Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Talk to your partner
• Part 2 of 3: Discuss how prepared you are for having babies
• Part 3 of 3: Develop a relationship with your partner

The decision to have children is very serious and not always easy for couples. It is best to talk directly, honestly, and respectfully with each other. But even if you both want a baby, you should discuss how ready you are. If it turns out that your partner does not want children now or in the future, you should consider what to do next: agree to live without children or contact a marriage counselor.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Talk to your partner

1. 1 Think about your own reasons why you want children. Before you start talking with your spouse about children, take some time to think about why you yourself want children. Write down these reasons in as much detail as possible, they will help you prepare for the conversation with your spouse.
   • Think about your motives: internal or external? Maybe you want children because your friends and family expect this step from you? Or do you have an inner desire to have children? How can you convey to your spouse that this desire comes from the depths of your being?
2. 2 Find the right time to talk. Do not approach your spouse with this conversation after a hard day at work or when stressed or upset. Find a time to talk when you and your spouse are both relaxed and able to devote your full attention to the subject of the conversation.
   • For example, you can schedule a conversation for Sunday morning after breakfast. Sit facing each other. Set aside anything that might distract you (mobile phones, tablets, etc.) while talking.
3. 3 Tell me how you feel. Be honest and tell your partner that you want children. Use your notes, they will help you explain your point of view, why it is so important for you to have children and why you want them now. Speak in a calm, clear voice and explain your motives in as much detail as possible.
4. 4 Ask your partner what is bothering him. If your partner is not ready for children, then it is important for you to hear what his fears are in this matter. Ask your partner to share concerns with you as honestly as possible.
5. 5 Listen with an open mind. Even if your partner is 100% against children, you need to listen to him with an open mind and show respect for his wishes. Try to maintain eye contact, nod to show that you are listening, and ask questions if your partner says something you don't understand.
   • If your partner wants to have children too, you will need to talk to him about how ready you are and find out if you need to do something before you get down to business.

Part 2 of 3: Discuss how prepared you are for having babies

1. 1 Think about your health. It is important for children to have both you and your spouse in good health. Think a little about how healthy you both are and what you can do to improve your health before your planned pregnancy.
   • For example, if both of you or one of you smokes, take steps to quit smoking. If you and your partner are overweight, take steps to lose weight. Try to identify health problems and find ways to improve them.
2. 2 Assess the strength of your relationship. Before planning for adding a family, you both should consider what weaknesses are in your relationship. Having kids will be a stressful time for both of you, so if you feel there are weak points in your relationship, take time to work on them. For the sake of your future children, try to find solutions to these problems now.
   • For example, if you get into fights from time to time over trifles, try to improve the quality of your communication. If your problems are more serious than small fights from time to time, you may want to visit a marriage counselor before trying to have a child.
3. 3 Assess your financial capabilities. With the arrival of a child, you will have an additional considerable expense item, so it is important to think about things like a crib, a stroller, clothes, food, toys. If you are constantly short of finances, then perhaps you should wait, try to improve your financial situation and save some money before planning a child.
4. 4 Compare your views on parenting. Parenting requires teamwork from both parents, so you need a shared vision of parenting. Talk about your common values ​​and think about how to overcome existing differences.
   • For example, do you have the same ideas about punishing a child? Do you have an agreement on what moral values ​​should be instilled in your child? Do any of you have fundamentally strict religious views?
5. 5 Think about how long you've been together. Longer relationships are considered more stable, which is important for your unborn child. It would be good if you live together for at least one year before deciding to have a baby.

Part 3 of 3: Develop a relationship with your partner

1. 1 If your partner wants to wait, be patient. Even after you share your feelings with your spouse, he may still not be ready for children. In this case, it is important to show respect for the wishes of the spouse and not put pressure on him.
   • Putting pressure on your spouse is unlikely to change his mind. Moreover, it can lead to serious problems in your relationship.
2. 2 Remember that having children can complicate your relationship. Children cannot fix a relationship, although some people think that way. If you think children will save the relationship between you and your spouse, then you shouldn't have children.
   • Try to work on your relationship with your partner before you start having a baby.
3. 3 Think about what your life would look like without children. Many people choose to live without children and lead happy, fulfilling lives. Think maybe you and your spouse will be happy without children.
   • One way to understand whether you will regret living your life without children or not is to imagine yourself and your feelings about it in the future.
   • Think about how you will spend your time and money if you never have children. What will you do with the time freed up, the money saved and the energy that you would have spent on children.
4. 4 Seek help from a specialist. If you and your partner cannot agree on children and this is causing problems in your marriage, seek help from a marriage counselor.You can visit the counselor yourself separately to get help and deal with your feelings, especially if you want children and your spouse does not.