Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Working on a realistic self-image
• Part 2 of 3: Accept yourself completely
• Part 3 of 3: Moving on
• Tips

The whole idea of ​​a "character flaw" is wrong. A "flaw" is an imperfection, and no one is perfect, so a man cannot be flawless. However, there may be aspects to your personality, skills, or habits that make it difficult for you under certain circumstances. Learn to understand and love everything about yourself, and start renaming those "mistakes".

To step

Part 1 of 3: Working on a realistic self-image

1. Rename your imperfections. Don't call your personal mistakes "mistakes." Instead of judging them too harshly, think of them as characteristics. Think of them as "whims," ​​"habits," or "something I do."
   • Don't label your traits as errors. You can label yourself as "shy" or "withdrawn" - something that may have negative connotations. Or, you can just think of yourself as a person who takes time to get used to new people - something that's completely normal.
   • Use loving and clear language instead of being vague and judgmental. Look in the mirror every day and say to yourself, "I really love myself." Say it out loud literally. Stand on top of a tall building and shout, "I'm proud of myself." For example, say your imperfection is that you are particularly ugly. If so, stand on the roof of your house and shout, "I'm ugly and proud of it." People will respect you for your new-found courage.
   • Is it a "whim"? A relatively harmless flaw may not need to be "repaired" at all. Maybe you just have to learn to cope with being different.
   • Is it something you can sometimes use useful? Some characteristics are a good thing, but sometimes they are not. That's not a mistake, it's just something you will have to work on to know when to use it and when to approach things differently. For instance:
   • Stubbornness can be determined. A stubborn person can be steadfast at the wrong time, and that can cause problems. But being firm on the right things can be a real gift.
   • Sometimes perfectionism is just what you need. Perfectionists get in trouble when they try to make an imperfect world meet exact standards, and get angry when the world won't cooperate. But surgeons, Olympic athletes and technicians thrive in jobs where perfection is the goal.
2. Make a list with already your strengths and abilities. Include everything you can think of. Do not omit any of your qualities because you feel it is superfluous or ordinary. Write down things like patience, kindness, courage, determination, taste, intelligence, or loyalty. Sometimes we focus so strongly on flaws that the strength that someone possesses is no longer noticeable. Having a comprehensive self-image helps you get a more balanced view of yourself.
   • If you feel too negative about yourself to make such a list, write down everything that comes to mind first.
   • Also ask for ideas from friends and family. Sometimes others see good things in us that we do not always immediately recognize in ourselves. And often these qualities are not often adequately mentioned.
3. List the things you are proud of. List achievements, such as goals achieved, times when you were amazed at yourself, and tough times you have been through. You can be proud of having recovered from a difficult time, being there for someone who was struggling, proud of completing projects at school, or of things you learned. Write down what you have become particularly good at, the things you are very good at.
4. Become aware of and list your unique tendencies or needs. Write what comes to mind and make a list of things you do but are uncomfortable with. Make a list of things about yourself that you would like to change. Be as specific as possible. Instead of writing, "What I look like," you write, "I hate it when I have pimples." When writing about an event, state the context as clearly as possible.
5. Think about past experiences. Ask yourself how you got into your habits and demeanor. Are they culturally determined? Via family? Biological? When do they occur? Were you criticized a lot by others? Have you taken in commercials from companies that appeal to your insecurities in order to sell you something that way? If you say things that you regret later, ask yourself if this is a lack of tact that you learned from the family you come from, or is it your reaction to strange situations.
   • If you spend too much money, ask yourself what triggers this type of behavior, when you started spending money, and what you hope for when you spend it.
   • The more you understand this type of behavior, the more likely you are to forgive yourself for it.
6. Put your thoughts in a different frame. What made you think of these things as "flaws"? Do these qualities also have a positive side? Look at your list of strengths and ask yourself if there are any strengths related to the qualities you consider "flaws". Start by thinking positively about your qualities.
   • You may find yourself too emotional. Reframe this thought to remind yourself that your emotionality is why you can be so empathetic, support others in difficult times, and why people turn to you for care and support.
   • Or you may feel like you are overly exuberant when it may be related to your incredible creativity.
   • Positive reframing won't change these qualities, but it can give you a healthy, new perspective that helps you accept yourself.

