Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Developing insight through self-reflection
• Method 2 of 3: Understand mirroring
• Method 3 of 3: Recognize projections
• Tips
• Warnings

There are several reasons why the image we have of ourselves differs from that of others. We may lack self-awareness because it is very normal to develop habits without realizing it. We may be fooling ourselves as a protection against unwanted thoughts and feelings, or we may not have enough self-knowledge. Various causes can underlie certain behavior. It is entirely possible to see yourself as others see you, but it takes courage and developing an understanding of yourself.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Developing insight through self-reflection

1. Ask a friend to listen to you in an attentive (reflective) way. Reflective listening is a technique first developed by Carl Rogers. This involves communicating the speaker's underlying emotions or intentions. The purpose of rephrasing or restating what the speaker is trying to convey is to provide an opportunity to clarify something. This clarification is useful to both the speaker and the listener. Listening back to our own message gives us the opportunity to listen to ourselves and decide whether we are happy with the message we share with others.
   • Your interlocutor does not have to be a Rogerian therapist, you just have to ask him or her to listen and paraphrase the message, aiming to reveal the underlying emotion, without judging or reflecting their own opinion on the subject. to give.
   • If your friend doesn't understand the emotion you want to convey, then you simply have the opportunity to make this clear. Keep talking until you are sure you've done everything you can to make it clear to the other person. You will be surprised how much better you understand yourself at the end of the activity.
2. Engage in systematic reflection to analyze the consequences of your behavior. Elaborate on your behavior in a specific situation, and then note the consequences or results. Making a list of behaviors and results will help you organize your thoughts. Were the results or consequences positive? If not, look for behaviors that do have the desired result.
   • This helps you become more aware of your behavioral patterns, and it also provides a framework for changing the unwanted behavior.
3. Take a personality test as a fun way to get to know yourself better. You will find an abundance of such tests online. Although they are rarely valid or reliable, they can be useful for directing your attention inward. Doing such activities with a friend also gives you fun, and allows the other person to give feedback on what their image of you is.
   • Taking tests together with someone gives you the opportunity to check to what extent the image you have of yourself matches that of others. As you go through the test yourself, ask a close friend to answer the questions that apply to you. You can then compare the answers and discuss those points where the answers differ.
   • Reflection requires nothing more than focusing on the inner self, but for some people this can be difficult. Silent contemplation in isolation can increase your understanding of the image others have of you. If it is not common for you to judge your own behavior, you may find it unproductive or unpleasant. By adopting a structured approach, you may be able to deal with it a bit more easily.
4. Ask for genuine feedback and take notes. People often temper or sugar coat their criticism to spare the other person's feelings, which can make it difficult to find out what others think of you. This means that you must give others permission to share the truth with you, without sparing your feelings. You can explain to them that you are on a quest for your true self and that you need brutal honesty. Tell the other person that this is part of the process of being more aware of yourself. Taking notes allows you to compare your answers with those of different friends over a period of time. This will provide you with a better understanding of your behavior and will help you keep up with changes.
   • If the person you asked to provide feedback is still hesitant, direct them to a particular response. Ask him or her to name your strengths. Then ask about your weaknesses. You can make this constructive by asking for ideas of ways to overcome certain weaknesses.
   • This is best done with someone who knows you very well and who you trust that they are not using this to be mean.
   • Brace yourself for hearing unpleasant things about yourself after asking the question. If you are on the defensive, this exercise is not helpful. When you find yourself getting defensive, remember that this is an opportunity to grow.

