Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Set Healthy Boundaries
• Method 2 of 3: React to Human Behavior
• Method 3 of 3: Find Help and Support
• Tips
• Warnings

Narcissists often try to control others through manipulation, threats, flattery, and other techniques. You may be thinking that it would be a good idea to seize the initiative and take control of the narcissist yourself. While it is not good to try to control other people, there are strategies you can use to improve your interactions with the narcissist. Start by setting healthy boundaries to signal that you won't be pushed around. Then work on your reaction to the person’s behavior to smooth out stressful situations. If you are having relationship problems with a narcissist, reach out to other people for support and help.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Set Healthy Boundaries

1. 1 Decide which behavior you will tolerate and which you will not. Think about how the person has violated your boundaries in the past and what changes you would like to see. Perhaps you want him to change the way he interacts with you, his expectations of you, or his attitude towards you in general. Make a list of all the words and actions the person did that violated your boundaries. For example:
   • he calls you names;
   • he threatens you;
   • he yells at you;
   • he blames you for his problems;
   • he criticizes or makes fun of you;
   • he demands that you do something for him;
   • he lies to you and denies it later.
2. 2 Tell the person your boundaries in person, but do so in a delicate manner. It is important to express your needs directly so that it is very clear what you are asking for. However, in your relationship with a narcissist, you are more likely to do better if you don’t make demands on him.
   • For example, you might say something like, "I enjoy spending time with you, but I'll have to leave if you start calling me names again." Or, "I'm glad you called, but I'll have to hang up if you keep yelling at me." Maintain a friendly and calm tone.
   • Try not to get angry with what he says and does. For example, don't react like this: “You can't talk to me like that! I'm leaving! "- or:" If you don't stop yelling at me right now, I'll hang up! " These statements are more assertive, and the narcissist can become very upset.
3. 3 Come up with consequences for breaking boundaries and implement them. After you have outlined the boundaries and the consequences for their violation, monitor their observance. If the person violates the boundaries that you just outlined, implement the previously voiced consequences.
   • For example, if you told the person that you would leave, if he calls you a certain word again, and he will repeat it anyway, get up and walk away.
   • If you've warned the person to hang up, if they keep yelling at you and they won't calm down, drop the call.

   Advice: be sure to immediately implement the established consequences. Don't give a second warning, hesitate, or let things go when the person tries to apologize or convince you to stay with flattery.

   
   
4. 4 Expect a change in relationships once boundaries are set. Once you start setting boundaries and applying them on a regular basis, you may notice that the person's behavior has changed in your presence or that they spend less time with you. This happened because he realized that the dynamics are changing and he cannot get what he wants from you as easily as before, or that he does not get it at all. This is good, but it probably won't be easy at first.
   • For example, if you set boundaries on how to talk to you, you may find that he begins to communicate less with you or ignore you completely.
   • Even if the change is quite noticeable, don't show that you've noticed any difference in his behavior or in your relationship with him.
5. 5 Analyze and rebuild if boundaries begin to weaken. There may come a time when you don’t defend your boundaries, or when a person finds a way to get around them. In this case, analyze the situation and determine how you can strengthen the boundaries in the future.
   • For example, if you said that you would leave the room if a person calls you names or threatens you, but once did not do it, analyze why this happened. Are you distracted? Did he do or say something that made you stay? How can you overcome this obstacle to strengthen your boundaries next time?
   • Keep in mind that strengthening personal boundaries will be a permanent part of your relationship with this person. Be persistent and continue to hold your ground on a regular basis.

Method 2 of 3: React to Human Behavior

1. 1 Remain calm and resist the person's attempts to upset you. Narcissists often make harsh comments to provoke emotions in the other person, but do not swallow the bait. React calmly to what the person is telling you. If you find yourself feeling upset, pause and take a deep breath or go for a walk to calm down before interacting with him again.
   • It's perfectly okay to get away from talking to the person who offends you. If the person criticizes you, accuses you, calls you names, threatens you, or does anything else that upsets you, you have every right to leave.
2. 2 Carefully and attentively listen person when he speaks. Narcissists love to be in the spotlight, which is why they often talk a lot. Be prepared to be the host in most conversations and show him that you are actively listening to him. For example:
   • smile and nod while maintaining eye contact;
   • say things like, "Yes," "I understand," and "Mmm," to encourage him to keep talking;
   • ask questions to clarify unclear points, such as, "What did you mean when you said you had a bad day?"
3. 3 Distract him by asking about a topic that interests him. Narcissists love to talk about themselves and share their knowledge, so asking them about something they find interesting is a good way to distract them from their anger. This can be especially helpful if he argues with you or verbally attacks you.
   • For example, if a person knows a lot about cars, you can ask him a question about them. Or, if he considers himself an expert in the field of money, you can turn to him for financial advice.

