Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Preparation
• Part 2 of 3: Time and Place
• Part 3 of 3: Apology
• Tips

An apology is an expression of regret for doing something wrong. An apology is essential to improve your relationship with the person you hurt. If you want to improve a relationship with someone, do not forget about three things when apologizing: about regret for what you have done, about responsibility, and about restoring the relationship.While it is sometimes difficult to apologize for a mistake, using simple words can help you repair and improve your relationships with others.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Preparation

1. 1 Do not defend your case. Our view of things can be quite subjective. Two people may look at the same situation differently because we perceive and interpret the situation differently. When we apologize, we acknowledge that a person can have an opinion, whether it is similar to yours or not.
   • For example, imagine you went to the movies without your life partner. Most likely, he feels loneliness and pain. Instead of proving that you are right, admit that he / she has experienced loneliness and pain and apologize for it.
2. 2 Use "I" - affirmation. One of the most common mistakes people make when apologizing is using "you" instead of "me." When you apologize, you must take responsibility for your actions. Of course, if you did not do something, you should not be responsible for these actions. Pay attention to your actions and do not blame others for their wrong.
   • For example, a very common but ineffective way to apologize is to say, "Sorry, you hurt so much" or "Sorry, you were so upset." When apologizing, you shouldn't focus on the other person's feelings. You must accept your responsibility. If you apologize in the aforementioned way, you are shifting all responsibility to the person whose feelings were hurt.
   • Don't focus on yourself. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I hurt you" or "I'm sorry I upset you," show that you understand that you are responsible for the harm done. The person should not get the impression that he is to blame and not you.
3. 3 Don't make excuses for your actions. When we explain why we did this, we all tend to make excuses. However, making excuses often negates the meaning of the apology, as the words can sound insincere.
   • Very often, making excuses, we say that the person has misunderstood us. In addition, we can downplay the significance of the situation, for example, by saying that everything is not so bad or that we simply had no other choice.
4. 4 Excuse yourself correctly. When you apologize, you can say that you didn't mean to hurt the person or hurt their feelings. The person may be pleased to hear that you are worried about them and that you really didn’t want to harm them. However, you must be careful not to nullify responsibility for your wrongdoing by making excuses.
   • Examples of such excuses include the following statements: "I didn't mean to offend you" or "It was by accident." In addition, it could be something like: "I was drunk and did not understand what I was saying." However, do not forget that you hurt a person's feelings, so try not to look for reasons, but apologize for what you have done from the bottom of your heart.
   • The person you hurt is more likely to forgive you if you apologize rather than make excuses. He / she will most likely forgive you if by apologizing you show that you are taking responsibility, that you understand the pain you have caused, and that you promise not to do so in the future.
5. 5 Avoid the word “but”. An apology that includes the word "but" is almost never taken as an apology. The word "but" acts like an eraser that erases your apology. The person no longer perceives your words as regret for what they have done, but thinks that you are trying with all your might to justify yourself. When people hear the word "but" they tend to stop listening. From this moment it seems to them that further accusations against them follow.
   • For example, don't say, "I'm sorry, but I was so tired." By this you emphasize that you had a reason for making this mistake and do not express regret at all that you hurt the person.
   • Instead, you can say, “I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know I hurt your feelings.I'm tired and that's why I said it, but I'm very sorry about that. "
6. 6 Consider the personality of the other person. Research shows that everyone has a different perception of your apology. In other words, considering the person's personality, you can determine which words of regret will be most effective for them.
   • For example, some people are very independent and it is very important for them to defend their rights. These people are more likely to be receptive to more practical apologies.
   • For people who value personal relationships with others, empathy and empathy for their pain will be most important.
   • Some people value social rules and norms highly and consider themselves to be from a larger social group. Such people are more likely to be more susceptible to apologies that show that their rights have been violated.
   • If you don't know the person very well, you can include a little bit of everything. Thanks to this, the person will choose what is most important to him.
7. 7 Write your apology on a piece of paper. If you find it difficult to formulate your apology, try putting it down on paper. This will help you make sure you are expressing your apology in the right way. Take the time to figure out why you are apologizing and what you will do to avoid repeating your mistakes.
   • If you're worried that you might get worried about saying your apology, you can grab your notes with you. Perhaps the offended side will appreciate that you are so prepared.
   • If you are worried about saying something wrong, you can rehearse with a close friend. Of course, you don't have to hone every word, or your words will sound insincere. However, a little practice doesn't hurt.

