Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Dealing with a long-term narcissist
• Part 2 of 3: Dealing with a narcissist in the short term
• Part 3 of 3: Step-by-step intervention
• Tips
• Warnings

Narcissists can be difficult people to deal with. They have a limited mindset that prevents them from really seeing outside of themselves. Their world takes place entirely within their own person, and they shut out the external world. There are many different forms of narcissism, and dealing with a narcissist can be not only frustrating but potentially dangerous to your actual mental and emotional health. Still, there are a number of habits in everyday life that you can adopt when dealing with any type of narcissist.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with a long-term narcissist

1. Learn to recognize a narcissist. Before you call someone a narcissist without thinking, keep in mind that there are many people who have certain narcissistic traits but are not necessarily narcissists. By learning what exactly makes someone a narcissist, you will be able to avoid those people more easily and deal better with the narcissists you already have in your life. Ask yourself if the person:
   • Finds himself overly important.
   • Constantly expecting or demanding appreciation and attention from others.
   • Little aware of the needs or feelings of others.
   • Acts in an arrogant or superior way towards other people.
   • Thinks he or she is special in some way and that only other people who are also special really understand him or her.
   • Thinks others envy him or her.
   • Taking advantage of others to get what he or she wants.
   • Obsessed with the idea of ​​gaining a lot of power, being successful or finding the ideal love.
   EXPERT TIP

   Try to determine what you need yourself. If you are looking for someone you can expect mutual support and understanding from, it is best to spend as little time as possible with narcissistic people and instead invest in people who can provide you with more of what you need. . On the other hand, if the narcissist in your life is interesting or engaging in certain other ways and you don't need any further support, the friendship or relationship might work for some time to come.

   • Don't hurt yourself unnecessarily by staying in touch with the narcissist. This is especially true if you are in a close relationship with them (if he or she is your partner or one of your parents, for example), as you will automatically have to spend more time with them.
   • If you find yourself getting exhausted by everything he or she asks of you (a narcissist constantly asks for appreciation, compliments, attention, and endless patience) then you should definitely think about the relationship you have with this person.
   • If a narcissist in your life is abusing you (manipulating you, constantly belittling you, or treating you as if you were worthless), then you should disconnect from them as soon as possible because such a person is a health hazard.
2. Accept this person's limitations. If this person is really important to you, then you will have to accept their narcissistic side. So stop asking or expecting support or attention from the narcissist because he or she cannot give you those things. If you keep asking for it, you won't achieve anything other than feeling frustrated and disappointed, which will only damage the relationship more.
   • For example, if you know that your friend Rob is a narcissist, don't keep talking to him about your own problems. He simply won't be able to empathize with you, and will soon let the conversation go back to himself.
3. Get your self-esteem from other things. Your self-esteem should come from within instead of relying on outside support for it. For many people, they only gain more self-esteem when others confirm their existence by valuing them as individuals. Just don't turn to a narcissist if you're looking for this type of support, because a narcissist won't be able to give you that support.
   • Be aware that if you confide in this person, he or she will not be able to seriously see the importance of what you have told him or her. In fact, he or she may be able to use that knowledge as a tool to manipulate you, so be careful what you tell a narcissist.
   • Never forget that a narcissist's motto is, "I go first." And when you hang out with someone like that, you will have to act according to his or her motto.
4. Try to be understanding. That may be easier said than done, but don't forget, despite all the so-called self-confidence that the narcissist radiates, deep down he or she has a serious lack of confidence that requires continuous approval from others in order to be oppressed. In addition, narcissists don't have a full life because they shut off much of their feelings.
   • This does not mean that you should let him or her do everything to you. It means not to forget that a narcissist is a human being who cannot relate to other people. This is common in people who grew up with narcissistic parents.
   • Also remember that narcissists don't understand what unconditional love is. Everything they do is done to fulfill their own needs, which is a terribly lonely way to live.
   • It can help you to understand if you can remember that these negative behaviors are projections of their own self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy.

