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• Method 1 of 3: Tell your mom about your first boyfriend
• Method 2 of 3: Dealing with delicate situations
• Method 3 of 3: Dealing with disapproval

Mothers can be protective if their daughter reports that she has a boyfriend. It can be an awkward and sensitive conversation, whether it's your first boyfriend, one who doesn't live up to her expectations, or you tell her you're a lesbian and have a girlfriend. Even if she gets angry or tells you why you shouldn't date him or her, remember that she just wants what's best for you. Listen to her reasons with an open mind and ask her for advice. Tell her that you value her experience and wisdom and that you are mature and responsible enough to make your own relationship decisions.

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Method 1 of 3: Tell your mom about your first boyfriend

1. Talk to your mom if she's in a good mood. Choose the best time to share the news. Don't bring it up if she just got home from work or is doing something else. You want to have all of her attention, and you want her to be receptive. At the same time, you have to strike a balance between telling her quickly without overwhelming her.
   • You don't want to let weeks or months go by without telling her you have your first boyfriend, but you shouldn't just show up with him and say, `` Hey Mom, this is my friend! '' Talk to her alone first. .
   • It is wise not to tell her until there are no other issues between you. If you've just done something irresponsible or immature, or just got into trouble for something, she may conclude that you're not mature enough for a relationship.
2. Tell your mom when you are alone. If you live with your parents, but at first you feel most comfortable talking about it only with your mom, choose a time when your dad isn't home. Choose a time when he's at work or a few hours out to run errands. Or go somewhere with your mother for a cup of coffee or lunch.
   • It is usually better to tell both parents at the same time, but there are plenty of situations where it is more pleasant to discuss it with your mother first.
   • Dads can sometimes be more protective when it comes to first boyfriends, some may have more trouble if you turn out to be gay or lesbian, and others less if your boyfriend is of a different race or religion.
3. Practice the conversation by writing down what you plan to say. Think about what you want to say and how to say it in a mature way. Your goal should be to be clear, direct, and honest, and you don't want to appear confused or nagging. Consider writing down your main points, especially if you think you could lose track or lose your words.
   • While it's good to plan and practice writing down your thoughts, you should definitely share the news in person.
   • Try to write down the main points: "Mom, I feel like we are in a close relationship and I don't want to hide anything from you. Jerry asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks ago and I said yes. We're in the same class and he's a really nice and smart guy. "
   • Write down a few points to bring up if her response is not the one you are hoping for. Say something like, "You may think I'm not ready yet, but I wanted to mention that I've become a truly mature person. I'm active in school, my grades are good, and I've done all my tasks before you even have to ask me. I don't immediately think about getting married or anything, but I think I'm ready for my first boyfriend and I definitely want to talk about your ground rules and get your advice. "
4. Emphasize the positives. When you have the conversation, don't start with all the negatives, especially if your family wants you to date a certain type of person or if you have strict expectations. Don't start with a comment like, "Well, he's really broken, but he has detention and his grades are awful!" Focus on your own positive qualities as well as those of your boyfriend.
   • Do you have good grades? Are you a captain at school or in after-school activities? How are you otherwise mature or responsible?
   • These are traits that your parents will want to see in you before there can be a boyfriend, so make sure you work hard at school, do your chores, and show your parents how responsible you are.
   • Also try to say positive things about him as much as possible. Show your mom that she can trust your judgment. Tell her nice things he does for you, how well he treats you, how sweet he is, what his talents are, and other good things about him.
   • Considering his positive qualities can also help you decide if he's worth your time. If you can't tell your mom a lot of positive things about him in all honesty, he's probably not the best choice for you.
5. Have a photo or social media profile handy. Unless she's totally against the idea that you have a boyfriend, she'll likely want to know more about him. Show photos of him so she knows what he looks like, or have her view his social media profile (if applicable) so she can find out about him already.
   • Don't just assume she will freak out, especially if you're already an older teen or young adult. Maybe she is overjoyed and wants to know everything about him!
   • While it's natural to be shy and want to keep your personal life private, in most cases you should share information about your boyfriend with your parents.
6. Don't keep it a secret. Remember that your mother was once young, and you shouldn't just assume she will react negatively. Your parents will always find out something you are hiding from them, so it is not a good idea to keep it a secret. Make sure you answer all questions about him truthfully.
   • If you want to show your mom that you're mature enough for a boyfriend, you have to earn her trust. Keeping secrets will only hurt the trust she has in you.
   • Don't lie about the beginning of your courtship. Try to be honest about as much detail as possible. You don't want to get caught up in lies, like later on, for example, when you're dating for a year!

