Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Be good company
• Method 2 of 4: Communicate effectively
• Method 3 of 4: Accept
• Method 4 of 4: Make time for romance
• Tips
• Warnings

It's not easy being a good wife, even if your husband is nearly perfect. To be a good wife, you must be able to communicate effectively, keep the romance alive, and be your husband's best friend without losing your own identity. If you want to know how to do this, follow the steps below.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Be good company

1. Meet your husband's needs without losing track of your own. If he wants to have more sex, be open to the possibilities. If he wants to spend more time with friends or take up a new hobby, don't be possessive. He will be happier and grateful that you respect him. Try to meet his needs, or at least some of them, without doing anything that doesn't feel right for you.
   • If he wants to have more sex, consider having more sex, or think about why you wouldn't feel like it.
   • If he wants to see his friends more, let him have a friends night now and then, and organize a friends night himself.
   • If he wants to spend more time on a hobby, let him do it. He will develop as a person by doing his own things, which is only good for the relationship.
2. Be your husband's best friend. Develop true intimacy and unconditional acceptance. Show that you want to be vulnerable and that you are confident that the relationship can take a beating. Enjoy the past you share and the jokes that only the two of you understand together. Send him articles you know he finds interesting, or sit together in silence. If your marriage is based on true friendship, silence often says more than a thousand words.
   • While you should have other meaningful friendships as well, your husband should be the one you can always turn to in the end.
   • Try to be the one your husband always has the greatest fun with, rather than his best friend or favorite uncle. You must be his number 1 to laugh and cry with.
3. Create shared dreams. Don't lose sight of the dreams you have together. Whether you ultimately want to enjoy your retirement together in a warm country, or want to go on a world trip, talk about it together and take steps to make it happen. If your dreams don't match, it can end in a break if you try to achieve your separate goals, or if one of them doesn't work out.
   • It is very healthy to have your own dreams in addition to your mutual dream, but make sure that none of your dreams are diametrically opposed.
   • Even if your shared dream is very ambitious, you still need to talk about it to keep your passion alive.
4. Keep your own identity. Have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, do you have friends of your own that you would see at least once a month, do you have any hobbies or clubs you can go to? If not, your man should always try to fill a hole that he cannot fill, and he will feel inadequate. If you lead a meaningful life as an individual, you have a lot more to offer the relationship. You are much better company if you can draw on your own interests, experiences and insights.
   • If your husband feels like he is the only good thing in your life, he may feel suffocated.
   • Continue with hobbies or interests that were important to you before you got into the relationship. While you can't keep all of them on, you should at least make time for the most important ones.
5. Work together to combat stress. Men and women all face stress in everyday life. Do what you can to help each other deal with that stress. If you manage your own stress, you take a lot of pressure off your marriage.If one of you is chronically stressed and the other doesn't understand why, you have a problem.
   • Help your husband deal with his stress by talking about it and by giving him some extra attention when he's had a bad day, instead of making it worse by being angry because he's tired or quiet.
   • If you are tense, let your husband know how you feel so he can help you with that.

