Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Pay attention to the behavior
• Method 2 of 3: Observing body language
• Method 3 of 3: Estimate the risk factors
• Tips
• Warnings

A pathological liar is someone who compulsively lies or distorts the truth. He / she is probably somewhat alienated from reality, believes in the lies he / she tells and in this way tries to make up for the lack of self-worth. To recognize a pathological liar, you have to pay attention to the behavior and body language, such as excessive eye contact. Also notice if you can spot inconsistencies in the stories. Problems such as addiction and unstable relationships in the past can also be signs that someone is a pathological liar.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Pay attention to the behavior

1. Consider the nature of the suspected lies. You may suspect a friend, family member, or co-worker of regularly twisting the truth. Compare all suspected lies and see what they have in common. Pathological liars can lie to arouse sympathy, out of boredom or insecurity. Another reason for lying may be that the liar is the center of attention for a moment once he has spread the lie. This person wants all the attention, and does everything they can to get it. Once he / she has tasted this attention, the lies will grow bigger and bigger in order to stay the center of attention.
   • Some pathological liars try to arouse pity. They exaggerate or invent aches and pains, or inflate minor problems in their lives to ridiculous proportions so that others find them pathetic.
   • Pathological liars often lack self-esteem. They lie to seem more important than they are. They exaggerate personal or professional achievements to make them seem like they have an impressive and worthwhile life. In that case, they are more likely to lie to convince themselves than to deceive you.
   • Some pathological liars lie because they are bored. They invent events or stories to hurt others. This creates drama, temporarily relieving boredom in the pathological liar's life.
   • Sometimes a pathological liar enjoys the attention he / she gets from others when he / she tells extravagant stories about themselves. To keep up appearances, the lies get more and more complicated.
2. Hear if he / she repeats stories from others. Pathological liars are often caught lying. You often hear that he / she repeats someone else's story, as if it happened to him / her himself. If something in a story sounds familiar to you, think carefully about whether someone else has told this story before.
   • Perhaps the pathological liar is repeating the story of a friend or family member. He / she can also retell a story from a movie or TV series. These stories can also be woven into the version of the pathological liar.
   • For example, your colleague tells you a story that sounds familiar, but you don't know when you heard it before. Later you will hear a similar story on the news. If your coworker is a pathological liar, he / she may have taken that story from the news and pretends it is his / her own.
3. Observe if the person evasively answers questions. When you confront him / her, the pathological liar often looks for a way to avoid answering questions. Pathological liars are manipulative in nature, so you may think he / she answered your question when they haven't.
   • For example, your friend may reveal that he / she had a fight with his / her best friend the other day. You also often have trouble dealing with this friend, so you wonder if his / her relationship problems might be patterning. You can ask something like, "Why don't you talk to Elise anymore?"
   • For example, the friend can reply with: "We haven't spoken to each other in a year." He / she will not answer your question. He / she tries to avoid even more direct questions. For example, if you ask, "Do you lash out like that to Elise, as you often do to me?", He / she might answer, "Do you really think I'm that kind of person?"
4. Watch for manipulation. Pathological liars are very good at manipulating others. They study others to find ways to divert attention from the lies. Pay attention to how the pathological liar treats you. You may then discover subtle forms of manipulation.
   • Pathological liars often use sexual tension as a means of emotional manipulation. If you are attracted to the suspected pathological liar, he / she will flirt with you when you confront him / her with the lies.
   • He / she will also study you carefully to see where your limits lie. A pathological liar often knows exactly what lies people will believe in. He / she may realize that you don't believe lies about illness, but lies about emotional problems do. If you hear the liar talking to someone else, he / she may think of other complaints or aches that he / she has not mentioned in you.
5. Watch how the person reacts if you catch them lying. No two pathological liars are the same. However, most react aggressively when caught in a lie. If someone seems to get angry when you accuse them of a lie, you may be dealing with a pathological liar.
   • A pathological liar can become very defensive. He / she can blame someone else for the lies, say, for example, "I only made that up because our boss is so troublesome."
   • He / she can also make up another lie to hide the first one with. For example: "No, I did use that money to get the car repaired, but I spent half of it on groceries. I forgot to tell you I went to the supermarket."
   • He / she may also get angry if you catch him / her in a lie. He / she may scream or cry to arouse pity.
6. Consider the history of her / her mental health. Lying can be related to certain mental health problems, such as borderline, depression, bipolar disorder, and a narcissistic personality. If you know this person well, you may be able to learn more about their mental health history and encourage them to seek expert help.
   • Perhaps you can use this history to discover patterns in the lies. Does he / she lie only in certain circumstances? Is he / she trying to reinvent himself / herself or impress others with the lies? Is he / she lying to avoid talking about certain situations?

