Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 2: How to be tactful in conversation
• Method 2 of 2: Taking the Opinion of Others into Account

Isaac Newton owns the following statement: "Tactfulness is the ability to convey your point of view without making an enemy for yourself." Tactfulness is the ability to communicate a thought while taking into account the feelings of others. Being tactful doesn't mean hiding your true feelings. It means communicating your thoughts in a way that doesn't hurt others. Learn how to be tactful in this article.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: How to be tactful in conversation

1. 1 Think before you speak. Stop, consider how your words might be perceived, and refrain from harsh words. You may have an immediate reaction to something your boss or friend says, but it's important not to say everything that comes to mind. Consider if this is the right time, if you should formulate your thoughts differently, and if people will listen carefully.
   • While the thoughts that immediately pop into your head can be interesting, you should first articulate them clearly. If you disagree with something your boss is saying, think about specific examples of what you dislike rather than blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.
   • Consider the feelings of the people around you. Perhaps you would like to talk about how glad you are that you have a wedding soon, and someone from those present is going through a difficult divorce. Of course, you cannot hide your joy all the time, but you should choose a more appropriate moment to tell about it.
2. 2 Don't listen to negative comments. If someone says something negative in your presence, do not engage in the conversation. This is especially important if you are at work and do not want to be part of the office wars. There are several ways to avoid these kinds of conversations. For example:
   • Correct what you heard politely ("Unfortunately, you have the wrong information. I recently spoke with Maria and she said that talking about her firing is gossip").
   • Say something neutral (“I don’t know Nikolai, so I don’t know how often he drinks”).
   • Say something positive ("Yes, maybe Kostya is late, but he does his job well" or "Zhanna always treated me with utmost respect").
   • Change the subject ("This conversation about the boss reminded me of something. There will be a corporate party soon? Will you bring someone with you?").
   • Get out of the situation. If people keep saying negative things and you are having trouble changing the direction of the conversation, apologize and go back to school or work. Better to make it look as if your departure is not related to the conversation.
   • Politely ask the person to stop (“I don’t really want to talk about the neighbors” or “I don’t want to talk about it in the workplace”).
3. 3 Before criticizing, highlight the positives. If you have to give a negative assessment to a colleague or best friend, you should start with a positive one so that the person becomes more receptive to what you say. This does not mean that you should lie. Just start with the positive so that the person can see that you care about them. There are several ways to do this:
   • If you need to talk to a friend, say this: “It's very nice that you are trying to introduce me to all the guys you know who have no mates. But you do this every time we want to go somewhere, and because of this I feel pathetic. "
   • If you have to say something unpleasant to a colleague, start like this: "I know that you have worked a lot on a new project, but the result will be even better if you ask Sveta to help you."
4. 4 Choose your words carefully. Tactfulness involves being very careful in choosing the words to express your thoughts. You can say what you want to say without hurting other people or posing as a know-it-all. Before you express any idea, think about whether you have chosen subjective, offensive, condescending, or simply inappropriate phrases. Then find other words that won't hurt anyone.
   • For example, if you want to tell a colleague that he needs to work faster, do not tell him that he is slow. Ask him to work more efficiently.
   • If you want to tell your boss that you are quitting, avoid phrases like, "I'm too smart to work with these people." Say this: "This company is not right for me."
5. 5 Choose the right moment. Timing is very important. You may have the perfect phrase, but it can ruin everything if you say it at the wrong time. Before you say something, think about whether now is the right moment and whether everyone is ready for these words. It may be better to wait for another moment, even if you really want to say something.
   • For example, if your friend really wants to talk about her engagement, it is best to hold the news of your pregnancy until next week so that your friend can be in the spotlight. If you don't, she may think you ruined her day.
   • If your boss finishes a long presentation at the end of the day, don't ask questions about another project. This will knock the boss out of his mind, and he will not have the strength to focus on your questions. Wait until tomorrow - after resting, your manager will be able to work more efficiently.
6. 6 Politely decline invitations. If someone asks you to do something, refuse politely, even if everyone inside you screams "no way!" Perhaps you have been invited to a children's party with a person you hardly know, or offered to stay at work late. Don't get angry or show displeasure. Calmly say that you would like to attend, but you cannot, and apologize. So you will convey information to people, but at the same time you will not offend anyone.
   • If your manager asks you to take on another project, but you already have a lot to do, say this: "Thank you for this opportunity, but I am currently working on two other projects that you assigned me, and I will not be able to do additional work. But I will ready to participate in similar projects in the future. "
   • If a friend invites you on a hike, but you don't like hiking, you can answer like this: "This is surely interesting, but I want to relax on the weekend. I have had a difficult week and I want to relax. Maybe we can meet at the bar next Friday?"
7. 7 Do not tell too much about yourself to unfamiliar people. Often, tactless people talk about their affairs to everyone they meet. If you want to be more considerate, don't tell everyone about your recent breakup, new rash, or personal problems. Such conversations make people feel uncomfortable and avoid communication. Learn to feel when people are interested and when to stop.
   • This also applies to personal information about other people.If you are in the company of close and not very close people, do not start a conversation on a personal topic related to someone present. Your friend may be talking to you about her confused relationship with her mom, but she may be uncomfortable telling everyone about it.
8. 8 Watch your facial expressions and gestures. It's good if your words sound nice, but if at the same time your gestures and facial expressions speak about something else, people will perceive you differently. If you need to communicate something important to someone, look the person in the eyes, turn in their direction, do not look at the floor or slouch. Give the person your full attention and show them that you care. It will be difficult to take your words seriously if you say that the person is doing well at their job, but at the same time start looking the other way.
   • Actions weigh more than words. Make sure that your gestures and facial expressions match the words.

