Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Discovering your identity
• Part 2 of 2: Creating your self-definition
• Tips
• Warnings

Everyone finds it difficult to find out who people really are. When people define themselves, they often focus on the negative, or how they perform compared to other people. You are the only one who can define exactly who and what you are. In this article, you'll find tips on how to look at yourself to define yourself, and how to make sure you do it in a positive way.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Discovering your identity

1. Know yourself. Self-knowledge, non-judgment-forming self-knowledge, is an incredibly important skill that you need to be able to define yourself. Before you can define who you are as a person, you will have to understand exactly how you work and what your thought processes are.
   • Mindfulness involves paying attention to how and what you think, and observing how your thinking patterns work. For example, you may realize that you tend to think that people don't care what you think and that your opinions are unimportant. Recognizing that you have these thoughts and acknowledging them before they begin to cause you anxiety can help you map out the important parts of your identity.
   • As you begin to pay attention to your thought processes and patterns, you will need to practice "attentive non-judgment." This means that you are aware of your thinking patterns and that you acknowledge them, but that you do not punish yourself for them. Everyone has negative thinking patterns and processes. By paying attention you can get them out of your mind.
2. Pay attention to how you identify yourself. As you begin to pay attention to the way you think about yourself and the world, you need to look specifically at the ways in which you identify yourself. See which groups and communities you use to create your own identity. These all influence the way you see yourself, and show you which factors you allow yourself to be defined by
   • Consider, for example, things like religion, nationality, sexual identity. See if those are ways you define yourself.
   • Look at the roles you fulfill, such as your job, position in your family (mother, father, brother, sister), and your romantic status (single, couple, etc.)
3. Make notes of thought processes and self-definitions. To be able to see your thought processes and self-definitions, and to determine how they affect how you behave and who you are, you can write them down in a notebook when you map them. In this way you will be able to see how you view yourself. In addition, this act will make it easier to banish negative associations.
   • Talking and working with a clinical psychologist can help you understand your patterns of thinking and being. It can also help you deal with the more negative aspects of your thinking patterns.

Part 2 of 2: Creating your self-definition

1. Map out your negative definitions. Mapping out your negative definitions and paying attention to them allows you to let go of them. Exposing it can help you get out of the yoke of negative self-definitions.
   • Don't limit yourself in a negative way. Self-definition determines the action. For example, if you define yourself as someone who has bad romantic relationships, you lose the potential to have a good romantic relationship. It is something that you deceive yourself, and because you believe it, you will behave in ways that make that myth come true.
2. Map your core values. You don't want to define yourself based on external forces, because outside forces are fleeting and constantly subject to change. By basing your self-definition on your core values, the chance that you will form a stable self-definition is much greater.
   • You cannot lose your self-identity if you base it on the values ​​that are most important to you. Consider, for example, core values ​​such as compassion, courage and integrity.
   • List these values ​​and act on them with due diligence and conscientiousness. So if courage is one of your core values, you should stand up for someone who is being harassed at the bus stop. If honesty is a core value, you should confess that you lost your dad's favorite watch. If compassion is on that list, you can volunteer at the homeless shelter.
3. Define yourself in positive ways. This does not mean that you do not recognize the negative events and actions in your life. After all, those negative things are just as much a part of you as the positive ones, but they don't define you.
   • This means that you cannot let your identity be determined by external circumstances. Your identity comes from within, from the core values ​​that you have already identified as important to your identity.
   • Realize that you have gained knowledge and wisdom from the negative experiences in your life. For example, if you have had negative experiences in love, you can learn from those experiences. What have they taught you about the type of person you want to be?

Tips

• Be honest with yourself, but not overly critical. This means that you don't tell yourself things like, "I'm ugly" or "I'm stupid."
• Never forget that you are the only one who can define yourself; no one else can do that. You will always be the only one who can truly define who you really are.

Warnings

• Don't try to compare yourself to others. It cannot and it is not fair, neither for you nor for them. You have different backgrounds, different insecurities, different expectations for life and yourself. Comparing two people is like stripping people of all these things and putting them down as products to see which one is better.
• Don't force yourself into a category that you think you should (keep) hearing in.