Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 4: Seeking support
• Part 2 of 4: Reflecting on an addiction
• Part 3 of 4: Stop addictive behavior
• Part 4 of 4: Leaving the addiction behind
• Tips

Sex addiction, or hypersexuality, is when you repeatedly engage in sexual activities that have adverse effects on your relationships, work and / or self-image. Some people are more prone to sex addiction than others. For example, patients who have struggled with mood disorders or have a history of physical or sexual abuse, alcoholism or drug abuse are more likely to develop sex addiction. Although opinions are divided among scientists, the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM 5; the premier manual on psychiatric disorders and disorders) does not consider hypersexuality or sex addiction to be an addiction or mental disorder. Nevertheless, determining whether or not you have a problem is the first step you need to take to combat addiction. Then explore the options available to you in terms of treatment and personal change to help you recover.

To step

Part 1 of 4: Seeking support

1. Determine whether or not you have an addiction. Sex addiction is not the same as a strong libido. You could have a sex addiction if you continue to exhibit escalating patterns of sexual behavior, despite the negative consequences it has for yourself and others. You are constantly thinking about the intoxication you get from sex, and you are always looking for the next chance to experience that pleasure. Examples of people with sex addiction include people who spend half their income on prostitutes or business people who watch porn at work, even if they have been warned several times that it could cause them to lose their job. Because sex plays such a big role, there is little room for these people for healthy relationships and other interests. Anyone can have a sex addiction, regardless of gender, orientation, sexuality or relationship status. The following symptoms could indicate a possible sex addiction:
   • Are looking for extramarital affairs.
   • Using compulsive sexual behavior to escape loneliness, depression, anxiety, or stress.
   • Thinking about sex so often that other interests and pursuits are ruled out.
   • Making excessive use of pornography.
   • Masturbate regularly, especially in inappropriate situations (such as at work).
   • Having sex with prostitutes.
   • Sexually intimidate other people.
   • Having unsafe sex with strangers that could lead to sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you are unsure whether you have an STI or not, get tested immediately. If you are in a relationship, your partner should also get tested.
2. Determine if you need professional help. Some people who suffer from hypersexuality or sex addiction can kick addiction themselves by making lifestyle changes. Ask yourself the following questions: Can I control my sexual impulses? Do my sexual behaviors disturb me? Does my sexual behavior harm my relationships and work life, or even lead to negative consequences such as an arrest? Am I trying to hide my sexual behavior? Seek help if your condition leads to negative consequences.
   • Risky sexual behavior is characteristic of Borderline Personality Disorder. This is a condition recognized by the DSM-5 that can be treated through therapy and sometimes drugs.
   • Seek help immediately if you could harm yourself or others, have bipolar disorder, or are suicidal.
3. Find a mental health provider or therapist. Ask your doctor for a referral to someone who specializes in sex addiction. Psychologists, psychiatrists, relationship therapists, and licensed psychosocial workers are all possible options. It is preferable to find someone experienced in treating people with sex addiction. Hypersexual behavior may be very similar to the behaviors associated with behaviors associated with impulse control disorders and substance abuse. However, it is unclear whether the brain functions in the same way in people with hypersexual disorder as it does in people with substance addiction. It is therefore better to find someone who specializes in hypersexual disorders than someone who specializes in substance addiction.
   • If you are in a serious relationship, relationship and family therapists could help you and your partner.
4. Discuss possible treatment plans with your therapist. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment method. CBT is a short-term, targeted psychotherapeutic treatment with a practical approach to problem solving. With CBT, you work with a therapist to change your behavioral and thinking patterns with the goal of changing how you feel. The therapist can also prescribe you medication. For example, there are antidepressants that control compulsive sexual behavior. Examples include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as fluoxetine (Prozac), paroxetine (Paxil) or sertraline (Zoloft). The therapist may also prescribe anti-androgens, mood stabilizers, or other medications.
   • An experienced therapist can help you deal with the complexities of your situation. Because societal acceptance of sexual addiction can vary widely, the therapist could help you navigate relationships and overcome any embarrassment.
5. Put your shame or embarrassment aside. Focus on the positive benefits of the treatment. Remember the therapist is there to help you. It is not his / her job to judge you or make you feel "bad" about your compulsions. Finding a therapist with whom you feel comfortable and who you can trust is essential to your recovery.
   • If you find it difficult because you feel embarrassed, try to think of therapy as any other type of treatment. If you had a mental illness, you would also go to the doctor. If you have a cavity, you go to the dentist. Chances are, you wouldn't be ashamed of those types of treatments. Remind yourself that you are looking for help to make your life healthier and happier. That shows courage and belief in yourself, and that is admirable.
   • Know that you are not alone. There are a lot of people who struggle with hypersexual disorder. Spiritual counselors are discreet and understanding. They will keep information about you confidential unless you report that you want to harm yourself or others, confess your sexual abuse of a child, or report abuse or neglect of a vulnerable person (such as underage or elderly people, for example).
6. Seek support from loved ones. Sex addiction withdrawal can be a very lonely endeavor. While your sexual activities may lack an emotional connection, you may still miss out on physical intimacy. Spend time with loved ones. This will remind you why you want to kick the habit and make you really commit to your drug addiction attempt.
   • Your loved ones may not understand your sex addiction or may be angry about your past behavior. These feelings are completely normal. Try to find people who understand what you are struggling with and who will help you succeed. Don't spend too much time with critical people.
7. Join a support group for people with sex addiction. Whether you want to follow a structured 12-step program, a faith-based program, or prefer to call a helpline, it makes sense to connect with other patients. Search the internet for groups or ask your doctor for recommendations. For example, take a look at the website of Sexaholics Anonymous Netherlands, that of Sexaholics Anonymous Belgium or that of Precious Vaatwerk. The Korrelatie Foundation could also be of service to your family in their recovery.

