Author:
John Stephens
Date Of Creation:
25 January 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
Adultery in any form will have a very serious impact on a relationship. If you cheated on your partner and now you want to reconcile, there is a lot you need to do to heal your broken relationship. The healing process will take a lot of time, affection and effort from both of you. Your other half has been through an excruciating pain and both of you need to determine if you can both overcome the consequences it left behind. Taking care of your partner's needs and making up your mind to go through the tough healing process will help you overcome the punishment of betrayal.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Take responsibility
Stop cheating. If you are a cheater, you need to completely stop the affair before you expect the opportunity to heal the relationship with your spouse or partner. This is a must.
Make the necessary changes to separate yourself from the person you cheat on. For example, if you had an affair with a co-worker, you might consider transferring or even finding a new job. If you have an affair with someone at the gym or somewhere else, you may need to change your social habits.
Be honest with the other half. Tell your other person what happened and why. You can be specific about sex if he or she asks, but it might be painful at first. Your partner may not want to know about it. This is a decision your spouse should make and that you should stick to his / her wishes.- Maybe your partner will yell at you when you hear you confess everything. While your unfaithfulness will hurt your spouse, you will also face a lot of problems as your spouse tries to relieve his or her pain.
- If your spouse has never had an affair, information about being unfaithful will usually appear during this initial conversation. Your reaction to that information will be the weapon that your other half is fully authorized to use. Be prepared to confess, and remember that if you feel hurt to say that, your hurt is the same as the pain your infidelity inflicted on someone. that. Both of you will need to heal a lot.
Be honest with yourself. Take the time to figure out the reasons for your infidelity. There are many things that can contribute to cheating, from low self-esteem, alcoholism, and sex addiction to the pressure of marriage problems or feeling weaker in your relationship.- In general experience unfaithfulness is always a sign that something is missing from a relationship; You should also know that experts now believe this is just one of the reasons people cheat.
- Whatever the reason for your adultery, you shouldn't blame your other partner for the decision. Even if you feel that your relationship is incomplete, you are still the one who decided to cheat on the other person instead of solving the problem together.
Method 2 of 4: Speak openly
Try to be as transparent as possible. Your other half will have many, many questions. Maybe he or she wants to know in what circumstances you meet the other person and whether it's a long-term, short-term or one-night relationship. He or she will spend time reflecting months or years ago about your couple life and wondering about your actions and reasons in the past. When you first tell your partner that you cheated on them, it is inappropriate to disclose everything about sex or relationship to the other person, but be prepared to Your other asks for details about that.
- Take time together to work through the questions your infidelity brings. Respond fully and openly to the questions your spouse asks, but anticipate new questions will not stop coming.
- Notice if your spouse is ready to listen even if you answer his or her question. Never cover up, but if your spouse hasn't asked about it - for example, why you cheated - be patient. Maybe he or she has enough information to consider. Wait until your partner asks, then carefully answer clearly.
Give your other half time to process it. You know your cheating from the moment it happened. But this heartbreaking information is brand new to your partner. Even if he or she ever doubts, until now those doubts have been confirmed.
- The time it takes to mend a relationship after a betrayal is not the same in each situation, but be prepared in advance that the process usually takes at least 1 to 2 years.
Honestly talk about the two's future relationship. Be realistic - is forgiveness possible? If you see any hope for the future of both of you, pledge to do your best to do everything necessary to restore confidence.
- When considering the future of your relationship, think about how everyone will be affected by the decision. For example, if you two already have children, things will be more difficult. Couples that have been married for many years are more likely to bond and bond together than couples that have been dating for months or even a year.
- Realize that even if your spouse wants to forgive you, the process can still take a lot of time.
- Avoid making hasty decisions. Give yourself enough time to make sure that your decision is made with careful consideration and that it is not simply a flare-up in a moment of anger.
Seek advice from a therapist or consultant. You may find seeing a therapist an important means of examining your reasoning and resolving your attitude. Emotional counseling is an important step that can help you through the complex process of expecting forgiveness.
- A counselor or people you trust can objectively and neutrally support your emotional handling.
- An outsider you trust can also be the adjudicator in some of the tiring discussions you need to have with your partner.
Method 3 of 4: Restore trust and honesty in your relationship
Responsible. You will have to work harder to demonstrate to your partner that you are trustworthy. Talk about your plan and meet your spouse's requests for information and assurance.
- Note, however, that the fact that you betrayed does not completely lose your privacy. Be mindful of your spouse's information needs, but don't feel compelled to provide a complete list of social media phone numbers and passwords or always have an account of all the places where you are. arrived. These actions only prolong the suspicion instead of allowing you to rebuild your broken relationship.
Give your other half space and time. Don't expect forgiveness - at least according to your plan. Your spouse will need to know that he or she has reasons to trust you again.
- Take time to "rest" if you feel your emotions slowly out of control. Perhaps your partner needs a little space to process their emotions. Leave the room politely, go for a walk, or let him / her stay away for a while.
- Consider planning a specific time to deal with difficult emotions. Let's say you set a 30-minute timer, and use that time to talk. This will help keep your conversation organized and predictable, and you can stay focused on current issues without turning the conversation into "venting out" or other unhealthy behavior.
Forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself does not mean getting rid of the consequences of your actions or giving you effort to change yourself. Instead, forgiving yourself helps release your psychological and emotional energy to move on. Then, you can begin to work hard to heal the relationship and change your habits.
- Everyday is a new day. When you wake up each morning, remind yourself that you've decided to move on and focus on fixing your broken relationship.
- If you find it helpful to take a particular action, consider taking a symbolic step such as (carefully) burning or tearing a piece of paper that you consider to represent a "betrayal" of me. Remind yourself of this action when you want to indulge in your past behavior. You have burned your bridge, literally and figuratively, and you are committed to move on.
- If you find yourself sinking in regret, think instead of a productive action you could take. You might consider sending your spouse a love letter, doing chores or finding a new hobby that can help change your behavior.
Method 4 of 4: Refresh commits
Renew the commitment to your "new" relationship. The relationship you had before you betrayed is gone, but if you decide to move on with your partner, you will now enter a whole new phase: reconciliation, formation, and growth. . This new phase will have new rules and expectations. Discuss these rules and expectations openly together to ensure that you have reached a consensus.
Use the time together to do things that have not been related to your cheating before. While it's important to keep talking and building trust, spending time and effort in new experiences can also be very beneficial for your fragile relationship.
- Consider past activities you both enjoyed together that you could repeat as useful habits.
- Discuss your goals and interests. Maybe your spouse has always wanted to travel for a long time. Consider taking the time to search for trips or even learn languages or cultural guidance to make that dream come true.If you have the same wish, be sure to do it together - or if that's not your wish, make sure you support your other partner as much as possible.
Be "in the present". No matter how painful it is, everything is in the past. Focus on your future together and understand that your sense of responsibility and communication are higher now than before.
Try to re-establish feelings of intimacy between you two. If sexual intimacy was previously part of your relationship, set a goal to re-establish trust to re-establish your bond.
- Understand that even though your relationship is a partnership, your hurt partner needs to be the one to set the limit on the process. Intimacy requires a lot of trust.
- Make sure you get tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Never put your spouse's health in jeopardy - or mental breakdown caused by an STD diagnosis.
Warning
- Adultery is never an excuse to be violent towards your partner. Confessing cheated should not have anything to do with violence. If one of you feels fear of the other person's violence, end the relationship immediately.
