Content

• Steps

Carrying resentment is similar to taking poison with yourself and hoping that someone else will suffer: you are just poisoning yourself. Although you will feel that your feelings are perfectly reasonable and the person has truly hurt you deeply, resentment is best. If you are ready to let go of resentment, there are steps you can take to help you overcome this painful emotion.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Dealing with inner pain

1. 

   Understand your own feelings. Be honest with yourself in dealing with the emotions surrounding the situation. Ask yourself if this resentment is related to any past pain that is not related to the person or situation. Acknowledge your anger and anger, but don't indulge in it.
   • Anger is sometimes a remedy for helplessness: it makes you feel stronger. Remember, however, that your emotions will soon pass away. Don't pay too much attention to your anger and focus on your emotional healing.
   • Journal and focus on emotions related to the situation. Don't write about your anger, pay attention to the pain instead. Write down your feelings, and see if anything similar has happened before. Perhaps you are clinging to past pain and it is present (and exaggerated) in the present situation.

2. 

   
   
   Thoroughly train acceptance. Radical acceptance means accepting life on its own terms; is a permissive and irresistible element that you cannot change. Although pain is something you have no choice about, you have a choice about whether you should endure or not. By saying “this is not fair”, or “I don't deserve this”, you are denying the true nature of the situation, and the truth is no longer true to you in that moment. .
   • Radical acceptance means changing your thinking of resistance to acceptance. “This is my life. I don't like it and I don't think it's okay, but this is the truth and I can't change what is out of my control ”.
   • Train your acceptance to the lesser thing, and it will help you accept a bigger, more painful situation. You can practice it while in traffic, in line to check out at the supermarket, after spilling water on the carpet, and during long waiting times at the doctor's or dentist's office.

3. 

   
   
   Meditate. Meditation is good for you. Meditation increases positive emotions, reduces stress, aids empathy, and helps regulate your emotions. Meditation will assist you in overcoming anger and resentment by replacing them with empathy and empathy. The more you practice meditation, the more benefits you will get.
   • Loving Kindness Meditation will help you practice empathy and empathy. Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and begin by choosing a phrase to say to yourself like "I want to send unconditional love to myself", and do it. Then, dedicate this statement to someone with whom you feel a neutral (like the shopkeeper or the person in line next to you). Next, use this statement on the person you are resenting with. Finally, dedicate it to everyone in the world ("I want to send unconditional love to all mankind"). Now, reconsider how you feel. Do you still feel tension with the person?

4. 

   
   
   Show empathy. It can be difficult to see the other person's point of view when you are "mad". However, sharing empathy with the person who hurt you will help you clarify the situation and minimize the pain. The more you experience empathy, the less resentful the role resentment will play in your life.
   • Remember that you can make mistakes and still want to be accepted. Remember that everyone in the world wants to be accepted, even when we all face our own challenges.
   • Try to look at the situation from someone else's perspective. What is that person experiencing? Are they having difficulties in their life that make them want to "explode"? Realize that everyone has their own problems dealing with, and that sometimes they spread to other relationships.

5. 

   Love yourself unconditionally. No one can make you feel loved and accepted anytime, anywhere except yourself. Remind yourself that you are worthwhile and lovable. Chances are if you have too high a standard for everyone, you'll also set a high standard for yourself. Are you too strict with yourself when you make mistakes? Take a step back and love and cherish yourself at all times.
   • If you have a hard time loving yourself, start practicing the saying "I have the ability to love and be fully loved". Practicing this saying will influence the way you view yourself as you are.
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Part 2 of 2: Overcoming Resentment

1. 

   Avoid retaliation. Although perhaps you've thought of revenge or started outlining a plan, don't go for it. Revenge may be a way for people to seek justice, but the process is more injustice if the cycle of revenge continues. When you want to take revenge on someone, see your feelings as a way to deal with a lack of trust.
   • Don't act on impulse; wait until you calm down and regain control of your body and emotions. You may feel the desire for revenge goes away once you get rid of this thought.
   • If you choose to chat with someone you resent, be careful with your words. In moments of passion or revenge, don't say things you might regret. In the end it wouldn't be worth it.

2. 

   Have realistic expectations about others. Remember that no one else can fulfill all your needs. If you believe that having a lover or friend or being a part of your family means all your needs will be met, think again. Having high expectations will set you up for failure.
   • Resentment can happen when expectations are not clearly communicated. Discussing your desires and expectations will help you clarify your current problems and avoid future conflicts.
   • Have clear expectations for everyone in life. Compromise with everyone in life about the standards and expectations that each person has for the relationship.

3. 

   Use “I” statements (yourself) in your discussion. When discussing your resentment with others, don't blame them quickly. Instead, acknowledge your feelings and experiences. You cannot tell someone else's motives, or why they did something, because you simply cannot judge others. Instead, focus on yourself, on your pain, and on your experiences.
   • Instead of saying “I / I ruined this relationship and I / I will never forgive you!”, Try saying something like “I / you are in pain because of the action that you / I did it and it's hard for me / I can overcome it ”.

4. 

   Allow others to make mistakes. From time to time, it can be difficult to admit that you also have flaws and limitations, and cannot frequently respond to situations in the most useful way. This is true for everyone on Earth. Just as you want others to forgive you for your mistakes, you should develop this kindness to everyone in your life. Remember that the person who hurt you is not perfect, and that sometimes, they operate on limited beliefs or misleading views.
   • Accepting that people make mistakes doesn't mean you are defending their behavior. It means that you allow yourself to see the person's surroundings and their experiences to help you understand better.

5. 

   Surround yourself with positive people. Surround yourself with the positive people in your life who support you and allow you to make your own decisions. They are the ones who allow you to make mistakes and still support you.Make friends with someone who is honest with you, who will give you a fresh perspective when you feel stuck, or someone who will tell you when you are overreacting.
   • A good friend will accept you no matter what mistakes you make, and being a good friend means accepting others even if they make mistakes.

6. 

   Forgive. You may feel betrayed or have absolutely a good reason to resent someone, and forgiving you can be impossible. However, forgiving doesn't mean you have to pretend the situation never happened or that you have to justify the person's behavior. Forgiveness is just about getting rid of the pain that the person caused you.
   • Ask yourself what the person or situation triggered and caused you great pain. Do you feel like you've been abandoned, hurt, or re-experienced unpleasant memories in the past? Perhaps that person aroused a deep pain in your soul.
   • You do not need to forgive others verbally. You can do this for someone who is no longer in your life or has passed away.
   • One way to practice forgiveness is through writing about the situation and about why you chose to forgive. Have a small (safe) fire with you and burn the piece of paper.
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