Method 2 of 3: Observing body language

1. Watch for eye contact. Many people think pathological liars will avoid eye contact. While someone telling a lie often avoids eye contact, this is usually not the case with pathological liars. They make too much eye contact. That's the pathological liar's way of appearing credible.
   • A pathological liar often does not look away when he / she tells something. Normally you look the other way every now and then when you talk to someone. However, a pathological liar will keep staring at you as long as he / she is talking to you.
   • You may also see subtle signs of lying in the eye. A pathological liar's pupils may be slightly dilated, or he / she blinks slowly.
2. Notice if someone seems relaxed. When normal people lie, they are often restless or show other signs of nervousness. However, a pathological liar does not feel remorse if he / she lies. That is why he / she sometimes looks too relaxed when he / she is lying. Pathological liars can appear very social and easy going. Even if you know someone is lying, they often show no signs of tension or nervousness.
   • For example, you hear a colleague tell a story during lunch. Later, in the recess, the suspected pathological liar repeats the story as if it had happened to him / her.
   • He / she looks like it is not bothering him / her, while you know he / she is lying. He / she tells the story without any tension and seems very comfortable. If you didn't know better, you would probably believe the story right away.
3. Pay attention to the tone of his / her voice. Small changes in the tone of the voice can mean someone is lying. While not all pathological liars change the tone of their voice, some do. A change of tone, along with other symptoms, can indicate that a person is a pathological liar.
   • Maybe his / her voice will go up or down slightly if he / she is lying.
   • A pathological liar may also lick his / her lips or drink water when talking. The thrill of lying can cause adrenaline to be produced and the vocal cords to contract, causing the liar to need water.
4. Observe his / her smile. While pathological liars don't have to demonstrate special body language when they lie, they can smile inappropriately. A smile is hard to fake, so pay close attention to his / her mouth. With a genuine smile, you can see changes all over the face. The corners of the eyes often wrinkle. With a fake smile you only see changes around the mouth.

Method 3 of 3: Estimate the risk factors

1. Watch for underlying secret habits. If this person has a problem with substance addiction, gambling, an eating disorder, or other destructive habits, they are more likely to be a pathological liar.
   • For example, you notice that your colleague drinks a lot at a staff party. He / she always goes for a new drink when there is no one else at the bar, or has even taken a whole bottle.
   • You could also see that a colleague never eats anything for lunch, but that he / she has hidden food in his / her office. Maybe he / she has an eating disorder that prevents him / her from wanting to eat at the same time as colleagues.
2. Consider whether the person is living in this reality. Pathological liars often live outside of reality. Sometimes they themselves believe in the lies they tell. They fool themselves about their own abilities.
   • Pathological liars tend to exaggerate their own importance. They see something trivial, like a compliment from the boss, as a sign of personal greatness. When they tell someone about the compliment, they feel very important.
   • A pathological liar may lack certain basic skills in life, but does not see this as a problem.
   • If the person has a distorted view of reality, he / she may sincerely believe what he / she is saying. While that's not true of all pathological liars, consider the possibility that someone isn't lying out of malice.
3. Think about the relationship this person has with others. Pathological liars often have unstable relationships. Think about what you know about this person's past relationships. Look for warning signs of instability.
   • Does this person have stable friendships or relationships? A lack of long friendships and a series of failed relationships can indicate that someone is a pathological liar.
   • A pathological liar can also be estranged from his / her family.
4. Study this person's career path. A pathological liar often bluffs into an employer. He / she can lie about the jobs on his / her resume. Usually he / she does not last long in a job. He / she can also evasively answer questions about previous jobs.
   • For example, a pathological liar can have a very long resume. Most of the jobs he / she has not held for long. If you ask about it, he / she can try to avoid your questions.
   • In some cases, the pathological liar has also moved frequently because he / she kept switching jobs. Pathological liars often cut off all contact with their employees.

Tips

• Know that you will never get a consistent story from a pathological liar.
• Remember, pathological liars usually exaggerate everything, so take their stories with a grain of salt.
• Someone who constantly lies to you has no respect for you - that is not someone you can trust or consider as a friend.
• If you care about this person, convince him / her that he / she doesn't have to be perfect. Tell about moments in your life when you went wrong.

Warnings

• You can recommend someone to seek counseling for lying, but you cannot force them. It can be very difficult to convince the other person that he / she has a problem, let alone that he / she would like to seek therapy for it.
• If you suspect someone is lying to cover up illegal activities, consider calling the police.