Method 2 of 4: Communicate effectively

1. Be clear about your feelings and needs. Your husband probably has no psychic abilities. If you want something, ask for it. If something's not right, say so. Don't drop hints and don't think he "will get it", or you'll never get anything done. If you want to express how you feel, you need to speak in a positive tone and listen to what your husband has to say, rather than making accusations. Here are some ways to do that:
   • Say it with "me messages". Instead of accusing him of not meeting your needs, focus the conversation on yourself. For example, tell him, "I feel ignored if I don't see you until after seven every night."
   • Listen to what he says. If he tells you something, repeat it so he knows you understand. For example: "I understand that you are worried about our financial situation and that you therefore continue to work every day for so long."
   • Avoid judging. Let him finish before you respond. When he has finished, you can offer a solution. For example, say, "I'm willing to live on a smaller budget if that means seeing you more often."
2. Choose your quarrels. Certain things are worth arguing about, and some are not. If you're constantly nagging him about minor issues that don't really matter, he won't listen to you when major issues arise.
   • Criticism can destroy a relationship. For example, as long as the dishes get clean and don't break, you don't have to criticize how your husband puts in the dishwasher. Let him do things his own way. Don't worry about little things.
   • Only give constructive criticism. Remember to stay calm and rational, because strong emotions can quickly turn a discussion into an argument. If you criticize all the little things he does, he will eventually drop out.
   • Praise your husband for what he is doing well rather than criticize what he is doing wrong. Then he will listen to you better and be much happier when he is with you.
3. Be understanding when discussing a problem with your husband. Argue the right way. Don't let your anger get the better of you, or you'll say things you might regret later. Even if you disagree with your husband, you should still respect his opinions and views. To be a good wife, you need to understand that you may never agree on certain things. No couple has identical norms and values, which means that you both have to learn to deal with the times when you cannot reach an agreement.
   • Talk to him at the right time. Don't just pour your problems out on him at any given time. Don't bring up issues if you go out to dinner while he's busy paying bills or doing anything else that could be stressful, like fixing the car. And never ever argue in front of the children.
   • If you're wrong, admit it. You need to learn how to respond to arguments and stay rational so that you can admit it and apologize if you've made a mistake.
4. Talk to your husband, not about your husband. Never talk to friends or family about negative things about your husband without talking to him first. It is not loyal to talk about him behind your husband's back. When you are married, you are loyal to your husband first, and then to your family or friends.
   • If you complain about your husband to family or friends, you don't solve the problems, and you put your relationship in a bad light.
   • Your friends and family may think they know what's best for you, but they don't know your relationship as well as you do and may inadvertently give you the wrong advice.

Method 3 of 4: Accept

1. Make sure your expectations are realistic. Neither of you is perfect. Everyone gets frustrated with expectations that are not attainable. If your expectations are really too high or unrealistic, you have to set new standards that are achievable. For example, you cannot expect to live a life of luxury, but that your sweetheart will be home every night for dinner. If you want to spend more time together, you have to be willing to give up some of that luxury.
   • Remember that no relationship is perfect. If you expect that you and your husband will always be 100% happy, it won't work well.
   • Make sure your financial expectations are also realistic. Maybe your and your husband's finances are not as good as you hoped it would be five or ten years ago - but that's perfectly normal. Learn to appreciate what you have, instead of wanting more and more.
2. Don't try to change your husband. Accept him for who he is and let him know he never has to change for you. He has so much to offer if you give him the space to be himself. He is an individual who is evolving just like you. Love him the way he is and he will love you unconditionally.
   • Accept that you and your husband are not the same person. He won't always see the world the same way you see it, and that's just fine. Being with someone who is not exactly like you will create a richer relationship.
   • There is a difference between asking your husband to do more of the housework or forcing him to go for a walk if he hates it. You can ask him to improve in certain areas, but you cannot force him to like everything you do.
3. Accept changes. You will go through difficult times together, such as the loss of a job or the death of a parent. Maybe you are not always doing well financially, or you suddenly become very rich and you do not know how to deal with it. Your marriage can survive these kinds of changes if you are willing to talk openly about it and be flexible. Here are some things to keep in mind as you learn to accept change:
   • Remember that no matter what changes, you and your husband deal with it together as a team, not as opposing sides in battle. By coping with changes, they are easier to handle.
   • Accept changes in your love life. While you and your husband may still be crazy about each other, don't get disappointed if he doesn't make love to you every day, or if he doesn't kiss you 20 times a day like he used to. You can still keep love strong without wanting it to be the same as when you were just married.
   • Accept changes in your bodies. While you may do your best to stay fit and eat a healthy diet, accept that at 50 you don't look the same as you did at 25.
4. Accept that your relationship changes when you have children. Your relationship will no doubt change and develop once children are involved. That doesn't mean things will only get worse, but it does mean that you will spend a lot of your free time with the kids, not each other. Accept that this will change the relationship and try to make it more beautiful in new ways.
   • For these changes to work out well, spend time together with the children when you can, rather than isolating yourself by taking turns looking after the children.
   • Think of new, fun activities that the whole family can do together so that you and your husband can maintain a strong bond while raising the children.
   • Strengthen the relationship by acting as one front against the children with your husband. You have to agree on how to educate and punish the children so that you do not get "good" and "bad" sides and face each other when you have to correct the children.
5. Accept your mutual mistakes. If you want to learn to be accepting as a wife, you will have to accept your husband's mistakes and accept his apologies if he did something wrong (as long as he didn't do something really bad to you). If you hold a grudge for too long, you can't appreciate the good sides of your husband, so accept his apologies, talk about it so he doesn't do something like that to you again, and move on instead of dwelling on the past.
   • Accept your own mistakes too. Don't try so hard to be the perfect wife that you can't admit your mistakes.
   • If you admit you're wrong, you can grow together as a couple.

