Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Courting your husband
• Part 2 of 3: Interacting in a different way
• Part 3 of 3: Building trust

In a marriage, there are times when tensions can run high and distance between partners can develop. Many factors such as stress, exhaustion, and lack of interest can affect a relationship and life together. If you're already in such a situation, or if you just want to revive your relationship, try to rekindle the fires of the romance and restore communication. If you lose faith in the relationship, work to rebuild it.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Courting your husband

1. Schedule dates. Ask your husband out. Take him out for dinner or dinner and a movie, or to go dancing. Pack a picnic basket for two. Ask him to have lunch together on a workday, or combine a bike ride with brunch together on a sleepy weekend. Make it clear that it's a date: no one else is invited, not even the kids.
   • Dress for the occasion. Plan an event that requires changing clothes. This could be something like a classy dinner, a dance class or a themed event. It may even mean that you are going to swim.
2. Schedule (better) sex. Couples can no longer have regular sex for a variety of reasons. The way you dealt with that early in the relationship doesn't necessarily teach you how to do that later in the relationship. Schedule moments and ways to deal with intimacy. If the evening was always the default time to do it, but you are too tired now, find other times during the day.
   • Take a shower together, or share a bed for dinner.
   • Think about what you want. Be honest about what you need for an orgasm, and what hurts or bores you. Ask what you want: ignoring yourself is bad for sex.
   • Then ask him what he wants, and try to alternate between satisfying each other's wishes.
   • Schedule a date with him along with some creative details (like candles, costumes, something new).
   • Having a plan makes you enthusiastic in advance.
   • Execute the plan! Plans are useless if you don't implement them.
3. Touch him. The intimacy built by physical contact should not be underestimated. Whether or not you have a thriving sex life, it is important that your bodies have to find each other. Cuddle him when he enters the room, when he needs reassurance, or just whenever you want. Give each other a back massage, or offer to massage him where he is in pain.
   • Give him a goodbye kiss when either of you leaves the house, and a kiss when you return.
   • Take care of each other. Offer to brush his hair or put on his lotion or sunscreen. Ask him to help you with the zipper on your dress and offer to tie his tie.
   • Make eye contact when you talk to him. It is a powerful form of sensory connection.
4. Take a trip together. You can add variety to your regular routine just by getting out and about. Go on vacation together, without anyone else around. Go away for a weekend, or just a night away from home, if you can't stay away long. Plan a vacation that is not too stressful.
   • If one of you always has to drive to and from work, for example, make sure it's not part of the trip. Take the train, fly, or walk to the local hotel down the street.
   • Get nostalgic. Go on vacation to a place where you both had a good time together. Don't try to do everything exactly the same, but do the things that both of you enjoyed the most. Reminisce and create new memories.

Part 2 of 3: Interacting in a different way

1. Tell him what you appreciate about him. Expressing your appreciation to your partner can make your relationship much stronger. Think about everything you appreciate about him: his character, his actions, what he does for you. Find a quiet moment and tell him exactly how you feel. Write it down first if that helps you sort out your thoughts.
   • Make it a habit to give him special thanks for nice things he does for you.
   • Build on your "thanks." Indicate what wonderful qualities he has that make him so sweet to you.
   • Rather than just saying something like, "Thank you for making dinner." That was great! "You say something like," Thanks for making dinner even though I was so grumpy, seeing how tired and hungry I was. I like that you are so thoughtful and you can also cook well. "
   • Compliment him. This ensures that there is room to flirt again within your relationship.
2. Spend time together. Take time every day to pay attention to each other. Make sure you spend at least an hour a week alone together, fully focused on each other. This could be a meal, a walk, or just sitting together on the couch for a while after the kids go to bed.
   • Make an appointment not to discuss certain topics during those intimate moments. Anything you normally talk about (work, the kids, health, money worries) shouldn't be a topic of conversation for at least the first 20 minutes of your time together. Talk about your shared interests that are less pressing, the news, or anything other than your daily concerns.
3. Try new things. Sign up for a course and learn a new skill together, such as a language or some form of cooking or dancing. Go together to places where you have not been before. Try to come up with something you would otherwise never do as an outing, and then do it. The novelty will make your relationship feel fresh and new, and you will see new sides of each other.
   • Play games together. Couples who have fun and laugh together have better marriages. Have a snowball fight, innocently tease each other, throw a ball and tell jokes.
4. Limit criticism and advice. Sometimes you see things that your partner doesn't see, and sometimes your partner can do something inconsiderate or clumsy. Don't try to criticize more than once a day. Before you criticize, think about the question, "Is this worth biting my tongue later?"
   • If your partner is complaining, listen. Instead of offering advice, be compassionate. You can advise him if he asks, or offer a fresh perspective if he thinks himself in a rut, but you could do the most for him by listening attentively.
5. Make sure to fill in what's missing. Set things in motion that you really miss in your relationship. If you feel like you never talk again, start a conversation. If you always dated, ask him to date you. By giving the impetus he will get the idea to act on it.
   • If he doesn't respond to it, you can ask him. For example, if you always take all the photos during family vacations so that you are never in the picture, give him the camera.
   • First take the initiative and only then ask. Finally, express your frustrations. If you find yourself getting frustrated, explain it calmly.

Part 3 of 3: Building trust

1. Talk to each other after a betrayal. If either of you has done something that has damaged mutual trust, talk honestly about it. State how you experienced the betrayal without trying to influence your husband's response.
   • Write a letter. Try to figure out your own feelings by writing them down.
2. Apologize. If the two of you ever want to rebuild trust with each other, the person who made the mistake will have to apologize. If you betrayed him, say you're sorry. Explain what you did wrong and what you think it meant to him. State why it's wrong, and promise you won't do it again.
   • If he betrayed you, ask for a sincere apology. If he's not ready to apologize, he's not ready to love you again.
3. Talk it out. When the apology is made, try to discuss the embarrassing situation. Don't dwell on the painful details, but make sure you agree on what went wrong, why, and why it's hurtful.
4. Set new goals together. Write down how you would like your relationship to develop and ask your husband to do the same. You may find that both of you want to make some changes. Working to restore trust may have the positive side effect of strengthening some aspects of your relationship.
   • If you find that your goals are different, look for the compromise of being able to include them all. For example, if your spouse wants you to spend more time together, while you long to be alone more often, try to plan both things so that you have time for each other and alone time.
5. Go to relationship counseling. Find a therapist who specializes in treating couples in your situation. If you have been unfaithful, seek out a therapist who specializes in relationship therapy. If your husband does not want to go to therapy, go there alone.