Content

• Steps

When someone you love goes to jail your life can be turned upside down. In addition to feeling depressed because of the space that person leaves in everyday life, you have to struggle with the struggles of the lack of contributions from your partner. Furthermore, you have to deal with a maze of trouble in visiting that person in prison. Despite the challenges, you can still learn to create a new life for yourself when your loved one is not around.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Getting Started

1. 

   Live in the present. If you try to think about the long years ahead without the presence of your loved one, you can easily be overwhelmed. Instead, you live each moment, solving everything that comes to you every day.
   • If you find it difficult to focus on the present, you can try mindfulness techniques. For example, when you take a shower, try to focus on what you are doing and do not let your mind wander about what to do during the day. Instead, feel the body wash gently on your skin, the hot water soothes the muscles and the scent of shower gel radiates around you. Focus on the senses you are feeling instead of the thoughts running through your mind.

2. 

   
   
   Be prepared to deal with what lies ahead. This advice seems to contradict the step just mentioned above.However, you can still live in the present knowing that what's to come can be difficult. For example, you may lose some relationships because a loved one goes to jail. People may not be as forgiving as you would like them to be.
   • This of course will hurt you, but understand that even if you lose friends, you can make new friends who are going through the same situation as you. Moreover, you will know who is always by your side when happy and painful times.

3. 

   
   
   Financial planning and planning. If the person contributes a portion of income to household expenses, you will have to develop a new plan. Maybe you need to get one or even more part-time jobs. Think carefully about your finances to determine what is essential to your survival.
   • You need to include expenses for people in prison. Supporting people in prison can be a huge amount of money for people outside. Your loved one in prison needs your support from phone bills to buying essentials. However, these costs can add up very quickly, as even putting money in an account comes with fees. So, you need to make a financial plan that sets a monthly expense that you think is reasonable for your loved one in prison and stick to it. If you think that is not enough, try to see if someone in your family is willing to help.
   • You may have to be more proactive with housework due to the lack of support from that person. Don't be afraid to ask a family member for help when needed.

4. 

   
   
   Take care of yourself. This can be a painful thing. You have lost a significant other in your life, and your grief is understandable. But even so, don't forget that you still have to take care of yourself. Try to get a good night's sleep and eat well to keep going.

5. 

   Determine how many times you can visit loved ones. Most prisons limit the number of times relatives can visit. Furthermore, the place where your loved one is held may not be as close as you would like. So you have to decide how many times you can visit to prepare yourself and your loved ones in prison.
   • You can also let the person know when you can write or text.

6. 

   Plan ahead what you will tell people. Deciding how to tell people can be difficult. Perhaps it is best to be honest, as some people may know it from the police record or in the press. However, if you don't feel comfortable with that, you can say that you and the person broke up or that the person has to go away. You only have to say it consistently.
   • Also, decide who to tell. Maybe you want to keep this as a family, or maybe you want to tell some close friends. It is better to plan ahead with people who are aware of your story.

7. 

   Consider what you will say to your children. While your partner is in prison it is important to let your children know the truth. If you hide it, your children will feel like you betrayed their trust when they discovered the truth. Also, teach your children how to tell outsiders. For example, your children might say, "Daddy is far away," or "Mom is in jail," it's up to you to decide.
   • Also, if you decide to let your child visit that person, you should come first alone to do the survey. This way, you can tell your kids what will happen when they get there and help ease their fears.
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Part 2 of 3: Visiting loved ones in prison

1. 

   Find out in advance about prison rules. If possible, contact the prison in advance to find out what will happen in advance. For example, you might be searched. In addition, some prisons only allow video chatting from afar, so you may not be able to hug the person. Most prisons limit physical contact, allowing only one hug. You will be less stressed if you know ahead of time what will happen.
   • If you are in the US, you are not allowed to give the offender anything, such as a cake, so it is best not to bring such things with you when visiting loved ones in prison.

2. 

   Use relaxation techniques. Visiting a loved one in prison can be stressful. If you're feeling anxious, try some relaxation techniques. For example, you can put a few drops of relaxing aromatherapy in a handkerchief and take it with you. You may not be able to bring a towel with you, but you can inhale the scent just before and after your visit; However, don't forget that the scent is often reminiscent of the experience, so try not to use the perfume that you normally use.
   • You can also try breathing techniques. When you feel anxious, take a few minutes to breathe. Close your eyes and inhale while counting to four, and count to four as well. Focus on your breathing until you feel calm.

3. 

   Don't be surprised if the person gets angry. Going to prison is scary for everyone, and perhaps the person is also afraid of losing a loved one. Moreover, they are also getting used to a new life in stressful circumstances. Try to be understanding, but don't let the person oppress you, especially if you are also in a difficult time.

4. 

   Seek support after visiting prison. Visiting a loved one in prison can be difficult, and the experience of going to prison is not fun either. So try to find someone with you right after you leave. Going for coffee and talking to someone can help relieve your stress. advertisement

Part 3 of 3: Finding support

1. 

   Join the group. Many communities have support groups for people with loved ones in prison. You can find a support group through the court system, or you can contact the psychologist's offices to see if they can recommend a group for you.

2. 

   Try to find a counselor who specializes in grieving. If group therapy isn't for you, you might want to try having a few private conversations with a counselor. You should do your research to find free or low-cost advice.

3. 

   Putting away your guilt. You may feel anxious when your lover goes to jail, and you can still be free. Remember that you are not making choices that the person has chosen to end up in prison, and all you can do now is support that person.
   • The first step in overcoming guilt is realizing that you have done nothing wrong. It is not your fault that the person is in prison, and you cannot change the actions of others.
   • On the other hand, if you feel like you have done something that helped put your loved one in prison, accept responsibility for it, and one way to accept responsibility is to apologize.
   • Once you've apologized, do your best to move forward. Get rid of the thoughts of guilt and don't reflect on it in your mind. You cannot change the past; you can only move forward and into a better future.

4. 

   Set up a new "normal". It may seem like your life has stalled for a while after your loved one went to jail. When you suddenly lose a loved one in your everyday life, you may feel a little empty. However, if you try to get through it, you will be able to adapt to a life without that person, and that's no wonder.
   • Part of creating a new normal life is continuing to maintain normal seasons; that is, don't hesitate to celebrate holidays and birthdays without that person. You don't have to sacrifice your life just because your loved one is in prison.
   • Try creating new home traditions so everyone has something to look forward to. Or you can find a new hobby to entertain yourself from time to time.
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