Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Don't run too fast
• Part 2 of 3: Become more confident
• Part 3 of 3: Feeling more comfortable in social situations

Shyness can have a significant impact on the daily lives of many boys and men, especially when it comes to girls and women. If shyness has kept you from meeting someone special, check out the following steps to learn how to overcome shyness.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Don't run too fast

1. Don't overdo it and give yourself time. You shouldn't expect to get rid of shyness 100% or get it done within a few hours. Most people you will talk to also experience a certain amount of shyness in certain situations. Shyness is not black and white, but a continuum, so don't be too hard on yourself, especially if you have just begun your journey to overcoming shyness.
   • Lots of other people are also working on overcoming shyness, but you often won't be able to tell from them.
   • If you make a blunder, try to forget about it as soon as possible. Most people are more forgiving than you think.
   • Whenever you've talked to someone, be proud of yourself for trying.
2. Practice with friends. If you practice with someone you feel comfortable with, you can be immediately provided with feedback and also rewarded with positive criticism for your effort. This will greatly aid you in gaining confidence.
   • Practice making eye contact, but be careful not to stare at anyone. You can also practice adopting a confident attitude, making introductions, and asking questions.
   • Practice smiling when you have a conversation with others.
   • Practice this with a man or woman to get you started. You could also practice in front of the mirror.
   • When you're ready for the next step, you could practice asking a girl out. You may be able to practice this role play with a niece so she can assess your social skills and provide you with further tips. Practice complimenting her.
3. Make progress by taking small steps. You could think of dating and shyness as a 12-step plan. Start with a smile; show everyone that you are friendly and approachable. The next step is to greet others with a simple "hi". A few days later you could participate in short, informal conversations. You will gradually open up more to others, try to maintain this momentum.
   • Stop making excuses for your shyness. Get out there and make it work.
4. Develop compassion. With compassion you pay attention to the happiness of others and thus concentrate on your fellow human beings.People with compassion care less about themselves and put others first. The more you care about others, the less you will worry about what others think of you. This will make you more relaxed and better company for others.
   • One way to practice compassion is to address and interact with someone who seems lonely. Invite the person in question for a cup of coffee or have lunch together.

Part 2 of 3: Become more confident

1. Don't take everything too personally. If you want to succeed in the world of friendship and love, don't take every comment or joke too personally. Sometimes people say things they don't mean and you may have misunderstood them.
   • Blaming yourself for everything or exaggerating your own mistakes will only hurt yourself and reduce your chances of running into the girl of your dreams!
2. Learn to deal with rejection. Even the best boxers step into the ring knowing there is a chance that they will lose. This more or less also applies to you, because you cannot always be successful. No one will be a 100% match and you won't get along with everyone. Instead, you should see every encounter with someone of the opposite sex as a positive learning moment.
   • By mingling with people and being rejected from time to time, you will see that being rejected is not the end of the world.
   • You will never succeed if you don't try. They sometimes say: "Better to be a blue-eyed person than to remain a rookie." If you don't take the step of asking someone out, you will never have your first date!
3. Be less self-aware. Shyness and hesitation occur when you think about your own flaws. Instead, focus your attention entirely on the lady you are talking to. You will soon shake off the uncomfortable feeling and she will be flattered with your attention.
   • Be aware that most of the people you meet are too concerned with what others think of them, which will make them less likely to notice you and thus be less likely to judge you. In other words, they are more concerned with themselves.
   • Take a look around you and you will see that people are not making fun of you or judging you.
4. Handle social anxiety. Try to overcome the fears you have about talking to girls by building your confidence. Attending workouts similar to cognitive behavioral therapy can guide you through completing exercises to boost your confidence. You can attend such training sessions in a group or individually, or you could use an application on your phone so that you can complete the training yourself.
   • There are many useful websites on the internet that can inspire you and provide you with tips for dealing with social anxiety and overcoming shyness. An example of such a website is: “TED Talks” for overcoming shyness (this link points to an English page).
   • Practice everyday situations and try to assess the level of shyness and anxiety both before and after the exercise. You will find that you become less shy, anxious and more confident the more you practice.

Part 3 of 3: Feeling more comfortable in social situations

1. Get out there and mingle with the people. Participate in activities that interest you and more or less force you to interact with others. For example, you can become a member of a sports club, association or hobby club.
   • When interactions with teammates are necessary, you will have plenty of opportunities to practice your social skills.
   • Slowly but surely get to know your teammates better and over time you will feel more comfortable talking to them.
   • Find a particular role in the group. For example, you could be a timekeeper or the one who takes notes. When you have a certain task to accomplish, there is less pressure on having to talk to the other attendees.
2. Try to start a conversation with someone. Try to break the ice by saying, for example, that you are together in biology class or that you like her bag.
   • When you are out with friends or family, you could try to start conversations in the group. Over time, you will feel more comfortable and more relaxed in interacting with others.
3. Talk to someone who is alone. Chances are, she'll really enjoy it when she has someone to talk to.
   • Giving a girl a good time at a party she rather dreaded will not only boost your confidence, but it will also make you feel good as you help someone out.
4. Talk to a lot of people. Don't be afraid to start a conversation with everyone you meet, from the senior class girl at the grocery store to the girl who works at the bank. Practice makes perfect and the more sociable you are, the more comfortable you will feel.
   • Gradually increasing your effort to talk to new people is referred to by psychologists as gradual exposure and is a common technique for overcoming fears.
5. Be sincere and above all be yourself. Many girls immediately realize when they are dealing with boastful and tough behavior. Most girls don't like this kind of behavior. In general, girls are more attracted to funny guys who are just themselves.
   • Don't worry about a good opening line. While such phrases may seem very effective on TV, most girls find them rather corny. Instead, start by introducing yourself and ask how she is doing today.
6. Be prepared at all times. If you find yourself in front of several people at work or school, you should be prepared to exchange the necessary pleasantries. Someone may ask you if you are going to do something fun during the weekend. This is an excellent opportunity to tell something about yourself, at the same time you need to keep the conversation going and show interest in the other person.
   • When you find yourself in a new social situation, try to have one or two interesting ideas or topics up your sleeve that you can bring up in a not too flashy way.
   • Don't repeat what you want to say. If you try to remember word for word what you practiced, you may become confused and embarrassed if you forget what you wanted to say.
   • When in doubt, you could ask about her. Girls love when you show an interest in them and really listen.
7. Learn to listen carefully to others. You shouldn't be the one who is constantly talking. Ask open questions and listen carefully to what the other has to say. In case the conversation seems a bit dead, you should have some new topics on hand.
   • Try not to constantly speak and talk about yourself, as she may not be interested in the same topics as you.
   • Ask her a few questions and show her that you are really listening by asking additional questions related to what she just told you. For example, if she tells you that she is going to their vacation home with her parents this weekend, don't start talking about a vacation home you slept in last weekend, but ask about her parent's cottage.
   • Respond appropriately. You should not submit her to questioning. If she asks you questions, you should of course answer them.
8. Make it a fun date. If you are a little bit upset about the conversations to be had on a first date, you can go to the cinema or do some other activity so that you have a common topic to discuss afterwards.