Content

• Steps
• Tips
• Warnings

Have you ever been upset that you have to hide the truth because it might hurt someone's feelings? But it is quite possible to choose words so that your truth will not be cruel, even if the situation requires an unpleasant answer. In addition, sometimes honesty is the most dignified and humane way to express your feelings and help other people to avoid false hopes and erroneous judgments.

Steps

1. 1 Remember that honesty is the foundation of healthy relationships with friends and family, as well as with colleagues and anyone else. Sincerity builds trust in each other, which is especially important for maintaining a relationship. In addition, honesty makes a person feel that you can be relied upon and that you are always telling the truth. Most importantly, honesty shows that you respect the person and their dignity.
2. 2 Take it for granted that dishonesty by itself does not promote good relationships. If you lie to your friend or to someone else, you are destroying the relationship, sometimes permanently. Even if your dishonest behavior is not immediately detected, it will become a time bomb for your relationship - insincerity and indifference to your friend's well-being is recognized by him on a subconscious level, and in the end, the secret always becomes obvious, no matter how skillful your lies and pretense. Dishonest behavior in a relationship can manifest itself as:
   • Subservient behavior towards a person you do not really like. Sometimes this is needed in order to get something specific (for example, a promotion, role, gift, or money). Other times, you feel it would be unsafe for you to show that you don't like the person. Although it can be very difficult to maintain a relationship with someone when you have little in common, it is much more beneficial to respect each other, despite the difference in views, than to lie.
   • Pretending that you liked something the other person did for you or gave you. For example, you might pretend you like the rock-hard cookie your friend baked, or tell your boss that his presentation was great when in reality you almost fell asleep out of boredom. In this case, you have the opportunity to show the person what exactly he needs to improve in his work, but with feigned praise, you miss this chance. Lying often results in the person continuing to behave exactly the same way as before. And now you are again treated to stone cookies, or you are forced to listen to another boring report, while you could inspire a person for the best with your polite but honest remark. As a result of such a lie, everyone loses.
   • Allowing misbehaving. Although this topic is much broader than we can discuss in the format of an article, in short, by allowing a person to behave incorrectly, you are behaving dishonestly.If you let an alcoholic “one more drink” or an Internet addict “one more hour online after midnight,” you are missing out on getting to the root of the problem and allowing the person to misbehave. This dishonesty allows the problem to grow and develop, destroying both the person and your relationship.
   • Feigned praise. Sometimes dishonesty is manifested in the fact that you say, "Yes, this dress looks great on you," just because you don't care or don't want to disturb the person. In this case, you simply do not want to pay attention to the person's problems, and are insincere with him. You don't want your friend to do the best.
3. 3 Determine why you feel the urge to lie instead of telling the truth. Sometimes you are simply ashamed to tell the truth, or you are afraid that it will lead to conflict. In order to avoid this, you need to think carefully about what you want to say, choose the right words and not deviate from the facts (try to avoid emotional assessments). Other reasons for being insincere are you want to hide your own weakness, you are trying to reach a compromise that will make life easier, or you want to avoid problems. Many people are brought up that honesty is too "stupid" or "rude", and they have not learned to speak the truth, staying within the framework of politeness. This belief is based on the fact that people simply do not know how to tell the truth politely, putting the interests of the other person first. There is a huge difference between truth spoken tactlessly and truth spoken with respect and care.
4. 4 Above all, be honest with yourself. This advice will seem odd, especially considering that we are now talking about how to be honest with other people. However, unless you learn to be honest, admit your own weakness, and take the blame for what happened, you risk lying to yourself or shirking the truth so as not to admit your own defeat. This often happens when you are in the habit of comparing yourself to others. Being honest with yourself means knowing (and accepting) yourself with all your flaws. A good understanding of yourself means that you will be less likely to try to live up to the expectations of other people, which means that you will have to lie less often to them. If you don't pretend to be better than you really are, people usually understand what to expect of you. Therefore, you can spend more time trying to find an approach to the person, and you do not have to worry that the truth about you will accidentally come out.
5. 5 Recognize that honesty is closely related to kindness. Is it a good thing to say yes to a person if you want to say no? There is not much kindness in forcing yourself to show attention to a person or forcing yourself to be close to a person. Everyone would be more comfortable if you honestly refused. Is it okay to let the person think they are well prepared or looks great if they are not? When you lie to people in such matters, it speaks of your indifference and hostility towards the person. How does a person know that he needs to change something or learn the necessary, if he was not told about it? Is it right to keep silent about something wrong and illegal that is happening at your work? Of course, this way you can keep your job longer, but sooner or later the truth will come out anyway, and then your boat will sink. If you look at the particular from this angle, you will realize that it is closer to kindness than cruelty.
   • Being honest also means being kind to yourself. When you lie, your blood pressure goes up and your stress levels go up. If you do this all the time, you are damaging your immune system. Lying lowers your self-esteem, and you start telling lies more often.All this causes unnecessary physical and psychological stress, so sincerity is the easiest way to take care of your health. Honesty means that you don't have to constantly remember what you lied about the last time in order to say the same this time. In the end, this is not possible.
   • If you still can't come to terms with the idea that honesty is the best policy, put yourself in the other person's shoes. How would you feel if you found out that someone is withholding important information from you, for example, that you made a mistake at work, or your flight was canceled, or you left the toilet and your skirt was tucked into your panties at the back. You are unlikely to choose not to know about something ridiculous, ambiguous or unpleasant that concerns you personally. Of course, at the first moment, the pain or embarrassment can be very sharp, but then a person will have the opportunity to correct his mistake.
6. 6 Ask yourself three important questions when in doubt that your honesty comes from good intentions: This is true? Is there a need to talk about it? Is this a good deed? If you cannot answer yes to all of these questions, it is possible that your "honesty" has the wrong motivation (for example, you are driven by resentment, anger, or a desire for revenge) and you need to think carefully about what guides you when communicating with the person.
