Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Forgiving the person who has broken a promise can be difficult, especially if the person is a friend, relative, or part of another close relationship. Failure to promise will make you feel betrayed and you will resent your partner. However, harboring hatred is closely related to psychology and health, and when you don't forgive you are hurting yourself more than the other person. Therefore, you need to learn to forgive others and, at the same time, maintain healthy boundaries.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Inner healing

1. 

   Accept that everything has happened. In order to begin the forgiveness process, you first need to accept that the other person has broken his promise. Wishing things a different way or hoping the person became more trustworthy would only increase resentment.

2. 

   
   
   Let go of anger. When you allow the actions of others to make you angry, you are letting go of some of your personal strengths. You can't change what someone else is doing, and constantly reflecting on their actions will only make you feel worse. You need to decide that an empty promise and a person who has broken it no longer affects you. Here are a few things you can do to relieve your anger:
   • Use self-affirmations to change the story. You should say it out loud to yourself a few times a day in a “I need to forgive _____ for their broken promise”.
   • Becoming mindful and focused on gratitude and kindness will help reduce your overall anger. When you feel like you are getting angry about a blatant promise, ask yourself, "How grateful I am today" so you can refocus yourself before the anger gets out of your control. friend.

3. 

   
   
   Pay attention to feeling good. Be aware of how bad the act of hatred can cause you, and understand that it will not help you other than just make you feel worse.
   • Say it out loud to yourself: “I am hurting because I am inability to forgive, not _____”. Remember, in fact, releasing negative emotions will help you feel better.

4. 

   
   
   Relieve stress in the body. When you are angry with others, your body will enter a mechanism of fighting or surrender. Mind and body are related, so when you allow your body to release its tension and muscle tension, you are more likely to forgive. Deep breathing is a great way to remove stress and release anger:
   • Sit upright in a chair. Perhaps leaning back in the chair will help you feel most comfortable.
   • Close your eyes and place a hand on your stomach.
   • Slowly take in deep air. You should feel the air starting from your abdomen and moving towards your head.
   • Slowly exhale. You will notice the breath being released from your head and towards your abdomen.
   • Repeat this process for 5 minutes or until you are calmer.
   • This process helps reduce stress by lowering blood pressure and slowing the heart rate.

5. 

   Chat with that person. The thought of chewing over and over is unhealthy and can increase feelings of anger. Let the person know about your feelings as well as explain the negative impact a disappointment has on your life. This technique will help you avoid constantly ruminating on these thoughts in your head.
   • Maybe the person who offended you is not ready to apologize. You need to forgive and move forward even if the person does not atone.Forgiveness is not about reconciling, but about releasing negative energies to make you feel better.

6. 

   Review your development. Each situation is a lesson. When you are able to acknowledge that you have learned a lesson from the experience, even in the difficult way, it makes the process of genuinely forgiving others easier.
   • Make conscious decisions about learning from the experience instead of suffering about the results.
   • Ask yourself, "What did I learn from this experience?" and take a few minutes to explore what comes to mind. For example, have you learned the lesson that you need to develop a replacement plan?
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Part 2 of 3: Ignore everything

1. 

   Show empathy. Try to look at the situation from the person's point of view. Sometimes, things out of control come along and break promises are inevitable. Also, sometimes, people are simply not well motivated. Either way, when you are able to become empathetic, it will be easier for you to let go of hatred.
   • Think about the person's intentions. Did the person have good intentions, but something happened that caused them to break their promise?
   • Realize that you may not be the reason they broke their promises. Disappointed people are more likely to focus on their own internal or external situations, and they fail to realize the impact their acts of breaking a promise have on you. For example, if someone else promises to hang out with you but changes their plans at the last minute, maybe their car is damaged or they're "running out of money" more than they think they are but too embarrassed to admit it.
   • Remember that anyone will fail at some point. Think again about the time when you broke your promise. The feeling of having to break a promise is uncomfortable and the affected person doesn't feel any better. We are human and sometimes problems will arise.