Method 2 of 2: Taking the Opinion of Others into Account

1. 1 Think about other people's point of view and acknowledge its importance. Being tactful means understanding why a person has a particular opinion. Expressing your thoughts is important, but you also need to understand that the other person may look at the situation differently. Telling someone that you understand their position will make them more likely to listen to your words and take your ideas seriously.
   • For example, if you tell Masha that she has had a lot of work lately, it will be easier for you to ask her for help with another project. If you just ask her to stay and make a report for you, Masha may decide that you do not understand her situation.
2. 2 Be aware of cultural differences and behave appropriately without being reminded. There are many cultural characteristics in the world that depend on the origin of a person, on his upbringing, race, past experience, and even on a generation. What is considered acceptable in one culture may not be acceptable in another. Before you say anything, consider whether you are culturally sensitive.
3. 3 Don't get too much attention. Perhaps you need to correct something in a coworker's presentation, or you notice that a person has spinach stuck in their teeth. Do not point this out in front of everyone - take the person aside and say so. This is an important part of being tactful, as it helps you understand what to say and under what circumstances. This is an important skill that comes in handy in both professional and personal life.
   • For example, you and your colleague received a salary increase, but no one else received a salary increase. Don't brag about your salary to everyone. You can mark the event separately together.
4. 4 Be polite even if you are annoyed. Do not lose your temper, talk to people politely and openly. Believe the best in people. Even if you really want to tell a friend that you in fact think about his behavior, or want to yell at a colleague for failing a project, keep silent and wait for the moment when you can calmly express your thoughts. It makes no sense to say something that you will regret later, just because you lost your temper.
   • For example, if you were presented with an ugly sweater, thank you for the gift and say that you are pleased with the care.
5. 5 Develop in yourself empathy. Look around before you say something and think about how people will perceive your words. It is important to understand the kind of people around you before expressing any political, religious or other personal views. Of course, it is impossible to take into account absolutely all the nuances, but you should learn to evaluate the worldview and experience of the people around you, so as not to offend them in your own words.
   • For example, if your salary has been raised, and a colleague or friend has been fired, you shouldn't brag about money.
   • If one of those present is a believer, you should not argue that you think religion is meaningless.
   • If you're with someone who's having a difficult day, don't count on them to help you resolve a difficult emotional conflict.Be patient.
6. 6 Listen actively. Active listening is an important element of tact. What the person is telling you may not coincide with what they actually think, so it is important to see the person and listen carefully to understand. If your friend says she's already gone through a breakup and is ready to go to the party with you, but her eyes and posture suggest otherwise, find a way to politely explain to her that she's not ready yet.
   • Paying attention to the person’s behavior during the conversation will make it easier for you to respond tactfully. For example, if a colleague finds it difficult to work on a project, but he is afraid to ask for help, pay attention to the details: nervousness, stuttering, repeating the same words.
   • Active listening can help you understand when the person is tired and doesn't want to talk about something anymore. If you evaluate the work of a colleague who is already upset with the result, it will be clear from her words that she no longer wants to hear anything. End the conversation and return to it another time.
7. 7 Show respect. Respect is closely related to tact. If you want to be considerate, start showing respect for others. Don't interrupt people, listen carefully when someone is telling you, ask people about their business before jumping into bad news. Treat all people with respect and care, and remember that people need to feel that they are being treated fairly, even if things are not going well with them.
   • Respect is also a basic standard of decency. Do not scold in the presence of your older relatives and watch your speech if you are surrounded by unfamiliar people. Rough speech will seem bad taste to everyone and will speak of a lack of tact.