Content

• Steps
• Warning

If you're depressed, you're not alone in dealing with it. In Vietnam, the statistic rate of depressed patients is 3% of the population (as of 2014). It can be difficult to deal with depression, especially if you feel lonely or isolated. Not only is it helpful to seek social support, but it can also have a positive effect on your recovery. Talking to a best friend is one way to get some of the help you need and want, although it is not easy to first open up to others about depression. Luckily, there are quite a few specific measures you can take to prepare the conversation and take advantage of the process as much as possible.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Prepare to chat

1. 

   
   
   Accept that you're ready to share about it. This is quite the big information that you are going to share, and feeling anxious is completely normal and natural. Depression is also considered a mental illness, and because of many misconceptions about this disease, people may sometimes feel stigmatized against their new diagnosis. However, you need to know that being open to talking about your illness is one of the steps to responding effectively and recovering.

2. 

   
   
   Consider who you want to share with. Many people not only have a single best friend, but they have countless close friends or even "best" friends. You need to think about the person you want to talk to and see if this is really good for you.
   • If you are going through counseling and treatment, you can talk to a counselor, therapist or psychiatrist about sharing your depression with a close friend.
   • If your friend is a good listener, confidential, trustworthy, non-judgmental, supportive, and mentally healthy, they are the perfect person to talk about your concerns. They can be a place for you to vent and help you maintain a healthy outlook while working on recovery.

3. 

   
   
   Pause and think about if you are unsure about telling your best friend about the problem. If you are wondering if you should talk to your friend about depression, consider how you respond to these questions:
   • Does your friend often express disdain towards "mad people"?
   • Occasionally, does the person be arrogant or judgmental?
   • Are they struggling with their own depression?
   • Has that person ever become too rigid with you?
   • Are they good at handling their own emotions?
   • Does your friend gossip or spread gossip?
   • If your answer is yes to any of the questions or you remember a situation when your friend exhibits a confused attitude and behavior, it's best to just let them know that you are going through. It's a big deal, but you're trying to get over it, get help and get in touch with that person.
   • However, sometimes friends can surprise us. If your friend has the ability to dismiss his usual attitudes or behavior out of concern for you, and if you feel comfortable talking to them, you can start presenting small information and Watch how he receives it. Stop whenever you feel upset or frustrated.

4. 

   Think about what kind of information you want to tell your friend. Do you want to present more or less information? It is up to you to share your condition, whether you have received an official diagnosis or not. Start with what you think your friend will need to know about depression in general and about your experiences in particular. What important factor should the person know? What misconceptions or rumors need to be corrected? What experience does the person need to know about?
   • Remember, your friend may have had a loved one with depression and they know a lot about the disease. On the other hand, they may only know a little bit about depression. You need to learn about and educate yourself about the disease so that you can help the person better understand it, how it affects you, and how they can help and support you in moving forward. In addition, educating yourself will also benefit your recovery!
   • Remember, there is no need to explain why why you have depression. You don't have to give a good reason for your depression or for your sad feelings. All you need to share your feelings with your best friend is to honestly describe how you are feeling, and ask them to give you what you need, even if it is for help. , patience, understanding, or space.

5. 

   Visualize a possible response from your friend. Although you will not be able to predict their reaction, considering the many different possibilities will help you feel and know how to respond. Planning this process in advance will help ensure that you don't get caught by surprise and that you keep a close eye on the conversation's objective.
   • Remember, your friend probably won't understand you. People who have never been depressed will not be used to the symptoms. This means that sometimes, they will have a hard time understanding why you can't "stop sad" or "get out of bed." However, this action does not necessarily indicate that the person lacks sympathy or compassion. Instead, it may mean that they care about you and want you to feel better, but don't fully understand how the disorder can be.
   • Another possibility is that your friends will think they have a responsibility to "heal" you. They may think in a way that they will "free" you from depression. This is not their job, as it will put pressure on both of you.
   • Another possible reaction is to suddenly change the subject or divert the story's focus on themselves. This result can be heartbreaking, as if your friend is becoming selfish or disinterested in you, but perhaps they simply don't know how to respond to your words, or They are trying to show you that they have encountered a similar situation and understand how you feel.
   • For each of the above scenarios, you should be prepared to respond as well as take action. For example, if the person responds to your disclosure using language that implies they want to "fix" you, you should indicate that this is not their job (because you did not " "), and that what you want to get is support. If the person is hard to accept this, you should make a plan to say something like "I can handle it myself. Your help means a lot to me, but you can't replace me." do this, even if you want to. Like you want to help me review for the exam, but then you take my place to study for the exam If I don't have the knowledge to take the exam, I won't be able to Pass the exam. This is the same ”.