2. 

   Show compassion even when the person often breaks promises. If the person is chronically unsatisfied, find out what's going on with their life so often that they often fail to make their promises. Perhaps this behavior is a reflection of other chronic problems going on in the person's life and in need of help. It could be an internal factor such as a low boundary or an external factor such as a marriage problem. Try to show compassion by considering the person's feelings in the present. If you still feel uncomfortable because empty promises are making it difficult for you, here are some ways to help you cultivate better compassion:
   • Look for similarities with the person. Perhaps both of you love the same music or drive a car together. There are countless similarities that the two can possess. Research has shown that even something as simple as snapping your fingers to the same tune increases empathy behavior.
   • Don't blame others for your unhappiness. Even if their act of breaking a promise has negative consequences for you, understand that you have chosen not to use many other available options. For example, if you were expecting that person to take you to your interview because your car broke down and he or she didn't show up, remember that you had a chance to create a backup plan. You are not a victim.
   • See that person as a human being, not a "broken promise". When you view the person as someone struggling in some area, you are more willing to forgive them than to see them as a disinterested breakout.

3. 

   Realize the benefits of forgiveness. When you allow yourself to forgive someone who treats you badly, you get a lot of psychological and physical benefits. When you understand that your well-being will improve if you let go of hatred, you will be motivated to move on with the forgiveness process. Here are some of the benefits of forgiving others:
   • Increased psychological well-being
   • Reduce depression
   • Worry less
   • Reduce stress levels
   • Promote mental wellness
   • Improve heart health
   • Lower blood pressure
   • Strengthens the immune system
   • Build healthier people-to-person relationships
   • Increase your self-esteem and your sense of worth
   • Research has shown that forgiveness is beneficial because it reduces negative emotions as well as stress.

4. 

   Decision to forgive. Forgiveness is the elimination of the desire to take revenge or to do bad things with the person you feel was wrong with you. Also, when others break their promises, especially if they get along well with you, you will feel lost and sad. Forgiveness is the natural solution to the grieving process.
   • Forgiveness doesn't mean you are weak. In fact, this is a very powerful choice and will ultimately benefit your health.
   • Forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget what happened. In fact, you need to set boundaries with untrustworthy people. You can still be friends without asking for their help.
   • Forgiveness doesn't mean you need to reconcile the relationship. You can let go of hatred without continuing to stay in a relationship if you believe it's unhealthy or harmful.
   • Forgiving others doesn't mean you should let go of their actions, you do it so you can move on with life, and that doesn't mean you need to make excuses. You can forgive and still act to protect yourself from future suffering.

5. 

   Remove hatred. After you have finished preparing, now is the time to skip. Decide if you want to tell the person in person or if you want to privately release the grudge. Here are a few things you can take to show forgiveness:
   • Let the person know that you forgive them. You can call or ask to meet the person. Take this opportunity to let them know that you no longer want hatred and that you forgive their broken promises.
   • If the person is lost, unable to contact, or if you just want to privately release your grudge, you can express forgiveness in language yourself. You should find a quiet location, where you get a little bit of privacy. Just say aloud, "I forgive you, ____". You can go into as much detail as you want.
   • Write letter. This is also a pretty great option. You will be able to decide whether you should submit it or not. The goal here is to give yourself the chance to truly release the grudge.

6. 

   Rebuild trust by setting boundaries. If you decide to stay in a relationship or if the person is a relative that you will spend a lot of time with, you need to keep yourself safe by setting boundaries. Boundaries will help you rebuild a sense of security so that you will be less likely to lose your promise. This will help you rebuild your trust and begin the process of regaining your personal strength.
   • For example, a relative promised to help babysit you so you could attend an important event, but she canceled the promise at the last minute. One of the boundaries that you can build is that she has to give you a day's notice if she wants to cancel in the future (assuming no emergencies happen) so that you can arrange it. . You can let her know that if she does not comply with the agreement, you will never ask her to look after your baby and you will never look after her.
   • Remember, once you start rebuilding trust, boundaries can change.
   • It's important to set boundaries with someone who is chronically unlucky. Yes, everyone has a few problems they need to solve, but you don't have to allow yourself to be constantly exploited while the person is trying to solve your problem.
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Part 3 of 3: Relationship mediation

1. 