   • Distinguish between honesty and envy. Jealousy does not differ in tact, is not associated with caring for a person and does not reflect the real state of affairs. If you tell a person that he has no talent or that he is ugly, just because you are jealous of his success or envy of his appearance, you are deliberately distorting the reality of things, and this does not mean your honesty. These two feelings should not be confused.
7. 7 Pay attention to the form in which you are expressing your honest assessment. This is the most important part of reducing the feeling that you are hurting the person - how you express your opinion. Start by admitting that you are acting with good intentions, that tactful honesty is much better for the person than letting them continue to believe something that is not true. Be prepared to stick to objective facts and avoid emotional judgments. Act from a position of kindness - you need to show the person the problem that needs to be solved. And remember that speaking the truth, like any other skill, takes a lot of time and exercise to be perfect. You will need to show humility and understanding.
   • Consider the personality of the person with whom you need to be honest. If you are dealing with an insecure and overly sensitive person, you don't need to be too harsh and point out mistakes. Consider its nature and be gentle with your message. It's one thing if you're trying to tell your best friend about a delicate matter, and quite another when you want a leisurely colleague to work more actively on your joint project.
   • If you need to rehearse, do it! It may be best to preliminarily say out loud what you are about to say to the person in order to smooth out tactless and thoughtless comments that you may accidentally blurt out due to nervousness or an excessive desire to "fix everything." In this case, you will not have the impression that you are putting pressure on the person, and during the rehearsal you will have the opportunity to understand whether you are doing the right thing and whether you have chosen the right words to convey the truth.
8. 8 Choose the right environment in which to tell the truth. You should not say something hurtful or hurtful to a person in the presence of other people. The best thing is to talk face to face. If you have no choice and have to speak the truth in the company of other people, say it quietly or even in a whisper. People perceive the truth much more easily if it was expressed without witnesses.
   • It is best to talk face to face, so the person can see you and perceive the information less painfully in terms of emotions. If words are spoken over the phone or written in a letter, then their meaning can be distorted, and they sound more negative, even if you did not want it.
   • No need to beat around the bush. Sure, a cup of tea or a short walk can help establish a sincere conversation, but it takes a way to distract the person to overshadow what you’re doing it all for. Remember that your main task is to convey truthful information to the person.
9. 9 Know the difference. In some situations, honesty is necessary, and sometimes it is wiser to tell the person "a lie for salvation." Below we will bring to your attention a few common situations that often occur in everyday life. It is a good idea to know in advance how to avoid rash actions and evasive or careless words. Here are some of them:
   • The question "Am I fat / fat?" This situation often occurs in a fitting room, or when dressing to go somewhere. If your friend or loved one is not very confident in themselves, increase their self-esteem. Do not speak "You're not that fat" as it sounds sarcastic and insincere - and it may not be true. Try to say something like: "You are beautiful and in great shape. I love it when you wear green - these clothes highlight the color of your eyes. But I think that these clothes do not emphasize the dignity of your figure very well. Maybe it is better. wear a long-sleeved shirt? " Another good idea is to take the initiative and help your friend find clothes that actually fit him, rather than letting him squeeze into jeans that are clearly small.
   • Question: "Am I scary / scary?" Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and this is a highly subjective concept. Each person is beautiful in his own way, you just need to be able to emphasize this beauty. Your boyfriend or girlfriend may not have the most beautiful figure, but he or she has beautiful expressive eyes or a dazzling smile. Pay the attention of your loved one to this. Never tell a person that he is ugly because it is always not true, in this case you simply do not know how to appreciate this person.
   • Your boyfriend or girlfriend is about to break up with their loved one. Of course, it is important to express your opinion on this matter, but only in the event that it relates to you, and always stay within the framework of your own experience, without trying to pass your feelings as facts. If you just do not love your girlfriend's boyfriend, you don't need to use that as a reason to convince your girlfriend to break up with him. However, if your friend's boyfriend is violent, then you can convince your friend of the need to break up, because otherwise she may get hurt. You can also help your friend if you can advise her of a good counselor.
   • Disgusting job done... If you find that your coworker has done a poor job before his boss notices his mistake, you can step in just in time and help him correct the mistake. Perhaps the person was experiencing severe stress, or he did not understand the task assigned to him, or maybe he just needs more time. If you don't talk about the reasons and honestly tell them that they need to put in more effort (or even offer to help them learn something necessary), then you will help people keep their jobs.
10. 10 Give constructive advice. When you express an opinion that is the opposite of the other person's opinion, especially when it comes to the work they have done, try to give more useful advice, trying not to sound too ultimatum. Instead of saying, "I don't like this because ..." or "You should do this instead of ...", try something like "I think it will be useful here ...".It can also be helpful to say something encouraging and compliment the person before giving advice. In this case, the person will not perceive your remark as an insult to his own abilities, and is more likely to follow your advice.
    • Always pay attention to both the good and the bad. This makes it clear to people that you see the whole situation, respect their abilities, and think that they can be better or better at doing the job if they put in more effort.
11. 11 Try to be as specific as possible about your opinion. It may well happen that your friend will think that you have not told him the whole truth, and will worry (sometimes unconsciously) about what has remained unspoken. Try to say exactly what you want to convey to the person. It is even better if you think in advance what exactly the person can think out based on your message, and tell him in advance that you have not hidden anything. In addition, we advise you to express your opinion in a positive manner, this will help to avoid further misunderstandings.
    • Although we said that you should stick to the facts that describe the problem or behavior, this does not mean that you should completely avoid any emotion. It’s okay to show the person that their problem worries you. This will improve the rapport between you, because the person will understand that you are on his side. On the other hand, don't overdo it - you don't need to turn the conversation into melodrama. Be empathetic and understanding.