Part 2 of 3: Dealing with a narcissist in the short term

1. Avoid mind games. Many narcissists play mind games that force you to constantly defend yourself. The best way to deal with such games is to recognize the game and stop playing it. In order to deal with a narcissist, you must make sure that your ego is not played around.
   • Stop blaming each other for everything. A narcissist can't do anything wrong in their eyes, which means they should always blame someone else for anything that goes wrong. Rather than trying to argue about it or trying to explain that it is his or her own fault, you should set boundaries. Keep a record of what he or she has done so you can say (without using an accusing tone), "Hey Zane, here's the inventory that says we need more paper."
   • Narcissists are often very good at lying. If you can remember something very different from what he or she remembers (especially if it is something negative about him or her), don't start doubting yourself. Just don't argue about it unless you have absolutely rock-solid proof that you are right. And even then, a narcissist will be able to present the whole thing in such a way that he or she gets off well.
   • The most important thing to remember is to avoid being a clashing attitude towards a narcissist. If you have a narcissist in your life, you will be faced with insults, slights and lies. Don't go into it. It's like a game of table tennis, but you don't have to keep bouncing the ball back. Instead, you just have to let the ball (the insults, the mind games, etc.) go right past you.
2. Don't expect to please a narcissist. Because a narcissist has a big ego and an overly positive image of themselves, chances are they will see you as someone who is, in some ways, inferior. You may be able to gain favor with a narcissist in the short term, but you should never expect to be able to satisfy or impress a narcissist in the long term.
   • Be aware that you will often fall short in his or her eyes. You will never be able to live up to what he or she expects from you, namely someone who gives him or her their full attention.
   • Try not to attract his or her criticism. Remind yourself that it comes from a world view that is completely out of balance. Don't try to argue with a narcissist about your performance because he or she won't be able to listen to you anyway.
   • If he or she is belittling you all the time (whether it's your partner, one of your parents, or your employer), find someone you trust who you can talk to about what he or she is saying to you (a good friend, your mentor). If you can, try to get some space from the narcissist so that you can come back to yourself.
3. Try to listen to him or her a lot. If you do have to hang out with the narcissist, the best thing to do is simply listen. The narcissist will ask for your attention and a listening ear and will likely get angry or be very cool if you don't give them those things. Everyone has boundaries, of course, and if the narcissist in your life demands your attention at a time when you can't give that attention, don't give in anyway. If you plan to develop a friendship or any other type of relationship with a narcissist, you just need to be prepared to listen to them very often and sincerely.
   • If you find that you can no longer keep up with your thoughts, ask him or her for clarification about something he or she has said before and what you can remember so that you can find your way back in the conversation. For example, you could say, "I was reminded of what you said about X and actually didn't quite hear what you just said. Would you like to say that again? "
4. Be as sincere as you can in the compliments you give. Most likely, the narcissist in your life has a quality that you admire. Make sure that most of the compliments you give are focused on that quality. It will appear more sincere, which will continue to appeal to the narcissist, as well as remind yourself why you want this person to remain a part of your life.
   • For example, if your narcissist is very good at writing, don't forget to tell him or her regularly. Say things like, "You are very articulate. I love the way you can express your ideas so clearly. "He or she will recognize your honesty and be less likely to attack you.
   • Even if you give the narcissist the compliments and appreciation he or she asks for, chances are still high that he or she will find ways to control you and make you feel inadequate as a result of the feelings of insecurity that he or she has deep inside. A narcissist can use very subtle and sophisticated methods, so be on the lookout.
5. Nod and smile. If the narcissist in your life is someone you can't disconnect from, and you find yourself unable to satisfy them as often as you need to, the next best thing to do is your shut up. You will in no way fall into the favor of the narcissist simply by keeping your mouth shut, but by at least not arguing with the person, you passively give the impression that you agree with him or her. are.
   • Since a narcissist demands attention all the time, smiling and nodding is a good way to give them that attention without committing yourself to further interaction with the narcissist. This method works especially well for narcissists who are not a permanent part of your life (such as a co-worker, a family member you don't live with, or a friend with whom you are not very close).
6. Try to convince the narcissist that what you want is beneficial for him or her. If you need something from a narcissist, the best way to get it is to present your request to the narcissist in such a way that the narcissist will somehow benefit from giving you what you want.
   • For example, if you want to persuade your girlfriend to go to a new restaurant with you, and her narcissism revolves around her social status, say something like, `` I've heard it's the best place to go to want to meet interesting people. '
   • Or, to give another example, if you want to go to an exhibition with a friend, and his narcissism is about his intelligence, you could say something like, `` They say it's especially interesting for smart people with a quick train of thought. '
7. Provide constructive criticism in a positive or neutral way. A narcissist will never accept direct criticism. He or she will likely assume that you are either jealous or simply grumpy, and will value your opinion even less as a result. Avoid giving the impression that you are humiliating him or her, even though it may be tempting to do so. Present things in a way that makes the narcissist believe he or she continues to dominate the situation.
   • For example, if you need to remind a narcissistic customer to pay, kindly remind them by asking the customer themselves for a reminder of the payment term you have agreed, rather than directly telling them that they whether it has exceeded the payment term.

