Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Adultery is a common situation. Every year, approximately 10 percent of married people admit they are cheating. That number is even greater for couples under the age of 35. Although many people choose to keep this evil under wraps, many still feel the need to confess to their spouse. If you've decided to confess, there are some tips you can follow to acknowledge this sad truth.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Creating the right conditions

1. 

   Choose the right time and space. Privacy is a prerequisite for this presentation. Choose a suitable time and place for a long conversation without distractions.
   • It might be better if you chat with the person in your living room at home instead of going to a coffee shop or restaurant.
   • Don't choose a time when the person is stressed, like right after they come home from work.

2. 

   
   
   Consider the person's schedule and choices. You may want to talk to the person first to see if the time and place you have chosen is right for them. Tell them you have something important to discuss and ask when they can talk.
   • For example you could say, “I have something important to tell you and I want to make sure we have enough time to talk. When do you see the most suitable time? ”

3. 

   
   
   Stick to the truth. If you've decided to confess everything, now is the time for the truth. Even if the person asks you hurtful questions, you still need to be honest. Be as frank as possible and don't miss a single detail.
   • You may think that it is a good idea to ignore some details about an affair, but half-confessing will only make you feel worse. For example, if you've cheated on your spouse a few times, telling them that you've made a mistake once is a half-hearted confession.

4. 

   
   
   Listen to your partner. Even if you have a lot to say, so will the person. Don't argue with them and listen. Respect for their thoughts and feelings can be helpful in rebuilding the relationship.
   • Show that you are listening by pointing your body toward them and maintaining eye contact.
   • Eliminate anything distracting and avoid interrupting a conversation. Turn off phones, TVs, computers, and so on.
   • Don't interrupt the person while they are speaking. Listen until they have finished talking.
   • Paraphrase what they mean to show that you have been listening. For example, you could start by saying "if you get it right then I mean ..."

Part 2 of 3: Confessing the truth

1. 

   Use simple and straightforward sentences. The redundant and lengthy details will only make things go wrong. Stick to important details so this heartbreaking conversation doesn't take too long.
   • “We meet at the company” would be better than a lengthy presentation like: “The clerical manager needs a new assistant. So she recruited this guy and trained him ... "
   • However, always be ready to go into details if asked. Don't overlook the details if your spouse asks for more information.

2. 

   Respect their right to know. No matter how many questions the person asks you, be patient to answer them all. When you are willing to express the full story, including even the most annoying details, you have shown an openness and commitment to wanting to rebuild trust with your partner. Therefore, therapists often encourage the client to confess everything for a smooth recovery. Furthermore, if you were in the other person's position, you would also expect them to have the same patience and respect.

3. 

   Don't be defensive. Refusing to accept responsibility or purposely understating can only escalate the tension. You should not focus on protecting the ego, but be there to support your spouse when they need it. Defensive speech not only destroys a single conversation, but also destroys a marriage when there is enough time, consultants conclude. Avoid saying the following:
   • "I didn't mean to hurt you"
   • "It only happened once."
   • "I don't know what I'm talking about!"

4. 

   Do not defend a third person. This will send a clear signal to your spouse that you do have feelings for the other person. If not, why should you defend that person? If you truly appreciate your current relationship, make it clear that your partner is number one.

Part 3 of 3: Correct mistakes or don't

1. 

   Admit your mistakes. Please sincerely apologize for any wrongdoings. In addition to guilt, when you see how much pain your spouse is suffering, you will be motivated to admit your mistakes. Science has proven that people who are willing to admit their mistakes live happier lives than others.

2. 

   Explain why you are regretful. A sincere apology will involve admitting your mistake and showing repentance for hurting the other person. When you admit that you have caused the other person to suffer, you show concern for their feelings. If you still haven't found the right remorse, here are a few suggestions:
   • "I'm sorry for deceiving you. You don't deserve to be treated like that."
   • "It's all my fault. I'm sorry for hurting you."
   • "It's a mistake to lie and I'm sorry for betraying you."

3. 

   Consider marriage counseling. If you really want to save your relationship, ask your spouse to see a counselor together. Dealing with the consequences of infidelity can be a long and complicated process. A qualified professional can help you heal.

4. 

   Commitment to absolute honesty. It will take a long time to rebuild trust. However, being honest with your partner from now on will show that you are truly dedicated to healing the relationship.
   • You may have to accept certain conditions to make them trust you again. For example, you may have to announce the location clearly every time you go out, or allow your spouse to check your phone, email, and social media accounts.

5. 

   Share your feelings with your partner. Experts emphasize that for a relationship to truly recover from an affair, you need to share your views and feelings with the other person. Take the time to learn the causes of the out-of-the-line relationship and share what you find out with your partner. You might be asking yourself the following:
   • "Is it because I feel lonely?" "If so, why?"
   • "Why would I choose a third person over my partner?"
   • "What kind of feelings did I have for the third person?"

6. 

   Be ready to be broken. 70% of couples will overcome difficulties and stay together, while some will choose to break up when their partner cheats. Be prepared in case the relationship ends.
   • You should be ready to accept your spouse's anger. Remember that they have the right to be angry. Listen when they express their anger.
   • Remember that you have a lot of time to prepare for this conversation, but this is very surprising for your partner.

Advice

• Notify your partner as soon as possible. If they found out about this through someone else, they would suffer even more.
• That person will want to know why you got lost. It will take a long time and you will meet the consultant many times to answer this question. So, please be patient.
• Explain to your partner that they are not at fault in this. Their self-esteem can be severely hurt when they learn to believe. They will even blame themselves.You need to stress that the whole thing is your fault.

Warning

• Get medical check-up immediately. If you had sex outside without taking safety measures and then had sex again, let them know.
• Everyone will react differently to bad news. Be prepared to hear your spouse yell, scold, or walk away. You need to control your anger so that you can help them when needed.