Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Minimizing Your Frequency of Speech
• Method 2 of 3: Listening More
• Method 3 of 3: Avoiding mistakes
• Tips

Many people want to learn to speak less and listen more. Listening more can help you gather information, get to know others better, and learn to express yourself and your thoughts in a concise, concise manner. First, pay attention to when and how much you speak. Work on minimizing your frequency of speech. Then move on to developing the skills of the listener. Pay attention to people who are speaking by making eye contact, smiling and nodding. And then you can benefit from your reticence.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Minimizing Your Frequency of Speech

1. 1 Only speak when it matters. Before you speak, ask yourself if this is really necessary. Try not to interfere with the conversation if you are not participating in it.
   • People tend to listen to those who choose their words carefully. Those who constantly share their opinions or tell stories can lose the interest of others over time. If you have a tendency to chat a lot, you may find yourself constantly giving out unnecessary information.
2. 2 Try not to speak to fill the void. This is often the cause of some people chatting. You may find yourself chatting in a certain professional situation, such as at work or school, to ease the awkwardness of the silence. However, sometimes silence is normal and there is no need to speak just to fill the gap.
   • For example, if you or your coworker are in the break room at the same time, you do not need to start talking about this and that with him. If he doesn't seem to want to communicate, chances are he is not in the mood for social interaction.
   • In this case, it's okay to just smile politely and remain silent.
3. 3 Think carefully about your words. If you talk too often, chances are you are spitting out the first thing that comes to your head without filtering out.Learning to speak less means learning to think about your words. Before you say something, try to think over your speech in advance. This will help you keep things to yourself, making your speech more specific.
   • People who talk too much often reveal information that they would rather keep to themselves. Pause if you are thinking of adding anything else, especially if it is something very personal. Remember, you can always share new information later, however, once you do share it, you will never make it private again.
4. 4 Pay attention to the time you speak. Having a clear idea of ​​how long you've been chatting can help you talk less. On average, after 20 seconds of speaking, you risk losing the listener's attention. So after this point, tune in to the interlocutor. Look for any hints that his interest is dying out.
   • Watch your body language. When the listener is bored, he can turn the phone in his hands or look into it. His gaze may begin to wander. Try to keep within the next 20 seconds to give the other person the opportunity to participate in the dialogue.
   • In general, try to speak for no more than 40 seconds at a time. A little more, and the other person may feel annoyed or want to interrupt you.
5. 5 Consider if you are chattering with excitement. People often talk a lot due to latent feelings of social anxiety. Pay attention when you are especially chatty. Are you experiencing anxiety or anxiety during this time? If so, work on how to deal with it in a different way.
   • When you talk too much, stop and assess your mood. How are you feeling? Are you experiencing excitement?
   • During an anxiety attack, you can count to 10 or breathe deeply. Try giving yourself parting words before social events. Remind yourself that it's okay to be nervous, but it's still worth relaxing and trying to have fun.
   • If social anxiety is your main concern, see a therapist.
6. 6 Try not to speak just to impress others. This is especially true in a work situation where people tend to chat a lot to impress others. If you find yourself talking a lot, consider whether you are trying to "show yourself."
   • If you tend to talk a lot to increase your profile in the eyes of others, try reminding yourself that people will be more impressed with what you say, rather than how often you do it.
   • Instead of talking too much about yourself, save your energy for the moments when your contribution to the conversation will be meaningful.

Method 2 of 3: Listening More

1. 1 Concentrate only on the speaker. During a conversation, do not look at the phone or wander around the room. Don't worry about what to do after work or what you want to eat for dinner tonight. Direct your attention only to the speaker. This will help you listen better as you focus on what is being said.
   • Keep your eyes on the speaker most of the time. If you notice that other thoughts are creeping into your head, pull yourself up and return to reality, continuing to listen.
2. 2 Maintain eye contact. He demonstrates your attention. Make eye contact with the person as they speak. Eye contact will confirm that you are alert and not in the clouds. Lack of eye contact can show you are rude or disinterested.
   • Electronic devices such as a mobile phone often require our attention, especially if they make sounds or send notifications. Keep your phone in your bag or pocket during the conversation so that you are not tempted to look elsewhere.
   • Eye contact will also let you know if you're tired of someone. If the person looks up during your speech, chances are you are chatting too much. Pause and give the floor to your interlocutor.
3. 3 Think about what the other person is saying. Listening is not a passive act. When the other person speaks, your job is to listen to what he or she has to say. Try to refrain from judgment during this process. Even if you disagree with what was said, wait until the person finishes. During the speech of the interlocutor, do not think about what you will answer.
   • Try to create a picture of what is at stake. Think of images in your head that demonstrate what the other person is talking about.
   • You can also snatch key words or phrases during a person's speech.
4. 4 Clarify what the other person is talking about. In any conversation, sooner or later it is your turn to take the floor. Before doing this, however, make it clear that you really listened. Rephrase what you have been told in your own words and ask any questions you have. There is no need to repeat what has been said verbatim. Just rephrase your understanding of this. Also, remember that active listening should help you pay close attention to the other person and show them that you are listening. Don't use active listening to insert comments or voice your opinions.
   • For example, say something like, "So, you say that you are worried about the upcoming corporate party."
   • Then ask a question. For example: "Why do you think it bothers you? Maybe you want to discuss this?"
   • When listening to the interlocutor, show participation and do not judge. You can show respect and acknowledge his position without expressing your own opinion.

Method 3 of 3: Avoiding mistakes

1. 1 Speak up when necessary. Do not think that keeping a few words out will prevent you from expressing your opinion and speaking out. If you are seriously concerned about something or think your opinion is important, do not be afraid to voice it. Part of being reticent is being able to share when needed.
   • For example, if you have serious problems in your personal life, it is perfectly acceptable to share it with others if you need support.
   • It is also important to share your opinion if it can be meaningful. For example, if you have a firm position on some issue at work, it will be useful to voice it to your boss or colleagues.
2. 2 Don't overdo it with eye contact. Eye contact is important, but it can be too stressful. Usually people associate it with self-confidence and attentiveness, but if you overdo it, you can look suspicious in the eyes of others. It is permissible to hold your gaze for about 7-10 minutes, and then look away for a moment.
   • Also, in some cultures, eye contact may be less acceptable. Asian cultures may regard it as a sign of disrespect. If you meet someone from a different culture, be sure to read about social etiquette regarding eye contact.
3. 3 Don't jump to conclusions when you listen. Each person has his own opinion and his own view of what is right and normal. When you listen carefully to another person, sometimes they may voice things with which you disagree. However, at this time, it is very important to put aside your judgments. If you feel like you are jumping to conclusions about a person, stop and start focusing on words again. You can analyze the information later. As you listen, just focus on the other person and put value judgments aside.

Tips

• Before engaging in a conversation, consider whether your participation is mandatory or not. If not, remain silent.