6. 

   Decide what information or response you want in return. In order to have a conversation where both participants feel good in the end, they need to try to build “similarity”, or common knowledge. Think about what you would like to get out of the conversation and how you would like the other person to respond. Often times, your friend will want to help you, so make a plan to allow them to do this in the best possible way.
   • For example, do you need your friend to "just" listen and be someone you can talk to? Would you like to ask for help with transporting you to the treatment? Do you need someone to help you manage everyday tasks, like cooking, cleaning, and laundry?
   • Know that your friend may only be able to help you in small ways, so it's best to have a clear understanding of what you are hoping to receive from that person before making a conversation. You can also wait for the person to ask if they can help you, and then discuss if they can help you in the way you need. For example, you could ask that person to talk to you for a few minutes every night to help you with insomnia (symptoms of depression), check with your day, or check if you are taking medicine. .

7. 

   Write down what you want to say. Take notes will help you gather thoughts and organize them.
   • Once you've written them down on paper, you should practice showing them clearly in front of a mirror.

8. 

   Practice conversation. Ask someone you trust, who has been informed of your situation, such as a parent or therapist, to practice conversation with you. Role-playing will help you prepare. In the role play, you should re-enact any potential scenarios; You will be yourself in the process, and the opponent will act as your friend.
   • Respond to every sentence from your partner, even if you think it was silly or not coming. Just practicing how to respond to an unreasonable or unexpected statement from your friend will give you the confidence to approach a similarly difficult conversation.
   • To take full advantage of the role-playing process, you need to respond in a way that is as honest as possible.
   • Incorporate non-verbal communication into the role-playing process. Remember that gestures, posture, and tone are the main factors in your conversation.
   • After this process, ask the other person for feedback, tell you what is relevant, and some areas where you should think more about what you will say or improve your response. .
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Part 2 of 3: Communicating with your friends

1. 

   Plan to do routine activities with your friends. You can go for lunch together, or go for a walk at a place you both enjoy. Research has shown that people with mild depression improve when a task directs their attention to outside factors, such as participating in activities.
   • Being in a better mood will make it easier for you to open up and talk about your feelings. If you don't want to do something, don't force yourself to plan it. A conversation while you are both sipping a cup of tea at the table or on an armchair is enough.

2. 

   Slowly enter the conversation about depression whenever appropriate. The best way is to start telling the person that you want to share something important, so they know they shouldn't take it lightly.
   • If you don't know how to raise the issue or feel uncomfortable, you should say something like "Hey man, lately I feel weird / sad / upset. Do you think? Are we able to chat about it or not? ".
   • From the beginning, make it clear whether you just want the person to listen to you, or if you want them to give you advice or advice.

3. 

   Let your friends know if this is confidential information. Be sure to let the person know if the issue you are sharing with them is private, or if they are allowed to talk about it with others on your behalf.

4. 

   Speak as you practice. You are as specific and straightforward as possible. Don't go round about what you need or about your request. It is natural to pull your tongue or shiver a little when you speak. The process of telling the problem itself is the hardest part!
   • If it is difficult for you to deal with your emotions in real conversation, acknowledge it with your friend. Letting them know how difficult you are with this conversation can even help the person understand your state of mind, and the severity of the situation.
   • If you start to feel confused at some point during the story, you can take a break, take a deep breath, and organize your thoughts.

5. 

   Help the person feel comfortable. If they seem uncomfortable, let go of stress by thanking them for being there and listening to you, or apologizing for wasting their time or for having trouble getting them to. raise the problem (if this is true).
   • Sometimes people with depression tend to feel guilty. This feeling can last, but it is perfectly possible to manage and minimize it. If you feel guilty during a discussion, a good way to manage it is to remember that this thought is not true. You are not burdening your friend by sharing your feelings. Your ex will appreciate that you have given them this information and will be more than excited to help you recover, rather than feeling "burdened" as you might imagine.

6. 