Method 4 of 4: Make time for romance

1. Make time for a "date". No matter how busy you are, no matter how stressful your job is, or how many children you have, you should make time for a romantic evening with your husband every now and then. If you don't have kids, try to schedule it once a week, and if you do have kids, do it every two weeks or as often as you can. It may sound silly, but dressing up and going to a special place together can strengthen your romantic bond and bring a breath of fresh air through your relationship when you're away from home.
   • Your "date" is not necessary necessarily to be romantic. You can go bowling, mini golf or just go for a run together. Do something that can strengthen your bond and spend some time together.
2. Schedule sex. You may feel that sex should be spontaneous, but if you don't schedule it, you may start neglecting it. Without the regular intimacy and love that come with making love, the other person can feel unsatisfied, cranky, and eventually feel rejected or angry. Remember that making love is an important physical outlet for both of you that will make you feel more intimate.
   • In most relationships, both partners have different needs and expectations regarding the frequency of physical intimacy. Find a good middle ground. Couples who feel responsible for meeting their loved one's needs are often happier with their relationship.
3. Kiss passionately. After a while, you may just kiss each other on the mouth instead of a French kiss. Try to kiss each other at least once every day for six seconds, even if you don't have more time for intimacy than that. You don't want your husband to think that kissing him is the same as kissing the kids goodbye, do you? There must still be passion in your kisses.
   • If you are going to have sex, do not start having sex right away. Make kissing an integral part of making love. It's fantastic foreplay.
4. Make your bedroom a sanctuary for sex. Get rid of the TV, laptop, and anything related to your work. Your bedroom should only be suitable for sleeping and making love. When there are toys from the kids, the newspaper, or work that you brought home, you no longer see your bedroom as a special place. Using this part of the house only for sleeping and making love will make sex more special and important.
   • You can get all irrelevant items out of the bedroom with your husband. That can also be a fun activity.

Tips

• Remember to talk through problems instead of running away when something arises. You got married for a reason, you promised each other to stay together, through good times and bad.
• A woman who is happy with herself is the best wife.
• If your marriage is about to end, seek help. Divorce is terrible for both parents and children. Fight for your marriage by understanding and trying to meet each other's needs.
• Don't force it. Do not insist if your partner does not want to participate in something. That is counterproductive and can damage the relationship.
• There are women who have their role in marriage defined by their faith. In the case of intermarriage, the partners may disagree on what constitutes a good wife. When a woman is oppressed, she cannot develop into a lively partner. Honor your faith, but also honor your own needs.
• Happily married couples are healthier, wealthier and happier than those who are single or divorced. Research shows that they are less likely to develop cardiovascular disease, cancer and stroke. They also have a more satisfying sex life and suffer less from depression or domestic violence.
• If you ever have problems in your marriage, talk to a professional instead of friends because even though you got everything sorted out with your husband, they may still have a bad idea about him. They also often give partial advice.
• Remember that you and your husband have to form a team, so if you help him achieve success, it is your success, and vice versa. If you make his job easier, he will be more open to help you too.
• If you'd rather not do anything sexually, you always have the right to say no, your husband should respect that.
• If you are a believer, you can ask God to be part of the covenant He has brought together. It can be very nice to share your faith.

Warnings

• Never be violent with your husband. In the Netherlands, the number of male victims of domestic violence is increasing faster than the female victims. Don't let your anger get out of hand. Also, never allow your husband to abuse or abuse you.