Tips

• In a nutshell, don't be rude. If there are many ways to inform a person about something and not hurt his feelings at the same time.
• Remember - always pay attention to the reaction of the person you want to be honest with and choose the right tone for the conversation. You don't need to be overly strict with an indecisive and timid person.
• Keep in mind that even if you know that a certain thing is "scientifically" or "religiously" proven, this does not give you the right to be rude and put pressure on a person when you talk about your knowledge or beliefs. Even so, it is your responsibility to respect the dignity of the other person and avoid making categorical statements about his ignorance, stupidity, or godlessness. Honesty without cruelty means that you acknowledge the other person's right not to accept your "truth", and you accept the responsibility to find a way to the person's mind based on courtesy, respect and tact.
• Ideally, each negative statement should be accompanied by two positive ones.
• It is much easier to hear the truth from a close friend than from a distant acquaintance or stranger. If you are not very close to the person with whom you would like to be honest, but you definitely need to convey some information to him, ask someone who is friends with him for help. For example, instead of directly telling the person that they have bad breath, you can pass this information on to a close friend. Be careful, sometimes the person might think that you are just gossiping behind someone else's back.

Warnings

• Harassment will let people know that you are annoyed. It has nothing to do with honesty.
• Some people confuse honesty with bitterness. This happens when a person thinks that only he / she has the right to determine how others should live, and constantly express nasty things, devaluing other people's achievements. Then, to justify the nasty thing they just said, they say something like: "This is for your own good" or "I only wish you well." If you take on the role of a judge and judge a person and their affairs harshly, it has nothing to do with honesty. Thus, you simply show your superiority over a person who is weaker than you (for example, parents do this in relation to a child, a teacher to a student, and a boss to subordinates).Honesty is always expressed in kindness and respect for another person, regardless of his age, and does not try to offend a person who is in a subordinate position.
• Remember that for some people, “being offended” is just a way to manipulate others. Such people are "resentful" about anything that they don't like and discomfort, so your honesty towards them can turn against you. Sometimes you should be prepared for the fact that your words will cause a sea of ​​tears. If you feel confident that you were honest, with good intentions, and had objective reasons for speaking the truth, then you should not apologize and take your words back. Honesty should not be compromised in the presence of people who do not tolerate the truth well and respond to it with threats.
• While persistent “lying to the rescue” will not lead to anything good, remember that some things are best kept to yourself. The word is not a sparrow, if it flies out, you won't catch it.