   Advice: You may have to wait for the person to calm down a bit to grab their attention in this way. If he gets angry or boycotts you, try waiting 20 minutes and then ask him a question to distract him.

   
   
4. 4 Show empathy his feelings to calm him down. While narcissists themselves tend to be incapable of empathizing with other people, showing empathy for the narcissist can help calm them down if they are upset. Try saying something to him that expresses your concern for him and empathy for his feelings.
   • For example, you might say something like, "You must have been very upset because you had to wait a long time for a ride home."
   • Or you can engage the person in the conversation by saying something like, “You seem to be very angry right now. What's bothering you?"
5. 5 Refuse to fuel his high self-esteem. A key characteristic of a narcissistic personality is that such a person feels superior to others. As a result, he gravitates towards people who feed this image, but this only makes the situation worse. Don't give a person what he wants if he begs for compliments or praises himself. Ignore his comments or change the subject.
   • For example, if a person keeps talking about what a great salesperson they are, try saying something like, “Yes. By the way, do you have any ideas about what to do this weekend? "
   • It's okay to let go of a sincere compliment if you think the person deserves it. The main thing is to try not to praise him all the time, otherwise it will further inflate his self-esteem.
6. 6 Use non-accusatory first-person statements to express your feelings. From time to time, you will have arguments with the narcissist. This person is more likely to be offended if you criticize him directly, but that doesn't mean you need to back down completely. When pointing out his wrongdoing, frame the phrase so that it looks like a personal and subjective opinion, not an accusation.
   • In general, first-person statements reduce defense, aggression, and rage. Narcissists are known to be especially fond of exhibiting these emotions in excess, so first-person statements will provide you with significant leverage.
   • For example, say, "Your actions hurt me," instead of, "You just did something very cruel and frivolous."
7. 7 Check the person's words, as narcissists tend to lie. If something contradicts the narcissist's view of himself, he will reflexively lie so as not to face the truth. This means that you most likely will not receive accurate information from him 100% of the time. If you have any doubts about his words, check it out for yourself. Don't take everything he says at face value.
   • For example, if a person retells an event at work, posing as a hero, get their colleagues' opinion on the matter.

Method 3 of 3: Find Help and Support

1. 1 Reach out to friends and family for support. Having a relationship with a narcissist on a regular basis can be exhausting and discouraging. If this person is your friend, you may be able to distance yourself from him sometimes, but this is very difficult if you live or work with him. Talk to trusted friends and family members about your feelings and ask them to support you.
   • Try saying something like, “I think Anton is a narcissist and it's hard for me to communicate with him. If I need to talk to someone sometimes, can I call you? "
2. 2 Join a support group or online forum to connect with others. If you are not getting enough support from friends and family, or simply want to discuss your experience with another group of people, seek out a support group. You can go to a local support group meeting or join an online forum if there are no such groups in your area.
   • Try visiting mental health sites to find local or virtual support groups, or join the forum on Pikaboo.
3. 3 Find a psychologist and talk to him about your feelings. Having a safe space to let off steam and talk about your relationship with the narcissist will help you feel better in your day-to-day life.The psychologist will also teach you the tools for communicating with the narcissist and tell you how to react if the person says or does things that upset you.
   • You can ask your doctor, friends and family for recommendations, or look for a specialist online.
4. 4 If you are experiencing violence, call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 8-801-100-8-801. If you are experiencing verbal, emotional or physical abuse, reach out to people who can help you. Call the Domestic Violence Hotline or Emergency Services if you are in danger. For example, if a person threatens you or tries to physically attack you.

   Types and examples of abusive behavior:

   
   

   Physical... If you are hit, restrained, scratched, bitten, pushed or thrown at you.

   Verbal or emotional... If you are yelled at or yelled at, called names, blamed for your unhealthy behavior, interfered with seeing friends / family members, and told you what to do.

   Sexy... If you are forced to touch or have sex with a person (rape), refuse to use condoms, and are forced to engage in sexual assault.

Tips

• Being around a narcissist can be challenging, as they may blame and criticize you or use other tactics to lower your self-esteem. Work on strengthening your self-esteem so that you can more easily tolerate his behavior.

Warnings

• Trying to control a narcissist may not work, as they are often quite self-controlled. Better focus on yourself and your reactions, for example, try to stand your ground more often.