Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Observe the behavior
• Method 2 of 3: Assess the communication
• Method 3 of 3: Dealing with a manipulative person
• Tips

Manipulation means trying to indirectly influence someone else's behavior or actions. Our emotions often cloud our judgment, making it difficult to recognize the reality behind a hidden agenda or secret motives in certain behaviors. The controlling aspect that often accompanies manipulation can be very subtle, making it almost imperceptible, and it can also be hidden under feelings of loyalty, love, or habit. You can learn to recognize the signs so that you avoid falling victim to them.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Observe the behavior

1. Notice if the other person always wants you to start talking. Manipulative people like to listen to what you have to say so that they can discover your strengths and weaknesses. They will ask you probing questions so that you have to talk about your personal opinions and feelings. These questions usually start with "What", "Why" or "How". Their answers and actions are usually based on the information you have given them.
   • It's not that someone who wants you to always start talking is not necessarily manipulative. Also take into account other things he / she does.
   • A manipulative person does not share that much personal information during these conversations, but is more focused on you.
   • If you notice this behavior during most conversations with him / her, it could be a sign of manipulation.
   • While it may feel like genuine interest, keep in mind that there may be a hidden agenda behind these questions. If you're trying to get to know the other person and they refuse to answer or change the subject quickly, it may not be genuine interest.
2. Notice if the other person uses his / her charm to get things done. Some people are very charming by nature, but a manipulator uses his / her charm to get things done. For example, this person may compliment you before asking you for a favor. You may receive a small gift first, or the other person may say that he / she will do something for you before you are asked to arrange something.
   • For example, someone can cook for you and be nice to you before asking you for money or asking for help with a project.
3. Watch for coercive behavior. A manipulative person tries to persuade people to do things by using violence or threats. He / she can yell at the other person, criticize someone, or threaten to get something done. The other person can start by saying, "If you don't do this or that, I will ____," or "I won't ______ until you _______". A manipulator will use this tactic not only to make you do things, but also to stop you from doing certain behaviors.
4. Pay attention to how the other deals with facts. If someone is distorting facts, or trying to overwhelm you with facts and information, they may be trying to manipulate you. The facts can be distorted by lying, making excuses, withholding information, or exaggerating. Someone can pretend that he / she always knows something about everything and overwhelm you with facts and statistics. He / she does this to feel more powerful than you.
5. Note whether the other person often assumes a victim role. Maybe the other person does things for you that you didn't ask for, and then uses that against you. By "doing you a favor," he / she expects you to do something in return, and may complain if it doesn't.
   • A manipulator may also complain and say, "Nobody loves me / I'm so sick / They always have to have me, etc." to arouse your sympathy so that you start doing things for him / her.
6. Consider whether the other person's kindness is conditional. They can be nice and nice to you if you do a task well enough, but all hell can break loose if you dare to do something wrong. This kind of manipulator seems to have two faces: an angelic one for when they want you to like them, and a hideous one for when they want you to be afraid of them. Everything seems fine until you don't meet their expectations.
   • You may be walking on eggshells, afraid of making the other person angry.
7. Observe patterns of behavior. All people are sometimes manipulative. But people who are real manipulators exhibit this behavior on a regular basis. A manipulator has a personal agenda and tries to exploit others so that he / she gains power, control and privileges at the expense of the other person. If this behavior occurs regularly, this person could be manipulative.
   • If you are manipulated, your rights or interests are compromised and are not important to the other.
   • Realize that disabilities or mental disorders can play a role. For example, a person with depression may end up in a real debt spiral with no intention of being manipulative, and a person with ADHD may have trouble checking the email regularly. This does not make someone manipulative.

Method 2 of 3: Assess the communication

1. Notice if you feel inadequate or judged. A common technique is to make fun of or tease you so that you feel inadequate. Whatever you do, this person will always find something that is not right about you. No one will ever be good enough. Rather than offering helpful tips or constructive criticism, the other person is just cracking you down.
   • This can also be achieved through sarcastic comments or jokes. A manipulator may joke about your clothes, your car, your job, your family, etc. Although it is presented as a joke, it can still make you insecure.
2. Note if you are being ignored. A manipulator can sometimes ignore you to gain more power over you. He / she may not answer the phone or respond to texts or emails for an unreasonably long time. You wonder what's going on when the other has power over you.
   • Ignoring usually has no reason whatsoever. If a manipulative person wants to make the other person insecure, then randomly breaking all contact is well suited.
   • If you ask the other person why you haven't heard anything for so long, they may deny that something is wrong and say that you are paranoid or unreasonable.
3. Notice if he / she is trying to make you feel guilty. If someone is trying to make you feel guilty, they want you to feel responsible for their behavior, happiness, failure, or success. Ultimately, you feel obliged to do things for him / her, even if it is completely unreasonable.
   • Feeling guilty often starts with statements such as: "If you were a little more understanding, you would ...", or "If you really loved me, you would ...", or "I did this for you, why don't you want to do this for me? ”(for something you didn't ask for).
   • If you find yourself giving in to things you wouldn't normally do because they make you uncomfortable, you may be the victim of a manipulator.
4. See if you always have to apologize. A manipulator can twist a situation to make you feel like you've done something wrong. This may be because you are blamed for something you did or did not do, or because you feel responsible for a situation. Suppose you have agreed with the other person at 1 p.m., and he / she is two hours late. If you say something about it, he / she can respond with: "You're right. I can never do anything right. I don't deserve your friendship". The other tries to arouse your compassion in this way, and has given the conversation a completely different twist.
   • A manipulator will also misinterpret things you say on purpose, so you have to apologize for what you have said.
5. Notice if the other person is always comparing you to other people. If he / she wants to get something done from you, he / she can also tell everyone to do it, or give you names of friends who do. He / she can also tell you it's stupid if you don't. He / she does this to make you feel guilty and to put pressure on you so that you do what he / she wants.
   • "Other people would ____" or "If I asked Marie, she would," or "Everyone thinks it's okay except you" are all ways to try to get you to do something. through comparison.

