Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Coping with Frustration Quickly
• Method 2 of 3: Talking About Your Feelings
• Method 3 of 3: How to behave in the future
• Warnings

Many people feel frustrated in relationships. If you had certain expectations that were not met, you may get upset. However, disappointment is normal and must be treated correctly. First, you need to sort out your emotions.When you are calm, talk to the other person about the problem, and then find a way to move on together.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Coping with Frustration Quickly

1. 1 Understand your emotions. If something upsets you, you should sort out your emotions. Whether they are good or bad, you need to get through the things that bother you.
   • Give yourself a day to experience emotional reactions to disappointment. There is no need to vent your emotions on others - it is better not to do it at all. Just reflect on how you are feeling throughout the day. You are angry? Confused? Scared? Try to keep a journal and describe in it how you felt as a result of the disappointment and why.
   • It is important to feel your emotional reaction to the event. Emotions can tell you what matters to you. If you're a little upset that your boyfriend canceled a date at the last moment, that disappointment won't be overwhelming, but if you feel frustrated all day after that, chances are that the cause of your upset goes deeper.
2. 2 Don't take everything to heart. Frustration is always painful, but most of the time, they don't want to offend you on purpose. Try not to take everything to heart, even if it is very difficult. A person's behavior is not necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you.
   • Many people tend to see the reasons for all failure in themselves. It may seem to you that if someone has offended you, you yourself are to blame. You may decide that you deserve to be treated that way, or that you are not good enough to be treated differently.
   • Try to get rid of these thoughts. They make you jump to the wrong conclusions. There are many factors that can contribute to disappointment. The person who offended you most likely did not want it. Before taking everything to heart, analyze all the circumstances.
   • Remind yourself that you don't know all the facts. If your best friend suddenly cancels a dinner together, you may be offended. Maybe she was having a bad day. Perhaps she herself had difficulties at work or in her personal life, which ruined her mood. Perhaps she just wanted to be alone with herself. You have every right to feel frustrated, but remember that you do not have all the information.
3. 3 Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Sometimes, in moments of resentment, a person may decide that he is himself never I wouldn't do that. Is it so? We ourselves constantly disappoint others, by accident or not. If you know something about the other person's circumstances, try to put yourself in their shoes. How would you behave?
   • For example, say you are upset that your friend went to a club without you. You planned to watch a movie together at home, but a colleague with whom your friend wants to talk more, invited him at the last minute. If you are offended, you may feel that your friend did the wrong thing and that you could never do the same.
   • However, you should try to put yourself in your friend's shoes. Suppose he recently moved to your city and finds it difficult to make friends, which often makes him feel lonely. Perhaps, under the circumstances, he was worried that he would alienate the new person and not be able to join the new company. Also try to see yourself through the eyes of a friend. Do you like going to clubs? If not, your friend might decide that it’s better not to invite you, because you will be bored.
4. 4 Don't be too hard on yourself. If disappointment hurts you a lot, take care of yourself. Anger, resentment, and sadness often accompany feelings of frustration. Do something nice for yourself. Watch a movie, take a hot bath, order a meal. By pampering yourself, you can help yourself deal with your emotions.

Method 2 of 3: Talking About Your Feelings

1. 1 Write down your thoughts. If you are having trouble dealing with frustration, you should talk to another person about it. Talking about hurt and disappointment can be difficult. Try recording your emotions in advance. This will make it easier for you to frame your thoughts before starting the conversation.
   • Write down how you feel. After sketching out the main points, think about how best to formulate the thought. Rephrase the statements so that the other person understands you correctly.
   • Remember what you want to achieve. Do you want an apology? Do you need a person to explain their actions? Would you like the person to act differently in the future? Answering these questions will help you write down your thoughts correctly.
2. 2 Show empathy. If you have a difficult conversation ahead of you, try to show empathy for the person. This will allow you to avoid conflict. Try to understand the person. Be prepared to listen to his views and vision of the situation and think about him. Remember that talking is about solving a problem, not winning an argument. In any situation, there are two points of view, so it is very important to be able to listen to the point of view of your interlocutor.
3. 3 Let go of any expectations. Before you start talking, you shouldn't have any expectations. If you think the conversation will go a certain way, you will be disappointed or upset if it doesn't. Let everything take its course. Remember, you don't know how the other person will feel. Don't make assumptions in advance.
4. 4 Speak for yourself. Phrases with the pronoun "I" allow you to emphasize personal feelings, and not objective reality. Speaking for yourself, you emphasize your feelings. You do not judge the person or blame him for his actions. You are simply talking about how these actions affected you and why.
   • Such statements have three parts. First, you say what emotion you are experiencing, then you explain what action triggered that emotion, and at the end you explain why those feelings came to you.
   • It is important to minimize charges and ratings. Your interlocutor should not feel as if he is objectively wrong. Better to explain how his actions hurt you. For example, in a conversation with your boyfriend, you might say, "Because of you, we are constantly late for all appointments, and that makes me very upset."
   • Rephrase this saying so that your boyfriend doesn't feel guilty. He will react faster to your words if he realizes that he offends you. You can put it this way: “I get upset that we are always late everywhere, because it seems to me that you do not respect my desire to see my friends.”
5. 5 Listen to the person's point of view. After explaining how you feel, listen to the other person. Even if his behavior upset you, there may be an explanation for this behavior. Try to think good things. The task of the conversation is to solve the problem and move on.
   • Perhaps your boyfriend in the example above just doesn't perceive time the way you do. He can answer like this: “I didn’t know that 7 o'clock means exactly 7 o'clock. When we meet with friends, we set an approximate time, and people gradually catch up. "
   • The problem is communication difficulties, not disrespect. Maybe your boyfriend just has a different attitude towards meeting times. In the future, you will be able to clearly tell him what time you need to come.