Part 3 of 3: Step-by-step intervention

1. Decide for yourself whether it would be a good idea to intervene. Sometimes, especially if the narcissist is someone you love (your partner, one of your parents, or your son or daughter), you may want to step in to intervene. This can be very difficult because it can be very difficult to convince a narcissist that he or she has a problem at all.
   • The best time to initiate intervention is shortly after the narcissist has experienced something that has drastically changed his or her life (such as an illness, dismissal, etc.) that has damaged or even completely damaged the things that contribute to his or her ego. have disappeared.
2. Get professional help. You will need the help of someone who is neutral and experienced, because the situation can become very intense and emotional during the intervention. Such a person can also help plan the intervention and give you an idea of ​​how the intervention could go. Try to seek advice from someone such as a behavioral therapist, a psychologist, or a licensed social worker who has experience dealing with narcissists.
   • A professional can talk to you about different forms of therapy. Individual therapy and group therapy are both beneficial, and both have been shown to help narcissistic people see other people as people who are just as important as themselves.
   • Take a look around your area and ask some of the people whose opinions you respect who they would recommend. You need to make sure you choose the right person for this job.
3. Choose 4 to 5 people. These should be people who are in some way in a close relationship with the narcissist, or who may have suffered from the narcissist's behavior, but would like to see him or her get the help they need.
   • Make sure those people aren't going to warn the narcissist early and spread gossip about what's going on.
4. Plan the procedure. Intervention is not something you can do overnight. You will have to plan where and when and what you will say and do. The professional can help you with this by at least partially preparing you for what you might expect if you intervene.
5. Prepare a few points to discuss. These are the main points that you want to focus on during the intervention. This could include things like how the narcissist's problems are harmful to the family or the family (give specific examples) and explain why you have decided to intervene (he or she has reached a point where there is abuse or maltreatment, or he or she no longer contributes to the family; try to be as specific as possible).
   • You must have some sort of punishment on hand for his or her behavior if the narcissist refuses to cooperate with the treatment. This can be anything from not participating in activities that are important to the narcissist to breaking up. This will give you more control in your effort to make him or her see the importance of the change.
6. Make it clear how the narcissist is hurting himself. It is important that you also show compassion during the intervention, because the reason you are doing it is that you want to give him or her a chance to get better. Let the narcissist know that a change will benefit him or herself as well as everyone else involved.
   • Use statements that focus on "I". Using this type of language reduces the chances of the narcissist being on the defensive. For example, if you say, `` I feel like I'm being ignored if you keep bringing the conversation back to yourself all the time, '' or `` I feel like you expect me to be emotionally available all the time without any form expect emotional support from you. ”Again, use specific examples of the times when he or she hurt you.
7. Prepare for the possibility that the intervention will not work. Remember, planning an intervention does not mean that the narcissist will actually do what he or she should be doing to get better. Plus, therapy doesn't always work for narcissists, so be prepared for all possible results in that regard.

Tips

• You will never win an argument with people like this and even if you win ... you lose. The best advice is to avoid confrontation and only talk about the essentials.

Warnings

• If you can, try to spend as little time with the narcissist as possible, and cut off any kind of contact if necessary. If you spend too much time with a narcissist, you run the risk of you and that person becoming dependent on each other until the relationship begins to negatively affect your own mental health and development.
• When dealing with a narcissist, it is really important that you are aware of your own emotional well-being. If his or her fault makes you less happy, you need to get out of the situation, even if the narcissist is one of your parents, your partner, or your boss.