   Decide if you want to mediate the relationship. If you think this is a healthy relationship and you want to revive it, you should make it a priority. Also, be sure to be prepared and not put pressure on yourself with what others say you should do.
   • Emotions can interfere with the mediation process. Be sure to allow inner healing before you try to restore a relationship. If you are still upset about your failure, things will get worse.
   • Sometimes, the mediation process is unhealthy and this is normal. If you don't think you should save the relationship, you can forgive the person without restoring the relationship. Although it will be awkward, you can say something like "I love who you are and I forgive you, but now I don't think we should continue this friendship."

2. 

   Call your friend on the phone and let them know that you value them very much. When resuming a relationship, it's important for both of you to feel valued. One of the best ways to show the person that you have forgiven them is through showing respect for that person. Let them know that even if they broke their promises, you still value and respect them and their friendship.
   • Here is an example of what you could say: “I know we had a disagreement but I want you to know that I take our relationship seriously and I want us to remain friends. . Being with you is so much fun, you provide good advice, and there's no one that makes me want to spend a Saturday Night Just for Ladies like you. ”
   • Try to be as specific as possible when you let the person know that you value them. This will make you look more sincere. In addition, the sense of humor is also quite helpful if appropriate.

3. 

   Show that person your contribution to the problem formation. Remember, any disagreement stems from two points of view. The way you view a situation may differ from that person. Share how you think you could have used it to deal with the situation.
   • Even if the person is breaking a promise, consider your contribution to the situation. Self-awareness is important because it allows you to take responsibility for any actions you take that increase the problem.
   • Ask yourself the question "Do I communicate clearly?", "Do I know that the person has had a lot of problems and I continue to add to their burden?" Did I overreact a bit? ”. This is the question to help you see your contribution to the situation. When you share responsibility for something that happened, the other person will feel less defensive and easier to reconcile.

4. 

   Consult with the person if they want to save the relationship. Give the person the right to decide if they want to save the relationship. Do not think that because they are the one who broke their promise, they will automatically want to reconcile. Remember, although forgiveness is an internal process, reconciliation requires the participation of both people.
   • If the person is angry, respect their right to get angry, whether it is justified or not. Sometimes, people unconsciously blame others. Give them time and keep thinking about the positives.
   • Perhaps the person will decide that they do not want to mediate the relationship. In this case, be prepared to wish them good health and continued forgiveness.

5. 

   Spend time together. You should try to close the gap. When disagreement is the result of a broken promise, it can cause a relationship to break down. Make spending time with that person to close the distance. Treat each other as normal as possible.
   • It will take a while for the two to continue to get along, and this is only natural. You should go through each day and eventually, you will get through this tough time.
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Advice

• Don't expect the past to get better. Everything happened. All you can focus on is the present and the future. Don't dwell on the past and reflect on the past and hope things are different. You should focus your energy on your future goals.
• Appreciate your forgiveness decision. You need to appreciate the fact that you are able to move on from betrayal. Always remind yourself that going forward requires strength and dignity that deserves honor.
• The mental health benefits of forgiveness should not be underestimated. Research suggests that just 8 hours of forgiveness can help reduce a person's depression and anxiety levels and reduce a few months of psychotherapy.
• The physical health benefits of forgiveness should not be underestimated. A 2005 study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that people who consider themselves more forgiving have better health on five criteria: physical symptoms, quantity of drugs. used, sleep quality, exhaustion, and illness.

Warning

• Forgiveness is a process and can be difficult depending on how much betrayal you have received. Don't torture yourself if you can't forgive someone who immediately broke your promise. Give yourself the opportunity to get through the grieving process if this is essential to your situation, but make an effort to forgive. Remember, forgiveness is about yourself, not the person.