Part 2 of 3: Accept yourself completely

1. Avoid self-criticism. Treat yourself with loving compassion and respect. Speak to yourself calmly instead of rebuking yourself. Whenever negative thoughts and feelings come to mind, mention them. Say, "This is the I'm-too-fat thought," or, "Ah, here comes the" everyone-knows-more-than-I "thought."
2. Accept positive affirmations from others. When someone compliments you, say, "Thank you." If a compliment is innocent and genuine, it is rude to turn it down. Rejecting a compliment means missing the opportunity for a positive connection with someone else and positive affirmation from yourself. Accept that friends and family are positive about you.
   • If you really feel negative about yourself, you can ask someone you love to tell them what they like about you. And feel free to return a compliment.
3. Notice if someone tries to bring you down. Sometimes cruelty comes in a friendly package. Do you have a friend who is always trying to point out your shortcomings? Is someone in your life publicly ridiculing you or criticizing you publicly or privately? When you're proud of something, is someone trying to put you down by embarrassing or condescending you?
   • Try to keep these people out of your life or spend as little time with them as possible.
4. Love it before improving it. Accept the state you are in before attempting to make radical changes. If you try to improve yourself without first realizing your inherent value and beauty, you may be doing yourself harm. Improving yourself can pay off, but you have to love yourself first. Treat yourself as if you were a thriving garden that needs water, pruning and planting and tidying up: no flooding or blazing fires.
   • If you would like to do better in school, say to yourself first, "I am intelligent, work hard, and have dreams and ambitions. I am skilled enough to do the work I plan to do."
   • Do this by saying, instead of saying, "I'm too stupid and lazy, I failed my last exam and will fail my next one."
   • Once you have a positive thinking framework, you can start working on your action plan.
5. Put the way you view your self-improvement in a new frame. If there is something you want to work on, it is not that you are removing or hiding a mistake from yourself. Rather, you learn new skills.
   • Instead of saying, "I'm going to make sure I don't talk all the time," say to yourself, "I'm going to learn to listen better."
   • Instead of "I stop always having my judgment ready," say, "I'm going to work harder to understand and accept principles and lifestyles that differ from my own."
   • Instead of "I'm going to lose weight," you could say, "I'm going to work on taking better care of my body by exercising more, eating better, and relaxing more often."
6. Recognize when you have unrealistic standards. You come across many images, beliefs and ideas in this world, which are not realistic, to mirror yourself or others. These are presented to you through the media, organizations such as schools, or by family and friends. If you are not so happy with certain aspects of yourself, you may have to tarnish these ideas. For instance:
   • Looking like a supermodel. Only a very small part of the population comes even slightly close to people like actors and models in appearance. Most people are not born stunning or slim (or whatever physical appearance is "in" at any given time). And even then, they usually have a full team of makeup artists, personal trainers, designers and graphic designers to create a particular image. Not being able to match that isn't a flaw - you're just normal, which is fine. If you try to live up to a standard that is not realistic, of course you will be unhappy.
   • Becoming a perfect student. Most of the education is focused on mathematics, science and literature. And while these are all important subjects, they are not among everyone's strongest points. Even brilliant people can fail a test, or forget the occasional deadline. Unfortunately, school does not usually rate how good you are as a friend, your artistic skills or how athletic you are, your ability to work hard, or your sense of adventure. Not being a great student isn't necessarily a flaw - perhaps your strengths lie elsewhere. You can be a successful adult without being a student getting all tens.
   • Not such a "high flyer" as the others in your family of origin. You may have been talked into an imperfection because you don't have a quality that is highly regarded by the rest of the family. But that is not a lack of you. You're just different. While a harmonious, loving family may embrace this, it can be difficult to be yourself when you are just different from the others. Some examples are:
     • Sporting skill / interest
     • Intelligence
     • Political affiliations
     • Faith
     • Interest in the family business
     • Artistic talent

Part 3 of 3: Moving on

1. Know the difference between self-improvement and self-acceptance. Embracing your full self, the good and bad sides, doesn't mean you can't devote yourself to personal growth. It just means you have to accept yourself. Not just your good and bad sides, but your entire self. You are who you are and that's OK, flaws and all. Self-acceptance means accepting yourself as you are now, imperfect and unique, unconditional.
   • If you keep thinking, "I can accept myself as long as I stop eating so much and lose weight," then you set a condition for your self-acceptance that can always be interrupted. Feel free to want to improve yourself, to make yourself more effective or stronger, but never make it one condition of self-acceptance.
2. Learn how to ask for help. It is very common to have a hard time with yourself or be disappointed with yourself from time to time. One of the ways to make things better is to talk about your feelings and ask the people around you for help.You don't have to be alone and you deserve to be helped.
   • If you are having a hard time at school or work, talk to someone. They can lend you a listening ear and help you figure out how to make things better.
   • If you often have a particularly negative feeling about yourself, you may want to see a doctor to screen you for problems such as anxiety, depression and bodily disturbances (also known as BDD or body dysmorphic disorder). It can improve and seeking help is the first step.
3. Consider yourself a work in progress. Time and experiences offer you opportunities to work on your imperfections. It usually takes time and many mistakes to grow up and develop, and can take years. Be patient with yourself. Requiring that imperfections can be remedied just as quickly will only lead to disappointment, because people grow, learn and develop throughout a lifetime. For instance:
   • That hot-headed teen is developing into a responsible adult.
   • The fifth grade child who had difficulty learning improved his grades enormously by learning new study skills.
4. Look for support groups. There are support groups for a variety of purposes, from building your confidence to recovering from an eating disorder. Find out what support groups are in your area or look for positive spots online if there's a specific problem you're having. The group can help you understand better, accept your traits, and make you feel less lonely.
   • There are many different groups targeting minorities. From groups focused on health (regardless of your size) and autistism, to asexuality.org; there are communities online that can support your confidence and help you deal with your problems.
5. Interact with positive people. Choose to spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. Limit contact with people who make you feel negative. It is important to spend time with people who improve your mood and make you happier.
   • Take the initiative and ask people to interact with you. Invite them to take you for a walk, come over to chat, or make plans together.
6. Work for forgiveness. As much as we would like to sometimes, we cannot change the past. Rumination about past mistakes, whether they are the result of a decision you made or because you behaved in a certain way, is pointless. All you can do is realize you've made a mistake and try to learn from it and grow from it.
   • If you find yourself unable to stop fixating on the mistake, tell yourself, "I made the best decision with the information (or skills) I had at the time." And now that you have put that mistake behind you, you have new information for making future decisions.

Tips

• Some "imperfections" are actually symptoms of a disability, such as autism, dyslexia, or ADHD. If you have many quirks that make you different from the others, it might be wise to do some research and see your doctor. Diagnosing your disability can help you get support, in addition to understanding yourself better and connecting with a supportive group of people who have experience with that disability.