Content

• To step
• Tips
• Warnings

Maybe nothing is really more painful than getting over your first love. It's not just any love. You thought you'd spend the rest of your life together. You have made plans for the future to live together or go to university together. You have tons of jokes and memories of the time you spent together. Now that it's over, you're worried you'll never find someone to replace their place again, or maybe you're worried you'll never be happier with someone else. There are no miracle cures to get over your first love, but give it time and focus on your needs.

To step

1. Realize that you have to get to a point where you want to get over your ex. At first, it will hurt immensely that you feel unable to get over this person, and you may even harbor a deep belief that the two of you will eventually get back together. This internal hope and avoidance may take a while, but eventually you will realize that you are not going back want to this person. After realizing this, you can easily move on to the next step.
2. Cut all communication with your ex. It's hard, but the only thing that works. You will probably feel like you are losing your best friend you've ever had, the only person who really understood you. It may hurt at first, but it will get better. You can't be friends while trying to get over each other.
3. Don't totally hang on to your ex. If you do, you'll be right back to square one and all the work you've tried to get over him / her will have been in vain. Remember, out of sight, out of mind, works!
4. When the going gets tough, remember why the two of you broke up. Think about what you hated about your ex and what you could never agree on. In a time of heartache, you may tend to remember only what you loved about your ex and keep playing back the happiest memories of the two of you together. Yet, this is one-sided and fails to recognize all the nagging doubts, the irritating habits, the angry words and the disappointments that became a major force in the two of you split. Don't discount the hurtful things by ignoring them, they are as much a part of what shaped your relationship as those good times.
   • If your ex cheated on you, stop justifying it and realize that you can find someone who loves you and won't be unfaithful. Use the experience to learn how to spot unfaithful types and avoid associating with them in the future.
5. Realize that just because this relationship is over, it doesn't mean you will never find love again. Ask your parents, friends, how they got over their first love. Many people will remember how difficult it was to get over them, but will also admit that they found more beautiful loves in their lives.
6. Take care of yourself. You may find it difficult to sleep or fall back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night. When it's dark and everyone around you is fast asleep, this can feel like the loneliest moment ever. Get plenty of exercise during the day and take long walks daily to make sure you're exhausted when you go to bed. These will help you sleep / go to bed better. You'll also benefit physically from the extra activity, and getting exercise is great for depression, especially as it's a good time to work out some of the harder thoughts that swirl in your mind.
7. Don't try to handle this fraction on your own. Your friends are very important. They will help you survive by listening to you and offering you comfort, support and sometimes good advice. If you forgot about them while you were with your boyfriend / girlfriend, ask them to forgive you. If they are truly true friends, they will want to forgive you and help you get over it.
   • Talk to your friends and family and see them more often. It is good to listen to others what they have to say, but if you can talk more, you will find that you are not thinking about them at the time. If you make your world bigger, he / she will become less important.
   • Don't ask your friends if they saw your ex. Do not ask how they are doing. You don't want to know!
8. Be open and honest about how you feel. Don't pretend you're okay with yourself or others if you're not. Also realize that everything can be okay with you. You don't have to feel sad all the time, if at all. Different people react differently to breakups and you have the right to feel unemotional as well as feeling overly emotional. Talk to people instead of bottling it up and feeling moody, depressed, or anxious. Other people can support you if they really know what's going on.
   • Don't forget that there are other people who care about you. Even if it doesn't always feel that way, there are. There are people around you who understand and will help you.
9. Allow yourself to cry if you want. It's okay to cry. Crying can help you let go of your emotions. Just let it all go. After that you will feel a lot better. Make sure to call your best friends and have happy conversations afterward.
10. Use your breakup as an opportunity to become the person you always wanted to be. Start with a huge goal, such as learning a new language, learning to play a new instrument, or learning new skills. There has never been a better time to set these goals in motion, and now you have a lot more time to do it!
11. Avoid wallowing yourself with substances. Don't fill up your MP3 player with the saddest love songs you can imagine. Sad songs just make you think about what went wrong and it's hard to move on when all you think about is sad song lyrics that relate to you. Remember that the lyrics are often written by people who have experienced a breakup themselves, but at least they have song writing and singing as a therapeutic outlet - you can only listen to them and playing such songs over and over again is unhealthy. Listen to a few at first, then start switching to upbeat, more upbeat songs, especially songs aimed at surviving, pushing through and starting over again. Try songs written to remind you that you are not the only one not having fun and that you need to work towards being happy again. Music can help you heal, give it time.
    • Also, avoid overdosing on sad romantic movies that call for tissue boxes. You could identify with the loss of the actor, but over time this becomes wallowing, which isn't very helpful.
12. Do whatever you can to feel attractive and confident again. Get your hair cut or add new highlights. Go to the gym. Buy new clothes. Dress up and dance in front of your mirror to club music. Remember all the times he / she told you that you are the prettiest / most beautiful person in the universe and convince yourself that it is indeed true, and that someone else will appreciate you the way he / she once did.
13. Bear the pain and loneliness with courage. With time, the pain will heal. Are you a strong person who can get over this or a weak person who will languish from one failed relationship? Don't succumb to weakness. Keep your pride and keep your head up. There is nothing better than that.
    • Always remember that you are better off without him / her because someone you thought loved you but leaves you is not worthy of your tears or pain ... "Never cry for someone who will never cry for you."
    • Over the years, your ability to love someone else grows. Be grateful for the experience of your first love.
    • Recognize that you have the power to make choices in your life. You can choose to withdraw from this loss or you can choose to learn from it and move on with a wiser, more compassionate person.
    • No relationship is ever a mistake if you can learn something from it, such as learning something new about yourself. You could learn that you are indeed a very stubborn person, so this could be the opportunity to change yourself for the better and become a more open-minded person. You might also find out that you are a jealous lover, in which case you can take steps to become a less jealous boyfriend or girlfriend. You will heal with time, but it won't happen overnight.