Part 2 of 4: Reflecting on an addiction

1. Write about the harmful effects of the addiction. To begin personal recovery, consider journaling about your addiction. Think about how the sex addiction affects your family, your personal relationships, and other areas of life. Describe how your addiction has affected your mental and physical health. What you write down can help you later remember the negative aspects of the addiction and give you an extra incentive to keep looking ahead.
2. Make a list of positive changes you want to make. Once you have set out your problems, you can write about what you want your life to be like after the addiction. What positive changes will come when you regain control? For example, you could:
   • To be able to experience a new feeling of freedom.
   • Be able to care about other things in addition to sex, and spend more time on the things you enjoy.
   • To be able to forge deeper bonds with other people.
   • Can mend your relationships.
   • Be proud of overcoming an addiction.
3. Make a mission statement to stop. Your mission statement is a summary of the reasons why you are fighting your addiction. It's a personal promise to kick the habit. A list of reasons will help remind you of your goals if you're about to throw in the towel. You know why you want to quit and you can overcome mental and physical obstacles. Here are a few examples of reasons:
   • I am kicking off because I want to save the relationship with my partner and live with my family again.
   • I'm kicking off because I've contracted an STI and know that I have to make better choices.
   • I kick off because I want to set a good example for my children.
4. Set goals with target deadlines. Make a schedule for your recovery. Think of goals such as "attending therapy sessions" or "participating in a support group". While your recovery may take longer than you planned, achievable goals will guide your steps. Schedule appointments for therapy. Decide when to join the support group. Decide when to talk to the people you have been hurt.

Part 3 of 4: Stop addictive behavior

1. Get rid of objects that trigger you. Being surrounded by stuff that reminds you of sex will make it a lot harder to kick the habit. Get rid of all pornographic magazines, pictures, videos and other things. Avoid tempting yourself to fall back into your old pattern. Delete all porn from your computer and delete the history of websites you visited before. Consider installing software that blocks porn sites.
2. Stay away from people and places that trigger addictive behaviors. Avoid the places where you used to look for harmful sexual dates. Stay away from the red light districts and don't go to sex shops. If your friends want to go out in areas like this, ask them to go out with you.
   • Certain situations can trigger addictive behavior. For example, you could have one-night stands when you are on a business trip. Try to find a way to prevent this. Travel with a colleague or try staying with a platonic friend instead of booking a hotel room on your own.
3. Delete sex partner contact information. Delete the phone numbers and names of former sex partners from your phone, computer and other devices. A list of people who are willing to have sex can be very tempting if you feel like having sex. Notify regular partners that you are no longer seeking sexual contact with them. Be receptive to their feelings, but don't be persuaded to stop trying.
   • You can of course keep the contact details of your spouse or serious partner.

Part 4 of 4: Leaving the addiction behind

1. Replace addictive sex with healthy outlets for your energy. If you quit your addictive sexual activities, you may have excess energy. Try healthy activities such as exercise or other forms of recreation. If an activity isn't stimulating enough, try something else. Keep looking for ways to entertain yourself. Here are some suggestions:
   • Write in your journal daily.
   • Take music lessons or join a choir or band.
   • Take art classes or start drawing, painting or modeling at home.
   • Start a new hobby that requires physical effort, such as woodworking.
   • Try stress-relieving activities, such as yoga or tai chi.
   • Do activities that get your heart racing, such as skydiving or bungee jumping.
2. Trust your strongest relationships. As you break away from your addictive behaviors, you can reconnect with your loved ones. Your partner, best friends, children, parents, siblings can only help and support you. Concentrate on repairing relationships that need to be repaired and nurturing relationships that have become children of the account. The more you invest in the people around you, the less you will need sex as an escape mechanism.
3. Work towards a healthy relationship with sex. Overcoming a sex addiction doesn't mean you can never have sex again; it means not being controlled by compulsive behavior. You are in control of your sexual behaviors and they bring you happiness and satisfaction instead of guilt and shame.
   • Your therapist can help you work towards this. You might even find that a therapist who specializes in sexual health issues can be incredibly helpful, as he / she can teach you ways to develop a healthy attitude towards sex.
   • Explore what you love about sex. If you are addicted to sex, you may be doing things that you don't even necessarily enjoy; that you only do them because they feed your compulsions. Take the time to explore what you actually enjoy about sex. What makes you feel valued as a sexual partner? What feelings do you want to bring out in others?
   • Learn to see sex as part of a healthy life, and not as "forbidden fruit" or something to hide or be ashamed of. Someone with an eating disorder in which he / she eats too much will not just stop eating. Likewise, you don't have to stop having sex completely. You just want to find a healthier way for you to integrate sex into your life.
4. Stay focused on your goal. The recovery takes time. You will likely crave addictive sex at some point. It's okay to have sex with an intimate partner, but one-night stands or porn can make you relapse. Be open about your struggles and talk to your therapist and family about them. Keep your mission statement in mind and remember that you can fix damaged relationships and solve financial problems. If you relapse, reflect on what went wrong. Try to avoid the triggers that caused the relapse. Don't give up and keep moving forward!
   • If you have a relapse, read your diary. Read your mission statement and remind yourself of the reasons why you want to recover. Stay fully involved with the therapy and your support group.
5. Celebrate your achievements. When you've achieved some of your goals, take the time to celebrate how far you've come. For example, if you lasted a month without any addictive behavior, acknowledge that achievement with a treat. For example, go to your favorite restaurant, visit a museum or buy a new item of clothing. Celebrate how far you've come and set new goals to work towards.

Tips

• Sex addictions can often be triggered by drugs and alcohol. If you are struggling with sex addiction, limit or eliminate the use of these substances.