Author:
Monica Porter
Date Of Creation:
14 March 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
When you're angry, you seem like you want to blow up the world. In those moments, you feel hurt. Sometimes, you even hurt someone without knowing it, or maybe you did it on purpose. Instead of repressing or throwing at someone, you can constructively express your anger. Calm down and find ways to understand your anger and other feelings. You can then express your anger in a decisive way and hurt others less.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Calm down
Recognize physical signs of anger. When anger begins to feel, the body responds with physical cues. Knowing how your body feels when you feel angry and stressed will help you see when you are about to burst. Some of the physical signs may include:
- Jaw stiffness and muscle tension.
- Headache or stomach.
- The heart started beating fast.
- Sweating, including palms.
- Red face.
- The body or hands become trembling.
- Feeling dizzy and light-headed.
Recognize emotional cues of anger. Your emotions can become erratic, resulting in feelings of anger. Some emotional cues you might come across include:- Uncomfortable
- Sad
- Boring
- Guilty
- Animus
- Worry
- Defense
Deep breath. Control your anger before you start chatting with someone. If not, you may say things that you will regret. Deep breathing helps clear your mind and stimulate the body's calm response. Try the following steps:- Inhale and count from one to four, hold for four, and exhale for four.
- Be sure to inhale with your diaphragm instead of your chest. When you breathe with your diaphragm, your abdomen relaxes (you can feel it with your hands).
- Do this until you start to feel calmer.
Count to ten. If you feel yourself becoming angry and experiencing emotional and physical symptoms of anger, remind yourself that you do not need to react immediately. Count to ten to calm down and give yourself a chance to think. Hold back for the moment and give yourself some time to organize your emotions.
Change the context. If the blood starts to boil, get out of the situation. Let's go for a walk. Not having to deal with stimuli, people or things that are driving you crazy will help you calm down.
Analyze the problem carefully. If you find yourself starting to get angry, calm down and rationally analyze the problem. Use your mind before your body loses control. Before your anger takes over, you can discuss it with yourself and calm down. Even if it seems out of control, you can keep a positive conversation in mind so that you can deal with your anger differently.
- For example, you might say to yourself, “Every day your boss yells. It was really hard for me to deal with this and it drives me crazy. I am allowed to be angry, but I am not allowed to let it take over my life or ruin my day. I can work resolutely with my boss even when he acts aggressively like that. I will look for another job, but in the short term, every time he yells, I can tell my boss that it is difficult to understand what he wants when he gets so angry. If there is a problem, also sit down and discuss so I can help him find a solution. If he needs something from me, I can do it if he can say it without yelling. That way, I can stay calm and show him how I can behave well ”.
Part 2 of 4: Understanding your anger
Rate your anger. This can help you figure out what makes you angry and how angry they are. Some events can lead to mild discomfort, others trigger an outbreak in you.
- You don't need a formal anger gauge. You can set yourself up, for example, rate your anger on a scale of one to ten, or from zero to 100.
Journal of anger. If you find yourself getting angry a lot, it can be helpful to keep an eye on situations that make you angry. You can track the extent to which those situations make you angry and how other things happen at the same time. You can also track your own reactions and how others react to your feelings. Think about these following questions in an angry journal:
- What provokes anger?
- Evaluate your anger level.
- What thoughts come up when you are angry?
- How did you react? How did others react to you?
- What was your mood right after that happened?
- What symptoms of anger have appeared on your body?
- How did you react? Want to leave, show anger through inappropriate manners (like slamming a door or kick someone or something) or sarcasm or sarcasm?
- As soon as it happened, what was your immediate feeling?
- After a few hours, how do you feel?
- Has the anger passed?
- Recording and keeping track of this information will help you identify the situations and triggers that are causing you to become angry. From there, you can find ways to avoid them when possible, or anticipate when to come if you can't. It will also help you track your progress in your efforts to deal with an angry situation.
Identify what triggers your anger. A trigger is something that happens and brings a certain emotion or memory into you. Some common stimuli include:
- Can't control the actions of others.
- Others fail to meet expectations and let you down.
- Cannot control elements of everyday life, such as traffic.
- Someone is trying to control you.
- Get angry with yourself for a mistake.
Understand the effects of anger. Anger can be a big problem if it causes you to act aggressively towards others. When anger is a constant response to everyday events and those around you, you can lose the enjoyment and richness in life. Anger can affect your work, relationships and social life. You can go to jail when you attack other people. Anger is a powerful emotion that needs to be understood in order to overcome its effects.
- Anger can make a person feel placed in a position where they have a good reason to act irresponsibly. Driving mad people may feel it deserves to push someone down the street because they accidentally cut off the front of the car.
Understand the roots of anger. Some use it to run away from pain. They get a temporary boost of their self-esteem. It also happens to people who have real reason to be angry. But when anger is used to avoid suffering, pain persists and that is not a permanent cure.
- A person can develop a habit of being angry in order to let go of the pain. That's because anger is easier to cope with. It makes you feel more in control. In that way, anger becomes a familiar endpoint for dealing with fear and weakness.
- Many times, our unconscious response to events is closely related to painful memories of our past. A spontaneous angry response can be something you learn from a parent or babysitter. If one of you, a parent, becomes angry about everything all the time and the other tries to calm the other person's anger, you will have two models for dealing with anger. angry: passive and aggressive. Both of these patterns can have the opposite effect when dealing with anger.