Method 3 of 3: Dealing with a manipulative person

1. Know that you can safely say "no". A person will continue to manipulate for as long as you allow it. You have to say "no" to protect your own well-being. Look in the mirror and practice saying, "No, I can't help you with that," or "No, I'm not going to do that." You have to stand up for yourself, and you deserve to be treated with respect.
   • Don't feel guilty if you say "no". It is your right to do so.
   • You can say no very politely. When a manipulative person asks you something, say, "I'd love to, but I'm too busy for the next few months," or "Thanks for asking me, but no."
2. Set boundaries. The manipulator who finds everything unfair and starts to act pathetic relies on a sense of "helplessness" and will ask for financial, emotional, or other support from you. Look for statements like "You're the only one I have" and "I don't have anyone else to talk to," etc.You are not obliged and not equipped to always fulfill the wishes of the other. .
   • If he / she says, "I don't have anyone else to talk to," try to answer with concrete examples, such as:
     • "Don't you remember that Tessa was here yesterday and talked to you all afternoon? And Zane said she's fine with you calling her to get your heart out. I can talk to you for five minutes now, but then I have to go to an appointment ".
3. Don't blame yourself. A manipulator tries to make you feel inadequate. Remember that you are being manipulated into feeling bad about yourself and that you are not the problem. If you start to feel bad about yourself, recognize what is happening and why you feel that way.
   • Ask yourself, "Does he / she treat me with respect?", "Does the other person have reasonable expectations of me?", "Is this relationship one-way?", "Do I feel good in this relationship?"
   • If the answer to these questions is "no" then the manipulator is the problem, not you.
4. Be assertive. Manipulators often distort the facts and pretend to be more attractive. If you respond to a distorted fact, ask for clarification. Explain that this is not how you remember the facts and that you are curious about his / her explanation. Ask the other simple questions about how you came to an agreement, how he / she thinks the approach came about, etc. Then when you decide something together again next time, take this as the new starting point, not the twisted fact. For instance:
   • The other says, "You never stand up for me at these kinds of meetings; it's just your own interest and you're throwing me to the lions."
   • You respond with, "That's not true. I thought you were ready to talk to the investors about your own ideas. If I had thought it would go wrong, I would have intervened, but I thought you already had it all right ".
5. Listen to yourself. It is very important to listen to yourself so that you know how you think about a certain situation. Do you feel oppressed, pressured, obliged to do things for this person that you would rather not do? Does his / her influence on you seem to go on forever, so once you help, you are expected to keep doing it? Your answers should serve as a guide to determine how the relationship with this person will develop further.
6. Don't let guilt talk you into. One of the most important things to remember if you don't want to feel guilty is to act as soon as possible. Give the sender a taste of his own medicine and do not let the other person's interpretation of your behavior determine the situation. This approach involves telling the manipulator that he / she is disrespectful, unkind, unrealistic, or hurtful.
   • If he / she says "You don't care that I did so much for you", you can say, "I really love that you have done so much. I've said that so many times. But it can be you. apparently don't care that I like that ".
   • Make sure he / she has no power over you. If a manipulator tries to make you feel guilty by pretending you don't care, don't fall for it.
7. Put the focus on the manipulative person. Instead of allowing the manipulator to ask you questions and demand things from you, you should take the situation into your own hands. If you are forced to do something unreasonable or uncomfortable, ask the other person some probing questions.
   • Ask him / her: "Do you think that's fair for me?", "Do you think that's reasonable?" or "How do you think that makes me feel?".
   • These questions can cause the manipulator to keep quiet.
8. Don't make hasty decisions. A manipulator can force you to make a quick decision. Instead of giving in to that, you can tell him / her, "I'll think about it." Then you don't agree with something you might not want, and don't let yourself be cornered.
   • If a proposal is withdrawn when you take the time to think about it, it could be because you wouldn't do it if you had the time had had to think about it. If the other person is pressuring you to make a rash decision, the best answer is probably a "no thanks."
9. Build your support network. Focus on your healthier relationships and spend time with people who make you feel happy and satisfied. Think of family members, friends, mentors, a partner and / or friends on the internet. These people can help you stay balanced and happy with yourself. Do not let yourself be isolated!
10. Stay away from the manipulator. If you feel it is too difficult or harmful to interact with the manipulative person, keep them away. It is not your job to change him / her. If the manipulator is a family member or colleague you need to see from time to time, try to limit contact as much as possible. Talk to him / her only when it is absolutely necessary.

Tips

• Manipulation can occur in all kinds of relationships, such as in a romantic relationship, a family relationship, or a platonic relationship.
• Notice a pattern in certain behavior. If you can accurately predict how someone will behave to achieve certain goals, chances are that you are good at recognizing manipulative behavior.