Part 2 of 3: Time and Place

1. 1 Find the right time. Even if you say that you are sorry about something, an apology can be ineffective if you say it at the time of an argument. For example, if you are still arguing about something, your apology may not be heard. This is due to the fact that it is difficult for us to listen to others when we are experiencing negative emotions. Wait until you are cool and ready to hear each other.
   • Also, if you apologize when your emotions run high, your words may be considered disingenuous. Collect your thoughts, calm down and only then say words of regret about what happened. Just don't put it on the back burner. You will only make matters worse if you wait days or weeks to apologize.
   • If you make a mistake at work, try to apologize as soon as possible. This will help you avoid problems in the workplace.
2. 2 Apologize to the person personally. If you apologize in person, you are more likely to be perceived as sincere. Remember that we can also transmit information non-verbally, for example, using facial expressions and gestures. Whenever possible, ask for forgiveness in person.
   • If you can't ask for forgiveness in person, use your phone. Your tone of voice should show that you are sincere.
3. 3 Choose a quiet environment for the apology. This is usually a very personal act. Finding a quiet, secluded place to apologize can help you focus on the other person and not be distracted by something else.
   • Choose a place where you can relax, make sure you have enough time and don't have to rush.
4. 4 Make sure you have enough time to talk to the offended party. If you are in a hurry, it is unlikely that you will be able to reconcile the disagreement. You need enough time to explain the reason for your behavior and ask for forgiveness. You will have to admit that you are wrong, explain why it happened, express regret about what happened, and show that you will not repeat it in the future.
   • You should also pick a time when you are not stressed or stressed.If you think of something else when you apologize, then your attention will not be focused on the words of regret and the offended side will feel it.

