Try to control yourself to better explain your thoughts and feelings.
   • Breathe slowly and deeply to relax and release tension.
   • If you start to get upset, gently tell yourself to relax or visualize a peaceful scene (such as a beach or a waterfall).
   • In moments of tension, you can squeeze the ball to relieve stress. This is a great way to find a physical outlet for your anger and tension while maintaining an outward calm.
3. 3 Tell a friend what you heard. Don't mention names and just tell them what you know about his words or deeds. Explain why these actions hurt you. Speak directly to get direct answers from a friend.
   • Find out the whole truth first, and then make a decision. Often we learn about the betrayal of friends from other people. Do not rush to take other people's words on faith and try to find out how your friend sees this situation. Sometimes we are told the truth, and sometimes we hear simple gossip. Now it is necessary to find out exactly the truth.
4. 4 Go without guesswork and listen to your friend's version. Tell your friend that you want to know the truth, because it is important for the friendship and for you personally. Use open-ended questions to establish dialogue and also avoid verbal attacks on your friend. If a person goes on the defensive, then he is unlikely to tell the whole truth. Just ask what happened and listen carefully to the answer.
5. 5 Tell your friend how you feel. Be honest about your feelings and don't beat around the bush. Directly name the cause of your upset and explain how you felt after this act. Control yourself.
   • Try to describe your feelings like this: "I was upset that you _______. Your words made me feel _______ because _______."
6. 6 Ask how you deserve this attitude. It is important to understand how much you contributed to these actions or the words of a friend. Perhaps you hurt your friend, so he decided to "take revenge", or there was a misunderstanding. It is important to find out how your friend sees the situation.
   • Don't interrupt. Only clarify and ask questions when the friend has finished speaking. He should feel that you are listening carefully.
7. 7 Don't turn the conversation into an argument. If your friend is not answering your question or is dodging the point, try to gently insist on your own, but don't go over the top. If the conversation turns into a fight, the friend may become even more isolated. If a friend is embarrassed about what you have learned about the situation, he or she is unlikely to be sincere.
   • Listen to your friend, rather than wait for your turn to speak up to avoid quarreling. By listening to each other, you can better understand the situation.
   • Don't raise your voice. It will upset both of you.
   • Don't think about who is right and wrong. Focus on sincerity and truthfulness. People cannot communicate effectively when they blame each other. Better to have a sincere conversation and decide together how to fix the situation.
   • Don't be disrespectful or condescending. Despite the upset feelings, you should not show disrespect to the person, especially when trying solve problem. Treat your friend the way you want him to treat you.
   • If things get tense, suggest taking a short break to cool off and pull yourself together.
8. 8 Get a reliable opinion. Talk to another trusted person - a parent, spouse, another friend, or even a counselor. Discuss the incident with an impartial person who will give you their sincere opinion about the situation. In a fit of emotion, you can overlook the details that an outsider will notice. Choose someone who will tell you the truth, not what you want to hear. Listen to his opinion.
9. 9 Determine if the friendship is worth saving. If a friend honestly and openly confessed his actions, then the chances are high that your relationship can be corrected.If you and your friend admit your mistakes and promise to do your best to build a friendship, then you can succeed. Any relationship has its ups and downs, so take it as an opportunity to build communication and strengthen friendships.
   • If your friend doesn't want to honestly admit his actions or the situation repeats itself not for the first time, you may be better off breaking up. Friendship is always a two-way street, so it should not be allowed to be held by only one person. Bad relationships are not worth the effort, so in such a situation it is better to end the friendship.

Part 2 of 3: Try to Build Relationships

1. 1 Learn to communicate better with your friend. Communication is the main component of any relationship. Quite often quarrels and misunderstandings arise precisely because of a lack of communication. In the future, you should be completely sincere in telling each other about your actions and feelings.
   • Make it clear that any future problems should be dealt with in shared conversations, not in conversations with other people. Do not do things that you will later regret.
   • Don't hold back your feelings and voice problems right away. If you suppress your feelings and emotions, there is an increased risk of losing control of yourself and saying or doing something unwanted. It is better to discuss all emerging problems urgently.
2. 2 Define expectations for friendship. You need to understand what you and your friend expect from your friendship. For example, you may react differently to situations or look at certain things. This is why it is important to define expectations.
   • Share your needs with a friend. Your sincerity will allow the friend to better understand your needs. When explaining to a friend what you want from him, speak in the first person: "I feel _____ when you are _______, so I would like you to _______." Try not to blame your friend, but simply express your feelings and wishes.
   • Ask your friend what is important to him in a friendship. Don't forget about bi-directional directionality. You also need to understand your friend's needs. Ask him to be sincere so you can become a good friend.
   • Listen to each other's needs. Solutions will come the moment you begin to understand each other and the situation. Recognize common needs, push differences aside, and work together to solve problems.
3. 3 Learn to forgive. It is impossible to move on if you are unable to forgive. Resentment and anger are not only harmful to you, but can also destroy any friendship. Forgiveness takes a lot of effort, but this is the only way you can grow as a friend and as a person.
   • Telling your friend that you forgive him is an important moment in rebuilding trust between you. Forgiveness doesn't just mean a lot to your friend. Saying the words: "I forgive you", you will be able to move on.
   • If you cannot forgive a person for his deed, then you will no longer be able to be friends with him. Trying to continue a relationship with someone you are angry with will not suit both parties. Life is too short to hold grudges.

Part 3 of 3: End the friendship

1. 1 Get out of the relationship. It is difficult, but in some situations it is best to end a negative or toxic life of friendship. If the person continues to hurt you, then they should be released. Let go of negative relationships so you can spend more time with loyal and reliable friends.
   • Tell the person that you don't want to be friends with them anymore. Be calm and don't drag out your goodbye conversation. You don’t have to explain, but if you tell the truth and close this page for yourself, it will definitely become easier for you.
   • If you do not know what to say, use this construction: "I no longer want to be friends with you because you _______. Your action hurt me, I felt ______."
2. 2 Unsubscribe from your friend's social media updates. Today's technology doesn't allow you to get away from someone so easily, so don't leave your ex-friend the opportunity to hurt you again.It is better to remove him from friends and unsubscribe from his pages on social networks so as not to see publications. Block your ex-girlfriend's account if she continues to bother you.
   • Do not follow the updates on your ex-girlfriend's page. Move away and do not watch her news, so as not to get upset.
3. 3 Be in control when meeting. During casual encounters, stay calm and do not give in to emotions. If you have mutual friends, it will be difficult for you to avoid each other. In such a situation, you cannot ask your friends to choose between you. Ask to inform you if an ex-girlfriend will be invited to the meeting so as not to come to such events. If you do meet in public, keep your distance and ignore her.
4. 4 Introduce yourself. There is a lesson to be learned from each situation. Look at this outcome from a positive point of view and don't look for negative points. For example, now you know that this person was not a real friend, so he will no longer be able to hurt you. Perhaps you will learn to better resolve conflict situations and will be able to stand up for yourself next time.
   • Learn from your own experience. Never treat your friends the way a former friend did to you. Always remember the golden rule of morality: "Treat people the way you want them to treat you."