Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

It can be difficult to forgive someone who has hurt you. However, that can help you feel more comfortable and even heal your relationship. Forgiving someone who hurts you has been shown to help relieve stress, so it is also a way to help yourself. Learning to forgive someone can be a long and effort-consuming process, but it may be a better choice than keeping hatred in your heart.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Change your opinion

1. 

   Let go of resentment. If you resent the person for the hurt he or she has caused, you will never be able to move on, either in your life or in your relationship. Accept that what happened has happened, by saying: "I am angry because __ has made me lose faith and I accept that this really happened" and "I accept it happened. and the emotions it brings.
   • Accept what the other person has done to you and understand that you have no control over it. However, you can control how you react to the situation.
   • Recognizing your own flaws and the things you might have hurt the other person can help you accept your mistake and release resentment. Everyone will have mistakes, and recognizing your own mistakes will help you understand the mistakes of the people who hurt you.
   • It won't go away overnight, but the sooner you intend to let go of your resentment, the sooner it will become a priority. Focus on moving forward instead of thinking about the past.

2. 

   
   
   Consider the more general picture. As you work towards forgiving the other person, pause for a moment and think how serious the pain really is. Is it really forgivable, or is it something you didn't even think about for a month? Think, "will it still matter tomorrow morning?". Only you can decide.
   • Incorporate your faith into the analysis. If you really hate betraying, and your spouse has done so to you, then your conscience will not allow you to forgive them. However, if you believe you can get through it, then you can move towards forgiveness.

3. 

   
   
   Think about the positive aspects of your relationship. Do you enjoy being with that person because they are so interesting, or did the two of you have smart conversations? Do the two of you cooperate well in parenting? Are you satisfied with your sex life? Make a list of great things about your relationship with the person who has hurt you. See if those things are more important than the wrong things they did.
   • First by recalling a few small things, like "they often go to the garbage" or "they send me useful work links", then move towards bigger things like personality or fine action.

4. 

   
   
   Talk to someone about your situation. If you feel hurt and upset about what happened, talking to others can help you gain some useful insights. Instead of struggling alone or isolating yourself, talking to others will help you become wiser and less lonely. You may also get some helpful advice to help you better understand the situation and understand how to deal with it.
   • Maybe you don't want to talk to too many people and get overwhelmed with advice. Pick a few trusted friends or family members whose opinions you value.

5. 

   Let the time pass. Another important thing in forgiving a person is taking time alone to think. If someone really does something wrong with you, whether your boyfriend cheats on you or your best friend says harsh things behind you, it's incredibly important to spend time and space for yourself. important. In addition, as time goes by, you will probably have the right view for that situation. For example, at that point in time, the words your partner or friend said seemed to hurt you deeply. However, over time and with careful thought, you may understand why they say that.
   • If you live with someone who hurts you, maybe you should find somewhere else to stay for a while, if possible. If you don't live together, make it clear to the person that you want to keep your distance and that you will reach for them when you are ready.
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Part 2 of 3: Talk to the other person

1. 

   Think before you speak. Prepare to see how you will start the conversation and what you want to say before you begin. Although you may feel hurt, angry, hurt, or confused, find a way to express those feelings sensitively rather than exploding or saying things you didn't mean to. . Take a deep breath before and after each word, and try to speak as sensibly as possible.
   • Before you say anything, ask yourself how it sounds or how it will be communicated to the other person. Your words can hurt them, and then you will be in the shoes of someone who forgives and who needs forgiveness.
   • Try to write down what you want to say, even practice in front of the mirror to say exactly what you want.

2. 

   Express your feelings. Tell the person how his / her actions made you feel part of the conversation. Be as honest as possible, express the pain you have been going through. Open up about your feelings to show that the other person really hurt you and that you had a hard time dealing with it. Make eye contact and speak slowly, showing the person that what you are saying is true.
   • Use the "first person clause" like "I feel hurt when you deceive me because I've always been faithful and devoted to our love, and I thought you were too". Or "I feel disappointed when you gossip about me because I don't think I've done anything to deserve it."
   • Use a general structure like, "I feel __ when __ because __". Focus on expressing your feelings instead of the bad things they did.

3. 

   Listen to their stories. Everything has two sides of it. Listen to everything the other person says without interrupting and try to see the problem from his / her perspective.
   • To be a good listener, make eye contact, avoid distractions like the phone, and stay open. In addition, try to provide appropriate feedback by asking clarifying questions or interpreting what they just said.
   • For example, after they say something, clarify and summarize by saying "so what do you mean ..."
   • Do not mess or defend yourself. Take a deep breath or step outside if you feel angry at what they said.

4. 

   Show sympathy. Empathy can be the last thing you want to do when you feel really hurt. However, if you put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about his / her feelings, you may feel less resentful or upset about the other person as before. Ask questions and ignore your prejudices. Really listen and be open to the other person.
   • Empathy and forgiveness are closely related so it's almost impossible to forgive someone if you don't sympathize with them.
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Part 3 of 3: Skip and move on with life

1. 

   Spend time apart if you need to. See if you need time to leave the person who hurt you. If so, don't hesitate to say that you need a few weeks or months or you simply want to keep your distance until you're ready to spend time together. Make it clear to him. She doesn't try to get back into a normal relationship when you're not ready.
   • Honest. Say something like, "I'm not really ready to date again. I hope you can respect that."

2. 

   Take small steps to heal your relationship. When you are ready to move on with the other person, gradually soften the relationship. Things will not immediately return to normal. Go on a date once or twice a week instead of a day, or hang out with a group of friends before doing something intimate and personal that you have done in the past.
   • If it's a romantic relationship, behave like that on the first date. You don't have to hold, cuddle, or hold hands like before if you aren't ready.
   • In addition to taking small steps to get the relationship back to normal, learning to forgive also requires these steps. So, gradually healing your relationship will make it easier for you to forgive.

3. 

   Let go of the past. Avoid dipping into the past as you move on with your relationship. Thinking about the past will only make it harder to trust the other person, and it can lead to a very claustrophobic relationship. You don't have to "forgive and forget", instead forgive and learn from experience. If your partner cheats on you and you have chosen to forgive them, you will now either know the signals of betrayal, or you can think about what caused this disloyalty in the first place. scratch and don't let it happen again.Make each incident a chance to learn and strengthen your relationship.
   • When you find yourself forever immersed in the past, focus instead on the present. Return calm by taking a deep breath and focus on what's in front of you; smells in the room, your conversations with friends, etc.

4. 

   Decide if you can fully forgive and move on. Be honest with yourself. Admit to yourself if you cannot completely forgive the person. Unfortunately, there are times when you think you are ready to forgive someone, and then when you get back together, you realize that you cannot. If you hang out with the person and find yourself thinking about how they hurt you, then you may need to end the relationship.
   • Continuing a pure or romantic relationship after you realize that you can't forgive them is not a good thing for you both. Perhaps you will become hostile or resentful to them and this is completely unhelpful. When you realize that forgiveness is not possible, end the relationship as soon as possible.

5. 

   Forgive and love yourself. The most important part of forgiveness and the next step is to love and forgive yourself. Perhaps you are harder on yourself than others. Maybe you feel like you are really uncomfortable, or you may feel like you were being too hard with the person who hurt you.
   • Understand that you've tried your best and accept what happened. Try to imitate yourself and learn to love yourself by thinking positively about who you are and reading self-development.
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Advice

• Find a way to express your emotions like drawing, writing, moving, etc.

Warning

• Don't feel pressured to forgive someone. Forgiveness is your only choice. The person who forces you to forgive them is probably not the one who deserves your forgiveness.