Part 3 of 3: Apology

1. 1 Be open and relax. This type of communication is called "integrative communication" and involves open discussion of issues with the aim of reaching mutual understanding. Integrative methods have a positive effect on relationships.
   • For example, if the person remembers the situation again, let him finish, no matter how unpleasant it may be to you. Wait before you object. Listen carefully to the person and try to look at the situation from the other person's point of view, even if you disagree with him. Don't shout or insult the other person.
2. 2 Use gestures in moderation. Non-verbal signs are just as important as words. Do not slouch as this may mean that you are closed to conversation.
   • Maintain eye contact during the conversation. Take at least 50% of the time to give your opinion and at least 70% of the time to listen to the person.
   • Do not cross your arms over your chest. This is a sign that you are closed to the other person and are trying to isolate yourself from him.
   • Relax your face. You shouldn't be smiling, but if you have a sullen face, try relaxing your muscles.
   • Use open palms when gesturing.
   • If you have offended a loved one, you can gently touch him as a sign of reconciliation. Hug or gently touch your arm. This will show that this person means a lot to you.
3. 3 Express your regret. Empathize with the other person. Tell him that you understand that you have hurt this person. Show that you care about the person and their feelings.
   • Research shows that apologies based on guilt or shame are more likely to be accepted by a person. In contrast, an apology dictated by sympathy is unlikely to be perceived by the offended party as sincere.
   • For example, you might start your apology like this: "I am deeply sorry for hurting you. I feel so bad that I did this."
4. 4 Be prepared to take responsibility. Be specific. A specific apology is more likely to be received by the other person more favorably, because it shows that you understand that you hurt the person with your actions.
   • Try to avoid generalizing. You shouldn't say: "I'm a terrible person", with these words you do not emphasize that you did something wrong, which led to resentment. You must admit that it is much more difficult to stop being a terrible person than learning to pay attention to the needs of other people.
   • For example, when apologizing, be specific about how you offended the other person. "I am deeply sorry for hurting your feelings yesterday. I feel terrible for hurting you. I will never speak that way again."
5. 5 Indicate how you will remedy the situation. An apology is more likely to work if you promise not to repeat it in the future, or if you do your best to fix the situation.
   • Mention the main problem, without shifting the blame to another, and tell the offended party that you will do everything possible to solve the problem, and also try to avoid a similar mistake in the future.
   • For example, you might say, “I am deeply sorry for hurting your feelings yesterday. I feel terrible for hurting you. I will never say this again. I will think several times.
6. 6 Listen to the other person. Most likely, the offended side will want to express their opinion. Perhaps he or she is still experiencing internal resentment, and will want to find out some points. Do your best to stay calm and open.
   • If the offended party is still upset about what happened, don't expect a good relationship. If the person yells or insults you, chances are you won't be forgiven.In this case, it is better to take a break and turn the conversation to another topic.
   • If the situation requires a break, express regret and let the person make their own choices. Don't blame him. For example, don't say, "It's clear that I hurt you and you're upset now. Maybe take a short break? I want your pain to subside and you feel comfortable."
   • To turn the conversation in a positive direction, find out what the person expects of you at the moment, rather than discussing what you have already done. For example, if the other person says, "You just don't respect me!" You could answer his statement like this: "How can I behave to show that I treat you with respect?" or "What should I do differently next time?"
7. 7 At the end of the conversation, thank the person. Show appreciation for having this person in your life and show that you don't want to ruin your relationship. This is a great way to express your love for a loved one. Say that your life will lose its meaning if this person is not around.
8. 8 Be patient. If the person doesn't accept your apology, thank them for listening to you and leave the door open in case they want to talk about it later. For example, say, "I understand that you are still upset about what happened, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to ask your forgiveness. If you ever change your mind, please call me." Some people take a little longer to cool down.
   • Keep in mind that even if the person accepts your apology, this does not mean that they have completely forgiven you. It will likely take some time, perhaps even a long time, before you can fully rebuild your relationship. In this situation, there is little you can do. If the person is really important to you, give them time and space to deal with their feelings. Don't expect this to happen quickly.
9. 9 Stick to your word. If you're sorry, you should be prepared to fix the problem. You promised to improve, so do your best to do it. Otherwise, your apology will lose its meaning, and your relationship will be difficult to restore.
   • Get the person's opinion of your behavior from time to time. For example, after a few weeks, you might ask, "I hurt you a few weeks ago, now I'm trying my best to mend. Do you think I'm doing well?"

Tips

• Sometimes an apology spills over into a conversation about the same thing. Try to avoid repetition and do not touch sensitive topics. Show the person that you understand that you have hurt their feelings and will try to prevent such behavior in the future.
• Even if it seems to you that the conflict was due to a misunderstanding on the part of the other person, do not mention it when you apologize. Best of all, hint that this person can help you avoid future misunderstandings by reminding you that you are crossing the line. And then, again, apologize for what happened.
• If possible, always speak one-on-one. This will reduce the risk of other people influencing the decision to forgive. However, if you have offended someone in public, apologizing in front of everyone can help make amends.
• After you apologize, give yourself some time and think about what you can do to fix the situation. Next time, you will know how to avoid such a problem.
• If the person wants to talk to you about the options for correcting a mistake, this is a good sign. If, for example, you forgot about your wife's birthday, celebrate with her another day on an even bigger scale. It doesn't absolve you of responsibility for your next birthday, but it shows you are making an effort.
• One apology often leads to another. Perhaps you admit something else, or the other person also decides to apologize to you. Be prepared to forgive.