Content

• Steps

Everyone experiences guilt a few times in their lives. Guilt is a feeling of responsibility for a bad or wrong act. Guilt stems from many different causes. For example, maybe you feel guilty thinking you've done something wrong, harmed someone, or because you didn't do anything when you were supposed to act yourself. And sometimes the reason is the idea that you are successful while someone else has failed, as if you were the only one who survived and felt guilty. Guilt isn't always a bad thing, because it helps people to repent, change their behavior in the future, as well as empathize. At the same time, however, guilt can become a problem when it doesn't have a positive effect and doesn't change behavior, and instead creates a cycle of guilt-and-shame.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Understanding Feeling Guilt

1. 

   
   
   Understand positive guilt. Guilt can be a healthy emotion; it helps us to be more progressive and mature, and most importantly to be able to draw lessons from our own behaviors when we offend or hurt others or ourselves. These emotions play a role in encouraging us to adjust our ethical behavior and / or our behavioral orientation.
   • For example, if you say something that offends a best friend and feels guilty for upsetting your friend, you might learn that you shouldn't say such things if you don't want to risk losing everything. friend. In other words, you will learn from your mistakes. In this sense, guilt can play a positive role in the end in reshaping your behavior.
   • Consider another example, if you feel guilty that you've finished eating a bag of potato chips, this is how your brain is reminding you of an unhealthy behavior that could have a negative impact on your health, which is why. that you probably already know in advance. As a result, the right guilt will motivate you to re-examine yourself and change your behavior for the better.

2. 

   
   
   Understand negative guilt. Guilt can also be a negative emotion when you feel guilty, even if you don't need to reflect on or change yourself. This is unreasonable guilt, which can push you into a cycle where you always feel guilty when there really is nothing to do with it, and you torment yourself again in guilt.
   • For example, many parents with a child for the first time worry about going back to work because they think leaving their child at home for grandmother / grandmother or daycare will have some negative impact on development. mental and physical development of children. However, in practice there is no problem in this case; In fact, most children develop normally, whether they have a parent or both parents work outside. There is nothing to really feel guilty about in this situation. However, there are a lot of people who feel guilty about it. In other words, this guilt doesn't help but make yourself unreasonably upset, guilty.
   • Negative guilt can have a negative effect on your cognitive health. For example, you might become too hard on yourself, lower your self-esteem, and question self-worth.

3. 

   
   
   Understand that sometimes we feel guilty about being out of control. It's important to realize that sometimes we feel guilty about things we have no control over, such as a car accident or not being in time to say goodbye to someone. body before death. Sometimes people exposed to such traumatic situations or shock tend to overestimate themselves of what they can do. In other words, these people thought they could or should have done something, but in reality they couldn't. A feeling of guilt that is too great can cause feelings of helplessness and loss of control.
   • For example, perhaps you feel guilty that you survived a car accident, while your friends did not survive. This is known as survivor's guilt, and it often comes up when we try to explain and create a sense of traumatic events we have just experienced. In the event of extreme guilt, seek help from a therapist to help you overcome your guilt.

4. 

   Reflect on your feelings and experiences. Explore yourself to capture your feelings and determine that you are experiencing guilt over another emotion. Research using brain MRIs has shown that guilt is a distinct emotion, different from feelings of shame or sadness. At the same time, many studies have shown that feelings of shame and sadness are often associated with guilt. Therefore, it's important that you take some time to examine your feelings to determine exactly what to address.
   • Define your thoughts, feelings, surroundings, and body sensations. You can do this with awareness through mindfulness meditation, meaning you just need to focus on what you are feeling in that moment without any judgment or reaction.
   • Alternatively, you can write your feelings down in a journal. Writing down what you are going through can help clarify your feelings as you try to put words into words.
   • For example: I feel guilty today, and I'm sad too. I can't stop thinking about it. I think I am tired of a headache, a stiff shoulder, a nervous feeling in my stomach.

5. 

   Determine what you are guilty of. Think about what is causing the guilt. Again, consider writing everything down to begin your journey over sin. Here are some examples:
   • "I let Fido out of the house and he was run over by a car. I feel guilty that Fido is gone forever, and because our whole family loves him."
   • "I didn't prepare for the exam and I got an F. I feel guilty for disappointing my parents, for they had to pay so much for me to go to school."
   • "I broke up with Bobby. I feel guilty for hurting him so much."
   • "My friend's mother has passed away, I am very lucky that my mother is still healthy. I feel guilty because my friend's life is not as complete as mine."

6. 

   Accept your guilt. You will have to accept that you cannot change the past or what happened. Acceptance includes understanding difficulties and realizing that you can cope with the pain in the present moment. This is the first step in coping appropriately with your guilt and moving forward. It can be helpful to make your own stressful confirmation of acknowledgment and tolerance. Some examples are:
   • "I know it's hard to deal with guilt, but now I know I can bear it."
   • "This is difficult, but I can accept what happened and not oppose or avoid this feeling - this is the real feeling."
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Part 2 of 3: Error Compensation

1. 