Method 3 of 3: How to behave in the future

1. 1 Analyze your expectations. It's not uncommon for people in relationships to have unrealistic expectations. If someone is constantly upsetting you, evaluate your own expectations. Perhaps, in some ways, your expectations are unattainable?
   • People often have expectations from past relationships. For example, your old girlfriend moved to your city for you. She had few friends in this city, and she spent all the time with you.Your new girlfriend has been living in this city for a long time, which is why she often communicates with friends and does not expect that only you will entertain her and communicate with her. If you think you need to spend all the time together, these expectations remain from your previous relationship. You should not expect this from a new girl, since her circumstances are different.
   • Expectations can be unrealistic in other ways as well. For example, in response to your offer to spend an evening together, the girl answers you with the word “maybe”. You can interpret this answer as "most likely" or "unequivocally." As a result, if a girl says that she will not be able to meet with you, you will be upset. Perhaps your expectations were initially unrealistic. In the modern world, it becomes more difficult for many people to find time for certain tasks. You should start perceiving “possible” as “possible” and think about what you will do if the other person is still busy.
2. 2 Redefine your expectations. If your expectations are not met, change them. You can avoid future disappointments if you learn to accept certain aspects of the other person.
   • Let's go back to the example above. Your new girlfriend is more independent. She has her own life, her own work and her own circle of friends. She may not need another person to feel like a whole person.
   • If this is the case, you should reconsider your expectations for a romantic relationship. In this relationship, you will not spend all of your free time together. Perhaps the girl will meet with her friends a couple of times a week. Accept that this is part of your girlfriend's life and that it's okay. The next time she goes to a bar with her coworkers, you won't be so upset that she can't come to see you after work.
3. 3 Try again. After adjusting your expectations, try again. In any relationship, a compromise must be sought. If a friend, relative, or romantic partner does something differently from the way you do, it's important to let the person do it the way they are used to. Work on relationships with new expectations. Try to take the other person's point of view more often and express your desires and needs directly. SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

   
   
   Family therapist Moshe Ratson is the executive director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a psychotherapy and counseling clinic in New York City. He is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) certified by the International Federation of Coaching. Received a Master's Degree in Psychotherapy in Family and Marriage from Iona College. He is a clinical member of the American Association for Family Therapy (AAMFT) and a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
   Family psychotherapist

   What our specialist does: “I recommend family counseling to everyone, even those who think they have no problems in their marriage. It helps you learn relationship skills that you might not otherwise master. Counseling will not relieve you of problems, but it will give you the ability to deal with difficult situations much better. ”

   
   
4. 4 Try to see the whole picture. If something upsets you, you can replay the event over and over in your head. However, it's important not to get hung up on the little things. Is this relationship important to you? Does this person bring more good than bad to your life? If so, you can come to terms with the fact that you feel frustrated from time to time. All people upset a friend of a friend, and usually they don't do it out of harm's way. Try to forget about what happened and move on.
5. 5 Accept the changes in your relationship. Sometimes frustration is the result of a change in the relationship. Perhaps you are living with old expectations that can no longer be called justified.Try to adapt to changes in your relationship, and understand that change does not always mean that there is something wrong with the relationship.
   • Consider a typical romantic relationship. At the beginning of a relationship, you can have more sex, spend more time together, and talk constantly. Gradually everything can calm down. You may experience pauses in conversations and sex may become less frequent.
   • The excitement of a new relationship is gradually disappearing. After a few months, the relationship usually becomes calmer, and this is not always a bad thing. You may be lacking in novelty, but a stable long-term relationship has more advantages. You two are good together. You can both be yourself. Try to see the change in the relationship, not decline, but stability.

Warnings

• Seeking to understand the other person’s opinion is important, but if the person is constantly upsetting you and doesn’t feel guilty, it may be better to end the relationship. You don't deserve constant disrespect.