Tips

• Don't be afraid to love someone again. Just because your first love just didn't work doesn't mean it never will. Each person is different and so the strength of each relationship will be different with different persons, both for better and for worse. While it's unhealthy to step into another relationship for the wrong reasons, it's just as unhealthy to avoid relationships altogether. Try and judge each relationship on their own terms, not in terms of how your previous relationship (s) worked out.
• Keep yourself busy with your friends and college work / school work. Buy some new clothes, treat yourself to a meal, and meet old friends. All that works is keeping your mind off the person.
• Don't tell your ex you still love them. You could love them for a while, but remember that their love isn't enough and your relationship ended for a reason. If necessary, write down the reasons.
• Don't be afraid to move on as you feel that it will negatively impact your chances of getting back together with your ex. You would only limit yourself and your options by waiting for someone who will never come. Meet new people, have fun and live your life. Don't waste your thoughts thinking about someone who probably isn't thinking about you.
• Don't try to find an excuse to ask them about a situation. For example, "How is your mother?" or "Tell me again why we broke up?" This will only hurt you in the end and will eventually seem like you are begging for them to come back, giving them the strength and making yourself helpless, waiting for his response that you will never receive.
• Recognize that they are only your FIRST love. There will, without a doubt, be out there a second, third and other loves waiting for you and your beautiful self. Remember that there is always a first time for everything.
• Develop new hobbies. Do all the things you love to do. Keep busy all the time.
• Remember, getting a broken heart for the first time is a fact of life and an inevitable experience.
• If you know their passwords from their email / Myspace / Facebook / etc, resist the temptation to access their accounts. It will only make the pain worse. If they have your passwords, change them immediately. Remove them as well friends on Facebook and even block them so that you can no longer search or find their profile. They will not be informed and you will not be tempted to remain involved in their lives. It's time to forget about them as best you can. You don't want to be notified every time they make a change. Change your settings so that you are not notified every time they update something. Sitting down looking at their recent happy photo with their new girlfriend or boyfriend isn't going to be fun. Don't do this to yourself.
• Indulge any activity, interest, or personal taste you had abandoned because your ex didn't share it. Now is the time to have anchovies on your pizza, spend your money on smells your ex didn't like, eat the things your ex was allergic to, wear the clothes your ex didn't like and most of all enjoy favorite movies and music that your ex hated.Systematically remind yourself of who you are when you are alone. Get to know that person and respect yourself. Trust that one day you will meet someone who loves you just the way you are, instead of turning you into someone you are not.
• Sometimes it's impossible to end on good terms with your ex and you should cut off all contact as much as possible if that's the healthiest thing to do. But when the opportunity is available, being on good terms with your ex is a good place to be. Otherwise, bitterness and anger between the two of you will eat you inside. Be elegant and polite (but briefly) when your ex tries to contact you. If this happens, communicate that you would appreciate more distance to make it easier for you to move on. Use I statements like “I need more space” and avoid making accusations. Save your dignity and maintain your elegance, and maybe the two of you can eventually get on good terms with each other, even if part of the relationship didn't work out. You may later regret making enemies with your first love, even if you are now bitter or angry about the breakup / relationship.
• Don't rebound boyfriend / girlfriend. This will not help you move on as you will simply convey the feelings you once had for your ex to the new person. This is inconsiderate and unfair to the person, and you will be constantly upset when this new person doesn't live up to the standards of how your ex once was. Rebounds are, in general, a really bad idea.
• When you find yourself dwelling on what you're going through, take a book and read yourself away from the situation. Sometimes, distancing yourself from the world by visiting another will help ease your emotions and make it easier to get used to spending time with yourself.
• Don't be so negative as to believe that you will never love someone as much as your first love. Most first loves and broken hearts occur during the teenage years or when you are in your early twenties. You still have most of your life ahead of you to find the love of your life. Some people find the love of their life in their golden years!
• Get rid of all your ex's belongings that you still have. Clothes will be a physical reminder of your ex that you become attached to. Clothes also carry scents of your ex and can remind you of them more than anything else. Any notes your ex has written or photos they have taken should also be thrown away. Looking at things that once made you laugh will only make you feel worse now.
• It might help not to see your first love at all for a while. It could be too painful to see your ex with someone else or spend time with them and wonder what could have been.
• It's easier if you don't care. After a while, you get overwhelmed by the thoughts and feel like you just can't handle it. Just saying out loud, "Check it out!" really helps.
• Don't tell your friends every detail of why you broke up and how. Only tell your best friends because what happened between you and your ex is between you and your ex. Nobody has anything to do with that. Also, if friends try to tell you something that happened between them and your ex, interrupt and gently tell them you don't want to hear from him / her and change the subject. Even if it's a message from your ex, don't listen to it! It just makes things worse. If your friend can't respect that, then you know they aren't your real friend.
• Decide if you want to try to keep them in your life. This won't hurt in the long run. When you try to become friends immediately after the relationship ends, you will find that your feelings never stop, but are simply hidden. Give it time.
• Avoid statements like "I will never get over him / her." It might seem that way, but it's shortsighted and not true in the long run.
• If you must, cut all contact with them. Even if your best friend is in touch with him / her or your sibling. Just start paying less attention to them and soon you'll start to forget who broke your heart. It never hurts to cry if you want to.
• If you believe in a religion, seek spiritual help. Maybe you neglected your faith while you were with your boyfriend / girlfriend. It will help you feel better and closer to your deity. You can even make new friends on retreats and who knows, you might just meet someone new to move on with.