   Make up for the person who has been hurt by you. If the guilt was caused by having a negative effect on someone, the first step to taking is to make up for the mistake with that person. While a sincere apology may not remove your guilt, it can be a starting point to continue your repentance process.
   • Set up a time to talk to the person who needs to apologize and sincerely apologize for the wrong act or because you didn't act. Make up for the mistake as soon as possible.
   • Remember that it's not just because you say an apology that the other person has to accept it. You have no control over how the person will react or what to do after what you say. However, consider this as just the first step in the process of letting go of your guilt. While the person may not accept your apology, you may feel proud of you having been able to acknowledge your mistake and take responsibility and actively show regret and sympathy.

2. 

   Consider your ability to change your behavior. In cases where feelings of guilt have positive meanings, make a commitment to change your behavior in order to avoid repeating the same mistake, and also to avoid guilt. For example, you may not be able to get a Fido back, but you can be sure that in the future you will not let the pet go out of the house unless you chained it to take it with you. Or, in the event that you fail an exam, you can commit to spending more time studying so you don't waste your parents' money.
   • In some cases, you may not have to change your behavior, but you can change your attitude to be more suitable. For example, you cannot bring a mother who passed away from cancer to a friend, but be sure to offer support when she is upset and of course let her know that she means it. great meaning to you.

3. 

   Forgive yourself. People often feel ashamed of what went wrong and what they should have done, but didn't. Even if you make up for your mistakes with others, you can still feel guilt from within and push yourself into deep thought. So, you also need to make up for yourself. Learning to forgive yourself is one way to help restore your self-esteem, since it's been ruined by guilt and shame, and then you can move on.
   • Try writing to yourself. Writing a letter to a friend from a young age or in the past will be a powerful emotional and cognitive tool to begin the journey of forgiving yourself. Use a kind, loving tone to remind another of your ego that your past often gives you valuable lessons and it helps you to empathize with others. Remind yourself that what you did and how you did it is all you know, all you can do in that moment. Consider whether to keep the letter a secret, or to confess, a form that symbolizes the end of the story. If you did accept it, confront it and make up for the wrongdoings. The time has come to let things drift into oblivion.
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Part 3 of 3: Cognitive Adjustment

1. 

   Transformed into gratitude. Guilt can be an effective tool for changing your behavior and forming empathy, so switching from guilt to gratitude adds value and helps change your outlook in the process. past. It also aids recovery from guilt and converts positive guilt into something meaningful and tangible where you can improve your life.
   • Write down the guilt phrases / thoughts you have, and convert each into a grateful expression. Descriptive sentences usually begin with "I was ...", "I may have ...", "I can't believe I ...", and "Why don't I ..." . Convert these sentences into phrases that emphasize what you are grateful for.
   • Example: Change sentence "I shouldn't have been too harsh on my husband when we were together" Fort "I am grateful for learning from less criticism in an upcoming relationship’.
   • Example: Replace sentence "Why don't I quit drinking? Drinking alcohol was the cause of my family's breakdown" Fort "I am grateful that I have learned that if I give up alcohol I will be able to make up for my family’.

2. 

   Make a daily commitment. A commitment is a positive statement meant to be uplifting and uplifting. Using this method can help restore your self-esteem and self-esteem that have been worn away by shame and guilt. Fostering daily self-love by speaking, writing, or thinking steadfastly. Some examples of commitments include:
   • "I'm a good person and deserve the best regardless of some past actions".
   • "I'm not perfect. I made a mistake, but I can learn from the past."
   • "I'm just human like everyone else."

3. 

   Find meaning to replace guilt. The following statements can help you find alternative meaning to past actions and some experiences that can help remove guilt. This process in turn can help you change your mind so that you can take the steps to get rid of your guilt. Try to remember the following when you fall into negative thinking or meditate on past actions.
   • Guilt can be a useful learning tool for the future. Explore the lessons learned and know that life lessons make you smarter. For example, if you regret disrespecting your spouse because you directly perceive that lowering your partner's dignity seriously could harm your marriage, this knowledge will help. you make a wiser spouse in the future after the difficult lesson.
   • Feeling guilty about your past actions can help you build empathy because you are aware of the harm that your past actions have caused, it helps you to realize that you have influenced others like how. Remember that there are some skills, understanding empathy that will help you better understand other people's feelings. For example, if you feel guilty about yelling at a friend after getting drunk, you may become more aware of how that action has affected the friend.
   • You cannot change what happened in the past, but you can decide how the past affects the present and the future.. For example, you cannot change the fact that you failed an exam, but in the future you will have a smarter choice to help you avoid making the same mistake.

4. 

   Realize the pitfalls of perfection. Directing everything in life to perfection is an unrealistic expectation. Mistakes are a part of life that helps us draw many lessons. Engage in active and consistent activities so that you can do well yourself. Show yourself that the same mistake, which you used to torment, now results in a better, more thoughtful person.
   • Ruminating on negative feelings of guilt can lead to inappropriate levels of self-shame and self-disgust. If you find yourself sinking into guilt to the point of affecting your mental health and daily activities, consult with a mental health professional who will discuss with you a strategy. cognitive correction.
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