Method 2 of 3: Dealing with delicate situations

1. Tell your mom you're a lesbian. If you're a lesbian, have a girlfriend, and you want to tell your mom about her, do it when you're ready. No one should force you to come out if you're not ready yet. While it can be a great experience and relieve a lot of pressure, it's okay to be nervous, especially if you're not sure how your mom will react.
   • Don't let your boyfriend or girlfriend pressure you to come out. The most important aspect of coming out is doing this when you are ready.
   • When you're ready, take it easy and be direct, honest, and clear. Tell her that you have a girlfriend and you care deeply about her and that you understand that sexuality can change, but that you are definitely attracted to her now.
   • Be patient while she processes the news, especially if she wasn't expecting to hear that you were going to have a girlfriend. Say, "I know this is a major adjustment and it takes time to think about it. Believe me, it took me a long time to process, I get it! "
2. Think about when it's not a good idea to come out. Sometimes coming out is not the best idea. Think about how your parents react to homosexuality in the news, such as when issues like same-sex marriage or bullying come up for discussion. You may want to wait a while if they both have very negative reactions, or if you are financially dependent on them and think there is a chance that they will throw you out of the house or stop paying your school fees.
   • If you find that your mom is generally more liberal and you want to tell her, ask her for advice on how and when to tell your dad and the rest of the family.
3. Tell your mom that your boyfriend is of a different race or religion. As the world shrinks and connectivity increases, the boundaries of race, religion and cultures in terms of relationships are less absolute. Try to explain this fact if your mother or both parents expect your boyfriend to be of a certain race, religion, or culture.
   • Whether you are a teenager or an adult, don't try to keep your cross-cultural relationship a secret. What if years pass and you and your boyfriend get engaged? Furthermore, you don't want to create more negative feelings by making your mom feel like she can't trust you or your boyfriend.
   • Don't use your boyfriend as a means to rebel against your own culture. That is not fair to him, and will only eventually disguise the tensions you feel in relation to your own traditions.
   • When you tell your mom about a cross-cultural relationship, be compassionate and patient. Give your mom time to process, and give her the benefit of the doubt instead of forcing her to approve.
4. Consider delaying it if you foresee bad consequences. Just like coming out, it may not be the time to spread the word about your intercultural relationship. While it is often best to be honest, you may have serious concerns about your safety, the safety of your boyfriend, or if you think you will be ostracized - consider not sharing the news.
   • Try to balance your concerns with the trust you have in your mother. Gauge her response to friends or family members in similar relationships.
   • If you think your mom would accept it but your dad wouldn't, ask her for advice on how to get the news out to him.
   • When you're with someone who treats you well and makes you happy, don't let your mom or dad force you to take sides. Make it clear to her that this is a more interconnected world and that people are now establishing relationships across such boundaries.
5. Tell your mom that your boyfriend has a troubled past but has changed. It can be delicate when you get back to an ex, or when there are things in your boyfriend's past that you'd rather not tell your mom. If you're trying to convince her that your boyfriend has changed his behavior, try to be objective and share the facts with her. Don't respond to her criticism of your boyfriend by criticizing her, just explain how his actions show that he's really changed.
   • Say something like, "I know you've always thought of Jerry as a bit of a loser, but since we broke up, he's made some really positive changes. He got a good job and he has had one for over six months now, has an apartment and is saving for a new car. He told me he wants to get things right so I might think about getting back to him. "
   • If you're a young adult and know that there are things about your boyfriend that your mom wouldn't like at all, think about all aspects of the situation. If you're just dating a guy for a few weeks and know it won't go anywhere, you may be better off not introducing him to your mom if it's not serious and the boy has eight piercings and full arm tattoos.
   • Remember that your mother wants the best for you. If she disagrees with your boyfriend, consider if she has good reasons for it. It might be better not to go back to that ex, or the man with an overweight past. Relying on Mom's instincts can ultimately save you from future misery.

Method 3 of 3: Dealing with disapproval

1. Give her time to digest the news. Be patient after telling her the news, whether you're telling her about your first boyfriend or telling her about a boyfriend who may not meet her expectations. Don't walk away immediately after telling her the news: wait for her to answer and provide feedback.
   • If she tells you to think for a minute, give her some time to be alone if necessary.
   • Show her that you want to compromise her and help her feel comfortable with your relationship, for example, by listening to her ground rules. If she feels uncomfortable or objects to it, ask her what her rules would be if you see him or whether you can be alone with him.
2. Tell her you appreciate her opinion and experience. Show her that her experience and wisdom are important to you. Explain that you want her to trust you with things like this and appreciate her advice, the reason you told her about him. Explain that you are growing up and that it is only natural that you want a boyfriend.
   • Ask her about her own experiences with dating, sex, health, and other relationship issues.
   • Don't save up all the details about your personal life for one momentous conversation.
   • Do your best to communicate openly with your mom both before and after your conversation about your boyfriend.
   • Explain to her that honesty and the ability to trust each other are vital to you. Try to break the ice and work on having regular, open, non-judgmental conversations.
3. Don't try to argue about it. If she gets angry, don't make it a screaming match. Do your best to stay calm, even if she gets upset and starts screaming. Remember, she's there to protect you and only want the best for you. If her response isn't the response you were hoping for, keep your cool and think before speaking.
   • She may have a good reason to disapprove. Maybe you're too young for a relationship, or maybe he isn't the best guy for you. Don't forget that she has more life experience than you.
   • If you are a teen or young adult and really believe that you are ready for a relationship, your goal should be to prove to her that you are mature enough to make some of your own decisions.
4. Even if she says no, accept her answer. A tantrum when she says you can't have a boyfriend will only prove that your mom is right and that you're not ready for a relationship. Respect the way she wants to educate you. Don't forget, she's there to protect you.
   • Responding in an understanding and calm manner will show her your maturity level. If she can see you growing up and maturing, she'll get back to it eventually.
5. When she says no, try to understand her perspective. Show your mom that you appreciate her point of view and want to know more about it. Don't try to ask questions just to get your way, but to show that you want to understand and agree.
   • If she says you are not old enough, ask, for example, "How old do you think the right age is? How old were you? Do you think the differences between now and growing up affect the age at which someone can start a relationship? "
   • If she just doesn't approve of the boy, ask why. Remember, your mom and dad are usually the only people in the world who are fully committed to your best interests. Question: "Why do you think he is not the right man for me? Have you dated someone like him and was that a bad experience? "