Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Staying positive
• Part 2 of 3: Leaving rejection in the past
• Part 3 of 3: Finding someone new
• Tips
• Warnings

Approaching someone you love takes a lot of courage, and it can be painful when that person rejects you. Many people view the rejection of a crush as a heartbreak, as if the relationship already exists. What's important is how you deal with that rejection and how you deal with the unpleasant situation. When you learn how to get over a rejection, you can pick up the shards and gradually pick up your love life - and perhaps work towards a new and better relationship.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Staying positive

1. Resist getting angry. It's normal to feel angry and suffer from heartbreak when your crush rejects you, but anger won't help. Getting angry can be especially harmful if your crush is a good friend, as it can put a strain on the friendship.
   • Wish your crush luck and try to smile. If you were or are still good friends, let your crush know that you want to stay friends, and that you hope this won't change things between you. It's the best way to save face and keep the friendship after being rejected.
2. Spend time with friends. One of the best ways to get over heartbreak and rejection is to surround yourself with friends. Whether you go to a movie, get some food, go out for a drink (if you are old enough), or just hang out on the couch at home, it is important to be with friends during difficult situations.
   • Let your friends know you're going through a rough patch and ask them if they are free to spend some time together. Some friends will make the effort to contact you, but other friends may need to be invited. If your friends don't reach out to you immediately, try to reach out to them yourself and let them know that you really could use some company.
3. Do things that you enjoy. When you feel the twinge of a flame rejection, it can be helpful to look for activities that make you happy. Whether you enjoy listening to music, reading a book, watching a movie, or just going for a walk or bike ride, doing things you enjoy may help you feel better and stay positive in spite of how you feel.
4. Start keeping a journal. Some people think that keeping a diary isn't going to help, but studies have shown that it can help people put their thoughts into perspective and stay positive after experiencing heartbreak.
   • Invest in a new, high-quality notebook. This will ensure that the diary can withstand the stress of daily use and increase the chances that you will want to use your diary every day.
   • Set aside time each day to write in your journal. Set a timer to force yourself to write for a longer period of time.
   • Allow yourself to experiment. Your journal is not meant to be read by anyone else, so be open and honest. Give yourself permission to think about things you are writing down as you organize your thoughts. In other words, it doesn't have to be a perfectly thought out and well-articulated document. It could just be a jumble of thoughts, feelings, or observations.
5. Know when to ask for help. Maybe you've been rejected in front of a group of people and feel embarrassed, or maybe you really thought someone was going to work out. Whatever you're going through, don't be afraid to talk about how you feel when you're really devastated by a rejection. If you don't think your friends or family will understand, consider talking to a counselor or therapist.
   • Many schools and universities offer counselors for free, or you can search online for a therapist near you.

Part 2 of 3: Leaving rejection in the past

1. Avoid fear of rejection. It's natural to feel a little hurt after being rejected, but it's important that you don't let yourself become afraid of rejection in the future. That kind of fear and avoidance is part of doom thinking, where an experience is believed to be part of a larger, more serious pattern.
   • Remember, no matter how difficult and even painful a rejection may be, it is not a life-threatening situation.
   • Keep in mind that a rejection is never permanent. New possibilities will always present themselves eventually.
2. Detach yourself from rejection. Many people respond to rejection by internalizing it. It's easy to feel that someone's rejection is a reflection of your own worth, but it's simply not true. No doubt you have or have not been in love with people before, and it has nothing to do with how attractive or interesting or likable someone is. Much of it comes down to compatibility. Other times, a person may just not be ready for a relationship. Whatever the reason, it doesn't say anything about you.
   • Never let someone else's approval or rejection determine your self-esteem. Don't forget that you are great just the way you are.
3. Try to see rejection as an opportunity. Yep, it's a shame your crush doesn't share your feelings, and it probably hurts too. But it's only one person and that person was not right for you. Try to see rejection as an opportunity to build a better relationship with someone who likes you too.
   • If your crush indicated not to be right for you, it just means that there is someone else you will be a better fit with.

Part 3 of 3: Finding someone new

1. Learn your ideal partner preferences. If your crush rejected you, you may have been more attracted to the other person's appearance than to his or her personality. Whatever the circumstances of your rejection, now is a good time to be honest with yourself and determine what you expect from an ideal partner.
   • Think of qualities that you would like to see in an ideal partner. Maybe you want someone who is warm and caring, or maybe reliability is more important to you. Shared interests or worldview is also a common trait that people look for in a partner. Whatever it is that you think you want from a partner, find out before you start developing feelings for someone else.
2. Recognize your emotional reactions. While the preferences we desire for an ideal partner determine the type of person you actively seek out, you also have an unspoken emotional response to most of the people you meet. Sometimes we are blinded by our emotional response to someone because of their looks or charming personality, but it's important to learn to recognize the emotional response you feel in someone's presence.
   • Emotional responses are usually unconscious and you cannot change that response. But if you analyze your emotions over time (perhaps through journaling), you can learn to recognize the emotional response you have to a person.
3. Evaluate crushes for realistic compatibility. Even if someone has traits that you consider ideal and you feel a positive emotional response to that person, you may simply not be a good fit when it comes to the long term. Learning how to estimate a crush for true, meaningful compatibility can mean the difference between frustrating relationship problems and a meaningful, fulfilling partnership.
   • Think about the personality traits you find most desirable. Do you have a "type" in mind? Do you usually respond well to such a person? Or do you only see the outside of people you are in love with?
   • Trust your gut. If you find someone attractive, but don't have much in common with them, it probably won't work out, and you probably already know it. Learn to trust your gut when evaluating a potential partner, as this will help you avoid hurt and rejected in the future.

Tips

• It's not the end of the world. Rejection never lasts forever.
• Don't take it personally. Maybe the other person wasn't ready for a relationship, or maybe the two of you just didn't fit together. Whatever the reason, it has nothing to do with you.
• Remember, you are not alone. Many people are rejected every day by someone they have a crush on.
• See rejection as an opportunity. Now you know not to waste your time on feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way, and you'll be ready when you find someone who is right for you.
• Just the thought of knowing you were tough enough to talk to your crush is something to be proud of. Find someone who might have a few things in common with your previous crush, and know that person likes you too.
• Never let anyone define or control your feelings - there are many fish swimming in the sea. Time heals everything. Think of it as a life lesson and experience.
• Leave it behind and take the loss with style.
• Rejection happens! Learn to accept that and keep going until you find someone who is right for you.

Warnings

• Don't make your crush feel guilty. That won't change the person's mind, and it will only make things more awkward or painful between the two of you.
• Don't get mad at someone for the way they feel. It cannot help the other person not to have feelings for you, any more than it can help you to have feelings for him or her.
• Talk to a therapist or counselor if you are in a lot of pain or grief. Let your friends and family know how you feel so they can try to be there for you and comfort you.