- For example, if you were a victim of child abuse or neglected as a child, you have a counterproductive (aggressive, aggressive) angry response model. While it can be painful to re-examine these feelings, understanding how you were treated as a child will help you understand how you have learned to deal with life stresses, problems, and challenges. Other difficult feelings like how sad, scared or angry.
- Seek professional help for trauma in life such as child abuse or childhood neglect. Sometimes, a person can unintentionally cause self-harm when recalling traumatic memories without the help of a doctor.
Part 3 of 4: Discuss your feelings
Avoid passing anger in a passive way. When you passively express your anger, you don't actually face the person who hurt you or was angry. Instead, you wish to retaliate in other ways. For example, you might talk badly behind them or humiliate the person at another time.
Avoid showing anger in an aggressive or aggressive way. Aggressively expressing anger are the ways that are most troubled by the potential for violence and the negative consequences of not being able to control an outburst of anger. If you get out every day and go out of control, anger can affect all of your daily activities.
- For example, you might yell and yell at someone or hit someone when you express anger in an aggressive manner.
Choose to show your anger firmly. This is the most constructive expression. Determination brings mutual respect. You can still express your anger, but that anger is expressed in a way where there is no accusation against others. You have mutual respect.
- Confident communication respects the needs of all parties. To communicate resolutely, tell stories and facts and don't accuse them. Simply express how the certain action made you feel. Based on what you know, not what you think you know. Then, ask the other person if they are willing to talk.
- For example, you could say: “I am hurt and angry because when you laugh while I speak, I feel that you were very petty with my project. Can we discuss and settle this? ”
Identify the emotions you have. Understand what you are feeling. Be more specific just "good" or "bad". Try to clarify your feelings, whether it is jealousy, guilt, hurt or something else.
Use the statement "I". Talk about your own feelings and don't judge others. The phrase "I" will prevent the other person from becoming defensive and will listen to what you say. The statement "I" shows that you, and not anyone else, are having problems. For example, you could say:
- "I feel ashamed when you tell friends that we had an argument."
- "I feel hurt when my parents forgot my birthday."
Focus on yourself, not on the shortcomings of others. You are the expert in your own perception, not the flaws or shortcomings of others. Instead of blaming someone else for doing something that made you feel bad, focus on your own feelings. Once you have identified, express your true feelings, such as hurt. Stay away from judgmental statements and focus on what concerns you.
- For example, instead of: "I never show up at night again", you could say: "I feel lonely and miss our table conversations."
- For example, you could say, "I feel like you don't pay attention to how I feel when you read the document instead of listening to what I'm trying to say."
Give specific examples. When facing the other person, give specific examples to illustrate what might have made you feel in a certain way. Instead of saying, "I feel lonely," state why you feel that way. For example: "I feel lonely because you work late every day. I couldn't celebrate my birthday with you."
Please respect. Show respect for others when communicating. It could be as simple as saying "please" or "thank you" in a conversation. At that time, you will foster cooperation and mutual respect. When you want something, instead of a command, you can convey it as a suggestion. You can start a conversation by below:
- "If you have time, can you ..."
- "It would be of great help if you ... Thank you, I really appreciate it!"
Focus on solving the problem. Once you acknowledge your feelings and begin to converse firmly, you can also begin to come up with solutions. Then, you are doing everything in your power to solve the problem.
- Take a few minutes to calm down. Clarify your existing feelings. Start up a problem approach strategy.
- For example, if your child comes home with a bad contact book, you may be angry because of his or her grades. Approach the situation with resolution instead of simply anger. Talk to your child about spending more time on assignments after school or suggest a tutor.
- Sometimes, you may have to accept the fact that there is no solution to a problem. You may not be able to control it, but at the very least, you can control how you will react to the situation.
Communicate clearly and specifically. If you hesitate or just generally do not raise the issue specifically, everyone will be upset. For example, if a colleague is talking too loud on the phone, you could suggest something like this:- “I have a suggestion. Could you please speak less when exchanging phones? It makes it difficult for me to focus at work. I really appreciate it. Thanks". You frankly communicate with the person who needs to solve the problem with and clarify what you expect to happen, as well as present a suggestion.
Part 4 of 4: Seeking professional help
Try psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is a great way to find new ways to effectively cope and express anger. Chances are, a therapist will use relaxation techniques to help calm you in the midst of your anger. Your doctor will also help you deal with thoughts that might trigger anger and find new ways to see situations. At the same time, they also support you with emotional processing skills and decisive communication training.
Sign up for an anger control class. Anger control programs have shown a high success rate. The most successful programs will help you understand your anger, give you short-term coping strategies, and build skills.- There are many options for you. For example, it could be an anger management program for minors, governor, police or other groups who may experience other forms of anger with heterogeneous causes.
Ask your doctor about medication therapy. Anger is often part of many different types of disorders, such as bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. Drug therapy will depend on the underlying medical condition. Disorder medications can also help you cope with anger.
- For example, if anger is accompanied by depression, ask your doctor about using antidepressants to treat both depression and anger. If irritability appears as part of a generalized anxiety disorder, a group of benzodiazepines such as klonopin may be used to treat the disorder. It can also help you cope with your discomfort.
- All medicines have side effects. For example, lithium, the drug used for bipolar disorder, has a high rate of complications related to kidney failure. Understanding the potential side effects will help you manage the complications. It is important that you talk openly with your doctor about these risks.
- Talk to your doctor about any issues related to drug addiction. For example, the Benzodiazepines group are addictive substances. The worst thing about dealing with alcoholism (for example) is addiction to something else. This should be discussed frankly with your doctor so they can decide which medicine is best for you.
