Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Communicating
• Part 2 of 3: Therapy
• Part 3 of 3: Support
• Tips

When a spouse cheats, that unfaithfulness damages the marriage. It causes intense emotional pain for all parties involved. While some people would prefer to end the relationship without even thinking for a second about an eventual reconciliation, others are more willing to forgive. You can forgive an adulterous husband by communicating openly with him, by building trust and respect through counseling, and by seeking help and support when you need it.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Communicating

1. Ask your spouse any questions you want to ask. Some partners prefer not to hear all the details of the affair. But if you think it will benefit the relationship and your recovery, then you can ask him anything you want.
   • Try to focus on emotional questions, not logistics. Instead of asking what hotel he was meeting with his mistress, ask him why he decided to cheat. This is a healthier way to work toward forgiveness.
2. Discuss how the affair is affecting your feelings. Your husband needs to know that you feel hurt, cheated, sad, angry and everything in between. Be honest about your emotions.
3. Listen to how your husband is feeling. He may have apologies, regrets, grief, or self-hatred to share with you.
   • Create an atmosphere where both of you feel comfortable sharing emotions with each other. Only then can you save the marriage and keep looking ahead.
4. Allow yourself to show your emotions. Yelling and crying are completely normal and understandable. Violence is not.
   • Know that your spouse is more likely to be able to be honest if you are able to hear what he has to say. That is better than if you are constantly looking for a fight or threatening to leave him.
   • Give each other space if necessary. If it seems to be turning into a fight, or if the emotions are getting the better of you, then you should take some time out.
5. Talk it out, and don't stir up old cheating discussions. If you keep talking about this matter for the rest of your life, it will be a lot harder to forgive him.
6. Also communicate non-verbally with each other. Demonstrate the commitment to marriage by writing each other notes, sending flowers, and making time for each other — this way you can try to find the click again.

Part 2 of 3: Therapy

1. Ask your spouse if he is willing to seek relationship counseling. For some couples this offers a solution; not for other couples. If you want to teach him to forgive and leave the whole thing behind, it is definitely worth a try.
2. Choose an experienced therapist who has helped more people who have been unfaithful to each other.
3. Look for a format that fits your lifestyle and budget well. You can visit the therapist once a week, go on a retreat together, or take a class that will help you rebuild the marriage. Explore the options.
4. Go into therapy with the approach to prevent divorce. If you want to forgive your spouse and keep the marriage intact, let the therapist know that is the end goal.
5. Ask the therapist for helpful reading material. There are a number of good books that can help you forgive your husband and get over adultery.

Part 3 of 3: Support

1. Let well-meaning friends and family know that you are working to forgive your spouse and save the marriage. For example, your loved ones will not try to convince you to leave your husband. It could just be that your loved ones have different ideas than you, and that they see divorce as the only correct solution.
2. Discuss your feelings with your closest friends and family members. You can share your doubts, pain, and insecurities with them without fear of disappointment or judgment.
3. Look for support in the (church) community. You can talk to others who are going through or have been through the same thing as you. You can draw strength and inspiration from your shared experience.
4. Focus on the reasons for forgiveness. Your children, your future plans, or the many years of happy memories can help you work toward forgiveness. They can help you soothe the anger and pain.

Tips

• Give yourself time. Forgiveness is not a strict schedule. Some people can forgive their adulterous husband in a matter of days, while for others it can take years. Take all the time you need to process your emotions, pain, and fears.