Method 2 of 3: Understand mirroring

1. Appreciate the value of mirroring. In principle, we are biologically constructed in such a way that we imitate others. Mirror neurons become active when we are dealing with other people. This can sometimes result in mimicking physical expressions, allowing us to experience on the inside the emotional state of other people. This is the biological basis of empathy. We understand the emotions of others by feeling them ourselves. This is why we feel a connection when we exchange personal stories with someone else. Empathy helps us develop compassion and build a relationship.
   • The inner experience of mirroring usually happens automatically and without us being aware of it. This means that it usually happens, whether you want it or not, and it can influence your behavior outwardly without you noticing.
2. Recognize how mirroring affects your behavior. As you become more aware of yourself, you will notice that mirroring affects your posture, behavior, speech, emotions and even your breathing. While this is usually good, in some cases you can take on the negative emotions of others, and your own emotional experience becomes more intense as the people around you become more agitated. If you become aware that your thoughts or feelings about a particular person or topic are more negative after interacting with someone else, consider whether the circumstances actually changed or whether you fed on the negativity of the other person.
   • Although the inward-looking experience of mirroring often happens automatically, you do have control over the outward-looking expression of the mirroring. You can choose to respond in a way that is opposite to the mirroring.
3. Ask a friend to observe your interaction with another friend and take notes on any exaggerated or restrained clues that you are mirroring. These notes are important to help you and your friend discover specific behaviors you'd like to change. Then create a specific sign, such as pulling your ear, so that your friend can warn you and make you more aware if you are copying the other person in an unwanted way. You can then consciously change your behavior.
   • Learn to recognize when mirroring reinforces certain behavior or shadow perceptions. Because mirroring takes place largely outside of our consciousness, variations in the expression of the mirroring can have an impact on how others perceive us. People who don't mirror can come across as cold and numb, while people who mirror very strongly can come across as reactive, aggressive, unstable or annoying.
   • If you find that the impression one has of you is skewed by atypical mirroring patterns, then you will have to accept the characterization of others of you, or consciously work to change these mirroring patterns. You will have to actively work to strengthen or tone down the imitation of others. You can practice increasing or decreasing the mimicry with people you know well.
4. Diminish reinforcing patterns or responses. Mirroring can play out as an interaction in personal interaction. If one gets agitated, so does the other.The interaction becomes increasingly heated, usually the volume of the voice will increase, the way of speaking becomes more intense, language becomes more aggressive, and the gestures and facial expressions become more exaggerated. If it is easy for you to deal with these types of escalating interactions, then you can consider whether the interaction is representative of your actual feelings about the topic. Do others see your passion for the subject, or a mirror attack that got out of hand? Once you are aware that your participation in the interaction does not reflect what you actually think about the topic, you can change the tone of the conversation. The great thing about recognizing that mirroring could misrepresent your thoughts and feelings is that you can then use the same trade-off of mirroring to change the interaction. This is a way to manage impressions and make sure others see you the right way.
   • If the discussion has become more negative than desired, you can start introducing positive forms of expression. Slightly smiling now and then will result in the same behavior in response.
   • Gradually decrease your volume and language to reduce the intensity.
   • Laughter will result in humorous contributions from the other to lift the mood.

Method 3 of 3: Recognize projections

1. Listen reflectively to make sure your perception of the person speaking is correct. Tell the other person that you would like to try to listen reflectively to make sure you understand. This creates many opportunities to get it clear and to confirm your perception of the other.
   • Your response to others may be distorted because of personal assumptions or projections. Sigmund Freud introduced projection as a defense mechanism, a theory that was later expanded by Anna Freud. For dealing with our own unacceptable thoughts and feelings, we assign them to another person. This then colors our impression of the other person's behavior and shapes the way we respond to the other person. This, in turn, will affect the other person's perception of you. To be sure that you are observing and responding to others correctly, you will need to check your own perceptions.
2. Be honest with yourself. We often fool ourselves into protecting the idea we have of ourselves. We all have traits and we all exhibit behaviors that we are not proud of. Carl Jung referred to the collection of undesirable qualities and unacceptable thoughts and feelings as the shadow. Projecting our shadow onto others frees us from this guilt and shame that we experience when we recognize it. Others will not be so willing to overlook these sides of your personality, so denying them will only keep you from seeing yourself as others see you. If others have commented that you are jealous or intolerant, or any trait that most people would deny, explore and accept the possibility that you do have those traits.
   • If something about your personality upsets you enough that you'd rather lie about it or hide it, work on changing it. You will have to recognize that you have those traits before you can change them.
3. Ask others to help you become more aware. As with any habit, projecting is unconscious. If you recognize that you are projecting, ask others to help you become more self-aware by telling you when you are doing this.
   • In addition to projecting our own thoughts and feelings onto others, we sometimes incorporate the projections of others into the feeling about ourselves. Someone in your life may be projecting negative feelings and emotions onto you so that you respond with negative feelings and emotions. That person then uses your responses to confirm his or her characterization of you. Ask outsiders to observe your interaction with that person and share their thoughts on the dynamics of that relationship with you.

Tips

• Involve people you trust in the self-examination. They can help you identify traits and habits that you may not have noticed.
• Keep a journal to analyze your behavior over time.
• Be open to feedback and criticism without getting defensive.
• Enlist the help of a professional counselor to get the most out of your self-examination.

Warnings

• You will not always like what you discover if you do self-examination in an honest and objective way. Don't dwell on undesirable traits, but rather focus on opportunities to grow.
• Past traumatic events can make self-examination difficult or painful. A therapist can help you process the trauma.