   Maintain focus for your friend. For the conversation to work, the person needs to focus entirely on listening to you. There are a variety of ways to maintain attention, including making eye contact, using gestures and body language (for example, facing the person, without crossing arms or legs), and speaking clearly. clear, and stay away from outside distractions (such as background noise, pedestrians, phone rings).
   • Look for signs of active listening. When the other person is listening attentively, they will concentrate intensely, trying to understand everything you say. Check for signs like eye contact, nodding, or respond meaningfully to what you say (even the word "yes" makes sense!). People show insight into a conversation by contributing to the story. They may repeat or reinterpret what you said, ask questions, and try to continue the conversation.
   • When they don't understand or know what to say, they use the padding. Buffer words are "supporting" words and will vary from person to person. They may not stop repeating a phrase (eg, "interesting"). They may also speak slowly (for example, without completing the sentence) or not try to keep the story going.
   • However, you should be careful, because each person's reaction is different. For example, some people think better when they don't make eye contact, and they will deliberately avoid it so they can focus on what you say. Think about the person's way of talking and what he or she is doing when they're paying attention.

7. 

   Bring the solution to the conversation by deciding on the "next step". When someone else (like your friend) wants to help you, they'll want to know what they can do. This is part of human psychology: we feel better when we do something for others. Being helpful can also reduce some of the guilt your partner feels when he sees you grieving. You can talk about your feelings as much as you need to, but it's better if you end the story with concrete and clear action that your friend can help you with. Remember what you have decided to ask for or hope to achieve as you prepare for this conversation, and present them to the other person.

8. 

   Redirects end the conversation. You should pay attention to your friend and how the story progresses. When you feel it's time to move on, raise another topic to end the discussion by saying something like “We should go home”, or “You go home, I don't want to spend. it takes a lot of your time ”.
   • This step is entirely up to you, as your friend will probably feel uncomfortable ending the conversation.
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Part 3 of 3: Coping with the person's reactions

1. 

   Don't forget how your best friend feels. Although the story revolves around you, keep in mind that your friends also have their own feelings, and they don't necessarily have to be the same as you hoped (you may have raised this during the import process. as noted above).

2. 

   Be prepared to experience negative reactions. Your friend may be crying or angry. This is a common reaction when someone learns about someone's difficult or upset situation.
   • Remember that this is a natural response and it doesn't mean you made a mistake!
   • This may be the right time to reassure your friend that you are not expecting them to give you every answer, and that you just need them to listen and be with you.
   • Don't see anger or crying as signs of rejection. Try talking to the person another time. For now, you should confide in someone close to you.

3. 

   Change tactics if you feel like the conversation is going in the wrong direction. If you have difficulty communicating with your friend or if the person reacts strongly, these 4 steps will help you reconcile the difficult conversation.
   • Trace asked: Ask questions and observe. You can say, “Did I upset you by bringing up this topic? I want to hear about how you feel ”.
   • Admit: Summarize what your friend said. You may be able to continue the conversation if you can help the person calm down. Summarizing what they say will help them feel as if someone is listening.
   • Encourage: Once you understand the person's point of view, you are getting closer to understanding each other. You can use this opportunity to clarify what you have learned about depression, or to share with your friend appropriate action the person may or may not do, like “Don't worry. My depression does not affect the good friendship you have for me.You're my best friend, and one of the few reasons why I smile these days. ”
   • Problem solving: At this point, hopefully the person has calmed down so you can fulfill your goals. You should end everything you want to say. Ask him or her to help you find a therapist, help you schedule a therapy appointment, or simply show up to listen to you.
   • If the four steps above don't work, it's best to end the conversation. Perhaps your friend needs time to process the information.

4. 

   Hopefully that person will reveal information about himself. Describing similar experiences of themselves is a way to show that they understand or can relate to your experience. Depending on the importance of the information, this process will lead the story in a new direction. In this situation, you should care for your friend, but at the same time remember to discuss how to deal with your own situation at a certain point in time.

5. 

   Be aware that the other person is likely to "normalize" your situation. Normalization is when someone tries to help you by making you feel “normal” (eg saying, “Most people I know suffer from depression”).
   • Avoid seeing this as rejection of the problem. Revealing yourself and normalizing are really good signs, because they mean the person is trying to connect with you and / or show you that they accept you.
   • However, don't allow the tactic of "normalizing" the person's situation to prevent you from expressing what you need to say! It doesn't matter how many people your friend knows at this point. It is important that you tell them YOUR OWN feelings and experiences. Please continue the conversation until the last minute.

6. 

   Discuss the conversation with others. No matter how well (or how badly) things went, once you have talked to your best friend, it can be helpful to discuss the process with someone else, like a therapist or therapist. counselor, with another close friend, or with your parents. They can provide you with an objective opinion of the conversation and help you handle your friend's reaction. advertisement

Warning

• If you have thoughts of harming yourself or committing suicide, you should talk to others right away, whether it's a suicide hotline, family member, friend, or doctor. you, or a mental health professional.