Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Find the Approach
• Part 2 of 3: Learn to listen
• Part 3 of 3: Keep your friend busy

If your friend is going through a tough time, it is important to be supportive but not intrusive. Find the right approach and learn to listen, keep your friend busy and distract from problems so that he feels better.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Find the Approach

1. 1 Give your friend freedom. It is important that the person let through all the pain and sadness as the situation requires. Sometimes people need a friendly shoulder to cry and speak up. In other situations, it's best to think it over yourself. It all depends on the problem. Don't rush your friend if they want to be alone.
   • After a while, gently reach out to a friend. No need to call and say: "I just found out everything and I'm so sorry, I'm already on my way to your place." Just say, "I'm sorry. I think about you a lot."
2. 2 Give a symbolic present. If it is difficult to contact a friend or she does not make contact, then send her some pleasant trifle. You don't have to make a big gesture, just the little things that will improve your mood.
   • Before you start asking, send your friend a postcard, a bouquet of flowers, or another present that will help the person respond. You can buy a pack of beer or a CD for your friend.
   • Sometimes it is enough to give a friend a bottle of water, a handkerchief, or make way for him to sit down. Help your friend gather her hair.
3. 3 Contact first. If a person feels bad, then he is rarely the first to seek help, especially in moments of deep sadness. If your friend has gone through a bereavement - broke up with a partner or lost a loved one, then she may refuse to make contact. Show persistence and come up with a non-trivial way to start a conversation.
   • If a friend does not answer calls, then write a message. It is easier to answer the text, since you do not need to try to speak in a cheerful voice.
   • Even if nothing serious happened to her friend and she is just worried about a broken knee or the defeat of her favorite team, she can still avoid people and withdraw into herself. Don't be afraid to take the initiative.
4. 4 Be there. Sometimes you don't need to do anything. You just need to be around. The person will feel better just from your presence. Sometimes the hardest thing is to suffer in silence and loneliness. A friend should know that you are always ready not only to talk, but also to sit in silence.
   • A little physical show of concern can be more beneficial than a comforting conversation. In such a situation, you can pat the person on the back, hug or hold the hand.

Part 2 of 3: Learn to listen

1. 1 Encourage your friend to talk. Ask soft questions to get the friend to speak up and finally tell you what the matter is. If you have guesses, then speak directly, and otherwise just say "Can we discuss?" or "What happened?"
   • Don't push. Sometimes it is enough to just be there and be silent for a person to speak. If the friend does not want to discuss the situation, then there is no need to pressure.
   • Try to return to the conversation after a few days. Arrange to meet for a cup of coffee and ask "How are you?" It is possible that by this time she will become more talkative.
2. 2 Just listen. If a friend speaks, then be silent and listen carefully. You don't need to say anything. Don't interrupt to express sympathy and tell a similar story from your own life. Sit quietly, look at your friend and listen. She is now waiting only for your attention.
   • Maintain eye contact. Look favorably at your friend. Put your phone aside, turn off the TV, and don't get distracted by the sides. Lock yourself in the room and listen.
   • Nod occasionally to show your attention and also use non-verbal cues. When you're sad, you can sigh and smile when appropriate. Just listen.
3. 3 Summarize and confirm what you heard. If a friend is silent, then retell what you heard in your own words. Sometimes it is helpful for people to hear their thoughts in someone else's words. If a friend is going through a breakup with a partner and talks about all his mistakes, then say: "It seems that he appreciated your relationship a little." Fill in the blanks to help the person recover.
   • You can also use this technique to understand what your friend is saying. "Did I get it right? Are you mad at your sister for taking your books without asking?"
4. 4 Don't try to fix the problem. A lot of people, especially guys, make the mistake of thinking that talking about a problem involves finding a solution. Only offer solutions if a friend asks a direct question like "What is the best way for me to act in this situation?" Sadness has no easy solutions, so don't try to come up with anything. Be there and listen.
   • This is especially important if your friend makes a mistake. You should not tell your friend that you should have studied better, and not walked, so as not to worry about the low mark on the test now.
   • Take your time with advice. Ask: "Do you need advice or do you just want to talk?" The answer to this question should be respected.
5. 5 Discuss other topics. After a while, change the topic of the conversation, especially if the conversation has exhausted itself or the friend has begun to repeat itself. Discuss the bright side of life or agree on what to do on the weekend.
   • Offer to discuss future plans. This step will help you move on to a new topic. If you are sitting at school and discussing the breakup of a friend with a boyfriend, then ask: "Hey, are you hungry? What would you like to eat now?"
   • Over time, a friend may run out of words. Don't let go back to the situation over and over again if it doesn't make sense. Offer to discuss another topic or get busy.

Part 3 of 3: Keep your friend busy

1. 1 Distract your friend with chores. Do something interesting so that your friend will forget about his problem for a while. It doesn't matter what to do if the friend is distracted from the oppressive thoughts and is focused on the other.
   • If you are sitting around, then you can take a walk. Go to the mall and check out the different shops, or walk around the area for a change of scenery.
   • Let off some steam, but don't overdo it. Sadness does not justify using drugs, tobacco, or alcohol. Listen to the voice of reason to cheer up your friend and not harm you.
2. 2 Get exercise. During physical activity, endorphins are released in the brain, which help to calm down. If you manage to get your friend interested in physical education, then his mood will improve along with the health benefits.
   • Try meditation exercises like light warm-up or yoga.
   • You can also have fun and play in the backyard, bike or walk.
   • If the friend is angry or frustrated, suggest strenuous physical activity. For example, you can punch a punching bag in the gym or do deadlift exercises.
3. 3 Come up with entertainment. If a friend is overwhelmed by gloomy thoughts, then move from the opposite. Offer to go shopping, swim in the pool, and eat popsicles. So, you can make popcorn, watch all your favorite movies and talk about the guys from school. At the moment, you need to come up with fun and carefree entertainment to drive away sad thoughts.
4. 4 Enjoy your meal. If your friend is sad, suggest something special. Buy an ice cream briquette or grab a bite to eat at your favorite restaurant. Sometimes, in moments of sadness, people lose their appetite and forget about food, as a result of which blood sugar levels drop and the state of health worsens. Grab a snack to help your friend feel better.
   • Sometimes it's appropriate to bring your friend something ready-made if she's going through a tough time. Prepare soup and bring it with you so that the person has one less problem.
5. 5 Suggest canceling non-urgent matters. If a friend has gone through a terrible shock, then it is better not to give an optional presentation and not sit in boring couples. Take a day off and do something out of the ordinary to unwind.
   • In some cases, it is helpful to get headlong into work. Everyday worries can be a very powerful distraction. Encourage your friend to make their own decisions, but show that they have a choice.