• Don't pretend you're still together or still pairing up. If people refer to him / her as your boyfriend / girlfriend, correct them. Even if you know that you are no longer together, saying it out loud will convey the message more strongly to you and help you move on with ease.
• Try to write down what you feel. If you have bad thoughts and feelings that keep repeating in your head, writing them down can provide relief.
• Poetry can really help you, whether writing or reading it. Try to research authors who wrote love poems so that they can act like the songs in your MP3. It is also good to put your feelings on a piece of paper. Don't get annoyed if the quality of the poem is below that of your beloved authors. You don't do it to publish it. Paper can be a good listener, sometimes the best.
• Don't stay awake at night to think about him or her, it will only hurt you more.

Warnings

• Even if you feel like you hate them, don't talk bad about your ex, it will only make you feel worse if your guilt backfires, which it sure will after a while, maybe even right after you say it. Talking badly about them is also narrow-minded and a bad reflection on them you. If you decide to scold them, you will only feel worse and they will think they have won. Remember there are three sides to any fraction: your version, their version, and the truth.
• Don't keep walking back and forth. While it may seem like things are going to get better, it's only temporary. If you keep walking back and forth, it will only make things much worse in the end.
• Viewing your ex's Facebook is a big no. It will only make you angry to see the picture or read other people's messages. Remove your ex completely (indirect or direct contact) to make the process easier.
• No stalking! Don't resort to following your ex's every move. Mutual friends telling you all about what they do, how great they are, who they date, and how they don't talk about you will only make you feel worse. You don't have to know. You just have to leave it alone. They will figure out what you are trying to do and you will seem like the insane one who is still not over the breakup. Don't give them that satisfaction if you'll be okay without it. This also includes using the internet to track your ex's activities.
• Remember, you are not the only one in the world whose hearts were broken. Be aware of that fact and worry about it, but try not to let it take up your entire day. Things like this will make you seem pathetic and will keep you from moving on.
• Resist the temptation to initiate contact with your ex and ask them to rekindle the relationship. What has been done cannot be reversed. The ex has made his or her decision and it cannot be reversed. Just realize that you will find someone better.
• If you're still thinking about it six months later, friends may start to fall out that you just have to get over it. Realize that everyone has their breaking point and the topic can get tiring. Your friends still love you, but don't bother them. If you really need to talk about your ex, ask them if they are willing to listen. If you can't respect their boundaries, you will start to lose friends.
• Do not drink alcohol or become addicted to drugs to help you get over your problems. It won't help in the long run and it could make things worse in the end. Concentrate on your health too! Eat a healthier diet and exercise. You will look better, feel better, and feel better about yourself. Exercise is a great remedy for depression.
• If you are suicidal, get help. Nothing in your life should drive you to that point.
• If you live at a distance from him / her, you will be able to move on with your life a lot faster because you will not be able to see her and you will not think about him / her that much.
• Don't stop doing things / looking at things / listening to things etc. just because it reminds you of your ex. That's life. You will only limit your life more and harm yourself.
• If it's been a long time since the fracture and it doesn't go away or gets worse, get help.